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Have you tried romancing her outside the bedroom? Without any transactional agenda? In my experience, foreplay for women starts in the head. If you try to get her in the mood in the bedroom, right before sex, it’s too late. Foreplay starts as soon as you two wake up. If you wanna have sex, you gotta make your partner feel sexy. And that doesn’t simply mean physically attractive but desired.
Tell her to go get a job as from now on, you’ll only be covering your own costs. What an entitled brat. I’m all for men helping out with the household, but when you’re the only breadmaker, that’s an entirely different situation. She’s being lazy. Don’t let this behaviour continue.
Well, since he can't perform, maybe these videos are the only way he can get any kind of sexual satisfaction. So maybe you ought to be a little more empathetic.
See, I’d have believed that at my last relationship. But for this one.
She’s asexual. She’s never been attracted to anyone before me (so she says, and I believe it). She’s definitely not trying to see someone else. The only reason we went on a break instead of breaking up was cause I said I wouldn’t wait for her. This scared her. She didn’t want me to see someone else while she figured herself out, so she insisted on a month break to see if she wants to break up with me.
I gave up sex for her. It’s been 8+ months and I haven’t complained once. I slightly told her I wouldn’t wait for her and would seek someone else. She got scared and wanted a month break instead of breaking up, to test the waters I guess.
Time to break up with him and kick him out if he thinks he can use absolutes about your Dad like, “never.” If you own the place, he has NO say even if he's paying rent.
If it were 2 or three times a week maybe it would be more of a concern. There is nothing wrong with him feeling disappointed that he missed talking to you. That’s normal and healthy. Don’t beat yourself up over something that is , by any standard, a rare occurrence.
From my own considerable experience (60) I have been a nice guy mostly as a result of religious influences and parents that instlled respectful behavior as a child. This was perceived by others growing up as being weak, and I felt like girls looked past me, and I attracted bullies like flies. The problem was that I never was insecure or soft. In relationships, the stereotypical saying that girls like bad boys, had some truth to it. They actually liked confident boys, and often mistook arrogance, bullying and being an asshole with that characteristic. My advice to you is to find your confidence and display it according to your own personal style. What is equally important is to not let your niceness be confusion to both women and men. Find your voice to communicate clearly that you treat people the way that you want to be treated, but if they disrespect you, or break your boundaries, they will not like your response.
Well it worked for Genghis Khan…
she is able to stay awake till 12-12:30 while talking to another guy
Yeah she's just coming up with a reason that casts you in a negative light rather than admitting she's the one who would rather be with someone else. You're not at fault OP.
Part of it too is she needs to feel extremely safe with you and there should be a lot of warming up. Throughout the day be affectionate and let her know how gorgeous you find her. Vocalize that you don’t care how long it takes you enjoy doing that for her so even if she doesn’t achieve orgasm it was still enjoyable for you. Make sure she knows there’s no pressure
But it was a knife set? We use knives pretty much every day. That’s not equivalent to a full artist’s studio. Unless they were really nude to care for, I don’t see the big deal. She didn’t gift him a sushi making course or something.
Sadly he doesn’t seem to be as a good man, if he simply gets his satisfaction and even leaves you immediately afterwards…
How is he one of her closest guy friends but youve never met him.
Yes force her when she's all relaxed…maybe during dinner
Umm, why not just propose to her personally without all the mucking around??
Sometimes the ideas we get in our head make perfect sense at the time but upon reflection are actually pretty stupid and corny. This letter is pretty stupid and corny.
Man, people really try to lock it down waaay too early. Good luck on the proposal though
He cheated on me before and during our marriage. He cheated on me right after I was recovering fr my health issues, an abortion b/c of the health issues, and me writing my will and planning my funeral.
In future, a short letter is better. Just FYI.
One paragraph. 8-10 sentences. To the point, clear & concise. Mostly just the facts with some discussion of feelings.
It’s not working (No pun intended) OP and it’s highly unlikely to improve. If you are going to make a big decision (and this is definitely life changing) as the saying goes, there’s no time like the present. If you were going to be really civil about it. You’d sit him down and tell him that you are no longer willing to share a life with someone who prioritises game playing over honest endeavour and ambition. Then exit stage left. Good luck.
he cheated on you
50/50 really…hopefully he is planning a surprise for you.
Dude what the fuck is up with your ranting about “ethnic” women? It's weird and completely irrelevant.
That's literally not how children think but okay ig? This is weird to even argue about. Infantilizing men and women who don't want their partners to be nude in front of others is not fair. You know what? Your girlfriend has every right to sleep with other men. She is not your property and if you expect her to sleep only with you, then you are controlling her. Dude, think smh. It's not rocket science to understand that people are different and not everyone finds nudity appropriate. Most people don't want their partners to be hard around other people. So according to you, most people are insecure while you are totally fine? That's kinda narcissistic, no?
What you did was really wrong, it was none of your business. She is not and has not cheated on him, that would be different. This is her past and her story to tell. This is no different than you telling him that she let the high school football team gang bang her (if she had done such a thing).
It is never ok to hit your spouse. Not even if they say “vile words” to you. Your husband is 100% to blame for his actions.
If possible I dont want to divorce, we own a very beautiful home in a very good area and I do still like her.
I am starting to agree. God forbid any of my future son’s do this to their partner. My mum was abused by my dad and I said to myself this will never happen to me – I feel like I have failed
Separate your finances, you are not married and should not have merged finances.
You can't make him give a shit. I'd probably break up with him because his work ethic doesn't align with building a future together but that's up to you.
He knows. He doesn't care. He knows you'll just pick up his slack.
So what's your question? r/relationship_advice is a subreddit where you ask for relationship advice, not throw it at the wall and hope it sticks.
Yeah, as a woman who wears super basic not sexy comfy underwear 95% of the time, I know sexy underwear is a huge turn on for my partner and his response when he knows I put some on for him is extremely gratifying.
And she is 25, if she was younger sure but at 25 and her always saying she doesn’t like small children I can see why she wasn’t invited.
She’s the type of girl you have fun with for a time but doesn’t sound like wifey material. If you two are fine just having fun and being carefree then keep at it. However, don’t be a fool a give her a ring.
She’s spent years home with ostensibly very little adult or professional interaction and stimulation. She’s hitting her stride and enjoying putting effort into her career now that she can.
As for her work friend…again, she’s probably only really been around other parents while she was SAH and is likely enjoying meeting someone who can talk about more than kids.
I can appreciate that you want more time with her. Can you plan a date night? Get a sitter, make a reservation…?
You sound like an INTJ.
The day after I caught them I asked her by chat If she wants to remain friends, because he didn't clarify that and she didn't even answer. The day after that I saw her in person so I asked her and she told me she didn't answer because she “considers there is not much more to say about It “
Ok so just so I’m understanding… by your logic, dad has a right to know if she plans to have an abortion, essentially absolving them both of any parental responsibility, because it’s his DNA too.
But dad does NOT have a right to know if she plans to give birth to his living, breathing child AND give it away to someone else, bc he doesn’t seem to care about the fetus he doesn’t know exists.
Yes?
While my children (both under 10) and I have been immunised for covid 19 (pfizer). Both my kids still got covid at different times. One had flu symptoms for a few days. The other vomited for 24hrs. I had it both times my kids did even though I had 3 shots. Neither time did I have symptoms even though I'm immune compromised. My 90 year old grandmother was asymoptomatic. However a work mate of my ex (50's)who was also immunised got it with no pre existing conditions and got lung/ heart damage and was an induced Coma for 6 weeks. I won't tell anyone what to do. But there's also only so much you can do. It it out there to stay. Weather you are immunised or not. A compromise of hand sanitiser and a mask maybe? Family is important and this is life now. Remember your wife only sees the worst of it.
Is she in a relationship?
Forcing them to watch your secretly recorded footage and demanding they say declare if they are in love is a terrible idea, sorry. A good way to make you look like an obsessive crazy person though.
Like 4-5 hours. Maybe more.
What the absolute fuck? She’s a piece of shit. Get yourself a lawyer and get tf away from her. Do not further involve yourself with someone who is willing to cheat in their marriage and gloat about it. She is clearly not in love with you and is willing to hurt you as much as she can to do it. She is selfish and unworthy.
Anecdotal, but I think women are also more likely to commit emotional/verbal abuse and less likely to commit physical abuse, which also makes it easier to hide. A lot of people have a nude time with the concept that abuse doesn’t have to be physical.
When someone gives you a compliment, the best answer is to say “Thank You”.
You’ll believe a 1000 negative things about you, but you have trouble believing that you’re beautiful and awesome.
Spend more time telling yourself that you are beautiful. Like I mean really. Change the negative self talk into something more positive. Allow yourself to see all of the beauty in life.
Worrying about how to reciprocate his words should come second to the words you tell yourself.
don't sacrifice your career if that's what you have been working towards
My thoughts exactly. Just tell her why you are cut off. Don’t have to go in to infinite detail but maybe a picture.
There’s nothing wrong with you at all.
Thought if you used to like it and now don’t, there’s a chance is about something deeper than just the FT sex.
Are you happy and feeling full filled with this relationship? LDR are really really nude
You need to grow up
I think it sounds healthy that she told you her boundaries.
Are you honest about yours? Letting your ex come by and play with the dog once a week is that really within your boundaries or are you avoiding something?
Is she failing to pay her half of the rent / bills? If so then I would definitely say there's a serious problem. However, if she's covering her part, and just blowing all her extra income on other shit then you don't really have any right to be angry honestly. It's her money that she earned, she can do whatever she wants with it. Just because you disagree with her spending habits doesn't mean you have the right to control them.
Also you shouldn't be relying on your wife not spending money on food and weed to improve your living situation lol. You should be investing or looking for a better paying job / starting a side hustle to make a real difference.
You divorce.
Then her inability to survive won’t be your problem.
Your are welcome for the advice you will in no way follow as it is too simple..
Not true. It's possible to go back to purely platonic. I've done it before.
That being said, you have to be completely upfront and forward with it.
OP hasn't said how long they've been dating, and she's the one that told him. If this relationship is only a few months old then it's reasonable. If this relationship is over a year old then it's not reasonable.
We don't know how forward the GF was with the information since we don't know how much time passed.
Please DON'T MARRY HIM! This is the best advice. It is not personal OP, and it his own neurotic tendencies. But I would separate from him, and LEAN on your friends. Just tell them you weren't sexually compatible anymore.
This has NOTHING to do with how attractive you are. NOTHING!
Oh God. And here I am, struggling because I can't find a way for my wife to get into hobbies, learn things by herself, enjoy things other than work and get out of TikTok.
Sure, she may sound like a harpy and rude, but…I was a little amused that you run out of gas…in the middle of nowhere. Both my husband and I (we're much older than you are), have never had that happened. And yes, we've had a phase in our life a decade or so ago when we're not doing that well financially and still…never run out of gas…how did you manage that…I wonder.
This is the thing, the gas canister specific scenario, I can totally understand why she got upset at you. I would be right in there with her if I managed to run out of gas in the middle of nowhere and there's no cannister to borrow from the gas station. She sounds like she's decisive and she goes after the solution immediately. I actually admired that trait, sure she could've said something nicer, but I can see why she'd be annoyed since her bf managed to have no freaking gas in the tank in the middle of nowhere lol and her having to find the solution for him.
What were you going to do if she didn't find that canister? You're letting her take all the initiative and she jumped in dumpster diving to find a solution for a situation YOU get yourselves into.
What kind of tasks are you talking about, reheating his own food and ironing his own clothing?
Upvoted, but also wanted to add a few things to what you said.
Some people cheat to get out of abusive relationships. If you've ever tried to leave a narcissist, you know that they can and do get downright dangerous when you try to leave.
Some people cheat because their needs aren't being met in the relationship and they can't get out financially.
This is a one off. We usually have a very very active sex life.
I don’t think I’ve ever hoped a post was just a troll more than this one. If any of this is true… dude, she was cheating on you the whole time. This guy has keys and spends time at her house, but you’ve never been there?!?? Come on. She’s for the streets. Forget her and save yourself. Dump, block, and move on.
I mean it’s less than 7 hours since I found out and confronted him with it. He says all the words, except for budging on the championship. But he can’t prove shit in less than 7 hours, and I have no clue if I can get passed it and stay. I just don’t know how or if I can leave
Thank you for this sober analysis. I suppose I am trying to predict what she might want as opposed to understanding what she is saying in the moment. I think I just need to have a very candid conversation with her and put all our cards on the table. Either it works out or not, either way it’s conclusive.
Just the fact that you work together makes her off limits, full stop. So she maybe got a little too friendly too fast and could have given you the wrong impression about her intentions. Now she's apparently talking to someone more appropriate (because he doesn't work there). Just keep reminding yourself that women believe they should be able to have male friends without there being some sexual/romantic overtone to the relationship. She almost certainly never meant to lead you on. Women just tend to be more open when it comes to what they perceive as platonic friendships. The issue here is that you mistook her kindness and candid nature as being some kind of flirtation and you let your fantasies get way ahead of reality. You can recover from this. Just be professional and eventually you'll get past this.
So they, ‘ text sometimes, never really call, and see each other when they happen to be in the same place’. Yet for some reason somehow they’re in contact discussing taking a five week trip across the world together?? Yeah, no
humans crave physical attention. You can't get that in a LDR which is why they rarely work out..find someone closer….ps I dont think blocking someone everywhere is a good way to get them to text you or call you more. It is a good way to break up and move on though.
If she wants to reach out she will.
Just be gentle with yourself. See friends. See family.
She may come back she may not.
You cannot lose what you don’t own.
You were just trying to be snarky, shot your shot, and missed. Not the end of the world. If brought up again, just say you thoughtlessly tried to be funny, it turned out to be thoughtless, didn't mean any harm.
Then go on with your life as usual.
Sigh. That sucks, I can only imagine the stomach-dropping feeling you must have had through the whole conversation.
I think you know what's going on, and what you should do.
Best of luck proceeding with your divorce, I hope she's amicable and mature about it.
Liar
There's another guy. 100%. Sorry OP. Best of luck, but cut your losses and move on quick.
So sorry for you, but I think, she doesn't love you, just need a spare if the affairs don't work. Try to heal and move on without her. It needs time but you will be better. Best wishes for you. 🙂
It sounds like you're more focussed on the abusive woman's feelings rather than the victim's safety. It would not be the exact same scenario if the roles were reversed because men who show a sliver of bad behaviour or mental illness are dehumanised and are treated like irredeemable monsters. If the person at fault here was a man, people wouldn't be making excuses for personality disorders, they would be telling OP to run because it is not their responsibility to help their partner when their partner shows abusive tendencies.
she belongs to the streets
It could also be a different work environment. My husband's company doesn't involve spouses to events. They don't care about your home life they just want their employees to work as a team and keep it as professional as possible. They used to have a mandatory 1x a month team bourbon/whiskey tasting thing. No spouses were ever invited. He goes out to events for work where it's literally just his team .
I really think it depends on where you work. My family's main company is close-knit. They do a lot of events where they welcome the family. Which makes for a different atmosphere. I've found it can make for a more difficult one where sometimes it invites extra drama.
I am personally fine with my husband doing his own thing with work. We have almost 12 years together. I do not need to be involved in every part of his life. He isn't involved in my business. And he's fine if I ha e my own friends.
But everyone is different and all places are different.