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I live alone and I still do the same
Some people here really just expect men to accept any mean comment about dick size because “women don't care that much about dick size and she is with you so it doesn't matter”
I asked her the infamous “If you could change one thing about me, what would it be?” question and got a surprising answer. She said 'your dick'.
First off, it's extremely rude to seriously say “your dick” to that question. It's comparable to saying “your face/laugh/smile/voice”. Like what the fuck are you supposed to do with that information other than be ashamed or feel attacked about something personal that you can't change.
One of her friends was talking to someone and mentioned he had a huge dick. My GF asked to see it, and after her friend got the OK from the dude, showed her, all via text.
This is just not okay, it is disrespectful to your relationship to literally ask to see the penis of someone she could very well meet.
Regardless of if you are small or average or whatever and regardless of if your insecurity is making you overthink things, those two things are pretty major offenses that speak of a lack of empathy and a lack of respect.
Does the ex fwb even know how OP feels about this? Because if she does and she hasn’t made any moves to make OP feel more comfortable then idk man kinda shady I think you’re right on how you feel tbh
Yes , true once you married or in a commit serious relationship then finance shouldn’t be separate , it can leads to some issues in the relationship.
Ya just got out of a relationship like this. Anytime I asked for anything it was immensely difficult.
For me it was so bad that even hearing me out (like my side) was her doing me a favor. She would guilt trip me for not doing something while also actively preventing me from doing it by withholding information. I would literally break down when a friend asked me how I was doing or expressed appreciation because she was withholding it so much.
Sounds like yours is much milder so I hope it works out well. It's all about power (not saying intentionally) in the relationship. The best advice I can give, is to quietly stop providing sex unless you get off first. Never admit to doing this though.
I'm not a doctor but I'm supposed to become one soon, and while I don't plan on pursuing a field close to the problems at hand, as one I should be able to see the situation from her point of view, and from an empathic perspective. We've been close emotionally for 7 years now, and I know breaking up would destroy her. It's still on the table but as a last resort. Marrying would give me the opportunity of working on some of those problems, both economically and personally, distance makes her paranoia worse without question. But again, it's a gamble and neither of us want that at the moment, hence why I'm asking around.
Still, thanks for the valuable opinion
If you have the opportunity to move to a completely new environment, take that chance and don’t look back. When I was 19 I moved to the UK, not knowing anyone. I got a work visa and wanted to escape my shitty hometown. It’s absolutely terrifying and I’m typically a really shy person but putting yourself in that situation means you have to meet others.
You’ll meet people there just like you did where you live now. Going out, getting a job, meeting people live, it’s just in another environment.
Once you make yourself take that step you’ll look back on how much you’ve grown as a person even if you struggle through parts of it and it’s honestly so worth the initial fear.
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It sounds to me like you already know what you want and you are looking for someone to give you permission to do it. Permission granted if that’s what you need. Truth is, there are many people who are possibly right for you in this world and you haven’t had the chance to grow into yourself yet. It’s okay to be selfish. 18 is way too young to be making a lifetime commitment. Works for some people, but not for most.
Do not check her Id without her knowledge/permission, that is a complete breach of trust. Have that talk though. You should let her know that it is a deal breaker as there is no way anyone has a legit reason to hide their identity from their partner in a serious relationship. Give her a little time to let her make her decision but let her know its non negotiable.
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Yep, I’m 29 F, and I don’t live with my parents. I do live close to them though to help them out. I’m getting help- but it’s been a long journey. I don’t know if you’ve ever had depression- but I couldn’t even get up from bed at the time. I tried to ki*l myself twice but failed both times. I do have friends, but I pushed them away and my friendship isn’t as close as you see on TV or something.
And I’ve been asking for help- but it’s not possible for me to get up and dust myself off all at once. Im resurrecting the various aspects of my life one by one. I absolutely don’t think im ready for an “artificial” relationship rn. I made absolute terrible decisions in the throes of depression- it was like I wasn’t seeing clearly- and I don’t think I am still strong enough to dedicate myself to a relationship yet.
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Why aren’t you discussing these problems with him?
Why are you staying with someone that makes you feel unattractive?
That funky, musty human flesh smell wasn’t feet.
If she doesn’t know where you live, I would suggest making this an informal public setting visit. If she just wants to see/meet her, maybe suggest that you meet at a park or even one of those play areas in a mall. She can sit with you and watch your daughter play. You can call your daughter up and say, “hey daughter, come say hi to an old friend of mine.”
Your daughter does not need to know that she is looking at her bio mom. Bio mom does NOT need to know where you live. Doing this in a public place will likely discourage her from making any sort of scene.
Side note: if you want to be sensitive to how bio mom might be feeling afterwards, pick a place with a easy escape to a place where she can go privately cry her eyes out. I like to put myself in the other persons shoes. If I were in her situation, I would just want to meet my bio daughter in person, prevent any emotional distress for all parties involved, and make a quick exit so I could cry in my car for a little while. I’m sure this is highly emotional for everyone involved and she’s probably been trying to think of an appropriate way to ask for a very long time.
Are you trying to tell us you had NO IDEA your child was under the influence of any of these substances!?
Jesus Christ I hope you’re just a troll
Your minor children ARE more important than she is.
Please, never have kids. I'd hate to see your oldest child turn 18, then tell them they aren't as important as their potential other siblings.
I read his post, and I don't even know if the selfishness was the thing that stood out to me. What really stunned me was the complete lack of higher brain function needed to just be so absolutely unable to process the situation. It's not like he didn't care you were sick, as much as he had so little concept of what sickness was, that he kept trying to go through pre-programmed behavior patterns and couldn't understand why they weren't working.
You're very young, and life is (hopefully) way too long to put up with someone who you have to explain day to day basic human functioning and decency to. We meet good partners, we don't raise them. If he still requires instruction like a small child on things like this, he's not ready to date anyone. You're moving from the stage in life where someone being fun, attractive and having some common interests is really all you need to a stage where that isn't going to be enough anymore. Once you start fielding more and more adult responsibilities- bills, financial security and planning, career choices, investing in and owning a house, having kids, etc. you need a partner who has their shit together, and can be your equal in terms of planning and facing challenges. This man can't even face you being too sick to chop vegetables without having a short circuit and losing all sense of reason.
And odds are she already has someone specific in mind.
I think that’s super normal. Welcome to motherhood!
Oh yeah, shouldn't forget that one.
My 7 year old nephew gets to choose whatever pieces he wants for me on the board, but I get to try my hardest with those pieces.
You can tell when he wants a win when I get a king, a knight, and 3 pawns and sometimes at 7 that’s more important. A little fixed win. Days he’s feeling confident? I get everything except the queen. It’s fun and he’s learning.
dump him for sure
Honestly?
Just text this wednesday person and say 'If thats trur, I' m very flatterer but i have a very strict' No dating at work' policy. I have never and will never date a co worker.”
And leave it at that.
Everyine who says anything or whatever jsut reoeat 'dont date co workers' and move on in the convo.
Theyll get bored of it if you dont make a big deal. Especially as they have the mindset of children.
Then you so obviously didn’t trust him and look what it got you.
Not with that much inability to think from different perspectives.
If he's open to cheating he's not a good man, he's probably done it before, maybe even while you were married, and he's a cheater.
You have no idea how much intimacy he is getting at home, you only know what he is telling you in order to get you into an inappropriate relationship with him.
You handled it fine.
Just say what you said here.
For some every day, for some never.
You have to find a compatible partner who is roughly on the same ballpark.
Leave. This isn’t a relationship.
I’m fully aware most people have to teach themselves not to use dismissive language and be more emotionally mature, but he’s very dismissive. Both with the smoking and the yelling, he’ll admit that it’s wrong and then list all the reasons it’s not that bad like “I only yelled once, I’m usually calm, I was drunk/drinking”. If it’s wrong it’s wrong. Now that I’ve tried to stop myself from doing that and truly apologize to people when they’re hurt by something I did, it’s all I pay attention to. OP, you need to be more conscious of your actions. She doesn’t care that she only caught you once. Once is enough. It being annoying to follow her boundaries doesn’t make it okay to break them. Do better.
Run. You’re banging hypocrisy’s incarnate. I’m black and this shit would get exhausting real fast. Get rid of her before she makes you a shitty person like her. She can only bring you down with her b.s. grandstanding. You aren’t inherently bad just because you’re white. Her admission of being prejudiced towards brown people is far more problematic than your existing, eons more.
And all of these ??????️
(I later learned that she had blocked me). I sent her a message that also went unread.
Gee, I wonder why ?
the date walks in (she had left the house and has a spare key) and takes all her things and leaves. She’s not interested in having any conversation.
Gee, I wonder why ?
Yeah, but if they’d planned four kids, had two and then couldn’t have anymore for whatever reason then she’s infertile, even if she wasn’t before. If the kids are young as well she may not have taken that beat to figure out what she felt about it before continuing with adoptions.
Your boyfriend is horrid. Blaming the SA on your leaving him? Truly disgusting. Reason enough to leave him for good. Seriously. No one deserves this. And listen to your gut – he is seeing other people.
i appreciate the advice. i think the emotional intensity of my previous relationship was addicting and I remember that more than the negative emotions that came along with it. things do seem to be moving in the right direction. Ive noticed my feelings towards him and happiness from the relationship increasing with time. i guess if things are moving in a positive direction, then that's a good sign. Maybe the immediate, intense passion and love can be a facade and the fact that this wasn't the case here will actually make me capable of building something much stronger and more real.
Personally I would not date (or associate with) a landlord.
But you have a medical condition and he doesn't shower before bed either. He has mild odors but they're odors either way.
Her other option fell through, don’t entertain her.
Ok, as a “Critical thinker”. Who is more trustworthy?
A completely random person from the internet that won't even identify themselves. Your wife.
Exactly. I have no idea why all these people think it’s ok to treat a significant other like this.
You don’t. There might have been a small chance if he had been upfront and confessed. He continued to lie.
There is no reason to ever have a dating app in a relationship unless you’re looking to cheat. You’re always going to have to worry if you give him another chance. He’ll just hide it better next time.
I suggest having your husband talk to his parents. My FIL did this to me for a few months when I was pregnant with my youngest (wouldn’t even talk to me when he came to our house). I had the husband ask him why and he said I said/done something’s to his wife (not my MIL) that offended her. When the husband told me about the conversation I called my FIL and we had a long talk about all of it, it was all incredibly dumb and they were behaving childishly. He apologized and became one of my favorite people and biggest supporters before he passed away. His wife is still awful though, we don’t speak anymore.
She’s definitely tired of it. I just need to love her and spend as much quality time with her as I can. I’m going to do things for her like mop and clean, do her laundry, get dinner, make her feel validated. She deserves it anyways. Thank you for your advice.
Sounds like a great reason to get a divorce. Better now and without children than in a few years.
Tell her he isn’t telling her shit. The only thing he might tell her is some “crazy bitch” is obsessed with him and going to lie to her. Tell her the truth and show her the receipts.
Was just about to say the same thing.
Either be with something who actually has some respect for you and isn't a child, someone who actually communicates etc
Or have some respect for yourself and be single.
It's better to be single and treated well by yourself than be in a relationship and abused like that but a cheater who is making you feel like shit cos he can't keep his dick in his pants.
Oh, honey, I’m so sorry. Please be strong and leave him.
You should tell him before hand. I personally believe that abortion is similar to murder and if it were me I wouldn't want to continue a relationship if you go through with it, but I think I would appreciate the honesty and be thankful I didn't end up in a relationship with somebody who sees this issue in a fundamentally different way. It would also be crushing to find out down the road that you secretly ended the life of my would-be child without letting me know, however unlikely it would be for me to discover. But if he sees abortion the same way as you I assume telling him would not be anywhere near as big of a deal and transparency is good, but idk.
She doesn’t deserve an invite