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You can’t. Get some therapy to get a handle on your control issues. I doubt this has been the first time they’ve created a problem and definitely won’t be the last.
or what if i tell him “ hey idk if this is weird or not but i really want to move on so i think its best we dont speak anymore. i hope thats okay with you. or idk what do u think? im fine with whatever just want to be chill w the next person im with…”
45k in credit card debt is ridiculous. That is not the person to start a life with. You will be the financial planner with someone who doesn't respect money. You'll be depressed, anxious, and inevitably you'll divorce and wonder how this all went so bad.
This is a huge red flag. Run.
In my mind, this intention is starting to become clear but in the end, I realize that I have no idea how to do that. I'm a people pleaser, there should always be something I can do.
Her birthday is coming.
We just got a dog.
I have no work to pay for the entire rent by myself.
All these things excuse not to break up right away?
Yeah, you're probably going to have to pay child support. Sorry you're in this situation.
OP, no. What needs to happen is that she needs to get her hormones checked and she either needs to have her dosage of anti-depressants raised or she needs to change to a different anti-depressant because this 100% sounds like a mental health problem. Hysterectomies cause a massive shift in hormones and it's essentially menopause. Trust me, it's rough. This is a huge change for her and her body, and it seems like all of this has resulted in her becoming depressed which has caused her to have a complete lack of interest in certain things as well as a lack of motivation
Personally, I have chronic depression that occasionally dips into major depression. One of the most prevailing symptoms for me is a lack of motivation to do absolutely anything that isn't just sitting on my phone or playing games. My bedroom is a mess, and while I have attempted to clean it, it ends up being so hard and draining for me because my depression already makes me lack energy and drive. Hell, sometimes I genuinely won't get up to eat or groom myself because I just don't have the energy. The second most prevailing symptom is sleeping too much. Not so much anymore, but with my depression, I used to sleep constantly, and I mean constantly. I would wake up, and I would already be tired. I'd be up for a short period of time, and then I'd just nap the day away because I genuinely could not get myself up. Depression is a real problem, and it causes major issues with energy levels and motivation.
That doesn't mean people that can't do things because of it are lazy tho. It means that they need help. Laziness is when someone has the energy, drive, and mindset to do something, but they don't because they're unwilling. People with depression do not have the energy or motivation, and often times they KNOW that they should be doing something, but they physically cannot. Your wife needs professional help.
Honestly, I'd also look into her seeking therapy/you two having couples therapy. Your valid for feeling burnt out and even frustrated that you have to do everything. That's all valid, but please don't feel like your wife is just lazy and just chooses to be this way. That definitely doesn't sound like the case, and I think with more help, this can be resolved
No one is going to force the child into your home. You need a lawyer to straighten out your side, to tell you your options.
I am sorry you are one of the rising number of women who were begged to give and surprise pikachu face it us super hard, and you HAVE to do something.
No you don't, have to do anything,except get a lawyer to protect yourself
You tell your family, break up with his ass and get a restraining order.
He's not allowed to sublet; technically he's breaking rules of his contract by allowing me to stay nights but obviously landlord doesn't check that. I could ask him to speak to his landlord but to be honest I'm not the biggest fan of his housemates. One is nice enough, one is ridiculously loud and obnoxious, another was nice at first but turned out to be a bit of an asshole one of my bf's friends was dating a girl who broke up with him for the roommate, after several weeks of her constantly coming over and sleeping on the couch 'as friends'/watching movies while cuddling him etc. It sucks since her ex is a really nice guy I got along with but now I don't think he likes any of us very much since the roommate refused to tell him he's dating the girl at first, which tbh was a real dickhead move. Since that all happened the roommate doesn't seem to really like me that much any more (I was drunk on a night out and mentioned to the girl that the roommate said she was on a break with the ex, and the roommate it turned out didn't want me to bring that up). He used to joke around and be pretty chill but in the last while since he started dating the girl and I told her he said about the break he's kinda reserved and awkward, short sentences, etc.
Any time I see the roommates it's always ridiculously awkward in spite of my attempts to make conversation – the nice one makes an effort but the other two not so much. They're also disgustingly messy; the one dating the girl is constantly leaving plates of food everywhere, dishes in the sink, crap in the living room, etc. My bf and the nice one seem to be the only ones who make an effort to keep the house clean and nice; now and again the other two clean but even when they do it seems to be pretty low effort, and only if the house looks like an absolute pigsty.
Not to mention they also are very inconsiderate, particularly the obnoxious one – he thinks nothing of talking out loud (and I mean his voice is LOUD) at three in the morning when people are sleeping and is constantly interrupting conversations to talk about himself. The one with the girlfriend thought nothing of talking loudly on the phone at four in the morning last week when I was staying over, and then proceeded to take a shower (still in the early hours) and blast music in the bathroom. He works in a bar but I still found it pretty inconsiderate as he was making zero effort to take into account myself and my bf asleep in the room next to the bathroom. And those are just last week's incidents!
Sorry that was rambly! I'm generally not keen on sharing this particular house; if the any of the roommates were deciding to leave then maybe yes, mould and all aside since it's a good location, but they all seem pretty set on continuing their leases. My boyfriend has a single bed; a couple nights sleeping with him is okay but I have to sleep in pretty cramped and uncomfortable positions, usually ending up shoved against the wall at some point during the night, hence would like a bed of my own int here or for the one in the double room to move out.
The fact that you slept in the same bed… did none of these guys have couches you could sleep on? You only needed to wait a couple more hours.
I am not sure what more you can say to her. This is internal work for her. She has to love herself and not look to you for validation.
(Don't get me wrong, you should continue to compliment her.)
You certainly have issues.
The friend from camp is mostly his friend and he won't rat him out. My friend told me because his cousin told me.
I don't want to reach out to A because I honestly just want to avoid her. I like that idea of just asking him to borrow it.
The video is definitely real. You seem very level headed and that just sounds like trying to come up with anything to not accept the truth, that your husband was video chatting with someone to get his rocks off and then lied to you about it. It was literally the clothes he was currently wearing when you talked to him about it, had y’all’s wedding ring on and a very distinct vape that he uses. There is no point in trying to kid yourself that it is a deepfake or his camera was hacked, because he was literally showing off to the camera. Now, even if the truth is he was video chatting with someone, that doesn’t make it okay for him to be blackmailed like this, and it is a crime.
You should definitely first cut all contact with this scammer, don’t give them anything else to use against yall. And depending on how serious you guys decide to take this, you should go to the police. If he wasn’t doing anything wrong, I.e. underage, then he should have nothing to worry about, and the crime is actually being committed against him. I have dealt with people extorting me with nudes before and I know how your husband is feeling right now. It’s awful. But he should not be lying to you, especially with how relaxed you seem about the whole sex chatting with someone else. That makes me concerned, I don’t see why he would lie to you when you caught him red handed and you’re not even angry about him doing that. You’re more hurt over him lying to you, which he should know.
Thank you for the response, I appreciate it. I forgot to add in the post the job is only a contract for a year. Although I think most people know how contracts go, they tend to get extended. So in theory there is a goal to return together.
INFO: What does any of this have to do with the quality of your relationship now unless she's been unfaithful?
Maybe she can find someone better suited, aka a man who doesnt use peoples pasts against them.
So, can you change his contact info to Alec Baldwin, since neither were shooting blanks? /s
Too soon?
He is not obligated to give a time frame. Just because you are ready to try again doesn't mean he is.
He asked for space/time to decide if he can trust you, be vulnerable with you, and give of himself to a relationship… again for a 2nd time. He may also have other responsibilities going on.
He is not obligated to give a time frame, and you are not obligated to wait.
You did nothing wrong so no.
Get a divorce
The 2nd Edit makes me consider this photo session a form of cheating. I know that's probably going to be an unpopular take, but if I was the OP, I would feel cheated on and consider it a form of unfaithfulness. Like sending nudes to men live!. I don't care if 'she just went with it' so what? Still a betrayal of the relationship.
You don't. You realise that it's a YOU problem and you work on it, whilst giving your girlfriend freedom. Everyone deserves to be friends with whomever they choose and your being “uncomfortable” with it is irrelevant IMO. You need to either trust her or break up.
Did he hide your existence from these women too?
Used her as in not in romance just to escape reality
Sounds like he’s over the relationship
Haha “date someone who isn't exhausting” too true
yeah everyone's saying something must be missing from this story, like they can't believe a guy would be that much of an asshole, but he could have used his words to say whatever might be bothering him. He's just playing with OP at this point. I hope she's fast asleep now.
Australian doctors also do 24 hour shifts. They have an on call room where they can rest if they're not needed, but they definitely do 24 hours
Take the legal route, there is no point in trying to be nice. Get as much documentation as you can about their behaviour and lies. If it's legal record conversations with them.
You're going to have to cook separately, and visit restaurants by yourself/with friends instead.
Read the first bit about blocking after an argument and instantly scrolled to the comments. Nothing in OPs post would convince me to stay with a person like that.
I would be upset too, that was a very rude comment given your trauma over your house burning down.
That's really insensitive of your boyfriend to make you worried like that. Picking up hitchhikers IS dangerous, and I don't know anyone that would ever do that. It's not altruistic. It's stupid. Honestly.
There are so many ways to be kind and help others, without putting yourself in danger.
“He did this to hurt me because he knows how I feel about that kind of stuff. He thinks I'm too insecure and he wanted me to feel pain”
It's not important what he does that for.
It's important that he DOES it, that it hurts you. And that this is no way to lead a realtionship.
As you already suspect he does it to.harm you: pack up your stuff, take out your documents and leave.
If there is money of yours in a common account: take it out before he does.
Relationships are meant to make people happy. Not sad. Not hurt.
i’m so sorry ♡