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Believe she's a cheater, and believe you deserve better.
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Just because it happens or has happened with other people doesn’t mean that OP has to be insecure or have anxiety over it with her own SO.
You might not be the only one he’s done this to. Get plan B, tested for STDs and go to the hospital and get tested for date rape drugs and collect all the evidence.
Time for a new gf
This is all way too much baggage.
What you described, even without the kiss, is a toxic af relationship. Now add that kiss in and the broken trust, my takeaway is this is something you may not be able to, or even should attempt to, overcome.
His lifestyle is a negative towards what you're trying to do with being sober. It just seems you're way too fragile right now to deal with this stuff and/or have something else happen, real or perceived, and break your sobriety.
From an impartial 3rd party, who has been in a toxic situation before, you really should just hang it up and move on and find happiness.
I think you’re right. And, I hope so too.
I can only Think to award lol
Well yes its just a cat. But for her, that cat is a family member.
I dont know if you have a brother or sister. But imagine if your sister was taken away in some circumstances. And someone said “well its just a human, you can get another one in an orphanage”
Yes its just a cat. But its HER cat. Out of millions of cats in the world, she has a bond with that specific cat and she cares most about that specific cat.
My partner isn't sexist, he's lazy and doesn't really care what he eats on a daily basis. He cooks for our daughter or for special occasions, or if he's in the mood. It's just that if it's only for himself he can't be bothered.
Have a casual conversation while gaming with him.
“Remember that time I said I would want to take things slowly with the next guy I date?”
“Uh-huh.”
“You know there is such a thing as TOO slow, right?”
“Uh-huh.”
“It's always a shame when a guy misses his chance for no reason.”
“Uh-huh.”
“And the girl can't just tell him, she has to drop these subtle hints instead.”
“Uh-huh.”
“What were you talking about, earlier?”
“Never mind.”
She did u a favor. That’s it
He is matching clothes with her, constantly going out with her, sharing all his problems with her and even took her to the picnic because he didn't want to get bored or left out since he's not very close friends with the other phd students. She is constantly there in his life which is frightening that some other woman has so much influence in his life.
She wants to fuck Fabio under the Tuscan sun
He was with you because he cant fuck a bus pass. why would you date someone without a car anyway?
(yeah yeah, I know a lot of places people dont own cars because of public transportation/high cost of ownership and storage, Im not talking about people who don't own a car because they don't need to. I didn't own a car for 7 years because I was deployed and rarely home and never needed one. when I did buy a car, I STILL didn't need it, got deployed again, and gave it to my ex wife to use while I was gone. I mean people who don't own a car because they don't have the means/ability to obtain/afford one on their own)
No offense but your girlfriend is an idiot. Your body doesn't learn to breakdown things that it's allergic too and it sounds like she's either allergic or sensitive to eggs . Im the same way. I don't smell like rotten garbage but I also get digestive issues from eggs. They are a common allergen.
Yes people stay with their spouses through 'worse', but nobody choses to have cancer, dementia or a debilitating accident. Tse things happen to them. This man is choosing to be a hateful, bigoted, financially abusive ass. You earn your own money and can't have a checking account? Absolutely not acceptable. Isolating you from your friends by butting in on their personal reproductive health decisions? Boy sit down. He sounds awful. Free yourself.
It is a big ask. It isn’t your house. You don’t know the family either. Surely they can afford a cheap motel for the night. I think it is disrespectful to your parents. She should ask your parents personally. Teach her not to piss people off then need a favour from them.
I went on a ski trip from hell with my boyfriend and his friends a few years ago. It wasn’t to the degree yours was, but enough for us to be rocky for many many months after that and I refuse to travel with them ever again.
Similar to your story, it was an issue of him not having my back when I needed him. My situation was maybe not as obvious but yours clearly clearly was.
I didn’t leave as soon as I realized the situation I was in despite wanting to and I really commend you for sticking to your guns and getting yourself out of there.
I won’t give you advice on what to do or not to, but your boyfriend showed a huge lack of empathy in that moment of vulnerability. There are people who get trashed beyond belief and will still manage to look out for others. I’ve had many cups of water spilled all over me by well intentioned, plastered people.
Being drunk isn’t an excuse for bullying and chastising and humiliating. Drunk talk, sober thoughts. You got a clear picture in who these people are when they let their guard down.
The man is gonna burst if you keep buying dildos while forgoing “passionate hugging”
The hardest thing about abusive relationships is that the people looking in and seeing what is happening feel so helpless.
I know this may sound like handing you off but it may pay to check out r/abusiverelationships and also have a look at the profile page of one the mods there (and here) u/ebbie45.
She has some great resources on how you can possibly help, whether it just be there for your friend in her time of need, and hopefully some steps to allow you to help.
Please do not drop contact with here as this isolation of her from her friends and family is a very classic abusive partner move. You can look at things such as purchase a burner phone for her to use in the case of emergencies that she can keep hidden.
Hope this helps.
Just no. Don’t be that asshole that ruins other peoples relationship. Find someone else.
Excellent. I’m glad it worked out for her. And sorry to hear about her disease, MS sucks :/
Yes, his actions towards you as you explain them are absolutely abusive and hostile, and you should cut this person out of your life. These are not the actions of a friend, they are that of an enemy. I implore you to commit to exploring these issues with a therapist. It’s not your fault that you didn’t experience love as a child. But you are the only one who can break the toxic patterns governing your thoughts and behaviors and until you do, you won’t be happy. And you deserve to be happy.
Luckily, I don't think OP can get pregnant unless there have been some exciting advances in medical science lately.
If he wanted to propose, he certainly would have after 10 years. Do not give him an ultimatum. You could sit him down and talk to him again and say look it's been 10 years, we're at the point where we can marry. Obviously, you don't want to so it's time to break up. If he freaks and begs, make sure you tell him you don't want him to marry you because he feels he has to, you want him to marry you because he wants to and he loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you. I don't think he's mature enough for marriage at this point if he's spending all his money on himself and saying (excuse) to you he doesn't have money to get married. well maybe if he stops spending every penny on flashy cars and whatever else he spends his money on then he could have enough money to get married but he doesn't want to get married that much is obvious. Time to move on.
This isn’t about blame anymore OP. This is about efficiently and safely getting divorced, the marriage isn’t worth saving and it’s highly unlikely that he would change even if he knew it was that or divorcing. Gather copies or originals of everything, I listed stuff in another post, saw some others do the same. Then see a lawyer and do whatever additional steps they recommend before breaking the news to anyone.
Remember giving her hope of a second chance is not helping her. Be supportive, make sure she can be there for the kids, but keep enough distance that she doesn’t count on you to save her.
On the whole, hypothetical would you date her question. Ask stupid questions get stupid answers….
On the whole msg from the friend. I feel talking to him about wouldn't be bad, I'd be curious as too how he responded to that comment, if at all. Point 1 for clearly not canceling on you, point 2 if he shut that crap down. If anything asking him about this friendship isn't unreasonable, especially after happenstance seeing that msg. Is she giving him any, “I'm into you” vibes? I feel that it's his friend, his responsibility to shut her down if need be. You SHOULD be able to trust him to do that. If you don't then you've probably got bigger problems in the relationship.
Honestly, this is more common than you think. They were kids.
I’d do your best to work through your feelings with a therapist in a session or two. See if there’s something else at play. You should have no issue with meeting his cousin, since it was so long ago and they’ve both lived lives since. It’s unfair for you to judge her, and not your bf.
There’s a lot of emotions leading up to marriage and a therapist can really help.
I have BPD and it’s a lot more nuanced than just being unstable/crazy.
having witnessed too many games of “smear the queer” where i'm from when i was younger, no thanks. i shouldn't have to hide the fact that i'm queer just to make rural people comfortable.
Thank you but I’m not afraid of him physically abusing me. He had never laid hands on me. When he drinks he becomes argumentative but it has never escalated past a verbal altercation.