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He still has feelings for her and feels conflicted about his relationship with you vs with her. I hate admitting this because it's a very ugly thing to do to another person, but I have been in your boyfriend's position.
I can't say what his particular hang up is with either of you where he can't just decide, but if I could guess it is that he is afraid that if he leaves you for her that it might not work with her and he will have lost 6.5 years with you for nothing. He is being a coward and, worse, he is unable to even commit to getting therapy to figure out why he's in this position to begin with. He should know well enough that he's hurting you in this interim period to want to do something about it so that he can either cut you loose or commit to you fully. At the best, he's very confused; at the worst, he is getting off on the attention. I don't know him, so I can't say which is the case.
Really, it doesn't matter though. You deserve better in any case. You deserve someone who feels as sure about you as you do them. If he loves you at all, he will get therapy and make it a priority because it matters to you.
FYI you kind of are judging her. It’s only been 4 months. You’ll get over it. It will be difficult to begin with but it’ll get better in time.
I suppose you need to answer these questions for yourself.
Do YOU want to try anything?
Are YOU able to separate work from flirt?
Do you think HE is able to separate work from flirt?
What happens if it goes south? (Look at how he treats the person he dislikes the most in your job, as opposed to the person he likes the most?)
If you do want to. What is it you want? Relationship, FWB, just continued flirting?
Is he capable of being emotionally mature?
Do you really want to cause problems in your marriage over something that happened (assuming it even happened and might not be true) 20 years ago and before you even started a relationship. Seriously!!!!
*Job
I would forge ahead and establish a life where you want. Have her come visit. If after one or two visits she’s not willing to consider moving to maintain your relationship, then you can consider moving on.
It is not. And before our baby, it was endearing that he loved his family so much and was so protective over them and I thought he could teach me things in that department. And when I got pregnant I guess I thought that me and our son would fall in that protective umbrella of his…and maybe we would if the problem wasn't with his family. But unfortunately it is, so we don't. If we work it out, therapy is non negotiable and this is one of the primary things we need to talk out in therapy.
I don’t think it’s quite to that level. We can pretty easily afford her therapy but I’m just not sure that I want to at this point.
I’ve been in your shoes before. Very recently, in fact. In the friendship you already have, it seems honesty is something you both value in each other.
While it’s no doubt terrifying admitting your feelings, given how strong your friendship is, I wouldn’t worry too much about ruining it by admitting your feelings.
The key thing is to not put any pressure on her. Simply tell her how you feel in a relaxed, straightforward way. Tell her she doesn’t have to have an answer and you just want to get it off your chest. End by saying if the feelings aren’t reciprocated you won’t let it ruin the friendship. Your bond as friends matters too much to you for that to happen.
The worst thing you can do is bottle it up inside and let it eat away at you. That’s what I did and it ended badly.
But the key thing is to not make her feel like you’re cornering her with your feelings. You want to just “put it out there” and let it be. That’s how you show emotional maturity and that’s how you reassure her that the friendship will continue as normal if she says no
Why did you have a child with him? He has been horrible from the start. What made you think he would be a good father?
What is the point of being with him, if he won’t help out with the kid and won’t provide?
Just get the child support and move on.