? by following and watching porn is acting on the admiration. It’s biologically normal to recognize people are beautiful. Nothing wrong there. But choosing to follow and like and watch women is acting on your thoughts.
Eh he wanted out anyway. Your comment in the heat of the moment gave it to him. I think you need to close this chapter, heal, and explode something new.
Sorry, pal. Sounds like she does not love you anymore and is not interested in working through it. That means the relationship is over.
If she did not already express it, you could ask her if she is interested in trying to work through it by seeing a couples counselor. But if she isn’t, she is done. Don’t prolong your suffering. Be done and start your healing journey. Best of luck.
It was her actual birthday to be honest. We even asked her if it was okay to have the wedding on that day.
She was my husbands best woman initially. That's what hurt him the most. He really thought he found a new best friend in her after his best friend killed himself a few years prior.
In the end everything worked out very well. My sisters then boyfriend (now husband) stepped in as best man an my husband returned the favour after his original best man had some psychological issues and couldn't do it.
You could have had the same accident with the same outcome if you'd have driven a car, the motorcycle was not a factor in the accident or the outcome.
Even with the same actions by BandageBob here, it’s quite likely the other driver involved would have reacted differently to seeing a car vs a motorcycle. So no, you can’t just say the accident would have been exactly the same.
I think if in seven years, repeatedly telling someone you cannot stand something they are doing to you whether it is a joke or not and they continue to do that thing it is not worth trying to make it work. I have panic attacks if people sneak up on me due to some trauma in my past, it took my fiancé ONE time of jokingly jumping out around a corner to learn I do not like that and to not do it. I did not have to tell him, however if I did have to tell him I only would have had to tell him once. I would not be in OPs situation where I would have married him if he repeatedly disrespected my boundaries. The play slapping is not the issue, mistakes happen in a relationship and if OP would have said her husband taps her to get her attention when she was wearing headphones that wouldn’t be abuse. What IS abuse is OP saying “I do not like when you slap me, jokingly or not. It makes me uncomfortable. Do not do it again” and then her husband DOING IT AGAIN. “I didn’t know it bothered you” is just textbook gaslighting.
I'm a strong believer in meaningful relationships but my dilemma is that there's FOMO (fear of missing out) I never had an opportunity to date around my age, and even though there was a 6 year gap, she had everything I wanted in a woman.
My mind says slow down, my heart says reconsider and my hormones say start mating
1) You aren't married get a job this whole deal could end at any point and you are not entitled to anything.
2) You are not a housewife you are a girlfriend legally that is a massive difference that you will learn harshly.
3) Talk to him if he can't have a conversation with you about the problem you have no business being together. Also note: I said conversation not argument, no raised voices, no petty lashing out a frank discussion about how things make you feel and a firm way to resolve the problem.
The issue is the “change” you're seeing is likely to be performative and desperate attempts to not break up with you. Even 'babytrap' you or prolong the 'relationship' with her desperate attempts to have sex with you.
This is going to be blunt, but if she's been comfortable with you paying 70% of the bill and doing most of the household work, of course, she doesn't want to lose that comfort. To say it shortly, you're kind of her meal ticket and you also took the brunt of her negativity a lot of time.
I would stay put if I were you. As in, keep with the break up and tell her to move out, if it's your place, then give her up to 30 days (30 days is the 'legal' time if you're living month to month) to leave the premise before you have to go and legally evict her. Remind her that she shouldn't want you to evict her because it'll be in her record and it'll make it harder for her to get a new rental.
She's got a sister, so of course she can move her stuffs to her sister little by little.
The thing is, right now, you're angry and are exhausted of her and want her out. How can you stay 'strong' in your resolve since she's going to keep trying to seduce you etc? So you have to separate yourself from her too (physically), imo.
Perhaps you should stop trying to intervene on his behalf with other family members. I suspect he didn't ask for this. I think that all he wants from you is to support him, acknowledge his gender preference, and treat him respectfully. Stop asking questions of any nature revolving around his identity. Support him and love him. In time, once you've restored good communication, ask HIM how you can best support him.
So this opinion wouldn’t have anything to do with the fact that you’re obsessed with your girlfriend’s friend, right? Does Kate get a cute nickname in your phone, and your girlfriend’s name is misspelled?
If I tell my landlady I am moving out soon, she will want written notice and (x) amount of days to terminate the lease. If I do not move properly on time, she will send an invoice and if I do not pay it, she will turn me into a debt collection agency for abandoning my apartment.
I don’t fully understand your situation right now. Are you keeping separate bedrooms even though you’re dating? Is that why you’re still referring to him as your roommate instead of your partner?
What I am reading is that every time you agree to a compromise, the ask gets bigger. He respects your faith but wants a Catholic wedding. The Catholic wedding erases your family but his won’t go otherwise, his family is more important here.
And then it’ll be, we don’t have to raise the kids Catholic but they should be baptized And then they are baptized, they should go to Sunday school And oh the kids are in Sunday school, shouldn’t you also be at the same mass as them?
I was raised by a Protestant and a Catholic. The Catholic won. I had zero interaction with my Protestant parents church and they ultimately ended up only attending mass in a Catholic Church (and never converted so never received communion again). I left the Catholic Church as soon as I could. I don’t believe there is any way to compromise in a marriage like this if you both equally hold faith to be important. It’s being unequally yoked.
My brother and I have severe trauma surrounding drugs
Then I would highly recommend to cut out weed as well. No matter how much better it is compared to other substances, it is still a drug and people CAN get addicted to it.
You are not even saying what color it was. Could very well just be scuff/kief or whatever it is called where you are from, the stuff hash gets made from and that sticks around the natural bud.
If its white then it is probably speed/cocaine or other amphetamines. Kief is not white.
You’re a bad friend for pretending he’s a friend. You’re keeping him around for validation because you know he’s desperate for you. He’s a bad friend because he’s not taking no for an answer and just generally being a wet flannel.
End the friendship. Or don’t if you thrive off of the drama.
First of all, I am so sorry. It sounds like you have such a lot on your plate and life is rough right now. Being in your current relationship, maybe you've become accustomed to things being this way…so I thought I'd give my opinion on what I would expect from a partner in your situation.
A good partner, a good person, would have been with you every step of the way emotionally. They would not even need to be told that you are going through some serious grief: mourning your friend, processing your assault, etc. They would 100% understand that you'll be out of sorts for quite a while. They would look after you, give you space to process, ask questions to understand your emotional state and really listen to your answers. They might offer practical support and pampering.
If they had issues with insecurity exacerbated by lack of contact, they would own that, and not make you responsible for resolving it. They might say something like “do you feel up to talking about some insecurity issues I'm struggling with? I could really do with some reassurance that you still love me even when you don't respond to texts as much”.
All the above is baseline… It's like if you buy a new car you should expect it to be comfortable and safe and functional at the very least. If it weren't, you would take it back to the dealer. For relationships, you should expect to be treated with respect, love, and if not always understanding, then at least a genuine desire to understand.
Instead, you have half of Reddit justifiably concerned about your safety if you break up with this guy. So yeah my advice is the same as theirs: break up, but do it safely. And then internalise the fact that you deserve a partner who treats you with kindness and respect.
There is no moving forward from this with her. Move on please, I promise it won’t get better.
? by following and watching porn is acting on the admiration. It’s biologically normal to recognize people are beautiful. Nothing wrong there. But choosing to follow and like and watch women is acting on your thoughts.
You are way too worried about his feelings and not enough about your own. You’ve got to start putting yourself first. That’s exactly what he’s doing…
Lmfao yeah. Internet attracts all sorts of people ?
It can happen, there’s always that one friend that hooks up a lot, but for all of his friends group be over 100 each, I doubt it
Eh he wanted out anyway. Your comment in the heat of the moment gave it to him. I think you need to close this chapter, heal, and explode something new.
Sorry, pal. Sounds like she does not love you anymore and is not interested in working through it. That means the relationship is over.
If she did not already express it, you could ask her if she is interested in trying to work through it by seeing a couples counselor. But if she isn’t, she is done. Don’t prolong your suffering. Be done and start your healing journey. Best of luck.
Get over yourself is my suggestion. Politics don’t make a relationship, ignore it
Treat yourself & enjoy your days off! You just got the worst part of your year out of the way & have a whole new chapter ahead. Best of luck.
It's awful. I'm glad he didn't write it, but I would steer so far away from him. He will make simple things complicated.
It was her actual birthday to be honest. We even asked her if it was okay to have the wedding on that day.
She was my husbands best woman initially. That's what hurt him the most. He really thought he found a new best friend in her after his best friend killed himself a few years prior.
In the end everything worked out very well. My sisters then boyfriend (now husband) stepped in as best man an my husband returned the favour after his original best man had some psychological issues and couldn't do it.
I don’t think this is real
I know you are right. It’s so hot, I love him so much
You could have had the same accident with the same outcome if you'd have driven a car, the motorcycle was not a factor in the accident or the outcome.
Even with the same actions by BandageBob here, it’s quite likely the other driver involved would have reacted differently to seeing a car vs a motorcycle. So no, you can’t just say the accident would have been exactly the same.
I think if in seven years, repeatedly telling someone you cannot stand something they are doing to you whether it is a joke or not and they continue to do that thing it is not worth trying to make it work. I have panic attacks if people sneak up on me due to some trauma in my past, it took my fiancé ONE time of jokingly jumping out around a corner to learn I do not like that and to not do it. I did not have to tell him, however if I did have to tell him I only would have had to tell him once. I would not be in OPs situation where I would have married him if he repeatedly disrespected my boundaries. The play slapping is not the issue, mistakes happen in a relationship and if OP would have said her husband taps her to get her attention when she was wearing headphones that wouldn’t be abuse. What IS abuse is OP saying “I do not like when you slap me, jokingly or not. It makes me uncomfortable. Do not do it again” and then her husband DOING IT AGAIN. “I didn’t know it bothered you” is just textbook gaslighting.
I'm a strong believer in meaningful relationships but my dilemma is that there's FOMO (fear of missing out) I never had an opportunity to date around my age, and even though there was a 6 year gap, she had everything I wanted in a woman.
My mind says slow down, my heart says reconsider and my hormones say start mating
Love the 2nd tho
1) You aren't married get a job this whole deal could end at any point and you are not entitled to anything.
2) You are not a housewife you are a girlfriend legally that is a massive difference that you will learn harshly.
3) Talk to him if he can't have a conversation with you about the problem you have no business being together. Also note: I said conversation not argument, no raised voices, no petty lashing out a frank discussion about how things make you feel and a firm way to resolve the problem.
I’m not going to hold him hostage and our marriage isn’t destroyed
This came to mind as well.
Wow, so your husband is racist.
How much should I tolerate thjs behavior?
Absolutely zero percent.
This man needs to be educated and doesn't deserve a wife until he learns how to be a decent fucking human being.
Absolutely vile behaviour.
The issue is the “change” you're seeing is likely to be performative and desperate attempts to not break up with you. Even 'babytrap' you or prolong the 'relationship' with her desperate attempts to have sex with you.
This is going to be blunt, but if she's been comfortable with you paying 70% of the bill and doing most of the household work, of course, she doesn't want to lose that comfort. To say it shortly, you're kind of her meal ticket and you also took the brunt of her negativity a lot of time.
I would stay put if I were you. As in, keep with the break up and tell her to move out, if it's your place, then give her up to 30 days (30 days is the 'legal' time if you're living month to month) to leave the premise before you have to go and legally evict her. Remind her that she shouldn't want you to evict her because it'll be in her record and it'll make it harder for her to get a new rental.
She's got a sister, so of course she can move her stuffs to her sister little by little.
The thing is, right now, you're angry and are exhausted of her and want her out. How can you stay 'strong' in your resolve since she's going to keep trying to seduce you etc? So you have to separate yourself from her too (physically), imo.
Good luck.
Perhaps you should stop trying to intervene on his behalf with other family members. I suspect he didn't ask for this. I think that all he wants from you is to support him, acknowledge his gender preference, and treat him respectfully. Stop asking questions of any nature revolving around his identity. Support him and love him. In time, once you've restored good communication, ask HIM how you can best support him.
So this opinion wouldn’t have anything to do with the fact that you’re obsessed with your girlfriend’s friend, right? Does Kate get a cute nickname in your phone, and your girlfriend’s name is misspelled?
If I tell my landlady I am moving out soon, she will want written notice and (x) amount of days to terminate the lease. If I do not move properly on time, she will send an invoice and if I do not pay it, she will turn me into a debt collection agency for abandoning my apartment.
I don’t fully understand your situation right now. Are you keeping separate bedrooms even though you’re dating? Is that why you’re still referring to him as your roommate instead of your partner?
What I am reading is that every time you agree to a compromise, the ask gets bigger. He respects your faith but wants a Catholic wedding. The Catholic wedding erases your family but his won’t go otherwise, his family is more important here.
And then it’ll be, we don’t have to raise the kids Catholic but they should be baptized And then they are baptized, they should go to Sunday school And oh the kids are in Sunday school, shouldn’t you also be at the same mass as them?
I was raised by a Protestant and a Catholic. The Catholic won. I had zero interaction with my Protestant parents church and they ultimately ended up only attending mass in a Catholic Church (and never converted so never received communion again). I left the Catholic Church as soon as I could. I don’t believe there is any way to compromise in a marriage like this if you both equally hold faith to be important. It’s being unequally yoked.
My brother and I have severe trauma surrounding drugs
Then I would highly recommend to cut out weed as well. No matter how much better it is compared to other substances, it is still a drug and people CAN get addicted to it.
You are not even saying what color it was. Could very well just be scuff/kief or whatever it is called where you are from, the stuff hash gets made from and that sticks around the natural bud.
If its white then it is probably speed/cocaine or other amphetamines. Kief is not white.
You’re a bad friend for pretending he’s a friend. You’re keeping him around for validation because you know he’s desperate for you. He’s a bad friend because he’s not taking no for an answer and just generally being a wet flannel.
End the friendship. Or don’t if you thrive off of the drama.
First of all, I am so sorry. It sounds like you have such a lot on your plate and life is rough right now. Being in your current relationship, maybe you've become accustomed to things being this way…so I thought I'd give my opinion on what I would expect from a partner in your situation.
A good partner, a good person, would have been with you every step of the way emotionally. They would not even need to be told that you are going through some serious grief: mourning your friend, processing your assault, etc. They would 100% understand that you'll be out of sorts for quite a while. They would look after you, give you space to process, ask questions to understand your emotional state and really listen to your answers. They might offer practical support and pampering.
If they had issues with insecurity exacerbated by lack of contact, they would own that, and not make you responsible for resolving it. They might say something like “do you feel up to talking about some insecurity issues I'm struggling with? I could really do with some reassurance that you still love me even when you don't respond to texts as much”.
All the above is baseline… It's like if you buy a new car you should expect it to be comfortable and safe and functional at the very least. If it weren't, you would take it back to the dealer. For relationships, you should expect to be treated with respect, love, and if not always understanding, then at least a genuine desire to understand.
Instead, you have half of Reddit justifiably concerned about your safety if you break up with this guy. So yeah my advice is the same as theirs: break up, but do it safely. And then internalise the fact that you deserve a partner who treats you with kindness and respect.