I would straight up tell him you‘re not getting married until he opens up entirely about his finances. If this marriage is supposed to work you guys need to be honest with each other, which included disclosing finances and having a conversation about how to deal with them in the future.
You are 33, in the prime of your dating life. There is someone out there for you right now that will give you what you need that your current boyfriend can't supply. Tight now that is trust. If I was in that position I'd be on the road again, looking for the Right one
You've violated his trust massively by going through his messages. That has potential to be a much bigger issue in all of this. I'm sorry, but I strongly suggest you work on fixing how you've wronged him and the people who's messages you read first.
It's a shame he didn't bolt out of bed at about 3:55am
Now that I've got that out of my system…
If you're interested in seeing him again, reach out with some sort of an opening “we all have those stories that we can laugh about eventually, want to get together for X?”
I have not spoken to her nor did I see any of the messages because they were all deleted. I did struggle to believe him at first but I am at a point now where I do believe his account of it. He did submit to a LOT of questions from me on this. He also has offered full access to his phone etc but I never took him up on that because I just don't think that's a good idea for a healthy relationship. I do trust him to a point. I just don't believe it's not possible he'll never do it again given the opportunity.
Whatever you decide, please don't hook up with another girl before you have completely ended your first relationship. We call that betrayal and it is not a kind thing to do to someone you once loved.
I live at home with my mother while attending community college. My mother likes him, but I don’t take her opinion very seriously, as she has been emotionally and verbally abusive toward me for as long as I can remember. My brother (in college out of state) likes him though, and spent several hours with him during break to come to that conclusion.
He didn’t really elaborate, just kept saying that at some point, he’s afraid he’s going to disappoint me.
I understand your point, you think that since he said they were both private to him, that he meant there was no difference between the journal and the conversations. When that was never his claim, he was just saying he considered them private.
The context of him claiming they were private to him was saying that he didnt want his wife to read them. He was never trying to draw some fundamental similarity between the two things.
OP you are a caring lady, but you deserve better than having to tip toe around hurting your husband’s feelings when you’re dealing with literal poop. I don’t think you need gentle, a gentle approach would be more for a medical issue. You need hazmat team, no dumping sign, mr clean intervention level of stance here. Call in the Charmin bears to bless your home with febreeze and replace all his underwear with Depends until you can confidently swipe a credit card up his cheeks without fear. It’s sweet you want to do this delicately but it’s not your responsibility to hold his hand through this when he has blown off your concerns.
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“He told me, I should value him and his opinions…” You showing off more skin and wearing things he doesn’t like, is not devaluing his opinion or him as a person—it’s him trying to emotionally manipulating you into doing what he wants. This is 100% controlling and abuse.
“…and should not allow public to sexually enjoy me in a sleeveless dress.” When jealousy creeps into a romantic relationship, it can often fester into controlling tactics to assert dominance and quell his fragile feelings and ego.
And fuck him for telling you don’t know what love is because of your past. What a cruel thing to say to someone. He’s trying to tear you down until you’re complicit.
Y’all are young, but other than that, what is your reason for waiting one or two years?
It’s an all-around horrible situation. Both OP and his wife need to be aware of every single possibility surrounding keeping the baby.
I would straight up tell him you‘re not getting married until he opens up entirely about his finances. If this marriage is supposed to work you guys need to be honest with each other, which included disclosing finances and having a conversation about how to deal with them in the future.
You are 33, in the prime of your dating life. There is someone out there for you right now that will give you what you need that your current boyfriend can't supply. Tight now that is trust. If I was in that position I'd be on the road again, looking for the Right one
You've violated his trust massively by going through his messages. That has potential to be a much bigger issue in all of this. I'm sorry, but I strongly suggest you work on fixing how you've wronged him and the people who's messages you read first.
Banging another high schooler probably
Be honest man, you're trying to bang.
Would you take one of your bros on an all expenses trip to Paris and cosy up in bed with a movie?
She wants you to back off.
thank you. i’ll give it a read
Thoughts?
It's a shame he didn't bolt out of bed at about 3:55am
Now that I've got that out of my system…
If you're interested in seeing him again, reach out with some sort of an opening “we all have those stories that we can laugh about eventually, want to get together for X?”
If not, send the bill.
…look
It’s obvious, you didn’t give up The pussy’
So he’ll call you back when his balls are full again’
I have not spoken to her nor did I see any of the messages because they were all deleted. I did struggle to believe him at first but I am at a point now where I do believe his account of it. He did submit to a LOT of questions from me on this. He also has offered full access to his phone etc but I never took him up on that because I just don't think that's a good idea for a healthy relationship. I do trust him to a point. I just don't believe it's not possible he'll never do it again given the opportunity.
Homeless? You have a job, don't you? So rent an apartment.
Whatever you decide, please don't hook up with another girl before you have completely ended your first relationship. We call that betrayal and it is not a kind thing to do to someone you once loved.
I live at home with my mother while attending community college. My mother likes him, but I don’t take her opinion very seriously, as she has been emotionally and verbally abusive toward me for as long as I can remember. My brother (in college out of state) likes him though, and spent several hours with him during break to come to that conclusion.
He didn’t really elaborate, just kept saying that at some point, he’s afraid he’s going to disappoint me.
I understand your point, you think that since he said they were both private to him, that he meant there was no difference between the journal and the conversations. When that was never his claim, he was just saying he considered them private.
The context of him claiming they were private to him was saying that he didnt want his wife to read them. He was never trying to draw some fundamental similarity between the two things.
I get your upset but it’s okay to want to do things separate from your partner.
I knew that was her messaging me!
I didn't want to be the girl that was nagging her partner (he doesn't like complaining or nagging) so I went along with his excuses.
I need to start applying pressure or this year will end with us still being engaged.
OP you are a caring lady, but you deserve better than having to tip toe around hurting your husband’s feelings when you’re dealing with literal poop. I don’t think you need gentle, a gentle approach would be more for a medical issue. You need hazmat team, no dumping sign, mr clean intervention level of stance here. Call in the Charmin bears to bless your home with febreeze and replace all his underwear with Depends until you can confidently swipe a credit card up his cheeks without fear. It’s sweet you want to do this delicately but it’s not your responsibility to hold his hand through this when he has blown off your concerns.
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“He told me, I should value him and his opinions…” You showing off more skin and wearing things he doesn’t like, is not devaluing his opinion or him as a person—it’s him trying to emotionally manipulating you into doing what he wants. This is 100% controlling and abuse.
“…and should not allow public to sexually enjoy me in a sleeveless dress.” When jealousy creeps into a romantic relationship, it can often fester into controlling tactics to assert dominance and quell his fragile feelings and ego.
And fuck him for telling you don’t know what love is because of your past. What a cruel thing to say to someone. He’s trying to tear you down until you’re complicit.
Leave this controlling asshole.