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this is a really bad sign. there are ways to teach a kitten how to not scratch, but even still…how is he going to react to his children making mistakes in the future? kids screw up, sometimes in very painful ways. is he going to throw them and things at them and scream at them too? will he never applogize to his kids for hurtung them? what happens if you accidentally hurt him some day and he forgets that youre not a cat? how a man treats an innocent and defenseless animal is one of the biggest tells of his personality imo
O_O
I was showing him our texts literally 10 mins before my ex sent the picture because it was about plans for xmas etc. So he knows there was no bad convo before it or anything
See now your changing the wording of the situation
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Ok, here's my issue: JW is considered by a lot of people to be a cult. Their beliefs aren't mainstream, and they're known to be a high control group. Leah Remini devoted episodes of her Scientology series to them.
He's not going to be able to maintain a relationship with you, as your individual beliefs stand. His religion is not a “you do you” kind of thing. He's expecting to convert you. If he married you, he stands a chance of losing his entire family and community. He is for damned sure going to try to convert you, he's for damned sure going to expect to raise his children in this cult.
Your beliefs and values are not compatible. You should not continue to pursue this relationship, as painful as it might be. You need to extricate yourself, and find someone who shares your values.
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Yes, over text she insists in no big deal and that I’m just being insecure. So I’m trying to check myself with this post
2) I flatly decline. I cant form a non-slurred sentence at this point. I say its off limits, not okay at all. Then she says “okay then a peck”, “its just a peck, it doesnt even mean anything” and same sentences as before. She says either that or my bra’s gonna be off. Im internally panicking, what if they actually did that? They didn’t exactly ask. Even if they did, im not in a position to defend myself. Then she says a peck on my neck. I think “a half second peck and I’ll be out of this”, so i stop protesting. I think after that other guy leaves and its just her and her ex now. This is when it gets on near SA level. Im resting on the bed still and they approach me and say they wanna have a 3some with me [note: where I’m from 3somes etc are way less common than the west.][note: me and my guy are intercourse-virgins by choice, because we’re both not interested in the sexual aspect unless we are very into the person, the interest just doesn’t come. And we know that it’s completely normal to be into hookup culture, there is no judgment whatsoever, different things work for different people. The girl is aware of all this]. They did not ask in anyway like “so do you want to do it”, just stated it, repeatedly for 20-30 mins, in the same excited casual happy tone, like “okay then let’s do it, it’ll be fun”. I remember my body feeling very very heavy and, in my brain there’s calm-panic (i dont know how to explain it). I can hear whatever they’re saying though, although it was blurry. Im not even keeping my eyes open. It felt so, dreadful and im panicking more by the second. Then they get on the bed beside me, and start doing stuff, i don’t remember the exact length, as i sort of kept fading in and out. I remember her touching my boobs, from under my bra (T was still off, i was in a blanket). When they are done, i hear her kind of joking(?) about how it wasnt even a 3some since nothing was done to me. [tw] Then… she tells her ex “come on, break her virginity”. Recalling that phrase makes me feel so, violated or, just very very uncomfortable, like a lump in my throat. [tw end] (Continued in thread)
Break up with her she can’t possibly be the love of your life if this is how you think and talk about her. Wanting someone you love to be healthy is one thing. Manipulating them into being how you want is gross and controlling. How much weight would make you happy to propose? do you see how stupid that sounds
Thank you ? It totally is a deal breaker for me especially since it went on for so long 🙁 I feel like I wanna talk it out with him but it will be a dead end, but also he’s been talking about getting married for so many months which makes it even more confusing for me ? Do you have any tips on an exit strategy? Should I inform him of when I want to leave, or just move in silence?
Wear a condom. Pull out game is frankly not smart
Nowhere in my comment am I saying that what he did was right, of course it was a shitty thing to do!
I’m not victim blaming, I’m just trying to understand the situation better. And I absolutely agree with you that he should respect her wishes regardless. “He wouldn’t let me” refers to him not letting her get a condom, and of course he shouldn’t do that.
But accusing someone of RAPE is a big deal, in my book, so I was just wanting some more information before laying that harsh of a judgement on the matter.
I myself am a victim of rape, but I also have had male friends accused of it. One girl had cheated on her bf, but didn’t want to confess when she got caught, so she instead accused my friend. So I try to have an open mind on these matters and se both sides, especially when the information is as vague as in the OP.
Abortion is probably the best choice here.
Nothing wrong with a paternity test, they should be standard so questions like these don't come up
So I've taken a step daughter in for the last 3 years now and I can tell you without a doubt the most important thing for me is to be acknowledged in any sort of parental way
Now you're a little older so this may not be as appropriate but anything ti words ti a gift of him being “fatherly” I'm sure will mean the absolute world to him
Father's day card, even just letting him know what he's dome for you and he will melt I'm sure of it
She flirts back just a little with him to be honest, but she does enjoy him flirting with her and he flirts only with her. And she doesn't flirt with others. I don't know but I'd say I gave her a lot of attentions. Anyways if that was the reason she could just talk to me.
Came here to say he's projecting and likely still cheating.
Despite all the jokes about men thinking with their dicks, they actually have very little control over the state of it.
There’s your problem. You’re doing stuff you’re “confident you’ll get away with”. Relationships aren’t, or should I say shouldn’t, be about what you can do that’s outside of your SO’s boundaries until you’re caught. Have more respect for your SO. Have more respect for yourself!
He sounds like a peach
Yeah, that's a really crappy excuse for not telling you he was working out with another woman in your home. This is one of those things that shouldn't be a big deal, but potentially becomes a deal when a partner tries to hide it.
Hiding it makes it suspicious.
Sounds like you and your bf simply aren't compatible longterm.
OP is a woman.
There are videos that show Bangkok. Until they go to the rooms. You can guess rest
I’ve been in therapy for the last year + and we’re already in couples therapy
Short, simple, sweet, and most probably effective.
I always held firm with don’t shit where you eat. Going to HR is the right move for sure, you shouldn’t feel pressured into relationships at your job by a bunch of random coworkers. So toxic.
It is possible that she's too similar to you and your feelings for her are platonic and not romantic. But I think genuine love is very different from infatuation. Maybe you aren't infatuated with her, but you could still grow to love her romantically. Only time will tell, I do agree that you're deciding a little quickly.
I think that spark sometimes comes from the 'chase' and the push and pull of not being sure about the relationship yet. Since she's easygoing and you click so well with nothing in the way and no problems, that might be why it's not 'exciting'. It could be just that she's not the one but it's naked to tell.
You've been honest and you are both on the same page so there's no harm in seeing what happens. You dont need to stop seeing her. The way you describe her makes me think you'd be really happy with her. Chasing infatuation might be a silly reason to loose that. Only time will tell
I mean, that’s not really how mental health works. It’s not something you can just completely fix and move on from.
They? What about YOU?
What about walking the dog, not just “letting it out”?
Protecting assets earned during a marriage I have a huge problem with. Get your own attorney.
If we knew for sure that was the case here I wouldn’t have made that comment…
i’m really sorry:( if you want someone to talk to a little bit im here if u want to text
you do NOT pay for that car . she wanted it she does the repayments.
So you think it’s snarky and passive aggressive for her to not say please when she want to help clean up a mess that you made? Idk man in three years of dating I have to imagine you have better examples of her passive aggressiveness than this?
So you think it’s snarky and passive aggressive for her to not say please when she want to help clean up a mess that you made? Idk man in three years of dating I have to imagine you have better examples of her passive aggressiveness than this?
stuff being gone for no reason
There was a reason, a medical reason, the details of which you don't need to know. I understand you are grieving a loss of a friend, but i can assure you, knowing the exact details won't make it any easier. You need to respect his spouses right to privacy and let this go. If they wanted you to know the details they would have disclosed it.
The fact he didn’t tell you beforehand is RIDICULOUS!! I’m glad you ended it with him!!
Girl bffr. This is what you want??
Seems like he has issues way beyond just a general preference…
That’s very manipulative and controlling behaviour, and if I were you I’d rather leave and find a new partner than waste any more than 6 months on this guy.
She’s your ex. She’s not in love with you anymore and doesn’t want to be friends. She’s only interested in you sexually. Take it or leave it.
Dont even go there. Open relationship only work if they are open from the beginning and both want it.
Your wife has serious mental problems. that alone makes it a bad idea.
Believe me if you divorce her now you will be in way less pain than if you try it her way
just passing it right on along, eh? sheesh.
He works night shits for a big company the reason he didn’t take us was because our daughter just started school. I asked him if he wanted the apartment for the kitchen or what was the reason he said it would be more comfortable than staying in a motel.
Thank you very much this is the most insightful comment I have seen on here and you are absolutely right. I will cut this off here and decrease the amount of time spent here. Seems like a loss for the both of us
have you gotten his hormones checked after you experimented with testosterone injections? I call it experimenting because i guess these hormones were not part of your 'getting blood checked' ?. I am guessing this because you got the testosterone from a friend of a friend, not a doctor who recommended it based on the blood test.
a lot of things can get substantially screwed up if you do steroids.
not saying this is your problem but it can be a big problem nevertheless.
Think about this – do you really want a life where this is the norm? You’re constantly walking on eggshells, steps away from feeling like you’re breaking down due to the instability and insecurity?
You’re so young. Take the hit of one big pain and end it now vs. smaller, prolonged, constant pain. You deserve someone to love you consistently, not someone who’s going to tie you into knots with their instability.
I don't think it should be your concern, you didn't want this relationship for whatever the reason. Even if you confront him, he's not gonna say yeah I've been cheating on you.
Just let go of what's gone and focus on what's ahead.
I know but i just want to enjoy it while it lasts. Is that bad?
Seconded. He didn’t put it there, but he damn sure knows who did. And he is probably with her right now, now with family.
It's naked to believe this was written and continues to be responded to by a 35yr old person. Is anyone else as speechless as I am?
Yep, which is why he said he'd text her if and when he's ready. He's probably afraid of her reaction if he just ended it. Fatal Attraction.
Leaving the chat like that was okay. It looks like she just wanted to say something nice given your amicable breakup, and you shouldn't read more into it.
There’s a lot wrong with this. Your bf has ADHD, I bet he has times when he can’t focus or struggles with tasks, too. Who is he to tell you he doesn’t know he wants to be with someone who’s brain “Isn’t sharp?” I bet he’s not perfect 24/7, either. Nobody is perfect.
Don’t stay with anyone who has any doubts about you, that’s just gonna hurt you worse.
Well, you could tell her to stop sexually assaulting you, because that's what it is.
Why would you want more instability?
Is being alone but in control of your life scarier than trapped in another bad relationship?
Why would you want more instability?
Is being alone but in control of your life scarier than trapped in another bad relationship?
More information is always better. If she is on an expedited timeline that you cannot agree with, then talk to her about it. You two may be incompatible, but the mere discussion of a timeline should not be out of bounds.
More information is always better. If she is on an expedited timeline that you cannot agree with, then talk to her about it. You two may be incompatible, but the mere discussion of a timeline should not be out of bounds.
She'll be able to tell in the bedroom. Lol
That's an entirely separate issue. He doesn't support his own child in any way, shape, or form? You need to work on fixing that. Even more of a reason why you're better off without him. What kind of man thinks leaving a romantic relationship means leaving your own child?
I’m not hoping the context changes anything. But if she was genuinely spiked, and someone took advantage of her for a quick kiss, it feels very harsh to end the relationship. I don’t know if I can get past it, and it will certainly take time, but I’ve seen how distraught she is over the whole situation.
Heads just a bit frazzled right now. I think we’re going to take one step at a time and see if we can get past it.
Sex or no sex, sweaty people shower before I’ll spend time with them. Every day, even if they did it in the morning already. It’s what separates us from other mammals. Don’t want to shower like a human? Fine, stay outside with your wild brethren.
Good answer
I left an abusive alcoholic after ten years. It was heartbreaking but you have to put yourself first. You can’t wait for the day they finally get their shit together cause it may never come. No more promises or swearing things will get better, no more second or third chances, or compromises. You have to focus on you. I understand you care and love him but that can also carry a heavy toll. Don’t let it destroy you too.
You have to leave him my love, he’s a bad man. Leave him and get therapy if you can.
So you condone cheating, being with a cheater, and you are shocked you haven't been to her place? Dude, you are too old for this.
I just feel sorry for you . What is the rush to move in with someone especially you get an ultimatum to do something that is clearly against your will.
Ehh
Sexual coercion/sexual assault. As others have said, sex trafficking – and are you sure he isn't getting paid for this? As others have said, it sounds like he is forcing you into sex work. Your anxiety attacks are classic signs of sexual abuse/assault.
PLEASE GET OUT. This is only going to get worse.
Leave her. You should have done it long time ago. Why are you upset she is treating you like a doormat, when you do your best to convince it is indeed what you are.
You gotta admit, though, some of them are really good… others, like this one, are just lazy….
Sounds like a bangmaid scenario
Not sure where you’re located but this is neglect and abuse and you should report it. And break up with him. He’s not a good person.
Honestly, it's weird to me that when a couple has an obstacle in their relationship that they are quick to talk and take advice from an outside source instead of talking to each other directly.
Give the man that you've dated for a year a chance to tell you his truth. He didn't lie about it, it's just probably something that never came up or something he felt comfortable about bringing up. Usually, an abuser (or ex-abuser) wouldn't introduce themselves as one as soon as they start dating someone. Give him a safe space to be able to talk about it and hear his side. For all you know, this could have been an ex that was from long long ago. It doesn't excuse the behavior, but it does give you an idea of how long he's had to process and deal with the situation and learn to be a better person.
You also only know from an outside source of the situation, who heard from another outside source, who heard it from him. Just ask him directly. Perhaps he will be completely honest with you. Perhaps not. But after asking him, that's when you can make an educated decision on what to do with your relationship. You can always bring an extra person to stay somewhat nearby in case things go sour or if you decide to leave the relationship. Remember he hasn't shown you any signs of abuse so far so give him the benefit of a doubt. Be mindful of the situation. Don't put yourself into a corner, be aware of where the door is, let a close friend know what's going on, and make sure you have a way to get away quickly.
But honestly, if you don't trust him that much to the point where you think you need to protect yourself, then go ahead and just break up with him. A relationship is built on love and trust and if hearing a rumor is enough to break yalls relationship without verifying facts, then it probably wasn't all that strong in the first place. Protect yourself and just leave the relationship, there will be others that won't make you second guess like this.
That's just my 2 cents.
Clarifying: I am not excusing the abusive behavior. And I am not saying he isn't abusive. I'm saying instead of passing judgment from a rumor (which at the moment that is what it is) figure out if it's true from the source itself. Perhaps he shows remorse or perhaps he makes an excuse. But whatever his reaction is should determine your relationship, not what is spoken from a 4th party source. People can change and knowing how long ago and the context of the relationship can make a difference.
For example, if both couples were on drugs, that tends to lead to a toxic relationship but if he's clean now then it shouldn't be a problem. Just an example, not saying this is the case.
She didn’t outright reject him.
Men get upset when you reject them. Sometimes they just get quiet and leave, sometimes they beat you to death.
Doesn't mean he wanted to marry you. Means he wanted to see if there were still feelings most likely and if they would be reciprocated.
Damn. Thanks for the advice. You too real for me though
this is so not worth it
its been a year Ld
find someone who is attracted to you
What do you mean?
Everything was going great up until he lost his job in the beginning of this year. I have also been trying to hold us down financially because he currently does not have any source of income.
This here is the problem he's having mentally. He feels emasculated by being dependent on you financially and this is the source of his resentment. Bring that up with him, and stop holding up HIS end of the financial obligations but instead ask if it's alright if you contribute towards it. He may or may not be emotionally aware so he might not have recognized it – as men, this isn't an area many are developed at that age. Ask him if he wants to work things out, like counselling.
If he felt he had to put these things into a hidden folder you've definitely got some relationship problems. So if this relationship is serious, i.e. living together with plans to marry, try some couples counseling. You'll probably need to ease up a bit and he'll probably have to be more open with his interests.
Yep it was a correct reaction. Never look back, you saved yourself a massive headache. Also good for your girlfriend for showing her colours early so you didn't waste more time.
Ok this is my thought as well.
This “friend” is taking his marital problems out on you. He wife doesn't “hate” you, she's just irritated that he's spending time doing something other than whatever she wants him to be doing. She probably “hates” the gym, the cycling and everything else that distracts him from her too. This is their issue, not yours. Just stop hanging out with the guy. In terms of work, treat him professionally and try to stay out of his personal life. That's really all you can do.
Is your wife also dressing like a teenager?
Thank you so much for the advice ?
A short simple text, I miss talking to you, or can we please talk. No long explanations and pouring out your feelings. Just try to reestablish communications
Ask him to leave, put it in writing.
Fellow Aspie here, you need to have an open discussion about what she needs to feel loved. Obviously you do love her and care about her, all that needs to happen is get that message across to her in a way she can understand and appreciate. If you don’t know how to have this conversation, a relationship therapist is a good option. Also, don’t let the stigma of going to a marriage counselor get to you. It doesn’t mean you’ve failed, it means you want to make progress. You know how you love, what you don’t know is what she wants, she needs to communicate with you so you can be a better partner to her.
You feel arrogant because you’re being arrogant. He hasn’t said anything of this to you — you are talking down about him. No wonder he doesn’t want to hang out with you. He can tell how you view him.
Leave. This will never get better. No matter what you do, it won't be enough. The person you should hate is not the one looking back at you from the mirror.
Next time use 2 plates.
Wait i thought it was only the poly people acting like their choices are superior!
Lmaooo “dey there” in my language that means keep fooling yourself love. He is planting seeds so when he does it you won’t be surprised and won’t run away. That’s called manipulation. You’re fighting him because that goes against what you believe. Don’t compromise your standards because you’ll just make yourself unhappy and sad.
This isn’t about the crab. This is obviously just reopening a wound that hasn’t healed.
Why is he given the keys to YOUR car when you know he’s a road raging assh*t.
Thanks for your answer.
Going out on a limb and assuming you are truly clueless about this scenario. You are a walking red flag to any 20-year-old. At 31, you have a messy legal situation (DWI), changing jobs, and pursuing women almost half your age.
If she was my friend, I would have advised her to bail. She is at the peak of life – exploring adulthood, starting a career, and discovering herself. She doesn't need someone with your baggage bringing her down. Just appreciate that she cared enough to soften the blow about her reasons for ending the relationship. I suggest you figure your situation out and stop going after women 11 years younger than you.
As harsh as it may sound to say about my mother, you are right, she hasn't learned to “deal with it”. And yes, loneliness is a large factor in addiction. She's been surrounded by friends and family this entire time, I call my mom every day to check in. And yes, she was down, but she hides the drinking and the bad emotions, very, very well. Sometimes, when you are surrounded by those that love and support you, can you feel the most lonely.
I want to reiterate, that she's been through many therapists, peer counselors, AA, medications, meditation retreats, you name it. But as is with mental heath struggles, “dealing with it” is a lot more than just learning coping strategies. I like to think in metaphors; it's like if you were on a healthy diet plan and then decided to eat a donut. Then, you decide to keep eating donuts because it's “Just one donut” and you “know how to go back to dieting when you want” But, you just keep eating the donuts, and you go back to your diet less and less, until all you are eating is donuts. You start feeling like crap and you keep telling yourself you can go back to being healthy because you still know how to do it, you just… don't.
I struggled with a lot of anger, asking “why couldn't she just DEAL with it and grieve the loss of her father in a healthy way?” Well, I can't decide that, I don't think even the strongest people know how to “deal” with the loss of their parent so I will not judge. But, I'm also reminded of the times in my childhood that she'd relapsed, or done mean and awful things while drunk and wonder why that wasn't the straw that broke the camels back and made her better. I wonder why she can't just decide to “be better” and not fall back to booze when she knows plenty of other ways to feel better. I've taken care of my mother since I was a teenager, and I still don't know how to help or fix her.
I feel guilt that I didn't know, that I didn't stop her. But, I also feel guilt for feeling guilt, because the situation also has nothing to do with me, and nothing I could have done would have helped. I've done what I can, and it's up to her to, well, stop eating the donuts and get back on track. She knows this. I know this. And it doesn't make it any easier to initiate.
All I can say, is I'm very thankful there was only one funeral that week and not two. Maybe, this will be the final wake up call for my mom. I hope it is.
Your girlfriend needs serious help if she is willing to off herself on a whim like that. Is she in therapy or on any medication? I almost think she needs to be taken to a mental hospital tbh.
Of course you should.
That's possible. OP never spoke to her Mom. She should to verify that she wrote that.
Well that seems like something you need to work on.
No, sweetheart. You dump her, and then you go to therapy and fix the piece that makes you think this is all you deserve.
Bro, my wife is in LOVE with Jack Harlow and MGK and I judge her for it so naked but I also hang her posters of them, buy her tshirts and concert tickets and indulge her love of their music (even if she also loves them in an icky way lmao). Your gf is a nut. Not good.
I’ve heard you give several reasons why you made remarks to your creepy boyfriend about another woman’s body, both here and now in my dms. I’m glad you’re at least admitting now that you didn’t want her to hear your comments.
You don’t get to say there was nothing wrong with your comments (plural) and also that you didn’t want the server to hear because you expected them to make her uncomfortable.
You’re participating in your own abuse. Your actions are understandable in that context but that doesn’t make them ok.
Have a safe future. I wish you the best.
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So for a little background. My partner and I had been seeing each other for a few months but we weren’t exclusive because we lived in different countries. Because of this I made it clear that if he was going to sleep with other people he would tell me and get tested before we would be together.
I’m a very cautious person and I have trust issues so I still get tested once I get back home from seeing him even though he tells me he’s negative.
Anyways, last time I got tested was in November and all my results were negative and when I saw him in December his results were negative as well. So we were together during that time. I eventually left the country but I was coming back in two weeks times. During that two weeks I didn’t get tested because I figured I would see him soon and I would get tested once I leave again in a week.
I trusted him to tell me if he’s been with someone else because he has before in the past and he has always gotten tested after he was with others. But when I got back home I got tested and my doctor called me the next day saying that I tested positive for chlamydia. I automatically assumed that he was lying to me so I broke it off and cut contact with him.
Obviously when I got the news I was devastated because my partner was the only person that I have been with in a few years. But yesterday we got in contact and he told me that he tested negative for everything. Now I’m confused because he’s the only person who I have been with and he swears to me he wasn’t with anybody else.
Now I don’t know what to do because I feel bad for the way I acted towards him when I got my results. The relationship we have is over and I don’t necessarily want it back because it was going downhill before this but I don’t understand how I got chlamydia from him when he doesn’t even have it.
She’d be dead to me wtf, being friends involves both parties trying to be friends, sounds like one of those ppl you look back on and see that they are sociopaths and the friendship only works when they are using you for something.
You don’t stop needing support from a parent just because you’re an adult. Your relationship with your parent matters just as much.
This whole story is weird and screams incest, molestation and abuse – from all sides. If I'd be you I'd stay away from this family, this is a dynamic you don't want to get sucked into. What you know is probably just the surface of what really went on there… Please take off your rose-colored glasses and smell the flowers.
That's an easy block surely?
Reddit math says you can date all the way down to 24 so just hanging out? You are totally good.
I will say that it’s very possible to have a long term, healthy FWB situation though. I’ve been with my current partner for over 3 years. I made it clear to him I wasn’t looking for something where we were planning our future, and it’s really wonderful not having to worry about integrating each other into friend groups. We have mutual friends, but it isn’t necessary to hang out with them together. We can still do our own thing and not have the relationship looming over us. We spend a ton of time alone together and we do more than just have sex because we are actually friends. It can be really rewarding. I wish you so much luck!
You already know it isn't working out, you don't need him to tell you. End the relationship then he has his full attention on recovery and you can move on with your own life.
Just tell her she looks great. Every time. Don’t over think it. Be nice: she just wants a bit of praise. It costs nothing.
You should tell your wife you need couples counselling as obviously you need help articulating how these things make you feel. She needs to understand the severity of the turmoil this situation has created for you. If the roles were reversed, would your wife be stoked for you to go on an holiday with a woman she's never met that told you shes in love with you and almost definitely wants to use the distance and circumstances to make a move? The fact that your wife is willing to entertain this is a significant cause for concern.
Nothing wrong with you. Unfortunately, there are a lot more bad apples than good ones out there unfortunately. This is why people date, you date, shit happens, this is shit btw, you break up and move forward. Eventually you will meet the right girl. This girlfriend isn’t it. You don’t go on a cruise with another man, a man who wants to fuck you, when you’re in a relationship. You shouldn’t be trying to convince her otherwise, that’s insanity. Break up with this girl. She’s going to fuck this guy, if she hasn’t already, cruise or no cruise. Good luck.
He’s your ex. Even if you are wrong (and I don’t thing you are) then who cares if he’s angry? When you broke up you are no longer obligated to be concerned with his feelings.
Although I wouldn’t assume that you delete all the pics. Clouds, external drives, apps could still have copies stored.
Dude give him some space.
She does not respect you. No matter what type of person you think she is she has no respect for you or your relationship.
This is going to sound harsh but I am speaking to you as a friend. GROW A SPINE.
She does not respect you. No matter what type of person you think she is she has no respect for you or your relationship.
This is going to sound harsh but I am speaking to you as a friend. GROW A SPINE.
He's WAY TOO pressed about your hobby of light reading. Like who cares that you don't ready philosophy or quantum physics?
I read subjects like that AND I read smut.
Enjoy your hobbies guilt-free! If he is gonna be angry about it, then YOU are the more mature one here. He is the less sophisticated one. No one likes a snob. They are suffocating and insufferable.
Go get your smutty books and get lost in those worlds.
yea, he has, ig that could be it
She wants you to break up again.
As your post has been deleted i can only guess from what I've read in the comments.
First of all, you're a horrible parent. Not only are you allowing your family to be horrible to your child but then you are pretending to be supportive while also trying to make your child stop being trans.
You can't stop being trans. You either on-line as yourself or hide miserably. Or die young cause you can't on-line with being forced to be someone you're not. I'm trans, came out as an adult after spending my life trying to suppress who I am for the sake of others. The only reason I'm still alive is because I came out and started testosterone. There is no doubt that if I was somehow forced to stop I wouldn't be here much longer.
You don't need to understand why your child is trans nor is he doing this to hurt any of you. He's doing it for him. The only thing he needs is your support. And if you can't give him that then you will most likely loose him. One way or another.
OK you may mean over attachment it’s not over attraction. Be careful how you talk about people because they can stick to them and it’s not a fair judgment. Every person has different relationships with their family. And since you’re dating him if you don’t like it move on. Don’t try to change somebody’s relationships with their families you’re not married to him and you don’t really have any right to do it. Anyway you can choose not to be there if you don’t like that style. And I’m not saying I disagreed with the fact he may be over attached, but it’s just not your place.
Many adult children help with their elderly parents and even care for them and that’s not your business at all to change it so that you get them more to yourself. It’s rather immature and selfish. If you don’t like it just don’t date him.
But that’s HIS passion and what makes HIM happy and that’s OKAY. No one’s should be insulting what makes people happy. Driving a car is dangerous too. No one gets to demean others for what brings them joy in life. I swim with sharks regularly because that makes me happy AF and I’ve had not one partner try to insult my hobby. Only toxic people shame others for things that make them happy.
IKR?
The way back is a divorce, start heading that way you’ve opened a door and threw away the lock. Time to start over sorry hun
The way back is a divorce, start heading that way you’ve opened a door and threw away the lock. Time to start over sorry hun
You have outgrown him and he knows it and instead of trying to meet you at your level he's trying to drag you down to his.
Question remains the same. But it seems like no one here travels. Or know how to read for that matter.
Sounds like the relationship isn't working and a child certainly won't fix the issues
Most these comments are ridiculous, staying for the child will screw that kid up
Take your time, work through your feelings and make a decision
holy shit you are fucking brain dead. a comment made 8 years ago warrants HIM not having sex at all and destroying the relationship? like holy shit. yes it was bad at the time. that was EIGHT YEARS AGO. it’s not like he fucking cheated or made a comment since.
OP you didn’t break the relationship, mistakes happen. don’t listen to these dumbasses
Unfortunately taxis and Ubers aren’t always available outside of metropolitan cities in a lot of the US
Or you have other stuff to be doing beforehand and can’t just leave early. Especially if you’re a busy person. People have lives to on-line that don’t revolve around social plans y’know.
We both are weird, this is accurate 🙂 Different genders have different experiences around safety. He agreed to my point, I would defs agree if he made the point you suggested.
I already told her all of that and that was before she made a big deal out of it so now I need to think about if I should just let her go. Thanks for your help.
People don’t joke about that. He’s telling you. It’s time to listen.
If it's no different than porn and not cheating at all, he shouldn't have a problem with his fiancée knowing about it, right?
why not just have sex or help him?
You broke up with her and she kissed someone else. She doesn't have to and won't regret this the rest of her life; it's a trivial thing she did and she didn't do it to you. You dumped her and she reacted. It's part of dumping someone, that the person you dump may lash out or run out and do something sexually with someone else? If you can't stand the thought of kissing her anymore, and you already dumped her for (lol) feeling you were no longer meant to be, perhaps leave each other as ex partners and move on?
What? She’s the one who changed her schedule and said “dw it’s not about our conversation” sounds like he did something. Also he probably would’ve told his wife about it if he was I absolved of the blame
I think your actions were reasonable and hers not, but calling it manipulative based on just this is a stretch.
Thank u for ur perspective. I wouldn’t break up just because of this thing there is a lot going on in my current relationship under the surface that I’m in the process of sorting out with my bf. Also I wouldn’t want to jump into another relationship right after breaking up. My current bf actually knows about the feelings I have for this friend. I’m not avoiding anything and im being honest with myself and my bf about everything going on in my head and where I’m at and we’re both trying to sort everything out.
Basically I think a big contributing factor to why I have these feelings for my friend is that I think he would treat me really well in a relationship where my current bf has not. Current bf knows all of this and has admitted he’s taken me for granted, and is finally willing to work on himself after years of mistreating me bc he’s finally realizing that I might actually leave.
I’m giving him a chance to put in the effort but I don’t know how what conclusion I’m going to come to for what is ultimately the right move.
Right now, I’m just kinda caught up in my feelings for my friend which I don’t think is wrong necessarily but I do think I need to take a break from seeing him so I can focus on figuring out my current relationship. It just sucks bc I selfishly don’t want to let go of these feelings so I’m just feeling conflicted in a lot of ways.
This is what’s known as the DENNIS system.
Wouldn’t cameras at YOUR house do this? If you have cameras at all your doors, along the house, and the driveway, it would catch your husband leaving. Tell him you are freaked out about crime in the neighborhood, you heard robbers were breaking into homes. If he refuses, that’s a giant red flag.
Then he should tell her.
On the off-chance this isn't trolling, girl please, leave that man. He's old enough to be your dad.
Talk to her. Ask her what's up.
I made a rule when I started dating that I'd never date or marry a man who had never broken a major bone in his body. I should have listened to my own advice as I had to quite literally defend my reason for pain for the first 4 years we dated, when he literally saw me survive a. Rollover in truck hit by a work truck crash that only my noodle hypermobile body saved me from certain death. Not to mention a lifetime of just general injured ness from BEING ALIVE OUTSIDE. I would… find a new dude. You are so young… if you don't learn some pain tolerance from at least contact sports horses or generally eating some shit as a kid? Getting hurt as an adult TERRIFIES you and literally can stop grown ass adults in their tracks. My brother in law is basically catatonic rather than grateful for life after his last terror health scare. My hubs has learned but…. hes 42…. do you want to wait that long?
I get it. A lot of people don’t open up because they have been burned too many times. I’ve been married for almost 42 years and just about every time I have opened up to my wife about something I’ve had it tossed back at me in a negative manner. It usually isn’t immediately, but 6 months or a year later, so I don’t talk much and of course complains that I don’t. We tried counseling and when I opened up there (I don’t remember the subject, nothing dangerous though), I got told that I’m NOT ALLOWED to think that way. Not that I should look at things a different way or that I should modify my thinking.
I think the real issue is her allowing him to be ignorant of her past with ALL the guys in this group and letting him merrily go along without knowing and then befriending them all.
He doesn't care she used to sleep around but she continuously put him in social settings with the old partners. She doesn't have to tell him about the guys he'll never meet but common decency would be to let him know about the guys sitting on his living room sofa.
Give her time.
Get a different lawyer, that one sounds crap. You will absolutely have options. And do not set yourself on fire to keep him warm. “He's a dick and a narcissist and emotionally manipulative, but I dont want to blindside him.” absolutely you need to blindsided him to ensure the best outcome for you and your kid.
You are pathetic. First pregnancy was accident after that you still involve 3 more kids in your life fully knowing your husband is a jerk .
Exactly this. She’s very clean so I’m not worried about her living like this as well. I just hate that I came out of meeting her parents feeling uneasy. Especially since she is so close to them.
i’m willing to research options for public assistance with him and jobs that offer benefits, as well as meeting with my manager and him to get a position at my company.
So your girlfriend is asking if she can cheat on you then. Bisexuality isn’t a license to do this. If you are happy with this then let her do it. But be warned she might leave you.
Serious or I’ve had gay best friends for years and we both just vent our petty frustrations and it’s our “informal therapy hour” not just shit talking but also (actually, mostly) working through our own problematic brains. I think it’s healthy to have a safe sounding board for your bullshit, it’s not a gossip hub lol I wish people had more or better friends.
Well you see it as a problem, therefore it is a problem. There's no way he doesn't see this as an issue. And if he truly is that dense then you need to make him understand or move on. I personally wouldn't wait for some “innocent accident” to happen.
You don’t trust him. He’s messaging chicks on Snapchat. Move on.
Happy cake day!
i don't have the emotional energy to go into the deeper aspects, and i'm sure others have covered it. but you might find some help for yourself if you go on youtube and look at the work of Marshall Burtcher @healyourcodependency. his work on boundaries and conflict are great. his instagram has green/red flag checklists and i get the feeling you'll see your relationship in a lot of the red side of things.
i'd also recommend the youtube work of Heidi Priebe. Her most recent three videos on attachment work are invaluable. I think the final one on fearful avoidant would be highly useful for you to listen to (about him). get your closure through healing, and seeing the dynamic so you don't fall into it again with the next partner you wind up with.
because of the abusive dynamics, and him not caring about your needs and wishes at all, and trying to hold a hierarchical power structure with you, i would not suggest trying to save the relationship or win him back. and it's codependent to try to explain to him and teach him all the ways he's not behaving healthy.
he has to see it himself, and want to work on it himself, for his own life, and not for anyone else. if he were to heal mentally enough and decide to try to come back and work on things with you, he would likely be a lot more talk than action, and things would settle back into the normal structure before long. because you're both used to him trying to manage you and you're used to enabling him. it's horrible what he went through, but we all go through things and not everyone comes out punching walls and dismissing their partner. he has to be willing and interested in taking accountability for himself. you need to focus on you, not on him.
i'm sorry this is happening. please take this opportunity to heal and move on to a healthier dynamic with someone that will consider you truly an equal in your own relationship.
She always gives me reassurance
You should absolutely listen to yourself and do it. Take the opportunity to go be yourself and find out who you are. Looking at your parents ages they were around your age now when they were together and had you, why should you still be treated like a child when they were obviously living their own lives at 25.
The amount of people in the comments that just rush to conclusions with 100% confidence that they are right and that OP should break up and run never fail to surprise me.
There is not nearly enough context to jump to any of these conclusions from the little details OP gave about one example.
He may have been hurt by feeling rejected when you would prefer walking to having sex with him for example.
I’m sorry but friends hang out in public even if they’re married right?
and we revert to our first fucking exchange, when I unlock my phone I see texts before I see socials, I know you said you don't use the socials so that might be alien
his accusing you of lying about getting locked out rubs me the wrong way most. yes he betrayed your trust, but that feels overly defensive in a way that seems even scummier!