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Im not focus on that all the time. However its kinda obvious and very noticeable…
That has to almost as bad as wheat texting. But not as awful as corn texting. I hope you two can grain through it.
You gotta grow up.
That’s advice. You can’t make a relationship work by yourself, not in any aspect, and much less with the other person actively working against you.
Poor girl? Lol she cheated on him and deceived him.
At least they deserve each other to some point. There are no angels here but she is satan in that context..
I would never imagine taking drugs with “friends” and never telling my partner. In that state of mind no one can be sure she didnt cheat, also she accused him of cheating anyway so it seems she is projecting.
yeah, he works at an restaurant (in poland so its kinda diffirent than US) where he can get whatever day free he wants, now its not the season for that and he doesnt work much. he took the weekend off and not tommorow:/
… I mean, unless she has absolutely no sense of humour I don't think a line was crossed.
Personally I think if a person couldn't take this small tease/joke they're not somebody I'd want to be with.
Did you say “I'm actually leaving you.”?
Being a single mom is better than me being involved?
Yes. You are a predator and if you stay with her I feel terrible for the innocent child that you with inevitably fuck up.
Extroverted :/
You be best to get to low contact with them. You can love and support your father without your mother around but if he is going to ignore your mother’s serial cheating then there’s nothing you can do. I think with more time apart and lots of self work, you will find that you have more damage than you think from growing up in this toxic household. You have to really retrain yourself to avoid these toxic elements in your own interpersonal relationships.
He wasn’t happy when you weren’t losing the weight. He is not happy now that you’ve lost it. He won’t be happy six months from now either. The goalpost keeps moving. It’s unfair and manipulative and you deserve better.
You need to give him an opportunity to dig himself out of this hole. Make the scrap book. Look at it together. I'm sure he will appreciate it. Then you can give it is keep it because the important part is that it exists anyway.
Talk more about what kind of things he does and doesn't appriciate.
Wanting sex is exactly that; a want. Your hopefully ex bf tried to claim it as a need and made you responsible to the point of yelling and threats. That's borderline rape. It's definitely abusive behaviour.
Please don't spend a second more with this awful man because he will escalate to the point of raping you either by forcing himself on you or pressuring you until you just give in.
You deserve so much better and there are many guys out there that wouldn't do anything other than comfort you whenever you're in need.
All the best to you and your mum!
Thank you for your response and acknowledgement of my feelings. I don’t know how to assuage my own anxiety over the not knowing when/how long, and time running out. We are already past my threshold and I’ve been understanding and patient for so long.
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Was she dating you when she got pregnant nu him?
Why are you so convinced of this? You think every single person out there would care and if they say they wouldn't they're lying? Based on what?
So your choices here are a child free marriage with this abusive woman, or divorce.
ut a majority of the time he says no.
So how does he think the marriage is going to bloom over the next few years if he's not willing to work on it?
Did he have an emotional affair on-line? You mentioned that something “inappropriate” happened.
Oooooof he sounds just like my ex. He's too smart for regular people. He doesn't know how to have a conversation that isn't a debate. He doesn't care if people like him, he thinks they should just accept him as is or not at all. I left a month before I turned 39, because in my state you have to be separated for a year before you divorce and I didn't want to still be in an unhappy marriage at 40. My daughter is happier than ever, because she's the only person he will bend for and she gets his full attention when she's with him. I have more mental energy and a positive outlook, so my relationship with everyone else in my life has improved. I have a great partner who is emotionally available and willing to listen. I was afraid to leave because we'd been through so much, for so long, but I (and you) only have one life. I wanted to spend it happily, with people who are nice to me.
You are only dating and not married. So you have zero rights to parent her. She’s 3 years old and finds comfort in the only parent she has.
Girl run. Even if you convert to Islam he will do all the example you listed. My partner did the same exact thing yet I converted immediately and his parents still don’t know about me 3 years later, I have never met his friends and they don’t know I exist. He makes me dress modest if I’m around him and I can’t really talk to the opposite gender. turn to find out my partner also has a temper too and started hitting me a couple months into the relationship. Eventually this led him to basically attack me when he gets angry. Just my experience.
That's why I think more happened than what he's telling everyone and his can't believe him and sure as hell won't trust him with anyone! At least he has a place to go when she kicks him out.
Yep, it’s tricky. I’d probably just tell her that you’re worried she’s getting sucked into more radical circles on-line, and would like it if she did more in person activities.
This sounds like a horrible situation all around. Obviously you and your child deserve a more present father and husband. But even after having to make a deal with him to be okay with you not aborting… did you think he’d be an enthusiastic father?
I’m not really sure what advice to give here if he doesn’t believe in therapy. Best bet is to just cut your losses and be the best you can be to your kid with or without him
This is unexpected, but nonetheless a nice perspective. Thank you!
The appearance of impropriety is worse than impropriety. If she had caught the two of you fucking it would be easier. Then you could apologies and you could go somewhere from there. (likely nowhere but whatever.) As things are, she sees you as lying to her and not owning up to being a fuckup. Tell her you know now that interacting with your ex was a fuck up. Then tell her you understand how it looks and don't blame her if she dumps you. In all likelihood your relationship has ended, and the more time you spend moping about it the longer it will be until you find a new one. Learn from this and move on.
I can see why you’d come up with this conclusion. Yes, we actually do have a pretty great relationship. It’s not about him showing approval for things he approves of. He’s like that about stuff in his life too. Just a negative scenario kind of person. He doesn’t tell me what I need to do or how I should handle things. He doesn’t think he knows better than I do. He indeed is considerate in all other areas of the relationship, recently I got sick and went to the urgent care. He spent all night there with me then went to work all day immediately after. Then he came and cleaned my house because I wasn’t feeling up to it. He shows love and care in many different ways. Even when he makes the negative comments about something he still doesn’t shut it down, like we still do it and we usually have a good time. It’s more about him having that initial negative reaction to things. That’s what’s draining for me sometimes.
We have an amazing relationship outside of this. I don't feel like this issue outweighs everything else we have together.
You were rude. As soon as your mom arrived you should have told your wife that your mom was at your house, and for goodness sake why didn’t you immediately invite your mom inside? How rude you were!
She didn’t BARGE in. She knew you knew she was there as you had interacted with her!
Imagine you go to a friend’s house to take an item they want borrowed. They meet you at the car, you don’t complete the interaction, and then they walk into their house. What would you do? YOU WOULD POLITELY FOLLOW THEM AND CALL OUT “CAN I COME IN?” (or even just go straight in).
If a FRIEND had behaved this way, you and your wife would both find it completely normal. But because it’s your mom, and your wife is inclined to always assume bad motive of her MIL, then suddenly it’s a big deal.
Be real. If your wife’s OWN MOM had done this then it would have been acknowledged as being completely normal and polite behaviour. It’s only because it’s her MIL that this is assumed bad!
buy fruits for your toddler yourselves
There is no way to proceed further without wrecking everything. The two of you are not sexually compatible. That’s it.
I wouldn’t go so far as to blame her for that, though. People take time to figure out who they are. You might have known from day one, but if you really knew for sure, why did you wait 10 years to decisively act on it? Both of you were in the process of becoming the humans you are today. Let it be water under the bridge. Resentment will get you nowhere.
Either you accept the life you have, or you move on. There’s no blame in either.
Pretty sure the law does agree. That was the whole point of my comments.
Eye rolling is a non verbal cue of annoyance. If you think that respecting you means that she can never be annoyed you're psycho.
this is the man you’re planning on marrying & you can’t trust him.
ok first, you need to take care of yourself. stop trying to contact him, call a lawyer
yes they cost money but in the end are invaluable
block all of the people who support this child running out on a wife and baby
no more messages, no more calls, just tell them that all contact will be through a lawyer
you should in no way, shape, or form, act like you have to care about his feelings. he wants you to be subservient to him and make his feelings the only ones that count. do not fall for it
no grown man who has not been redpilled would act this way over a friends problems.
and i am going to highly doubt the friend was babytrapped. i dont know if you understand this, but it takes 2 people to get pregnant
if the friend didnt want to get pregnant, he could have wrapped it up
it sounds more like he and his group of friends all hate women.
I'm sorry that happened to you! This sort of “If you didn't want a baby, you shouldn't have had sex” rhetoric is exactly the kind of bullshit conservatives whip out in response to women who want to have abortions. It takes two to make a baby, and sometimes one doesn't consent.
You should finish considering it.
Yes, he has. He also asked me to ride his face, which I haven’t. But in a way, now it makes me feel that if I could ride his face, if I can orgasm while he is down on me, and is not humiliating for him then it shouldn’t be humiliating the other way around.
Talking about this helps me normalize it tbh. I am not gonna pressure myself to do it. But sometimes all we need is a different perspective and damn ur question is right on point!
Why was she resistant?
I do say that he is insensitive most of the time. ? I got this insecurity come up again because we fought today and I am the one who is mad at him, and he shouted at me and blaming me it's my fault. ? I just cried and now I am thinking all the things he said to me
We were rushed by the landlord yeah… But I didn't terminate my actual lease without asking him first. He told me to go ahead as quick as possible, so I did.
We have never tried living together since I on-line in a small 1-room. But we're at my home together 4 times a week (usually he comes two times during the week after work and we sleep at my place, then he comes back for the whole weekend).
Lmao, this is hilarious. Alright
No mental health issues as far as I know. We both do a check up every couple of months and so far we are both healthy.
I think you know what he did. Sorry.
I would go out of my way any way in the blink of an eye if it would make him feel loved. I deserve someone who’s willing to try to do the same for me… don’t I?
Yes, yes you do.
It's up to your partner to decide what feels right to him, but if you are repeatedly asking or something you feel like you fundamentally need and he just isn't willing to give that to you, then you need to take that at face value.
Of course your partner's background matters, but it matters more in the context of your relationship if he is up for putting in the needed effort to make you feel safe and reassured. Right now, he obiously isn't, and then it also doesn't matter if that's because of his upbringing or something else because the end result is still the same.
Like you say, you're not asking for the world here. You're not even asking him to tell you he loves you, you're just asking him to tell you nice things when you're having a hot time. Even if he struggles with those three words or thinks they should be reserved for special moments, there should still be tonnes of other words he could use in such a situation.
If it's unintentional she may not realize how it is effecting you. Have you tried talking to her about how it makes you feel?
Of course, but my point was singling out hpv not being super pertinent, because it's everywhere anyway. Extremely contagious/skin to skin contact vs the much lower risk of transmission of, say HIV during intercourse.
Sex workers are at a higher risk for STD transmission in general (obvs) that's day one stuff I'd like to think,being as frequency of any activity, will of course increase ones personal odds of being a victim of said activities particular dangers.
It's just hpv isn't the best example being as we literally all have had or have it damn near anyway.
It's like saying you work in a hospital and “better watch out for getting the common cold” you're at higher risk! Of course you are going to be more likely to get loads of things. You are in closer proximity much more frequently than the average individual.
As a healthcare worker,id be much more concerned with say,contracting TB or getting stuck with a dirty needle,than a cold that everyone gets. Both happened to my mom during her 35 yr career in healthcare. She also got many other colds/flu at work that her immune system cleared.
As a sex worker, I'd be much more concerned with things like herpes,which there is no cure for/a life long gift and can be transmitted during asymptomatic shedding and or take yrs to become symptomatic for you.
That was my only point.
I like smelling my husband, I don't find his BO (within reason) offensive either. Something about the smell of him is comforting. Some people react to smells more than others.
Don't respond as quickly and don't say yes to every outing she may propose. You dont have to reject her unless she out and out confesses feelings for you.
It's been two weeks, don't waste more time.
I want to so bad but my husband won’t let me do anything because she might call the cops?
It's easy, then.
“I want to be at your ….”
“No. You have thrown us out. On-line with the consequences now.”
Are you putting in a lot of effort to him? A relationship is two ways. When’s the last time that you planned a date for you guys? I feel like the more you give the more you get sometimes. You can get into the cycle of feeling unappreciated and it can really bring you down guys like to get spoiled just as much
Ok, Your boyfriend is mostly wrong; yes, you can have really good friends that are boys, and they may not make a move or show any romantic feelings at all for the entire friendship; that being said he is not entirely wrong, there is a very good chance they will have the thought of fucking you cross their mind, that is hormones and nature and base instinct playing into it. . . But the fact is most guys get past that very quickly (seconds) and don’t let it affect anything, this is our lizard brain fucking with us and we know it and we know better then to let it ruin anything.
Great point about his relationship with the future kids. It does seem like a lose-lose scenario; either my relationship with the kids could be strained (if they are ultra-religious), or his relationship with them would be strained (if they are irreligious). Thanks for weighing in.
I wouldn’t say I’m upset per say… I’d say I’m more so worried/concerned/sad that he feels that way.. but you’re right. I need to be more intentional with my words and the frequency of how often I am conveying my specific appreciations for him. I hope it all works out. It’s been such a long journey
I’m not even gonna finish reading this. If it was like, a prank and she immediately admitted to it that’d be fine, but she pulled a fake baby trap on you. In no situation is that okay.
OP, what this girl did is extremely manipulative and if she’s willing to do that to someone she’s not even official with and you are still thinking of trying to make it work: please think about all those crazy ex-girlfriend stories you’ve heard, and I mean the bat-shit crazy ones, that’s this girl. Run for the hills OP, she ain’t worth it.
Also, wear a fucking condom
In my case I have very good personal coping skills, I am very much well adjusted so even though my partner isn't someone I can talk to the weight of my own thoughts never becomes too much to bare without having her to talk to. I can recognise that not having someone to lean on sucks but it doesn't ruin my day or depress me, or really anything like that.
I have been with for nearly 9 years now, she's definitely been a challenge to on-line with but she has made a lot of personal improvement and if I'm honest it's the reason I have stayed with her, if she didn't bother to change then I would have definitely left several years ago.
I recently spoke to a guy friend who is also a therapist and he told me that this wasn’t a good enough reason to end a 5 year relationship.
This is wrong, and toxic. If you want to end a relationship for any reason at all, that is a good reason to end the relationship. Staying in a relationship because you “don't have a good reason to stay” is toxic as heck. You should only ever stay in a relationship because you want to be in the relationship. If you want to work things out. If you want to give him a chance, or think you might have been looking at things wrong. If you can't leave because you need to have a justifiable reason to leave, how is that different from having no choice at all? That is what makes people scared to leave abusive situations, they feel like they'll get all the blame and even more abuse for leaving. And to be honest, that is so often exactly what happens. The abuser makes themselves look like the wronged on, and everyone heaps more vile on the abused. Shame on your therapist friend.
This has more red flags than a fucking landing strip. You can't switch off OCD, only manage it. This feels like some asshole manipulating a neurodivergency into an excuse.
Not sure what you’re looking for by posting this , but if it’s general reassurance then YOURE MAKING THE RIGHT CHOICE !!!!
He’s manipulative , abusive , and just all around terrible.
You don’t stay with someone because you know/are upset about “their pain” … there’s literally no logical explanation to that.