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r/qanoncasualties this sub might help you OP, sounds like q has destroyed another family.
This is absolutely gaslighting, unlike most uses of the word in this sub, and you should break up with him. Do you have friends you can have come over for support and security?
Leave that loser.
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He is being manipulative by saying that to you.
Thank god you have your own condo.
And I agree, when he threatens suicide, call 911 for a welfare check. They can provide him resources for help OR take him to the hospital if he really needs it.
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I was serious when I told her I'd understand how a mistake like that could happen in a situation like that.
Overall, you sound like a great guy, but also like a huge doormat. Cheating isn't a “mistake”. Your wife knew what she was doing. She lied to you for ages, she broke your boundaries.
Even if she didn't have sex with the other guy (make sure to get tested….she most likely didn't use a condom for the bj), you can't trust her.
And tbh, there might be more to the story than she and the couple right now let on. So be careful.
Except it doesn't matter. You can play dumb all you want. I mean what, she will get hurt that you have spied on her? Good.
Of course if you don't want to you can just message her she knows everything she has done and she doesn't deserve your explanations. Then you should proceed to block her. Honestly, this might be healthier. To give her reason is to enable her to try to force you into negotiation with her. If you do now have strong will it might be easier to just act rude and refuse to tell her your reasons or entertain any conversation with her at all.
Do whatever you want, but I could never stay in a relationship with someone that jealous. All but two of my past partners are very good friends, with a few being what I’d qualify as “close friends”. Your wife would go crazy with me.
It’s okay.
You’ve taken on the mental load of two people for almost a decade and you’re understandably burnt out.
You don’t sound like you’re his partner, you sound like his full time carer (or parent). He’s an adult that’s incapable of adulting and it’s time he stood in his own two feet.
I guess this is my question…why are you equating your wife to an “authority figure” rather than as your partner and teammate?
You wrote this:
I (37, M) like to ask questions and give across my point of view… I've typically always have had issues with authority like figures.
You then immediately go into how you like to give your point of view whatever when your wife asks you to do things. I assume you wrote this because you're connecting these two things and that you believe your tendency to behave this way with your wife is because you don't like authority figures telling you what to do (which…who does? Get over yourself. Everyone answers to someone somewhere sometimes).
So again, why are you treating your wife as the opposition you have issues with instead of treating her as your teammate – the partner you chose to build your life with together and view things you do for her as things that make your collective life better, as are things she does for you?
I can't imagine the person in your position having to keep that bottled up without. I think I would definitely need to unload on a professional counselor and/or a close friend.
Yeah, I told him I wouldn't take his word for it which he didn't like, but he dropped it at that point. And although I don't want to believe that about him, the risk of stealthing has been in my head so you're not wrong. It does affect the experience and not in a good way.
Lol it isn't possible to throw physicality into it, she values sex as a bonding experience and to get there you first have to become friends learn each other's interests be best friends hang out cuddle here and there if she gets a connection which goes into step 4 where there's the flirting and taking her attitude and turning it sexy part comes into play and if you do that you get to step 5 which is sex and if you do your job there and she gets a connection she is to be all over the person who makes it that far. The difference here is she likes both verbal and physical versions of this om stuck at step 4 as of right now but the formula shouldn't change too much right?
It is shocking. This divorcee hits on your husband in front of you, keeps touching him – and HE ALLOWS IT?! To top it off he takes her number??? WTF!
Your marriage has problems. When you confronted him about her picking him up just about – why did he take her number and give his? That is not ok, unless his a gigolo and earns by renting out his body to older divorcedcwomen? But seriously, that is so not ok, I would question if my husband regularly takes and gives his number to single women, and if he thinks cheating is just sex and doesn't affect his love for you? Because by all indications, he cheats.
P.s. Have an STI test just in case (millions of divorced women worldwide believed their husband's would never cheat).
Also, hire a honey trap PI and check your assets.
If this is a classic case of gaslighting my friend. I'm gonna say leave that piece of shit human and find yourself a decent girl that's not a ho
It wouldn't have taken much for you to say hi to her friend, then excuse yourself. Ignoring her friend WAS bad manners.
You know at this point, I'm wondering if you think your the one being attacked here. Your obsession to be right over me is telling. And the feminist came out of nowhere.
You can easily create your own thread, give your own advise. But you wanna be right, it's almost like it's a you problem. You couldn't even follow your own advice at this point. People deal with their own problems their way part.
IMO, people who uses “proud feminist” and like phrases have really fragile ego, so fragile opinions sounds like a insult to them (even ones not directed to them). I'm talking about OP's problem, not yours.
If you were broken up, you didn't cheat. It will still piss him off and he may break up again, but if we are looking at semantics you didn't cheat.
You were 15 and he was 18?
Well…
This is between husband and mom. She didn't take it out on your kid.
Please note: I am not saying she is in the right, but her actions were targeted at him
When a person in their 30s buys a teenager alcohol, they are always trying to have sex. I got groped. My ex's friends got fingered. Ask any woman over the age of 25. We know someone.
Not all penises are the same. Perhaps OP should suggest that his dick is too small and see how he reacts to it. After all, genetic variation in genital size and shape occurs in penises too.
It’s nearly impossible that this man isn’t able to feel the vagina he’s getting off on. They may well be sexually incompatible, but for him to immediately come to the conclusion that OP is too “loose”, a term loaded with judgment and misogyny, is what makes people suspect he’s either ignorant or an asshole or both.
She's in the wrong, unless there's something more about this. Someone who knows that they have BPD should not expect others to protect them from their fear of abandonment.
There's pretty bad odds procrastination is a character flaw for you. It's more likely that there is ADHD or anxiety or something.
She simply just has no business taking it personally but that's just the kind of sensitivity that people with BPD can get. People with BPD are notorious for not recognizing when they're asking too much of people or when they're trying to take too much from people and not give back.
If you have a friend with not well enough treated BPD you're just going to get misjudged. Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm. That is definitely a rule of thumb for functional relationship boundaries, but especially for with someone with BPD. Essentially she's saying that the reason why you didn't do it is you didn't care enough. And she's right, because you're not her caregiver. That kind of caring is just unhealthy. If you struggle with procrastination, I bet that there's a lot of things you care about that you don't get done. The level of care that you would need to overcome that would be like an obsession or compulsion or just distress.
Just want clarification- he said he would also feel very uncomfortable and anxious if the roles were reversed, and he’s also said he wouldn’t have made those plans if he were in a relationship already. So, if you make plans that you know aren’t relationship appropriate even for yourself, and then you pursue a relationship, how does that make doing it ok?