38 thoughts on “Scarlett-71 on-line webcams for YOU!”
OP, Reread the “adept liar” phrase, and again, one more time. Has it sunk in?
It is because of that I will say this…. Did you notice she double-downed by purchasing the tickets? She has essentially dismissed her birthday so don’t expect to go to her birthday dinner with her family. The candles would blow the lid off the lie.
HOW long is she planning on keeping the lie? Until the condom breaks and the birth certificate has to be filled out?
OP, decide what you are willing to on-line with. Then move forward. Take protection seriously.
As someone Asian American, she sounds cringe as hell. Like yeah there’s a lot of problems with Asian women being a fetish and the lack of POC in movies or shows made before but it sounds exhausting having to argue that all the time. The whole Panda Express this is crazy too because I too will eat there because why not. For her to be on such a high horse about it, feels super snotty. Also how the heck was she pronouncing pho? The audacity of her to be arrogant about something she has no claim to especially if she wasn’t even saying it right to begin with. It’s like saying your an expert in soccer because you used to play football. Like it doesn’t totally make sense.
I guess what’s bothering me is how this friendship has changed. The 3 of us hang out together a lot, and when I notice that they are starting to become a thing, I was distancing myself from it just because it was awkward for me to just be thirdwheeling. And they noticed me distancing and were actively trying to involve me more, like looking for me around campus. I guess I just have to cope with that.
This is wild. It’s not about whether he’s going to cheat, going on a vacation with a girl who openly disrespects his relationship and his partner is messed up regardless of whether anything happens. I wouldn’t be ok with my partner continuing any kind of friendship with this person, let alone going away with them without me.
This is not a reasonable thing for someone in a committed relationship to be doing and you should absolutely follow through on what you told him. End it if he goes. The fact that he’s having trouble choosing between your relationship and this trip at all at all would be reason enough for me to end it.
I agree with you that the friend brings more trouble than good. She might/might not be into me. Nothing like this has ever been communicated.
In hindsight, I should have probably seen the signs and cut her off but I didn’t since I liked her platonically (something quite naked for opposite sexes to do).
What this has taught me is that cross-sex platonic friendships are almost always unsustainable.
Do you consume healthcare? Education? Housing? Do you drive on roads, access electricity and other necessary utilities? Have you ever had to rely on income support? Yes? Because that's all politics.
You have to break it to her that you know about it. That you aren't necessarily angry, but rather disappointed that she has betrayed you in the worst ways and continue to lie about it.
Divorce and find yourself a different meaning and freedom of life.
After about a month, he said he’d leave the relationship he has with you, in order to continue being friends with her? That should have said everything you needed to know right there.
I had one boyfriend who did something eerily similar, and I regret not leaving him after the first red flag, which was around that one month mark. It only got worse once he figured out what boundaries he could cross.
I disagree that “any method for weight loss is a win.” Why is thinness held in such cultural supremacy that we applaud it no matter its cost? Disordered eating (which many commercial diets promote) has longterm dangers. Thinness shouldn’t come at any cost. Our worth is not tied to how much or how little physical space we take up.
The interesting question here is if he wants to be reminded because he has identified that he is doing something questionable that he needs to deal with, or because he wants to be reminded that he's been in an argument so that he doesn't forget it.
If it's the first, it could be the start of something better. If it's something else…eh…hard to say what it is.
But I still think there are some red flags in your relationship that makes it important that you rethink if you really want a relationship with him or if you want to get out.
I’m nervous to start with someone else because don’t most guys do this? All of his friends think I’m crazy because they think it’s very normal. And most of my friends agree with “glancing is normal” and some just tell me to get over it. It sounds like I’m the problem here
That's one of the biggest problems in your story, you are not self aware about your own behavior, you did the definition of badgering. When you AGREE to something with a partner it means you'll do everything to help honor that, even asking repeatedly negates your agreement. You DID badger her, and you need to go to therapy to learn how to be more aware of how your actions are coming across in the real world. Asking repeatedly for an exception to an agreement is NOT HONORING THAT AGREEMENT, it's closer to asking like a child and tolerating a rule that you constantly try to test.
This is weird af, after a week away, I want to get back to my routine and it sounds like that’s exactly what he wanted and you’re insulted by it??? Why? People need time to recharge their batteries. My fiancé when we were first moved in together, one day I was having a naked time and he was like “do you just want me to get out of the house for a bit so you can do what you need to do?” And that moment was such a gift – he understood that it had nothing to do with HIM, but everything to do with what I needed in that moment – and being alone at home to take care of shit was what I needed.
Sure, it's me who is myopic… Lol Of course it's unfruitful, I won't judge people as cheaters just because they have friends and want to spend time with them.
All of this guys hobbies and friends involve sex. That’s weird enough, but they also have a long distance marriage. I don’t even see how they thought this would be a good idea, just restart this whole relationship, but I can’t see this guy finding any girl who would be ok with them amount of erotica and images this guy is surrounding himself with
Her ego is probably a little hurt that in the moment, you were thinking more about being tired rather than “Damn, my girlfriends looking naked tonight!” and forgetting about sleep. She needs to communicate better, though, and not get nasty when you don't pick up on the nonverbal signals. I think she purposely tried to hurt your feelings because you accidentally hurt hers. Might be telling of her maturity level…
I'm going to ask you. What are you doing? This man brings nothing to the table, he doesn't work or pay for anything, you travel to him, you buy all of these pretty things for him and he sexts other women. What are you doing? Please also don't feel you need validation. There are so many dating coaches out there that tell us to be soft and feminine and basically shut up. Your feelings are valid, period. This man is a deadbeat. Ps I wonder if he is putting you down to disempower you. If that's the case get out. He's doing this because he can get away with it.
You’re reaching towards others because of the previous betrayal. I’m sure there’s other reasons too but it’s so naked to completely forgive someone for something they did that hurt you like that. You don’t have to forgive her, it’s okay to leave to be happier.
You still suck for kissing someone else though. You hung out with her again knowing you had attraction to her and you kissed. That’s a sucky thing to do. It doesn’t really matter if your girlfriend previously did something more sucky because it still sucks. You should tell her and break up. You’re doing a version of what devastated you. Sure, not for 8 months but still.
Talk to your girlfriend, you should probably break up. I don’t care whether or not you go for this woman you’re attracted to. It’s not wrong if you’re single, but what you did still sucks.
Reddit can sometimes skew a little young. Certainly, in my early 20s, I'd have never been ok with being good mates with an ex. As you mellow, it changes.
You stop being clueless and on-line sick and realize what she just showed you by going out and kissing him. She is not worth you time. She is garbage. Move on.
Ok, so do you maybe need clitoral stimulation to orgasm? if so use a tiny little vibrator. You can buy a bunch to try and make it a fun experience for both of you. There are even c0ck rings with ones attached so you both feel it.
That rude AF. Some might even find it offensive. I shouldn’t tell a straight person they look gay or a gay person that they look straight, especially these days. Who does that??
Tell her that if she knows what she's doing then it's a real oversight on her part that she cannot smell a narcissistic predator who is going to fuck up her career when he's coming.
I wish you luck. She's at such a vulnerable age, ripe for this kind of abuse. I've heard this story many times, and it's usually a narcissist who is abusing his wife until she leaves, and then he trashes her reputation so he looks like roses for the next naive girl he targets.
I don’t get why you’re insulted. You’ve said yourself you’ve been neglecting yourself, haven’t been looking after your hair and other people are commenting to you about the state of your hair. Yeah, if other people are commenting then chances are your boyfriend had noticed the state of it as well. He is either just trying to help you out which is sweet, or he’s trying to gently hint to you that you need to clean yourself up and I don’t see anything wrong with that either seeing as you already know you’re not looking after yourself. If he didn’t care about you, he wouldn’t bother. Hope things turn around for you soon, but yeah, try keep yourself washed and clean, even a quick rinse when you walk in the door is better than nothing.
Can she sign up for classes now or try an on-line Spanish program?
Her main issue is speaking, which is made worse by the social anxiety. The thing about those classes and programs is that often, they unfortunately focus on everything but the aspect of actually forming sentences out loud in a foreign language. I learned mostly from talking to randos on language exchange servers, among other methods of comprehensible input. I've showed her a number of ways she can move forward for free, with me holding her hand the whole way, but she just doesn't consistently put in the time. She'll do it here and there, but that's really it.
Are you ever able to talk calmly about your feelings without it escalating into an argument/fight?
I struggle with reacting calmly sometimes, but she's honestly the more explosive and dominant personality. It takes nothing for me to set her off.
OP, Reread the “adept liar” phrase, and again, one more time. Has it sunk in?
It is because of that I will say this…. Did you notice she double-downed by purchasing the tickets? She has essentially dismissed her birthday so don’t expect to go to her birthday dinner with her family. The candles would blow the lid off the lie.
HOW long is she planning on keeping the lie? Until the condom breaks and the birth certificate has to be filled out?
OP, decide what you are willing to on-line with. Then move forward. Take protection seriously.
Best of it all, OP.
Agape ?
Ask if you can come along.
As someone Asian American, she sounds cringe as hell. Like yeah there’s a lot of problems with Asian women being a fetish and the lack of POC in movies or shows made before but it sounds exhausting having to argue that all the time. The whole Panda Express this is crazy too because I too will eat there because why not. For her to be on such a high horse about it, feels super snotty. Also how the heck was she pronouncing pho? The audacity of her to be arrogant about something she has no claim to especially if she wasn’t even saying it right to begin with. It’s like saying your an expert in soccer because you used to play football. Like it doesn’t totally make sense.
I guess what’s bothering me is how this friendship has changed. The 3 of us hang out together a lot, and when I notice that they are starting to become a thing, I was distancing myself from it just because it was awkward for me to just be thirdwheeling. And they noticed me distancing and were actively trying to involve me more, like looking for me around campus. I guess I just have to cope with that.
If you give her permission to take your four kids and leave, you may never see them again.
This is wild. It’s not about whether he’s going to cheat, going on a vacation with a girl who openly disrespects his relationship and his partner is messed up regardless of whether anything happens. I wouldn’t be ok with my partner continuing any kind of friendship with this person, let alone going away with them without me.
This is not a reasonable thing for someone in a committed relationship to be doing and you should absolutely follow through on what you told him. End it if he goes. The fact that he’s having trouble choosing between your relationship and this trip at all at all would be reason enough for me to end it.
I agree with you that the friend brings more trouble than good. She might/might not be into me. Nothing like this has ever been communicated.
In hindsight, I should have probably seen the signs and cut her off but I didn’t since I liked her platonically (something quite naked for opposite sexes to do).
What this has taught me is that cross-sex platonic friendships are almost always unsustainable.
Thanks for the advice it’s appreciated
Do you consume healthcare? Education? Housing? Do you drive on roads, access electricity and other necessary utilities? Have you ever had to rely on income support? Yes? Because that's all politics.
Cheaters gonna cheat.
You have to break it to her that you know about it. That you aren't necessarily angry, but rather disappointed that she has betrayed you in the worst ways and continue to lie about it.
Divorce and find yourself a different meaning and freedom of life.
Good luck pal
After about a month, he said he’d leave the relationship he has with you, in order to continue being friends with her? That should have said everything you needed to know right there.
I had one boyfriend who did something eerily similar, and I regret not leaving him after the first red flag, which was around that one month mark. It only got worse once he figured out what boundaries he could cross.
Viagra seems a whole lot cheaper and easier tbh.
Editrd and added a TLDR!
I disagree that “any method for weight loss is a win.” Why is thinness held in such cultural supremacy that we applaud it no matter its cost? Disordered eating (which many commercial diets promote) has longterm dangers. Thinness shouldn’t come at any cost. Our worth is not tied to how much or how little physical space we take up.
The interesting question here is if he wants to be reminded because he has identified that he is doing something questionable that he needs to deal with, or because he wants to be reminded that he's been in an argument so that he doesn't forget it.
If it's the first, it could be the start of something better. If it's something else…eh…hard to say what it is.
But I still think there are some red flags in your relationship that makes it important that you rethink if you really want a relationship with him or if you want to get out.
I’m nervous to start with someone else because don’t most guys do this? All of his friends think I’m crazy because they think it’s very normal. And most of my friends agree with “glancing is normal” and some just tell me to get over it. It sounds like I’m the problem here
That's one of the biggest problems in your story, you are not self aware about your own behavior, you did the definition of badgering. When you AGREE to something with a partner it means you'll do everything to help honor that, even asking repeatedly negates your agreement. You DID badger her, and you need to go to therapy to learn how to be more aware of how your actions are coming across in the real world. Asking repeatedly for an exception to an agreement is NOT HONORING THAT AGREEMENT, it's closer to asking like a child and tolerating a rule that you constantly try to test.
This is weird af, after a week away, I want to get back to my routine and it sounds like that’s exactly what he wanted and you’re insulted by it??? Why? People need time to recharge their batteries. My fiancé when we were first moved in together, one day I was having a naked time and he was like “do you just want me to get out of the house for a bit so you can do what you need to do?” And that moment was such a gift – he understood that it had nothing to do with HIM, but everything to do with what I needed in that moment – and being alone at home to take care of shit was what I needed.
Sounds like he made a good decision.
Sure, it's me who is myopic… Lol Of course it's unfruitful, I won't judge people as cheaters just because they have friends and want to spend time with them.
All of this guys hobbies and friends involve sex. That’s weird enough, but they also have a long distance marriage. I don’t even see how they thought this would be a good idea, just restart this whole relationship, but I can’t see this guy finding any girl who would be ok with them amount of erotica and images this guy is surrounding himself with
You’re only three months in, this is the beginning. If you’ve already stopped having fun this is not the person for you
Her ego is probably a little hurt that in the moment, you were thinking more about being tired rather than “Damn, my girlfriends looking naked tonight!” and forgetting about sleep. She needs to communicate better, though, and not get nasty when you don't pick up on the nonverbal signals. I think she purposely tried to hurt your feelings because you accidentally hurt hers. Might be telling of her maturity level…
Fat girl here whos gained weight in my relationship as well, you do need to lose the dead weight (your boyfriend.) Dump your boyfriend.
I swear this is an old post reposted with very similar replies.
I'm going to ask you. What are you doing? This man brings nothing to the table, he doesn't work or pay for anything, you travel to him, you buy all of these pretty things for him and he sexts other women. What are you doing? Please also don't feel you need validation. There are so many dating coaches out there that tell us to be soft and feminine and basically shut up. Your feelings are valid, period. This man is a deadbeat. Ps I wonder if he is putting you down to disempower you. If that's the case get out. He's doing this because he can get away with it.
You’re reaching towards others because of the previous betrayal. I’m sure there’s other reasons too but it’s so naked to completely forgive someone for something they did that hurt you like that. You don’t have to forgive her, it’s okay to leave to be happier.
You still suck for kissing someone else though. You hung out with her again knowing you had attraction to her and you kissed. That’s a sucky thing to do. It doesn’t really matter if your girlfriend previously did something more sucky because it still sucks. You should tell her and break up. You’re doing a version of what devastated you. Sure, not for 8 months but still.
Talk to your girlfriend, you should probably break up. I don’t care whether or not you go for this woman you’re attracted to. It’s not wrong if you’re single, but what you did still sucks.
That's facts.
Reddit can sometimes skew a little young. Certainly, in my early 20s, I'd have never been ok with being good mates with an ex. As you mellow, it changes.
You stop being clueless and on-line sick and realize what she just showed you by going out and kissing him. She is not worth you time. She is garbage. Move on.
Ok, so do you maybe need clitoral stimulation to orgasm? if so use a tiny little vibrator. You can buy a bunch to try and make it a fun experience for both of you. There are even c0ck rings with ones attached so you both feel it.
That rude AF. Some might even find it offensive. I shouldn’t tell a straight person they look gay or a gay person that they look straight, especially these days. Who does that??
Tell her that if she knows what she's doing then it's a real oversight on her part that she cannot smell a narcissistic predator who is going to fuck up her career when he's coming.
I wish you luck. She's at such a vulnerable age, ripe for this kind of abuse. I've heard this story many times, and it's usually a narcissist who is abusing his wife until she leaves, and then he trashes her reputation so he looks like roses for the next naive girl he targets.
I don’t get why you’re insulted. You’ve said yourself you’ve been neglecting yourself, haven’t been looking after your hair and other people are commenting to you about the state of your hair. Yeah, if other people are commenting then chances are your boyfriend had noticed the state of it as well. He is either just trying to help you out which is sweet, or he’s trying to gently hint to you that you need to clean yourself up and I don’t see anything wrong with that either seeing as you already know you’re not looking after yourself. If he didn’t care about you, he wouldn’t bother. Hope things turn around for you soon, but yeah, try keep yourself washed and clean, even a quick rinse when you walk in the door is better than nothing.
4 years ago you were 19 and he was 30, how long did you two date before that???
I would block and move on.
Just get the f*ck oy now!
Also: do this when she is around other people. Hopefully they'll pick up on her insanity.
Can she sign up for classes now or try an on-line Spanish program?
Her main issue is speaking, which is made worse by the social anxiety. The thing about those classes and programs is that often, they unfortunately focus on everything but the aspect of actually forming sentences out loud in a foreign language. I learned mostly from talking to randos on language exchange servers, among other methods of comprehensible input. I've showed her a number of ways she can move forward for free, with me holding her hand the whole way, but she just doesn't consistently put in the time. She'll do it here and there, but that's really it.
Are you ever able to talk calmly about your feelings without it escalating into an argument/fight?
I struggle with reacting calmly sometimes, but she's honestly the more explosive and dominant personality. It takes nothing for me to set her off.