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Red flag to the max. If I were you I would delete everything and leave him. Notify your building management of the situation just as a precaution.
You really need to rethink this relationship.
I think this puts it all out on the table for her to decide what she really wants and if exploration/solitude is actually her priority
If we went freudian with this one could argue he only felt like he needed to shit because he feels her therapy is shit and he wanted to communicate just how shitty he thinks it is xD
Don't lose yourself and your identity to anyone. A truly loving partner will accept all of you, support, and encourage you.
anal, always go with anal as a gift.. timeless fit.
He didn't block you because of what you said. He blocked you because he wanted to move faster and you didn't.
Why date someone who is accusing you with no proof beforehand? Also, usually those who fry cheating so loud and clear are the ones who cheated and out of guilt want to shift it to you.
He is being a creep.
You sound like you have at least two problems. Communicating emotionally and romantically, and you're describing signs of depression. Absolutely no matter what, you need individual therapy and possible a psychiatrist to see about getting on an antidepressant.
As for the communication, that's the bread and butter of couple's counseling. Honestly, you're painting a picture that you're a stereotypically man-husband that can't figure out how to get in tune with your emotionally skilled and in tune wife. All of this is fixable if you're willing to put in the work that will provide decades of benefits for your entire family.
BTW, “Recently, our conversations have delved into the realm of her not deserving what I have done and that she isn't happy.” What does that mean?
I dot hug her and show affection, it's more so the small things of laying on the couch together or holding her at night, random flowers and being in the moment.
I know I still love her, I'm just fucking drained.
You've done a thorough job of identifying the problems, but to answer the question of if you should work it out, do you see any solutions? Obviously this isn't working for you. So if there's no solutions, then no, you shouldn't work it out. However, I think there's a lot of stuff to try before giving up.
I won’t go into detail but I was with a guy, who was older so I expected better, who was like that. It was his way or the Highway. Couldn’t see that I had wants and needs to and if I didn’t cater to his every day every time, then I didn’t love him. They don’t change. Break up and find a guy who will give you everything. They’re out there. Plus you’re so young. I’m 25 and wasted almost 3 years with the dude. I loved him, he loved me, but he just wasn’t good at relationships
What about the boss, any chance you could meet whoever is in charge?
He definitely is a people pleaser and has a naked time saying no.
You're a person, too. He doesn't seem to mind if you're upset.
This is someone who has a personality disorder. This is narcissism plain and simple. He knowingly manipulated and attempted to ruin someone’s life when he realized he no longer had control over them. He causally mentions “I still have his email” as though this was not intentional. This individual has not changed a bit, and sadly, narcissism is not something most people can recover from. He should leave this poor dude alone, and probably other people in general. It’s very clear from his description he has not changed, and is actively trying to downplay his own role. This post is nothing more than a fishing attempt to get validation.
I offered to pay for the PT lessons
That was dumb. Don't be dumb again. This person isn't your friend. They think you're responsible for their behavior.
I don't really have a good answer, but I can relate. I am a woman who is in HEMA fencing, and often don't wear full jackets with metal weapons (i protect all the joints and important parts, but my arms sure do bruise). There was one time I got my blood pressure tested by a nurse at my Dr.'s office, and before I rolled up my sleeve I had to give a preliminary “yes, I have bruises, I take fencing classes. I swear, everything is fine at home, this is from my sport”. And even one time meeting a guy from a dating app who said ” man, if we were dating, someone might think that's from me”. You can be sensitive to the concerns without giving up what you love because of what others might perceive.
In what universe does this boy think he has any right to tell you what to do with your body?
That's fair, I'm all for open conversation in relationships, and OP might find she's willing to compromise on it for sure! I just don't want him to fall into the trap of expecting it even if she's a hard no.
He might find himself in the position where he has to decide between the relationship or getting head and that's definitely a tough place to be in but no one would be wring for the choices they make.
Best of luck to OP
The way this is usually dealt with is by building another home on the property (for the mom, but possibly for the both of you to start).
He still calls his ex his “future” though…kind of a sure sign he's not over her. What would happen if she came back?
He has his son 50/50 not every two days try again
If your bf has stopped talking with his ex voluntarily, it seems obvious that your bf has grown tired of the drama. Why haven’t you blocked the ex?
The ex clearly has a lot going on in terms of still being interested in your bf when it’s not reciprocated. The very best thing to do is to block the ex, remove them from any SM, and ask your bf to do the same (if he hasn’t done so already). The thing is, you cannot control the actions of others, but you can control how you respond.
Sit down with your bf and have a heart to heart conversation about this situation. “BF, I need to tell you that your ex’s behaviors and comments have affected me negatively. I know you can’t control them, and it’s in no way your fault that I feel this way. However, their continued contact and presence in our lives is becoming harmful to me and to our relationship. I would never ask you to remove a friend from your life, but it’s clear to me that ex is less of a friend and more of a former partner who still believes they can have a relationship with you. I am hurt and sad and angry that this person is so very negative towards me. I ask that you think about us and our relationship and our future in terms of limiting contact with ex. I cannot see a future where they are in my life.”
You need to be prepared to break up if your bf is willing to let his ex still be a large part of his life.
Well there are three truths yours, his and the actual truth. Counseling will give you both a third party and if he still refuses, you might just have to end things.
lol this kid is not the one that’s gonna be out there changing hearts and minds.
I get that, but then I would be cutting off contact with my only family (and my only support system). Yes they live! in a different state, but I still love them. I found out I am pregnant, but all the issues resurfaced because my mom told my Uncles spouse not even 24 hours after I told her the news. It reached back to me through someone else. I just hate the idea of my Uncle even knowing of my unborn baby.
Reading just into the first few sentences of this. Run!! This is not a relationship, it's a prison. Move on now. You are too young to waste another minute with this.
Partly because I don't want to be alone and I'm scared that I won't find another partner
Yep, that's a very common fear that keeps people in relationships for far longer than they should. That and the whole love thing… which in some cases ends up boiling down to “I have known this person for X amount of time” and the natural closeness that comes with that.
Regardless of who did what, she put it all on you which, even if you didn't give the best account of yourself at all times (sometimes people just want to vent and not have advice etc) it doesn't sound like she's being very nice at all.
At the very least, you're different people. Just think, with these phases etc… do you really want to go the distance with someone who you have to navigate around? You'll probably never both be on the same page and resent each other. The way you describe her, she does sound like a nightmare. Whether she truly is or not, this is all based on your own description of your partner.
It's not worth it and every day you stay together is a day that you're not moving forward, a day when a better match could pass you by etc… A day where you might actually find someone local.
these comments… wow, the sub is called ADVICE but there's literally no reason or men to ever come here seeking it
look at this shit always super critical of the man, almost immediately putting blame on him
this guy has the gall to use the word “insecure” how dare him
I would say it’s a case of her developing as a person and growing up.
If you date someone that’s still maturing and developing their tastes as an adult you can’t be shocked when they do.
Also 13 years in this generation is a lifetime of difference these days.
the thing is this is unfortunately common with PTSD. Essentially what’s happening is his fight, flight, or faun response is being triggered and he is physically not capable of understanding things, his body is in “i’m about to die” mode. Think about how that feels for a second where you are 100% convinced you are going to die – would you be able to have a rational conversation?
This can last years or decades even with meds and therapy. This happens to my girlfriend any time i snap at her in a mean way and her PTSD is from when she was 14 (and she started medication then). So essentially you are unwittingly saying “don’t have a partner for a really long time or possibly ever.”
The “workaround” i have with my girlfriend is that i needed to work on myself to not automatically snap at some things – even if it’s a perfectly reasonable reaction. Instead i take some time to myself and bring it up to her in a reasonably kind and productive way. She constantly reminds me we are on the same team, which really helps. I think there are small things like this that many can do to help, but in this case it seems like the partner without PTSD doesn’t believe the shutting down and memory loss is a real thing. However it is in fact real and a well documented symptom.
Change the locks and get an alarm system. This was not romantic at all.
i understand the point of turning a girl you know nothing about into your dream girl, i done this before and i regret it, but since that i was trying to search for a girl who actually seems to match my personality, and she seems like she might be what im looking for, i have become really picky with girls thats why i dont want to give up
Phone tags and those GIFS. He is playing head and heart games to get you so upset you will tell him to move on. I see a red sign with a huge RED FLAG.