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Scarlett and Rocky, 28 y.o.
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Not people. They’re reddit users
True. When it comes to sexual stuff, people on this subreddit insist over and over that the past doesn't matter, yet don't really apply that philosophy to any other aspects of a person's behaviour. People can definitely change and grow, but it's still reasonable to be skeptical.
Your boyfriend is probably wondering if you're truly over your wild phase, or still have those desires despite being with him. It's a fair concern.
Let her read that scientific paper.
?
I fail to see how totally refusing to set boundaries with a friendship he used to have sex with and completely ignoring his girlfriend's feelings aren't his fault. He shouldn't date anyone.
Haha, don’t go against the group think here. Or do, I enjoy it. Mine has more downvotes than you though, they are even madder at me!
You don’t. Because she’s in a relationship and even if she’s willing to cheat you should not be going along with that.
Thanks buddy
Aww, thanks for sharing your story. Hope you continue to grow and learn. It sounds like therapy is a good idea, but in my country, therapists are on very short supply. ?
Tbh, to me, 20 is a lot lol I’m 26 and have slept with 3 people. My husband is 26, he’s slept with 10. 100 is honestly just gross but I’m a germaphobe so don’t take it from me lol
I was the “mom” in the relationship once. And I will never be again. My relationship mirrored yours exactly. His mother would do his laundry, clean his lizards cage, cook him dinners (that he would often reject and go get fast food instead). He also had a dependency on weed and would call me while I was at work just because he had a bad dream. I always felt like his mental health issues were at the forefront of our relationship and I was never allowed to have feelings because he couldn’t handle them on top of his own. To me, it’s not just about “being a man” but he’s just showing a lack of basic human skills. He’s messy, can’t provide for himself, and sees no problem with any of it. You’re essentially a single mother to a toddler you didn’t ask for. I stayed around for a while hoping my attitude and habits would rub off on him, this did not happen and after six months I got sick of it and left. Hopefully he either grows up, and fast. Or you don’t stick around waiting for it to happen too long. Good luck OP, I feel for you.
Well…huh…didn't know that was a thing. Learn something new everyday, I guess. Lol
It’s very unlikely. Some kids just don’t look much like their parents, nothing to worry about
My partner uses Reddit, I think he's definitely had the passing thought whilst looking at me browsing, “why tf is she always on r/relationship_advice??”
Because we don't have cable, babe, and I miss Jerry Springer, okay??
You can be whatever type of Grandparent you want. Your daughter can not dictate how much help you give. That she wants to go away on weekend or week long trips without her child and expect you to sacrifice your free time for her to so is insane. Providing childcare is her responsibility, and she shouldn't expect you to carry her burden.
I am your age and finally have an empty nest. It is lovely, I can finally be my own person without cleaning up after someone, or putting their needs above my own. For the first time in many years my life is my own. The freedom to do what I want, when I want is such a welcome change. I can't imagine having to give it up now.
A couple of months ago when speaking to my adult daughter about having children (she says she wants to remain childfree) I told her that I have seen too many parents expecting relatives to provide childcare for their children, and that I would not do this. I said a visit of a couple hours on occasion is ok, but no way was I going to watch children for long periods or often. That visiting with children is a whole different thing than providing childcare.
Now that I am older I don't have the patience I had when she was young, My nerves can't take noise as well, I am not in great shape physically, nor do I have the energy. She seemed to understand and agree.
You need to set boundaries with your daughter. She has no right to expect you to sacrifice the remainder of your life so that her needs are met. People shouldn't have children if they are unable or unwilling to take care of them. A village is great if you can get one. The people in the village have to be willing to be part of the village though. The villagers are not unpaid servants expected to do whatever you want them to either.
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And yes in the past I had considered and accepted their objections and tried to see it from their POV, but that was two years ago and I just don’t think they’d be willing to accept that things are different now because I know what their attitudes are like (specifically the group)
I'm mentally ready to move on, there's a lot going on in my life so it'll have a relatively little mental stress on me, in the short run at least. I'm taking that advice, we'll probably meet up somewhere and have a short talk. Nc thereafter.
It sounds more like you’re either into the guy yourself or are resentful of your sister at present and want to derail everything.
You don’t wait nearly a year to tell someone to be cautious.
She sounds like a messed up person that needs therapy and a dose of reality if she’s serial cheating. But that’s really none of your business. Stay out of other people’s affairs unless you’re actually helping them.
You sound like you have a superpower. Peoples crap not bothering you? Fantastic.
People beung rude to others says more about them than the people they're being rude to.
Nah, I've never gotten an STD from an unfaithful partner emotionally cheating
Read your update, your girl is a saint. I would still recommend pushing off the wedding as there is a lot that needs to come first. Not sure why it took so long for the ONS to find you, but please finalize parenting details and expectations before marrying this girl, it is only fair.
Yep it's that classic, “he's one of the good ones.”
And?
You were apart … as you say “broken up”.
Thank you so much for sharing your story and, I don't know if it was intentional, but thank you for reassuring me that I'm not crazy or cruel for not complying with her demands.
Insecurity is a huge vibe that I am getting from her.
Wanted to address that as nude as it was, you made the right decision about your Dad. He comes back into your life as he's dying, expecting things to be alright? He literally sounds like he destroyed your family. Hang in there man, you have had a very tough life and you deserve much better than what this girl offered to help you bear. She turned on you at the height of your vulnerability. Truly terrible of her and I wish you the best moving on.
Id just take it as is, he wants there to be no drama that pops up later about these things. Maybe tell him that it's weird and sounds suspicious though.
I didn't think of that but I never wanted kids, but that's an excellent point!
I’m sorry OP but the advice you want doesn’t exist. You and your bf are profoundly incompatible and I’m not talking about your ages. He has a kid, you don’t want kids, you don’t want to parent. He thinks you should get used to it, you think your living environment is not suitable for kids. I just don’t see how your relationship can work long term when disagree already on such key life issues. Ultimately, it depends on what you can live with and what you’re willing to accept in order to make your relationship work. Only you can decide that. I wish you luck in figuring it out, I know it’s not easy for you.
He can still be on the same page as you but be sad about it. These situations aren't black and white.
For example, even if he wanted you to keep it he might feel more strongly about supporting you in what you want so he supports you.
Him being sad is just an emotional reaction to the circumstances it's not a bearing on his stance or if both of you want to get an abortion or not.
Just like you could be set on getting an abortion but also at the same time feel sad about it.
She's a flake but nothing stated here smacks of her being a “narcissist”. What's likely going on is that you've invested far too much in some fantasy of her while she barely thinks of you at all. Sounds like an unrequited crush more than anything else.
You aren’t in love with her. You leave. You don’t stay just because you have been together for years. Too many couples keep going because of inertia and it’s a recipe for divorce.
In my opinion, you can't trust her. This happened 3 years ago and she's still in contact with the guy? How guilty could she be feeling?? She hid it for years.I think she's a liar and a cheater and there's no going back from here. I would end it if I were you. She did it once, she could do it again. She didn't even block the guy ffs. Don't let her fool you again!
I also liked how she's dying of something yet diagnosed.
I expected as much, she will come clean if it brings fewer negative consequences to her. Counselling was out of the question as she wasn't going to open up there either, and the counsellor would easily point it out.
OP, if she was nude with her mother in bed, it's likely that her mother was at best complicit, at worst an active groomer.
This is very, very wrong.
Drop him a text and immediately after, block him.
I mean that's terribly cynical of me to say that, but you said he threatens self-harm. Which is manipulative, even if he means it and does it.
Time to separate for a while.
Or demand she fixes things IMMEDIATELY
grievance farming
First time I've heard that term but it perfectly describes the situation.
Hey I know this has been a while I want to say thank you. I did keep talking to him for a while but the comment about him not respecting me or her really helped me. I talked to the other girl. She’s really sweet and he told her him and I were “just friends”. Long story short I cut him off. Once I cut him off he told the other girl he didn’t want her at all and only wanted ti be with me. Finally switched up and acted how I wanted him to from the start. And I thought he would feel nice to finally get loyalty and him wanting me the way I wanted him. But it made me realize how easy it would’ve been for him to do that months ago. How much heart ache he put me through. When he switch and fixed everything in 20 mins once I finally gave up. He’ll still try to come back but I always just think to myself how poorly he treated me and her. So I’m doing better. Anytime he ask I say no, so thank you!
Your girl “friend” tricked you into thinking Saturday was your birthday to get you to attend an event she was going to, and then your girl “friend” requested to spend the night at your place…?
You don't see the red flag there? Why do you think your girl “friend” went out of her way to trick you into a situation where your actual girlfriend (if you're exclusive) wasn't present?
I would see her getting her things as a sign she wasn't willing to put up with that kind of shit, not an insecurity. I know I would've done the same thing, personally. Your own boundaries are the issue here, not her insecurities…as this doesn't seem like insecurities, it seems like a full stop.
Keep the dog. It's unfair for your bf to give you this ultimatum. Your dog isn't a normal gift, she's a living breathing creature who loves and needs you and your bf's an ah for wanting you to abandon her just so he can feel more superior to your toxic ex. You've only been with him a year and he's already acting controlling towards you.
Literally every new thing you said was another red flag. There’s honestly not a thing you said about this guy that’s not a red flag. He’s a red flag parade you need to run away from.
He’s trying to control you and isolate you and is trying to mess with your birth control. All hallmarks of an abusive partner.
Thanks man, appreciate the advice
What? Is this a joke?
Do not buy a non materialistic person a designer bag.
Personally, I'd not appreciate that at all and feel like my spouse doesn't know me at all. I'd be hurt and if asked to wear it feel like an imposter and honestly a bit ridiculous, because it would look ridiculous on me and with my style.
For a thousand bucks, if that's the amount you want to spend and as a not particularly materialistic person, I'd be most excited about experience related things like OP is already planning.
Yep, and she’s a little young for you because of her stage in life. If you were 30 and 40 it wouldn’t be such a big deal. But she’s barely an adult with life experiences. Where are the power structure would be really imbalanced. So let her go and move on to an adult.
Yeah I get scam calls too but his is a text message not a call. I did a search on websites that tell you if it’s a scam and nothing came up
Both names are on the lease. Bills are in his name but I pay them. Typically I give him my card and he pays. I was able to pay electric/water with the account # from the mailed bill but I haven’t gotten our internet in the mail and don’t know the #.
what’s that supposed to mean
It’s how I talk to ppl who assume I just snoop through ppl’s phones without them knowing ??♂️
I think I'd ask why she reacted that way to get a better understanding of her perspective.
Yes, obviously I'll do it, she just was busy at the time and couldn't tell it
It is a little controlling just because it seems to be more like a lack of trust / place of insecurity if someone feels threatened or just comments on a friendship of the opposite sex.
Okay, I understand where you are coming from. I think this is the main issue. I didn't mean that we can't do anything without an approval of each other, I just wanted to tell her that I want us to be open about things we are not comfortable with.
So from your perspective you might have honest, good intentions, most of the time it's actually inviting someone to project their insecurities on you.
Yeah, exactly why I asked for an advice. I want to tell all of this in a right way, not making her think I want us to be insecure about each other.
If you want something very memorable, you should make her something by hand. Not buy her something. Maybe make a hand made photo album or something.
But what if she does kill herself despite my attempts to calm her down?
This is a troll post for sure.