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I hope OP reads this. It's the only good bit of advice here.
Are you… Bonkers OP?
If she asked you this, it’s because she’s already fucked someone else and feels guilty as fuck.
Especially zoloft. That can be a real mood killer in the bedroom
You don’t know what your wives phone looks like?
I think it’s better to cut all of your communication with Ben, then to tell your husband to do anything. Are you in shared groups? You can leave them. Does he come to your house? Say you don’t want him there, your husband and him can go hangout elsewhere. You can also tell them why. There’s no reason you should have to be exposed to that.
Controlling what your husband does, not really a great idea and not enforceable. I get what you mean thoigh— I would lose respect for any person that is friends with Ben. That would include if it was my husband.
Maybe, removing yourself from the situation will help let your husband know just how much of a dealbreaker it is for you to be around Ben
If it’s getting worse now you don’t wanna be around when he reaches that point. As someone with anger issues, his anger is his own mountain to climb. You can’t help him if he won’t help himself, and he needs to prove he can be safe. Don’t put you and your baby at risk like that, and if he has any sense about him he will understand that, and change for the better.
Therapy
As a guy who actually became quite more clear headed between 18 and 20, I'd say there are quite a few ways you mature. Teenage is not just a term, hormones do have less effect on most individuals between 18-19 to 20-21. I'm sorry for your experience but 20 is grown up.
You took pills and drank alcohol. That’s a suicide attempt. You can’t fix every relationship and – news flash – they aren’t all worth fixing, especially one this riddled with issues this early on.
Therapy and surrounding yourself with people who genuinely have your best interest at heart. Thats how you solve it.
It doesn't sound silly at all.
But it sounds that for some reason you didn't stick by your guns and demanded/ insisted enough to ever get her going.
What happens if you do chores together? Will that work better?
>>Something is telling me to let go now while it’s early, but that’s also the last thing i want to do
Heed your gut? You are not going to get what you want here. You are simply incompatible. It's only been 3 months? It's kind of concerning that after such a short amount of time you're so heedlessy in love with him? (That's called “limerence.”)
There's nothing wrong with this. It's not like they are related.
I understand why you may think it is weird, but what bothers you about it? In some ways, it could be good and with time it won't feel so weird.
I have a “dark” sense of humor and those are not things I’d even say to my BFF. She sounds jealous and insecure. She also has room to work on herself some more mentally and emotionally. I agree with you that you have grown apart. I’d let this one go.
This isn’t a relationship issue, this is a you issue. While I can’t say anything for sure your age different does send up red flags, and the fact that you don’t know how to comfortably be yourself because you feel the need to cater to other people’s emotions just makes me feel sad for you. Your voice has value hun, and I suggest talking to a therapist about these things because they could help you find your voice.
i will never hold that against you.
I would ask her what would she hold against you.
More seriously what do you want. Do you want to contact her or not. If not ignore it.
If so write her back briefly, and let her know its all good, that you were just thinking about her, and ask if you could buy her a cup of coffee and chat.
Go from there
That's a big sign of mentall illness. Keep that in mind when you're making judgements.
You sound delusional. Enjoy laying in the bed you've made
Not your place. It’s his job to make and enforce boundaries on his friendship. You doing it is not just overbearing and controlling, but it also lets him off the hook for managing his own boundaries for which he’s responsible. It facilitates him being a man-child.
I don’t really want to speculate on her intentions. But whatever they are, if he’s not the one who puts boundaries in their friendship, what might also indicate how he feels about her. Major red flag, here in my opinion.
You’re a ray of sunshine
My husband was almost killed in a plane crash as a child. We fly a lot after getting a Xanax prescription from his dr.
I suppose I always thought she had a thing for him. For his birthday she hand made an extremely time consuming and thoughtful gift for him
Update: he privated his twitter after telling him I don’t like him liking other girls pictures ?
Your husband is throwing red flags ? all over the place with this one. Are they in contact with one another or is he just infatuated with her? Either way, it’s suspicious and his way of twisting the narrative is BS. Do not be surprised when he cheats on you.
You're married to an abuser. He roped you in and got you pregnant and is now abusive to your kids. No way would I stay.
You are young. It is painful, but take it for what it is, a bump in the path to where you are supposed to be.
Going forward (advice to all redditors reading this), someone declaring that they “would never cheat, they would just break up”… is usually bullshit and should make you at least skeptical of other declarations of personal honor. To immediately sound like a hypocrite, this is something I would say (and have said to my SO in the past!)…. BUT… I am an incredibly damaged and anti-social person whom she has witnessed interacting with people outside of my incredibly closed circle for 2 decades. The odds of running into someone like me outside of message boards like this (where it is fun to be evisceratingly blunt and maliciously karma-aiding towards dealing with scumbags) is like finding a unicorn…. the ones that kill people with their horn on purpose, not the kind galloping over rainbows and whatnot.
Yeah, I started counselling yesterday so I can figure it out
Wait…..what??
I'm super confused. You say that he's asked you out a couple of time when you didn't accept and have therefore never actually dated but repeated say “I saw us going long term”.
I dont often go out but when i do my husband always offers to be my designated driver and he always picks me up and asks me if i had fun and then usually gets me something to eat. (Happily together for almost 10years) my ex was opposite very controlling and guess what? He was a cheater.
I’m going to comment properly later but I HAVE TO ASK why are y’all ok fucking with the dog in the room!!?!??
I have NEVER UNDERSTOOD when people do this. The smells of sex alone would probably make the dog curious and be all sniffing and uggghhh!!!
Unless he lives in a studio there is no excuse for this ??
You don’t need anyone’s permission or even a justification for walking away. She’s not your wife and you have no kids together, so walk away when you feel like it.
It would not be the first time a bride has fucked up on her bachelorette night
When I say that I mean she overthinks things a lot and if she were even thinking about reaching out would likely talk herself out of it? If that makes sense.
Is there anyway to permanently stop feeling that excitement?
Kick her out? She us a drain and doesn't even clean or cook? Why put up with that? For sex? No my friend.
It;s truly amazing everyone is telling you it's your choice and he has no say, but if you have the child they's all be demanding that he step up….again he has no say. This attitude is sick. But maybe he would be happy to have a child with you. FIND OUT FIRST!
Yeah ,don’t assume or jump to conclusions, it could be anything like that or insecurities ( you mentioned the age dif) , hell even mental problems (how much do you know about her ? ) . I’ve had my share of all of the above in previous relationships.