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the solution is to break up. this man does not care about you
Soooooon, one, this guy doesn't care about you, his goal is sex and he isn't concerned about your pain, just that it is inconvenient to him. This is like a huge red flag right off the bat. As far as sex being painful? There are therapists out there who specialize in exactly this who could provide you with some good options for treatment… But I think having a guy who actually gives a damn about your needs and boundaries might be a really good place to start…
She can still be the woman you knew who shouldered your darkest moments and who loved you but she's allowed to also be honest about what she's attracted to sexually and explore that in her future.
It doesn't mean she doesn't care about you. If anything she has done you both a kindness.
Maybe, if you are ready in the future you can be supportive and continue a friendship. Maybe I'm optimistic because I know people and relationships are naked.
To quote Louis C.K “No good marriage ends in divorce…”
Agreed, men really need to start pulling their weight in the household
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Your perspective isn’t going to change here. It’s devastating to hear that your partner wants to sleep with other people. Just bringing up the idea of opening a relationship will change the dynamic going forward.
For me, I wouldn’t continue a relationship after that conversation. She’s not wrong for wanting to try something different, and you’re not wrong for feeling shitty after learning this.
Yes you should say something, but where and how you do it needs to be carefully considered. Maybe take some time to work through and write down what you want to say. It is important that you focus on how you feel. Learn what non accusatory and non violent forms of communication look like. Make sure that you are In a relaxing location where you can speak freely, and the conversation can take as long as needed. Make sure that you affirm her as the main point of the conversation. Good luck.
I've been reading all your comments purely because I'm dying to know why you chose to do this on a workday in the first place. So many people have brought it up and this is the first you've acknowledged it, but still no explanation. Wouldn't you want to minimize the number of obstacles that could potentially interfere with her enjoyment of the surprise? The way you went about it just seems very performative and I cant think of any other motivation to do it that way.
Yta basically mate
is she on any types of medication ? a lot of times that can cause one to lose their sex drive. however, even if she's not on meds, you could just be sexually incompatible.
but, if you used to do it 4-5 times a week, this could just be an ebb and flow. most sexual relationships have their ups and downs — libido isn't constant, especially for those who menstruate as time of the month can have a LOT to do with it.
but you're right, sexual compatibility is a big factor in a relationship for some people. talk to her about it — don't whine or pressure her, just ask how she's feeling, if there's anything you can do, etc.
People cut siblings out of their life all the time for shitty behavior.
They could take a picture of the note for her if they want to keep the original. I understand their grief but this is cruel. It's mental torture.
Red flag alert!!! This would be a minor issue, HOWEVER, the part that put the nail in the coffin was when he said “he can't control himself”.
Get out now.. men CAN control themselves. He is using it as an excuse to be a creep. And this is just the beginning. It's a super toxic mindset.. next thing you know, he'll be taking advantage of you in an inebriated state and claiming that “he's a man, so it's his instinct/right/or however he wants to paint it…
NOPE NOPE a thousand times NOPE. Get out girl.
Be straight up with him he may not realize how bad his hygiene is
Bro. It's not even that deep like at all
You know that you made a mistake, now you work on yourself from here. Professional help will definitely help you during this time in your life. You deserve to become the best person you can be.
What do folks get for making up these nonsense stories? This one isn't even well done.
Yes, it’s absolutely fair to leave him.
Run girl, run!!
I'm surprised at your ages, this sounds like teen stuff. You're watching her like a jealous hawk and she's playing games.
You have all of these “I almost broke up” scenarios. If you're repeatedly getting to the point that you want to split up, its probably time.
On a side note of the first scenario, the dude hurt her. It's not unusual for people to get nosey with exes so when he messaged her it probably made her feel good that this guy that cheated was seeing that he missed something. She told him she had a boyfriend, she told you and also gave you the conversation. (Which is wierd).
Neither of my parents were abusive but I think they would have both been happier if they’d gone their separate ways at some point. I never said anything either. Maybe don’t suggest a divorce but ask him outright if he’s happy. If that’s the way he wants to spend the rest of his life. That abuse is not a normal way to online
…get over it and move on?
You ever hear the saying “two wrongs don't make a right.” In every one of your comments you bring up how he cheated on your first (you think). We get it, he was shitty to you. That doesn't justify you being shitty to him in return. I have to ask, why on earth did you bother to get back together in the first place? The two of you don't seem to respect one another, and in many of your comments it doesn't even seem like you like him.
Thank you for your opinion! I'm gonna talk to Beth, and discuss all the possible scenarios going into this. It would absolutely be a nightmare if we don't make things clear right now…Also I believe it'd be good to mention that Beth isn't very religious, she is sort of a cultural Christian and I'm a moderate Muslim…. As much as it hurts, if at least her and myself can't see eye to eye on this matter then it's pointless
Well, you can only guess, right? Best friend has feelings for you, worse- might have stuff about you fiance found out about. Best friend might have found out fiance is up to some shady stuff.
Either of them could be trying to protect you- I'd suggest talking to your fiance and letting him know that you should know- what could have happened that the fiance doesn't want you to know but won't stop you from talking to best friend? No one is helping you by keeping this information from you.
Ik but will I be able to love her again after this prank thing. Even talking to her gives me pain in my heart and it hurts so much.
Yes it’s sort of telling that he used the gaslight comment on OP.
You were groomed.
She’s right. Do you just erase the life you’ve had when you start dating someone new? That’s not healthy.
Unless you’re a trick, yes, break it off.
I dated a woman similar to the man you describe and I’m only 21. Almost everyday for 6 months I was constantly being accused of cheating, I wasn’t allowed to follow any woman on social media, not my friends or anyone. She accused me of sleeping with my sister because I was in the middle of a conversation with my sister while my girlfriend tried to call me. what I said doesn’t even scratch the surface of the amount of verbal abuse I dealt with. I cried everyday, I quit both jobs i had because she would fight with me all the time while I was there, I worked night shift in hopes to get away from her and she would skip sleep to stay up and obsess over what I was doing, I was losing my mind due to the shit sleep and the high stress from worrying about when my girlfriend would freak the fuck out on me next. Eventually there was an argument we had and she said “you know what I’m just going to go talk to the other guy that I was with before you” and I think that’s when my “cold switch” began and I started to feel less and less for her, I didn’t get as stressed when she freaked out I just had a feeling I was going to be able to get away soon.
It took me 10 attempts before I finally left her. I had to block her on everything including email and venmo because she was literally sending money to tell me how much she hated me. Changing my number worked and we never talked again. I still struggle with the anxiety though.
But we can’t change our girth either?