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She sounds very secretive and I’d be a little cautious if I were you. Explains to her that you’re in a relationship and it’s normal to have a photo of your SO. If she still says “No” then maybe she doesn’t consider you to be her significant other? If you’re not ‘significant’ enough to be trusted with an innocent picture then how significant are you? Harsh but true. Find someone less uptight, this screams of incredible insecurities that will manifest in other more serious ways down the line.
Girls like you are the real reason why is guys are single too needy.
Works both ways. She didn’t think of your feelings prior to her comment. Good luck with whatever happens.
It's a pretty bad red flag in my opinion. It means that he thinks about hitting her, if nothing else.
Do not fear being yourself. If he is right for you he will value your needs and who you are. And if this is a problem, it's better to know sooner than later. If you love time to yourself let him know this is how you recharge and balance yourself. Something I told my now husband when we started dating was that I really liked him and I didn't want to rush anything because I liked where it was going. It's scary to have something you don't want to lose and it feels very vulnerable to take care of yourself at the risk of offending someone but that is how you learn if you can trust that person with your heart and also teach each other what you both need. Goodluck and listen to your gut.
As a lesbian who has been on the receiving end of sexual attention from a few guy friends. It's a normal feeling you have and the closer your friendship the stronger those feelings get. (I have had feelings for some of my straight friends before too) it's a nude thing to learn to compartmentalize your social relationships especially when you are just getting used to all of these new hormones in your body. My advice would be if you truly value her friendship then don't tell her about the feels, distance yourself just a little, don't entertain sexual thoughts about her, and remind yourself that friends are not in the category of sexual thoughts. Branch out and find another girl who is likes you, I know it may be difficult to imagine but I guarantee that there are girls in your school who are crushing on you too. A really good podcast to listen to is “the art of charm” those guys have some really good tips and advice that will help you get through these tough times. Most importantly stay away from beating yourself up! It's a dangerous thing to think that you aren't good enough to warrent her sexual attention. You just have an extra part that lesbians aren't attracted to. You are absolutely good enough for someone and sexual feelings do fade away if you leave them be. Be the best friend you can be and put others before yourself.
I don't think you actually read their comment. None of it came across as man=fault, and gave good advice/perspective that op may not have had, at least wasn't evident from their post.
You find an actual adult to procreate with. This guy is going to make everything all about him, all the time, even when you’re going through something as momentous as birth. He’s never going to support you the way you need.
I’m on mobile and my dummy self didn’t know how to do the other sign for the pound instead of dollar. Still almost $200 value for another woman? Yeah, I’d have been pissed too!
Yeah, I think I will ask my boss to separate our schedules best as possible. I will have to work them occasionally though. And yes, she's very petty, however I would like to think she isn't doing any of this out pf pettyness.
Honestly does she have social media? Any posts with friends or family? Find a way, some way, to reach to to someone and tell them she’s threatening to end her life, and then leave her.
I’ve been in this situation before and it’s incredibly difficult to leave, but finally I found a way to tell his mom what he was saying he would do to himself if I left, and once I told someone I felt I could finally leave.
You can also call the police, I believe, and tell them you know someone who you are concerned will end their life. The police can often intervene (depending where you live!) and inform the family, take other steps, etc.
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she doesn’t drive, and there are buses but it usually take up to 2 hours just one way (i’ve done it before) so i understand where she’s coming from. it just feels disappointing sometimes…. anyways. thank you for your suggestions!
Get genetic testing done and if the child isn't yours seek out a lawyer and a private detective to track down your child
I met my husband when I was in university. He has a low educational degree, wasn't able to study due to his school certificate. He worked in a steel mill and later got unemployed.
My parents were a bit hesitant about our relationship due to this. Because they feared I would be less financially secure with him in my life. And while that's indeed true, I don't mind. And they soon accepted him. It's not something my husband and me argue about. Not a problem at all.
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And you want to salvage this marriage…. because?
The two of you just don't sound like you're compatible anymore. Yes, what you said was a nasty comment about something very personal to him. Meanwhile, you can't find your dog, and he's too busy playing video games to help… after playing them for hours upon hours, day after day, and didn't even really interact with you and his in-laws on Christmas?
He's not 15, with no responsibilities. He's a husband and needs to start acting like one. Anyone would be pissed off with a partner acting like he did by just locking himself away to play. And yes, you could use a little help with not using someone's personal issues as a argument tactic, but he's still carrying the lion's share of issues with this whole situation. It was his behavior, words and actions that pushed you to that point of lashing out verbally.
Either you both need to go to marriage counseling (individual and couples), or you both just need to get away from each other and find new partners to share your lives with. Because your marriage isn't going to last much longer without some serious effort (especially from him).
Society has convinced you that middle age comes at 30, but I can assure you that's not the case. 26 is so, so young, don't box yourself into made up rules and regulations you have to follow by certain ages. It's nude to believe because it feels like everyone around you is getting ahead, but that's just how life works, it's not the same for everyone. One thing to remind yourself is that when you think about human beings you can't say any one person is exactly like another, hell we can't even agree on pizza toppings. The world doesn't work like that. Don't sink your own boat thinking that you've already failed.
The thing is that you grow feelings for him where he does not … if he really have feelings for you he wouldn’t be using the dating apps again … you should be straight and bring it up to him .
OP, there really isn't an answer for something like what your gf is asking for. You are not OK with it. You want to be OK with it. It doesn't work that way. Your relationship is going to implode either way.
I mean, keep going if this is how you want your life to be forever after. Tied to a loser.
There is nothing wrong with her being a nudist, what IS wrong is her not telling OP about it, his reaction and how he feels about it is justified.
OP needs to talk it out with her, if she is okay with his boundary then she'll stop being nude, if she os not okay with it then OP has to decide if it's worth staying with her or not.
I’d like to know what BF thinks you’re ungrateful for. What a bizarre thing to say.
They're tricky bastards, always trying to stick things up their. Cheeky scally wags they are.
I simply disagree. ??♀️
I trust my husband and he trusts me but we’d still update each other just so we know what the other is doing. Not to check for cheating but just because we message each other about our days.
Thank you for your response. I think I could forgive and move forward if he apologized and took responsibility but I don’t think he wants that. I think he wants to be friends just to soothe his own guilt and conscience ?.
Funny enough he broke it off with me before I could pull the trigger. The conversation went so fast. I think he said something like “I don’t want this relationship,” and I agreed.
I was hoping that maybe it wasn’t a show. That he’s just not good at expressing himself and that him being nice to me is a way of communicating…but I think I’m foolish for thinking this…he has to apologize properly.
I’m so sad. I meant so little to him
She's not going to stop chatting with people over your discomfort. If this is a real boundary, break up. If it's a preference, accept things how they are.
Not much of a middle ground to be found here.
No, you should stop having fun like this.
Stop talking to him, and stop letting him in the house! You told him to stay away, he comes by the house anyways, and you let him get away with it each time. Block him on your phone, and when he comes by the house again, don’t talk to him, let him in..nothing. Let your brother tell him to go away, and if he doesn’t call the cops. You enable his behavior every time you interact with him.
It’s getting to sexual harassment levels especially since he’s getting pressure from other workers on the clock to put out for this girl.
I think you both should talk about what you are both comfortable with doing in regards to PDA in public. Personally to me I am not into much PDA and so is my partner. We spoke about this and came to an understanding. But i will say it should feel naturally as well. Don’t force yourself into doing stuff cause that never ends well. Once you know what she is comfortable with in public then try the easiest ones.
It doesn’t matter how much trauma you’ve been through. If something horrible happens to someone you love you WILL break apart, maybe not immediately but it will happen.
So in that case – you're boring and can't have deep conversations, Because you haven't experienced trauma yourself?
It’s going to be okay. Happy I could help.
Up to you, that's a hell of a deal breaker for me.
The statistical likelihood of precum impregnating a woman on birth control is astronomically low. The question is more whether he trusts her
This is super helpful advice. Thank you!
Ditto.
I hope this is trolling.
If not: There's nothing that can be done to stop her from hating you. She has every right and reason to hate you and never have any contact to you again. You destroyed her life. You set her up for a life of misery by abusing and torturing her. You are a terrible person and did horrible things that can't be forgiven. She needs to get help, but that's none of your business. You messed up and it's clear why she won't allow you anywhere in her life.
Yeah thanks that is what everyone says. But never easy for a single momma left with no support.
don't believe him. others showed you who he really is, and they had to because he was purposefully hiding it from you. there's no friendship here.
What was the big fight about?
Your husband sounds like an immature nightmare. How is your communication? Do you know how he views his role as a father and how he sees his position in the family? Honestly though, he just doesn’t sound like a man you want to be with. How would things work out if you left? Could you get support from your mum?
You are going to need to have an open, and blunt conversation with her.
Sex is meant to be fun & enjoyable. It isn't supposed to be a competitive sport, where you do a recap at the end of each session & give scores, feedback and rankings. Understandably, having to do that is taking all of the fun out of it.
So you are just going to have to sit down and talk it out.
“I understand that you want feedback, but I don't have any to give. I enjoy it, it is fun. You constantly asking for feedback & validation is exhausting and honestly, it is starting to ruin it for me. When you ask for feedback, it makes me feel pressured and anxious. So, my feedback for you is to stop asking me for feedback because it is ruining the experience. If I like something and want to do it more, I will tell you. If I don't like something, I will tell you. But please, stop asking”
Why are you more concerned about some other woman than the fact that your boyfriend is a deadbeat father who's never even met his son? How can you stomach being in this relationship?
Now, about this:
I’ll probably lose him no matter what since he seems to have no respect for either of us…
You're right. He doesn't respect you, he doesn't respect the other woman, and he doesn't respect his son. Your boyfriend isn't worthy of your love or respect. Unfortunately, his son and son's mother will have some kind of connection to him for at least the next 17 years. You're the lucky one here who can leave. Take advantage of the opportunity and dump his ass.
I'm sorry. I'm not usually this blunt, but what the FUCK were you think bringing someone who is a total STRANGER into your home with your child sleeping in the other room? Holy crap. Do you have any common sense at all? I'm just completely gobsmacked that a parent would do something so foolhardy.
And, THEN to ask if you are overreacting when she pulls out a gigantic knife and “jokes” about you being careful refusing sex? You are an unbelievable moron. Jesus. I'm so angry for your kid.
Did you look at all those he follows, are they the same as the ones you saw? If so sadly you know more than you want to.
the whole thing with therapy, every therapist near me doesn't take insurance and i already have stuff i need to pay for in the coming months. our place that does insurance treats the therapists really bad, so they always end up leaving. i did follow my first therapist to the hospital but he was a dude and very by the book. i work as a barista at a mom n pop shop so i have to choose my spending wisely. i mean therapy would be wise?
i also don't know if i will find someone like that, all these boys don't know you can't just expect it all the time ?? he also likes to tell me that he feels i don't love him if i don't have sex with him for a few days.
Chill, I literally said to consult with a lawyer to see what action can be taken, if any. Notice I said if any to imply it may not be possible. There's nothing wrong with consulting with a lawyer, especially since this situation warrants a divorce. You don't have to like or agree with what I said. Be well ?
so you should just whole heartedly commit to someone after the first date?
I'd say, if he's Mexican and and has to have a wedding in Mexico this might be a cultural differences due to the fact that their weddings can be huge and in some places it can be expected to invite the entire family. As for meeting someone so quickly, could work out, could not but it could be more cultural and actually less to do with you personally. Ugh, I definitely understand this, I had a friend do this to me in Europe. I had feelings for her and went away for a year and she married a German guy less than 4 months into my course
Her being a muslim has got nothing to do with anything. Stop panicking and start thinking in doing what is the best for you.
It hurt me so much when I found out about what was going on in his car. I know he doesn’t tell me half of it And he still continues to Uber and constantly talk about how much he loves it. He refuses to get another job because it “doesn’t pay enough” I asked him how would he feel if I was a bartender and he said he would never let me. Idk how bartending is worse when he literally has women in his car and takes them home. He also gave me the silent treatment for two days wouldn’t tell me why until i literally lost my mind because he thought I LOOKED at another man checking out (honest truth I never even noticed this man existed) But for some reason his actions are okay…
This has real British energy that really resonates with me…
You really have to have the convo with her about this because I’m also getting into that “CBA to be a wreckhead” and honestly I’m really thankful that my partner feels the same. It would be a bit of a dealbreaker for me if I had to endure this every weekend because well… it’s boring.
Honesty and transparency are the best options for you and good luck ??
Aight, no reason for you to complain then
At this point it’s a good question. Up until now, I thought it was healthy.
He doesn’t pay child support as his ex never asked for it. They have a good relationship. Hell, he talks to her more than me it seems like.
While yes, the convos are about the kids she calls him to vent about the kids. SHE LEFT HIM FOR HER CURRENT WIFE.
And then I get to hear “if she wanted to have a say in my parenting she should have stayed.” Then I feel realllllly shitty.
It’s a post asking for relationship advice. I offered my advice that the real issue is the hiding and lying by omission.
He said that he just doesn't use condom at all. Even till this day. He has had sex with almost 10 women. How can someone be this reckless, aren't they afraid of STDs!? Is it normal for guys.? For some context, I am a virgin, so have minimal knowledge about this
Let’s say your ideal situation happens and she leaves him for you (which has a very high likelihood of not happening). She would’ve displayed that she can bounce on you at the drop of a hat if the right guy happens to say the word. The only thing you can do is wait and if it never happens, hope the best for her down the line.
The only advice we can give is this.
She has lied about everything to do with this situation. She lied when she went out with her friends, she lied about what they were going to do and where. She lied about being home early and she lied about who she was with.
She then lied about where she ended up, where she was and what she was doing. Then she lied about be SA'd, she lied about being scared of your reaction and even now, she is still lying about the whole sequence of events.
She is lying about her drunken state, she is lying about being scared and confused and she is lying about working on “pure instinct”. Sorry but there are so many gaps in her story that you could drive a bus easily through it.
And if you have any doubts about here state that evening then let me ask you this.
You have probably seen her drunk before at least once or twice and as such you would have seen what she was like the next day when hungover. So casting your mind back was she as badly hungover as she had been in the past? By your story it appears not and it actually appears that she was fairly lucid and not at all hungover.
Your gf has told you so many lies that it's little wonder that you are confused and in this headspace. That's what lies of this magnitude are supposed to do. Confuse you and make you think that down is up and up is down.
She wanted to go because she wanted to go. She knew that she was going to hook up with this guy and now that she has, she has had second thoughts and is now trying to rug sweep this little escapade as best as she can.
You know that this is deeper than what she is portraying it as but if you look at this whole event with some cold logic, you will see it for what it really is.
She lied to you about this every step of the way as she thought she was moving on to someone better. If had been half the man you are she'd probably of broken up with you the next day but she found herself a dud. So instead of swinging to him she has swung back to you.
If I were you I'd give her exactly one chance to explain the whole sequence of the night – both the lead up to it, what happened during it and what has happened since then. Get her to write it down for you and then both go through it. Sadly you won't trust a single word she says and that writing (if she does it) will just show it to be a badly put together series of lies, contradictions and gaslighting.
To be perfectly frank though, your gf cheated on you, had been probably emotionally cheating on you and now that she took it to a physical affair, balked and is now living the aftermath.
I wouldn't trust her.
All good. I think it is good you reached out. I know it is tempting to just try and sweep stuff like this under the rug but in the long run even if you love them things like this can represent incompatibilities that can't be overcome.
This is absurd…no wonder the divorce rate is what it is in the U.S…..just get the divorce because you clearly are looking for an out which isn't necessary just file it for “irreconcilable differences” so both of you can move on.
Ok say it again outloud but slower, I’m sure the big picture will come to you.
its like i have two minds. One is worried about friendship and the aftermath of it. The other one only cares about sex. The second one is winning. Im here because im tired of that battle in my mind. ?♂️
This ☝️
Same situation. It is good that you didn’t hit her with anything. But that’s still really fucking crazy. She’s getting out for her safety because she’s not comfortable living with you. It seems like the friendship is over.
Op, my ex did a pretty good job at a wedding on a budget and it was ok. It’s best to save though for life events.
The other thing I want to say, I’ve been a sound engineer on and off for 25 years and have done more weddings I can count. The absolute best most romantic weddings were the cheapest ones where the bride and groom lit the place up with their love and excitement.
I’ve been to 30k+ weddings and not been moved at all, I’ve been to 1k weddings and couldn’t help but cry because it was so sweet. It not about the dress or venue or flowers, it’s about the love and excitement of starting a new life together.
Let it, some things are worth fighting about.
So clearly you want to learn the very hot way then? So what advice are you even looking for? Anyone with eyes can diagnose how bad this is for you, INCLUDING YOURSELF. So you must want the toxicity in your life??
Psychologists aren’t therapists.
I really hope you're trolling. Even feral animals know better than to shit where they sleep, or sleep where they shit. Just quit drinking.
As a 44 yr old male myself, dudes a creep. I would never do or say any of those things to a woman at the office. Or he’ll, anywhere for that matter regardless of age. Add in the 30 year age gap and the dude is beyond creepy. He’s definitely not “being nice.” He’s trying to get with you.
The tip off for me is: is someone in the story acting out a porn trope? In this case it’s penis humiliation. Look it up, it’s a thing, and the script goes just like this.
What kind of company throws a party and excludes spouses? First I’ve heard of this…
And it all sounds sketchy as fuck to me, including her reaction.
Go to the infidelity subs for advice. Most affairs happen with work partners or exes…
No chance your supervisor means well. Change team ASAP!
Her space? She should be happy you want to share her interest. This is usually a green flag.
Her interests do not define her, or rather they shouldn't. If she struggles with self-identity, she may be right, that she shouldn't be with you. Perhaps with anyone really, until she properly finds herself.
I appreciate your input! Great point. ❤️
It’s definitely not normal to bring your dog where non-service animals aren’t welcome. My partner is severely allergic to dogs. We work in food service, it’s frustrating (and against food safety code) when people just bring in pets and let them roam. This kind of behavior just isn’t considerate.
I like dogs just fine, but some owners need to learn that the world does not revolve around them or their dog.
Omg, I missed that she's in the UK. That's literally so close to France. I've solo traveled there from the US and it's not a big deal (barring costs of course).
Autism and ADHD
Are you serious here? Her sexuality isn’t going to magically change nor is she more likely to cheat because she’s bi, that’s an outdated and really rude stereotype. She clearly likes you and wants to be committed, and if you don’t want to be with her cuz of her sexuality then it will never work.
Im not reading that wall of txt again but I thought he said she refused counseling?
Got it, it is not that avid for me, but is for him. Will it leave him resentful and think that I don't care about the things that he cares about ? And that I am actually avoiding to talk about it..
Ask her straight up if she shagged him,because everything she has done so far sounds so dodgy ,if she says yes then say goodbye, dont cry in front of her,be strong and straight up,and say nah I'm done