As someone who has friends who've been through this process, relationships are thoroughly investigated to make sure they are real. You need photos, social media presence in each others' lives. You need to be unquestionably a couple, even if you're a CBP officer.
For the last two years, he's been openly engaged to someone else, bought property with them, etc. He's going to have a naked time proving they are a legitimate relationship. That person is not a citizen of the US.
They don’t extend to other parts of my life it’s only when I’m in relationships that I feel flighty. Generally I’m a very secure and stable person. I think the biggest issue is that a relationship just starts to feel like too much for me to handle and I feel like my life would be easier without one.
How might I express to my guy that privacy is a necessary for our relationship to thrive? Every time anything happens instead of trying to find a resolution and keep things between us , he seeks attention and answers from anyone or anything around . So one, everyone now knows our business and two, they reflect on me negatively because he doesn’t say anything on our good days to them, only the bad. And then we have bigger problems
There is already a huge power imbalance in your relationship where you are currently totally dependent on him. Making him your boss and working for him will only worsen that.
You think a puppy is making a situation ugly, wait until there is business and money involved.
At some point in this kids life he will find out. All its going to take is some curiosity and a 23and me or Ancestry kit and boom, cat is out of the bag.
People keep putting that scenario out there. Most dudes would be stoked to find out their girl is into threesomes and has a friend that’s into it as well.
I’m sure you’ve heard the saying “don’t threaten me with a good time”
There's no kindness here. He isn't meeting the minimum requirements of being a boyfriend. Stop trying to win his approval and focus on what you need from a relationship, cause he doesn't have it. Unfortunately, terrible relationships leave a mark and often leaves us unable to discern what is acceptable and what isn't. This isn't acceptable.
You deserve better and better is out there. Shit, alone is far better than this. Start being kind to yourself today. If you're not ready to ditch this POS yet, I would suggest you do a few things. Tell him, in the moment, that his actions are unacceptable and do it every single time. Get a calendar and use tally marks to record how many times a day he makes you feel bad, acts in a controlling way, or is overly critical. It might be helpful to visually see how regularly this person is chipping away at your already injured psyche. I would urge you to have frank discussions with your therapist about the way that you are being treated. You need to leave this thing ASAP. This person is undateable.
bro that means she was 21 and you where 16 just imagine this flipped round with a 21 year old guy fucking a 16 year old(your stil a kid) your girlfriend is a NONCE sorry to say, go to the police get yourself a nice settlement or dodge the bullet. do not fucking marry this girl.
We dont have a set safeword because if i suddenly get overwhelmed i struggle to speak at all so we have a few gestures we use instead and anytime ive done then he fully respects them and immediately goes to comfort me instead
There is a time and a place for kink and a world behind it. If he is not listening to you outside of the bedroom, what confidence do you have that if you safe word on him in the bedroom because he’s taking it too far that he will stop what he is doing? This needs to be addressed because this type of king needs for consent, trust and communication.
You are right. She probably just doesn't want any drama but unfortunately sometimes you gotta face the music. Talk to supervisor and relay the facts, keep your emotions in check.
Of course he could, I just said that because the comment implied that if OP was worried he would cheat she shouldn't because she is going away. I just said that if that was the only reason OP was upset she still could be upset because they are still meeting before she does.
Also bitch get a fucking brain I said one day one person does it and another day their partner does it, I didn’t say man have to pay all the fucking time. Go learn to read & stop responding to me.
If you just say your truth, you won’t have to worry about it. If you don’t miss him except for sex just saying I actually just missed the sex. If you miss him, just said it doesn’t mean it will work out, it doesn’t mean that he’ll be nice, but if that’s the truth, just say the truth.
100%. He'll use it to justify why she can't go out with her friends to a bar. Then dinner. Then she can't go see single friends alone. Eventually he will isolate her from everyone
Why weren’t you at the party… Could the reason you weren’t the becthe reason she didn’t call you and drag you out of bed to come get her… I’m talking about you weren’t there because you had to get up early… Sounds like maybe her parents did a good job raising their daughter. Respectful enough to not bother you and responsible enough to not drive.
This could’ve been a “my gf died driving home drunk” post
I think you should tell her how happy you are that she was responsible enough to not drive drunk. I bet the guys were good guys and didn’t let her drive. There are actually good friends out there. Be trusting but mindful
why are you as a grown man in his thirties dating a woman who is basically a teenager? please break up with her and cut contact immediately. this is SO creepy on your part.
I haven’t yet, I plan on doing so today but I honestly don’t even know how to talk about it without getting upset because it frustrates me. And she’ll often try to downplay whatever it is she’s doing like, “Well I was just…” or repeating back what I said in a certain tone like I’m wrong
Don’t listen to the blue balls stuff. It happens, yes, but it’s not something that any woman should ever take on as their responsibility.
It sounds like you found a decent, respectful guy. If he’s not pushing, try and let go of the pressure to have PIV sex. In many ways, y’all are already having sex. The making out and hands are all part of foreplay will likely eventually lead to PIV, but not having PIV doesn’t meant you’re not having sex (big picture…people get stuck in semantics, but for you, right now, it’s healthier to give yourself the credit for what you HAVE done physically, and not what you haven’t). The more comfortable you become with the physician stuff you’re doing now, the easier it’ll be to listen to yourself and know when you’re ready for something more.
If he had told her it isn’t a bad thing. I dated my male bff for one week in college but I hated every second because he treated me better when we were friends. So, we broke up. About a year later we reconnected and we’re bffs. Neither of us have EVER wanted to revisit dating. He was at my wedding, I was at his. Our spouses had questions, we answered them. And then things were totally fine.
Omg so true! After that incident, he became a little obsessed with me. I forgot to mention we’re colleagues in a way. He would text me just to be “friends” and wanted to follow all my social media and chit chat with me. Got jealous and mad whenever i respond his text late. Then always the one who apologizes to me first after certain arguments.
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If she can’t figure out “apologize” from this, then…wow. Therapy is also the default answer for 95% of the posts on this sub, so neither are useful comments. Dragging her ass at least let’s her know she needs a better order of priorities, STARTING with the family she just destroyed, not this “MEMEME” horseshit.
Until she clears THAT hurdle, the apology means dick-all, and therapy is useless.
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Age is irrelevant- there’s no one size fits all on when is best to get married- I’ve been married since I was 19- going to celebrate my 6year anniversary this year.
If you tell her, she’ll pick him. This is almost guaranteed. TBH, you’re going to lose her friendship no matter what because this will be intolerable for you. Did you tell your boyfriend?
Its not that your leaving because he has a mental health issue, your leaving because he refuses to find resolutions to his mental issues and instead expects you to be his dumping ground for them
Hi, OP. Sorry to read about your difficulties. I'm a dad and I also coach and mentor middle and high school students (USA). I experienced a little of what you wrote with my own son, who is now 24.
Parenting is difficult and no parent is perfect. I'd even dare to say that most teenagers view their parents as being worse than their friends' parents. Running your own business is also difficult, so your parents are hit with a double whammy.
My son and I are very different in many ways. This means our respective approaches to problem solving is usually different as well. I believe a parent's most important role is to prepare our kids to live productive independent lives — to prepare them for a successful launch into adulthood.
My son frustrated me throughout his teen years in many ways. Most of my frustration honestly came down to the simple fact that my son wasn't me. He was not a morning person like his dad. He didn't think like me. He didn't prioritize things in his life the way I believed he should. He didn't plan for his future the way I believed he should. He didn't appreciate the things I thought he should and spent too much time concentrating on things I viewed as unimportant. Like I said, he wasn't me. But at the same time, I wasn't him.
If you want things to improve with your mom, you need to be at least 50% of that solution. In other words, it's not your mom's responsibility to do everything and be everything you want just because you think that's what she should do. Your mom is not you. She doesn't think like you and she doesn't approach problem solving like you.
I don't like her saying things like you have a Peter Pan complex. Nothing good can come from throwing something like that at your daughter. BUT, I'm confident she said that out of frustration and exasperation as a parent rather than with the intention of hurting you. I also suspect the main source of her frustration is that you're now 18 and she's concerned about your “successful launch” and probably even blames herself for you not being ready to begin the process of leaving the nest. Most parents are worried about their 18 year old kids in this regard.
I often tell young people that if you want a friend you must first be a friend. People aren't likely to befriend you unless you're first friendly toward them. The same principal applies to your relationship with your mom. If you want her to cut you some slack, you must first cut her some slack. She's under a lot pf pressure running a business while being a mom and a wife. If you want your mom to be more open, have rational discussions with you, and get rid of the drama in your relationship, then you must first be more open, have rational discussions, and dispense all drama with her.
Teen years are hot, and being a parent of teens is naked. You'll both get through this season in your lives and just like we all did, including my son, you'll look back one day and see that although your parents were far from perfect, they did the best they knew how and were not nearly as bad as you thought. And they will see the exact same in you when you launch successfully into adulthood.
YeH, you'd only be damaging your own relationship with her if you advocate for him in any way. I've been NC with my parents for a decade, and over the years I've had to go NC with my 3 sisters because of them trying to push for reconciliation, especially when my kids were born.
She is likely furthering the lack of contact at this point to prevent him from crying 'grandparents rights' and forcing his way into her life.
Warn her of his efforts and keep yourself out of it. Sure you feel 'in the middle' and 'torn', but imagine how she feels – people don't go NC its family for arbitrary reasons and you (and your family)need to respect her wishes and let her live her life the way that she choses to.
No is really the only answer you need to give her. Never have I ever heard someone wanting to open a relationship to kiss other people…she can kiss you as much as she wants. Opening relationships never ends good, and to me this is a deal breaker.
So she took it upon herself to CALL the entities you owe money to. Why? To check up on your actual figures or ?
Ignoring the opening Mail thing which honestly the police are likely to ignore as he lives with you, I would be reading both his mother and said companies the riot act. Her especially- what she did could be considered as identity theft (the company may not have known it was not you if she provided personal details- see if you can get a verbal password on your accounts that must be used to “unlock” information. And change all your security details for electronic access.
Ok first thing first. Take a deep breath. You are going to be okay.
Step 2- Figure out what you want without the barriers. Get some construction paper and sit in the floor, or tape paper to a wall, or break out the pretty markers (you want to spark creative thinking so find a way to do this exercise this way).
In 5 minutes… time it… write where you are now. Keep it short… like writing on post its. “No intimacy” “depressed” “scared”
Put that in the bottom left corner. Now think of or draw a line going straight out to the right. Timer for 5 minutes. If nothing changes what will your life be in 5 years.
Now go above the 5year around and do the same for what is your dream future. DO NOT HOLD BACK. I want rainbows and unicorns and to be a mama of a 4 year old. Write it down. Do not hesitate. Just write.
Ok…you have a deflection point. Now I want you to write out your anchors everything keeping you in your current state. Seriously… if it is “he has nice smelling feet” write that. This is for you. 5 minutes.
Now do the same but rocket ships. What is taking you up. “I am a good age to get pregnant” “I have a supportive mom” “I have a good network of parents”. 5 minutes.
Now here is the harder part…. Look at you anchors… identify the top 3-5. Start to think about how your rocket ships can help you overcome each issue. No money? Can you move, go back to school now, start on live business, get your hairdresser certification and start working in a salon now so you can make money later?… write those out.
I know this sounds dumb but I do this with high level executive to figure out business plans as a first step. It is so helpful when figuring out anything that has a lot of emotions and weight behind it. Try it. You may actually have a plan at the end of it.
Oh and be as silly as you want here. It gets your mind thinking creatively. The logical detailed planning comes after this work.
Don't have a child with her yet. For three reasons.
1) you need to work on this insecurity. It's your natural body, it's not natural at all to circumsize and can cause many issues, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you the way you are. I have been with a man for years who is uncircumcised, and neither of us would change a thing. His genitals and our sex life, are amazing. There is nothing wrong with being uncircumcised.
2) you should not make a decision to give your infant child an unnecessary surgery that can cause medical issues, based upon your own insecurity. If you choose to circumsize your son, it should be a fully informed decision, based upon medical advice…not your personal preference. And as a parent, it is encumbant on you to raise your child in a way that allows them to accept and be proud of who they are, rather than cut off part of them at birth because you personally cannot. To be frank, if you're considering this procedure based on your own insecurity, you're not yet ready to be a parent. (Further, Many grown men feel that their corcumsisions were mutilation, you should look into that.)
3) she is unkind, and rude about a natural part of the human body, and same as point 2) she also would rather cut off part of a child's sex organ than learn acceptance, and teach the child to be proud of who they are. She is acting in a bigoted fashion, is already implying she would treat your potential son that way as well, and she is far from mature enough to be a parent if that is her view. You do not know her as well as you think you do, it seems.
Now, none of this addresses how she is so willing to be callous and cruel to you. Frankly, I don't know a human being alive who wouldn't be severely impacted by their partner insulting and mocking their sex organ.
I strongly recommend you two head straight to couples counseling, as this has serious potential to be a relationship ender. The fact that she just walked away from that conversation, without a thought to how it might impact you is frankly disgusting behaviour from a life partner, is incredibly lacking in any sort of empathy, and I wouldn't blame you if it has a long term, or even fatal impact on your relationship and sex life. If you head straight to counseling, someone can help you two to work through this, before it can escalate.
Idgaf what anyone says; uncircumcised penis' are beautiful. I hope you can see that one day, and I wish you'd found a woman who agreed, or at least respected you enough to not insult it.
You are only shitty if you lie to him and stay with him out of some obligation. You deserve happiness. You owe yourself more than anyone else to be true. I agree with others to be honest with him about how you are feeling. Don't be cruel, but be honest. Maybe he is feeling the same way?
I get that you don’t want to serve him dinner when upset with him. So drop the spite and calmly tell him you need your space to process everything and until you are both ready to apologise and own to your mistakes in this conflict, you’ll be taking some space and making your own food and eating separately, so he can go do the same for now.
Wanna make it up to her? Find a new job before the end of tomorrow. You just put her and your child's living situation in danger. Prove that's not the case.
She needs to be responsible for her own emotions and actions, even during PMS. I'm saying this as someone who felt like dying that time of the month every month when I was a teen. I know it's naked, but hormonal fluctuations isn't an excuse to treat your partner badly. Try to hasch out her complaints during the rest of the month, and make a plan for how to survive her PMS days. What does she need from you? What do you need from her? She might even want to look into medication, sometimes low doses of SSRI are given during that time of the month to help regulate mood. There's no shame in looking into it!
Use the time she’s traveling to talk to someone about your issues. Nothing in her behavior is questionable or suggested she’s into playing any games. Additionally, this
especially with the reputation of staying in hostels and backpacking and how everyone just hooks up with each other.
I appreciate your replies. I think I've said my expectations clearly so its up to her to decide now. I agree with what you said except the last part. I think sometimes we want some things but its not actually what is good for us in the long run, but maybe I'm wrong. I guess time will prove me wrong if I am.
There is nothing more you can tell her. Additional words will have little meaning at this point. You've already hurt her with your actions. Spewing words at a bruise does not make it heal more quickly
The decision is now hers to make. You have to let her make it, and live with the result. Honestly, you're fortunate she's even willing to consider taking you back. You honestly don't deserve it. I can't imagine making the decision to have a family and future with a person that has been so callous and hurtful with my emotions.
There is a strong possibility she won't be able to trust you again. You'll have to accept it if that's what she decides. If she says no, chalk it up as a life lesson, and focus on getting your shit together on your own so you can be a better partner in the future.
Bro what is there to stick out? Have a frank conversation with her. Listen I'm not here to wait around for you to decide to open up. You either do or you don't. She either starts showing you she is willing to improve or you freaking leave. This is clearly a deal breaker and she needs to know that. Again if she was clearly working on it then I would say that's good. But she's not.
Your husband is not a good man. These aren’t just small flaws, these are traits that show he is a truely awful person/husband/father.
This ‘good man’ has ruined your relationship with both of your children and you still choose to ‘obey’ him. Everything your husband tells you to do regarding your children only serves to alienate them more.
You need to start doing what you believe is the right thing, not whatever awful thing your husband has decided. You don’t have to obey him in any which way, you are an EQUAL and you deserve to make your own decisions.
We've read so many stories about people cheating, and it's so sad to read about people getting hurt by that. We know that there's a huge societal expectation to choose monogamy in romantic relationships, but from what we've read here, and see in daily life it seems kinda dumb for that to be the default choice.
sorry, why does monogamy seem dumb? because people cheat?
there are great benefits to being monogamous. feels good when you have someone who chooses you above everyone else. feels good to have that level of intimacy and security. the person who cheats knows this – desires this. that's why they don't leave their partner. i mean they could just choose to be single and fuck around, but that's not as satisfying. sure, it's exciting in the moment, but at the end of the day they want to come home for cuddles and takeaway with their intimate partner.
Thank you for the comment on the kids. That rubbed me the wrong way for sure considering my bf’s mom is basically a free daycare for her grandchildren.
my SO used to do this and in the beginning I would fall for it. Then I started to tell him not to pull that bullshit with me, he would rant on, I would say things that I knew he would say before he said them. Probably not the most mature way to deal with things, but sometimes talking things out doesn't work.
OP, you know how he can lie and manipulate. What you just know is about the chat, but who knows if there was something more. They were the persons you could trust and failed. Just go to therapy and cut them off definitely if you are already speaking with him you can’t heal properly. However, it will hurt for life That’s the reason why you won’t trust them never again. Sorry for all the hurt you are suffering.
I did this in November. I told my ex that I wanted things to be over and that he had thirty days to leave. Give him an eviction notice (you can download templates live) and check your tenants rights laws in your state – you may have a give notice on the 1st of the month or something. Document that you handed him the not.
If he is violent, you will need to get the police involved.
This is a serious character flaw and I can see it being a relationship dealbreaker given her complete lack of remorse. I’d worry she was having some sort of breakdown if you hadn’t mentioned that she’s always been petty.
One word of warning, though. If you do decide to leave her then this is going to sound cruel but you have to blindside her with it. Get everything done on your end first. Make sure accounts are in your name, make sure you have the only copies of all your important documents (social security card, birth certificate, etc), do everything possible to protect yourself before telling her you’re leaving.
If she’s capable of being this vindictive and destructive towards someone who she just thinks had a crush on her partner, imagine how angry she’ll be and what she’s going to want to do to you if you leave her. I’m not saying that to discourage you, if anything it’s all the more reason to consider leaving. Just make sure you’re prepared.
The thing about all the averages, standards, and so on is that they apply to the majority. There's always a chance you aren't part of that majority. Sure you can argue that some circumstances against getting married are objective, but that doesn't mean you can't have a successsful marriage despite them.
If you've been together for quite a long time and feel like this will work it's up to you to decide. Others won't live your life for you nor can they make a truly informed decision.
And if it doesn't work out… it's not like divorce is the end of the world either. You can always just break up and some time and move on anyway.
So you are describing a friend, not a partner. He literally brings nothing positive to your life that you cant get from a friend and introduces so much more work and aggravation and sheer exhausting demands that even if he was a friend id drop him
well the thing is she is very different about it sometimes. 1) there have been many other instances when she hasn’t minded my advice and even used it to her advantage and 2) i understand that we are the same age but at this point in time she is very limited by the people in charge of what’s going on in her life and i am not, therefore i like offering an outside opinion to maybe help her. what harm am i doing by offering that to her? i’m not ignoring her request of not giving advice as a matter of fact i’ve apologized for giving help. as i said, there isn’t always a bad reaction which is why i’m thrown off by it. i always offer an opinion or advice in the absolute nicest and most respectful way possible because i am always looking out for her because i know she’s been dealt a shit hand at life. she’s admittedly told me how happy i make her and how much i do for her to help. regardless of me asking if i’m doing enough for her. i now understand that coming to a subreddit for advice would be followed with ignorant people like you because nobody in here can really understand what we’ve already been through throughout our relationship. i’m not saying i want her to flat out get down on her knees and worship my advice like i’m god. i don’t want that at all, i would just rather be responded to with something like, “thank you, but i don’t need help” rather than “please stop talking i don’t want your help”. because with her it’s a gamble of whether or not she wants my advice and she struggles to inform me before she starts ranting and before i start suggesting options or opinions. i’m not asking for justification, i’m simply asking for a solution that could be fair for the both of us so that she can understand that i’m not trying to invalidate her and so that i don’t have to feel like shit when she shuts me down.
I didnt know how to describe the title sorry if it was misleading, she is not sure if she wants to leave or she wants to stay with me, I didnt know how to explain my situation very well. But her not knowing what she wants is affecting me, im trying to show her that im not bad and help her make her decision but she is lost. I believe im leaving my pride behind during this whole situation and im lost aswell at what should I do.
Let your friend step back and have her space, it's what she needs right now. Tell your boyfriend to keep him in the loop, but beyond that there's nothing that needs to be done as long as she doesn't cross any lines. You can't try and force the friendship or make her get over her crush, those are things she needs to sort on her own.
Tell her if she does it you're leaving her. Cheating is cheating. with the way she's talking she may have already done it and is just trying to make it ok by convincing you to say it is.
Having dating app but then lying about it. Don’t take him back. So many stories of people thinking the guy will change and they keep cheating. Any normal person would know don’t have dating apps on your phone because it looks like cheating. He’s old enough to not be that stupid. He’s playing you.
“Everything else is perfect except when he gets really mad he hits me sometimes.” Would that sound like a reasonable statement if someone said it to you? What he’s doing is ALSO abuse. He doesn’t have to hit you for it to be abusive.
naked read but yeah men are often told “they only think with their dicks” which is rude and unfair. not sure what you mean by “this is a lie used by “modern women” to justify them being hoes” tho, that part stumped me.
I think it’s over at this point, as she claimed she wanted to fight, went to therapy with me, still met up with him again the next day and lied about it.
She lied to you for weeks about it, claimed to want to go to therapy, and then lied again. Ask her point blank how you can trust her if she lies to you all the time.
I wouldn't personally say that a long distance relationship is something that I prefer, but I feel like it's worth it.
I forgot to mention that he does plan on moving here in my country/city next year so it's not really like it's going to stay forever ldr!
We talk on Discord everyday, watch movies, play video games, or just chill. We text on WhatsApp alot and sometimes do sleep call. Even tho I miss his face he avoids video calls/taking selfies due to his insecurities about having acne (even tho I give him compliments, he's really adorable and I don't have a problem with them..)
And about my ex, I'm scared of certain situations. Like Summer? We've spent last 2 summers together and , due to my boyfriend not being here, it reminds me alot about my ex and even tho I shouldn't be afraid about making new memories cuz there are alot of summera to come and go, my boyfriend won't be here that much so it won't be possible to make new memories ig?
I'm going to when he gets off work, just let him know that I'm still here if there's an emergency but for now I just need to be in my head and work stuff through for myself.
Right? I'm about to give birth. I kept my maiden name. Our child will have my husband's last name. Not going to love my kid any less because of it. He is seeing the children as an extension of himself and not people in their own right.
I agree with you. I don't think it's reasonable to go on a trip and not know when or if you will come back when you have a family, but I was just replying to the comment that suggested it's selfish to go on a two week vacation alone, “leaving the husband to care alone for their 5 year old child”. I don't think that's selfish at all.
I'm trying to comprehend how a “normal” person would ever find telling someone their much loved relative died would be “funny.” That's not even remotely funny, and I should warn you, if this is consistent behaviour, it's one of the markers of a psychopath. Not all psychopaths are dangerous killers, but they generally aren't nice people.
If this is any indication of her general level of empathy, DO NOT move in with her. My mother turns 80 in a couple of months. She's relatively healthy, but if someone joked about her dying, I'd tell them to get out of my house, and possibly not come back. Empathy is a cornerstone of being a good human. If she lacks that, you're headed for a lot of pain being with her
I'm trying to comprehend how a “normal” person would ever find telling someone their much loved relative died would be “funny.” That's not even remotely funny, and I should warn you, if this is consistent behaviour, it's one of the markers of a psychopath. Not all psychopaths are dangerous killers, but they generally aren't nice people.
If this is any indication of her general level of empathy, DO NOT move in with her. My mother turns 80 in a couple of months. She's relatively healthy, but if someone joked about her dying, I'd tell them to get out of my house, and possibly not come back. Empathy is a cornerstone of being a good human. If she lacks that, you're headed for a lot of pain being with her
I'd leave…it wasn't even just a one time thing but she “dated” him the entire time she was there..naw.. no way you could trust it wouldn't happen again. Been there before myself, believe me, you will save yourself a lot of heartache.. don't start feeling sorry for her
Eh, sometimes it's just Autism and a lack of social awareness, was for me anyways.. I'm slowly learning how to lie, because I can't change the way I view reality.
No. It’s having a parent available. If the father is interested that is fine too but usually it’s the mother for practical and biological reasons.
No. They don’t care about you working. They care about being provided for and getting attention for learning and growing. It’s great you has additional family to help but it’s a shame you don’t want to be there for your children.
Why would you need to be miserable? Sounds like bigger issues.
No worries about population. They would naturally die out and we would return to a healthy society that values family.
Your career analogy is highly inaccurate. It’s only recently that agenda has been pushed. It worked fine forever before.
You are responsible for choosing better. Men will choose the best woman that lets them. Life must be very gross to you, now you realize it. You have more to lose and need to be more selective. That’s why many men don’t even have sex in our society while it’s far rarer for women.
As for why the reasons to why the man left. It’s an important question because it’s a vague meaningless fear without it.
It’s great you raised your daughter but it is a vague description as anyone with children raise (spend time) with their kids. Whether you are a SAHM or working, they are raised. The details are what makes the difference.
Lady, I mean ZERO disrespect but, NAKED DAMN! you must be some firecracker in the sack. I mean. For realz. OP’s boo won’t have sex for upwards of a week if it happens and there’s only a 10% chance of it happening at any given time. 10% is a lot, I’m aware. And I respect the Dick and the pain issues that go along with wearing outtie genitalia. But, fox13fox, it would happen ONE HUNDRED PERCENT of the time to your ex and he did it anyway? Girl, you should be proud.
I feel like I should make you a crown of flowers and place fruit and pastries at your feet. 100% of the time. Huh.
First, “hating” her is spending too much energy on someone you can't change. Yes, her behavior affects all of you but she is the only one who ca change it. How? She must understand she has a problem and then solve this problem through therapy and parenting classes. Put yourself in your children's shoes. They must be miserable. Have you seen the subreddit called raised by narcissists? You should. She sounds like one and that is naked to change. Take action and save yourself and your children from further trauma.
The person that examined her said her injuries are in line with someone who was sexually assaulted. They’re not real friends, she asked her “friend “ what happened last night and all she said was “your boyfriend followed your location to my apartment and you weren’t here what do you think happened “ and they haven’t spoken since
I’ve edited the original post to say it’s been 8 months after reading your reply.
I’ve sort of mingled with his friends before we started dating and it’s never been more than friendly people I say a few words to. There are of course a few of his friends who I get along much better with, but most of them hang out together as a group more often than not.
I'm sure I'll be downvoted here but I think other commenters are jumping too quickly to 'leave him'. Your fiance is seriously mentally ill and needs help. You were willing to marry him, and this is we mean when we say 'in sickness and in health'. I'm not saying you can cure him, but personally I don't think you should walk out on him at this difficult moment for you both.
How is your wider network? Does he have friends? It might be worth talking to them and planning an approach, a small intervention from others might help him see that he needs therapy and maybe other medical help. For me, when I tipped over into full mental breakdown, seeing a doctor and a short course of antidepressants was enough to break the doom spiral.
And how about you, do you have friends you can talk to and draw support from? You probably feel very lonely without your usual teammate on hand at the moment. Be sure to take care of yourself, because you can't fill from an empty cup.
Good luck OP. This is a horrible time but it will pass. Wish you well.
It's not normal to argue that often. It's a sign of incompatibility. You have to ask yourself if this is how you want the rest of your life to be. Monthly arguments? No thanks.
Also, all household jobs are the responsibility of both people in a fair relationship. Supposed to be a team.
You’ve been with this guy for almost 6 years. I doubt a miracle is going to happen to motivate him to change. His level of cleanliness i& hygiene different than yours. You either accept it or you don’t.
Yeah….you might want to tone that down in the future. There’s nothing wrong with that as long as BOTH of you are into it, and I’m guessing you didn’t warn him before.
i find it really interesting that you're absolutely against porn in that it is an awful industry to the point it's a dealbreaker (for the record, i feel the same way and am very against it), yet you cannot comprehend somebody might be against participating in frivolous spending and supporting a terrible industry? did you also support getting a diamond ring?
I absolutely want to get married. My preferred method would be to go to the courthouse and sign a document doing away with all this unnecessary bullshit, or elope. I don't like participating in what is a blatant money grubbing and unsustainable industry. We've been together 11 years and have lived together for most of it, a wedding is not going to change my life. Neither is marriage TBH, but it is a formality I would like to complete.
Massive account of red flags. A partner that actually cares about you would care about your boundaries and work with you.He is making it very very clear he doesn't actually care about you. Believe him when he does this,this is his true nature. Protect yourself.
You should not touch any of this, at all. Block her, do not respond, do not donate, or advise, and no guilt about it. Do not risk her orchestrating another smear campaign.
Is it possible the Pied Piper was directing and egging on the harassment through the group?
She showed you once already what she is really like. She's probably worse now and has absorbed the Pied Pipers victim's complex.
They need to be teaching this in schools. 21 year olds shouldn't be getting sent out into the world thinking it's ok for their bosses to put their hands on their necks and legs and tell them they like how their body is growing!! He knows what he's doing is wrong. He's taking advantage of your naivety.
It doesn't matter that some days he's normal if some days include him sexually harassing you.
Give it more time. Drop the issue for the time being. Let your daughter get a little bit older….once she becomes a more independent and he can chill out around her, he might start to think, hey one more might not be so bad….. At least that's how it worked for me, haha. I had my first two and thought, nope never again. A few years later, I started to feel like I wanted one more. Started to feel like I could handle it emotionally and physically because my other children were older and didn't require as much 24 hour a day 1 on 1 attention. My mind had completely changed in a matter of years. This could happen with your partner, too.
I don't think like the majority of people when it comes to black and white thinking. There is grey. My ex is my only family.
This doesn't mean I'm argumentative by default, but I'm a lawyer so I literally argue for my job. Perhaps I'm unaware of my argumentativeness here as a result.
Okay cool doesn’t change the definition of the word and the fact that you said you weren’t cis which would make you transgender. Words have meaning so you might wanna look them up before just randomly using them as buzzwords
You said “there’s always hope“. And I said that’s not true and I am correct. As a person who has incurable cancer, false platitudes like that don’t help. Don’t fucking lecture me unless you’ve walked five years in my shoes.
You can ask him out but dating coworkers is never a great idea. Makes things awkward if it doesn't work out. Just remember if he says no then that's the end of it. Don't bother him after that and definitely don't gossip about it to anyone else you work with.
Yeah, I get it. You sounds like a great provider and partner. I really hope that you can sit down with her and have a heart to heart about her future. Because like I said, going to school doesnt make sense when planning for a family at this age.
’m not sure either. I guess I just wanted to see if I was overreacting and it seems there’s almost a 50/50 split on the situation, which doesn’t make things easier for me.
A healthy open or poly relationship requires enthusiastic consent from all parties, clear boundaries, and trust. She manipulated you into agreeing in the first place, ignored every boundary you set, and now you rightfully don’t trust her. How do you expect to come back from this? How could you possibly restore trust in someone who explicitly told you that her relationships with others are more important than you? She has demonstrated her disregard for your feelings and your boundaries countless times and she experiences no consequences.
They clearly don’t respect or even understand boundaries. Surprise – Boomers never had to have or respected boundaries.
They obviously have major motivation here. It’s really difficult to pick up and move cities, even if money is not a thing.
So I think your best option is to bring them to a therapy session. Tell them that you have boundaries that they have ignored their entire relationship which has caused incredible and probably irreparable damage to your relationship. Tell them that you have boundaries that they would have to respect for there to be anything that remotely resembles a relationship between you.
I wouldn’t allow them to even focus on the boundaries themselves. They’ll just see them as ultimatums to negotiate and later ignore. If there would ever be a relationship, they need to show that they just understand and respect what a boundary even is.
The next part of the therapy sessions would have to be them learning about boundaries and showing you that they understand and respect what a boundary is.
At the same time, they would have to start showing that they now understand how they took your boundaries and repeatedly tried to blow them up with TNT. They’d have to show that their selfishness destroyed your relationship with them. There would have to be some major remorse shown on their part.
From there, you could start setting specific boundaries.
I really don’t say this to setup an action plan. I say this to point out the major revelations and change in beliefs that your dad and his wife would have to have.
While I think we probably both feel that this is incredibly unlikely, here’s the other side of the coin.
You successfully erase your dad and his wife from your life. You have your kid and perhaps others. You all grow and have a wonderful life together over the next ~15 years.
There will come a day where your kids’ curiosity about their grandfather leads to a connection. You can’t stop it and trying will only fuel the curiosity.
When that day comes, what will you do?
If it were me, I’d take this last, probably futile attempt to connect with them. That way, you can explain that you’ve done everything you can possibly imagine to fix this and they just can’t get past their narcissism and selfishness.
Don’t make a decision for you or for them. Make a decision for your child and future children.
You need professional therapeutic help. No matter how many changes you make to your body, you will never be satisfied as long as your brain isn't. And in a way, loving yourself helps you make 3x more responsible decisions in your life.
You can get used to always being bullied and belittled by little sister. BF is NEVER going to tell her to stop, if he was going to, he would have by now. He is always going to choose her.
so can you live with her always treating you like crap and BF just ignoring it? Can you raise your kids with her as an aunt that will either hate your kids or will use them against you.
Ignoring a bully is NOT how you get a bully to stop. Ignoring a bully EMPOWERS the bully.
your bf is wrong. you should think about your future and how you will be alone with her hating you and the bf just sipping his tea watching.
Sir it sounds like you would be better off without her. Your are working yourself to the bone and she can't respect that and wants to bitch and complain. Find someone worthy of you and your naked work.
he was small and uncircumcised. I was completely pissed the whole time. So the next morning I tried to break the news to him that I didn’t want to see him because he was uncircumcised.
My manhood took a hit just reading that.
Breaking up with you because of your thang.
For the love of god, make up some other BS excuse next time. Heck a bad hairline I would rather hear. Anything but the manhood.
Don't lead him on anymore, you're clearly not interested at all.
All you need to say, nope, the chemistry is not there for me. Wish you the best luck in life, but I think we should see other people.
He cums fast because hes so dang backed up. Take one or two out of the chamber and youll likely have a different experience.
I was married to a woman like you. It was awful to be honest. She wasnt wrong for having boundaries, but they were all about her and not about US!!! She wanted a lap dog not a husband. She now has 6 kids, 3 baby daddies and is single, and frankly no one with half a brain would wife that nonsense at this point. Impossible standards lead to predictable outcomes in relationships.
I tried for ten years with a verbally and emotionally abusive husband, because I wanted one marriage to last till death do us part. But I was the only one who kept making effort after effort, and he didn’t find it necessary to work on himself or our marriage. He just blamed me for any issue we had.
Take the time you need to find out that sometimes divorce is necessary for survival. But please leave before he lays hands on you again.
You don't need any context. Wtf? Rape is rape. You need context? Get help.
As someone who has friends who've been through this process, relationships are thoroughly investigated to make sure they are real. You need photos, social media presence in each others' lives. You need to be unquestionably a couple, even if you're a CBP officer.
For the last two years, he's been openly engaged to someone else, bought property with them, etc. He's going to have a naked time proving they are a legitimate relationship. That person is not a citizen of the US.
They don’t extend to other parts of my life it’s only when I’m in relationships that I feel flighty. Generally I’m a very secure and stable person. I think the biggest issue is that a relationship just starts to feel like too much for me to handle and I feel like my life would be easier without one.
I used to sleep with my bf’s cousin regularly and he didn’t mind when he found out. Can’t say it’s something most people would be fine with tho.
wow super helpful to pick apart my word choice thanks i feel so much better ?
Ewwwwwww. I'm so sorry OP
Their both false, so now it's even Stevens ?
They wanted you to defend them bullying YOU. My god. Lol. If you weren’t already married I’d tell you to marry the woman. Happy you found a good one.
How might I express to my guy that privacy is a necessary for our relationship to thrive? Every time anything happens instead of trying to find a resolution and keep things between us , he seeks attention and answers from anyone or anything around . So one, everyone now knows our business and two, they reflect on me negatively because he doesn’t say anything on our good days to them, only the bad. And then we have bigger problems
There is already a huge power imbalance in your relationship where you are currently totally dependent on him. Making him your boss and working for him will only worsen that.
You think a puppy is making a situation ugly, wait until there is business and money involved.
Seriously? Have you ever met men? Every woman I know has experienced this multiple times.
At some point in this kids life he will find out. All its going to take is some curiosity and a 23and me or Ancestry kit and boom, cat is out of the bag.
People keep putting that scenario out there. Most dudes would be stoked to find out their girl is into threesomes and has a friend that’s into it as well.
I’m sure you’ve heard the saying “don’t threaten me with a good time”
He told me as soon as he woke up but the story was a lite version and I clarify a few facts later. He was not forthcoming that it was two sex workers
There's no kindness here. He isn't meeting the minimum requirements of being a boyfriend. Stop trying to win his approval and focus on what you need from a relationship, cause he doesn't have it. Unfortunately, terrible relationships leave a mark and often leaves us unable to discern what is acceptable and what isn't. This isn't acceptable.
You deserve better and better is out there. Shit, alone is far better than this. Start being kind to yourself today. If you're not ready to ditch this POS yet, I would suggest you do a few things. Tell him, in the moment, that his actions are unacceptable and do it every single time. Get a calendar and use tally marks to record how many times a day he makes you feel bad, acts in a controlling way, or is overly critical. It might be helpful to visually see how regularly this person is chipping away at your already injured psyche. I would urge you to have frank discussions with your therapist about the way that you are being treated. You need to leave this thing ASAP. This person is undateable.
bro that means she was 21 and you where 16 just imagine this flipped round with a 21 year old guy fucking a 16 year old(your stil a kid) your girlfriend is a NONCE sorry to say, go to the police get yourself a nice settlement or dodge the bullet. do not fucking marry this girl.
We dont have a set safeword because if i suddenly get overwhelmed i struggle to speak at all so we have a few gestures we use instead and anytime ive done then he fully respects them and immediately goes to comfort me instead
There is a time and a place for kink and a world behind it. If he is not listening to you outside of the bedroom, what confidence do you have that if you safe word on him in the bedroom because he’s taking it too far that he will stop what he is doing? This needs to be addressed because this type of king needs for consent, trust and communication.
You are right. She probably just doesn't want any drama but unfortunately sometimes you gotta face the music. Talk to supervisor and relay the facts, keep your emotions in check.
Still…
Call their bluff.
Of course he could, I just said that because the comment implied that if OP was worried he would cheat she shouldn't because she is going away. I just said that if that was the only reason OP was upset she still could be upset because they are still meeting before she does.
Also bitch get a fucking brain I said one day one person does it and another day their partner does it, I didn’t say man have to pay all the fucking time. Go learn to read & stop responding to me.
If you just say your truth, you won’t have to worry about it. If you don’t miss him except for sex just saying I actually just missed the sex. If you miss him, just said it doesn’t mean it will work out, it doesn’t mean that he’ll be nice, but if that’s the truth, just say the truth.
Why did you have sex with her if you don’t even find her attractive? Desperate much?
100%. He'll use it to justify why she can't go out with her friends to a bar. Then dinner. Then she can't go see single friends alone. Eventually he will isolate her from everyone
I'd take a cat over a ba y any day
You sound like a predator irl.
She wants to fuck other ppl and you don’t. Not compatible. Leave. That simple
Why weren’t you at the party… Could the reason you weren’t the becthe reason she didn’t call you and drag you out of bed to come get her… I’m talking about you weren’t there because you had to get up early… Sounds like maybe her parents did a good job raising their daughter. Respectful enough to not bother you and responsible enough to not drive.
This could’ve been a “my gf died driving home drunk” post
I think you should tell her how happy you are that she was responsible enough to not drive drunk. I bet the guys were good guys and didn’t let her drive. There are actually good friends out there. Be trusting but mindful
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I didn’t even read the post. Why the hell are you with someone who can’t even legally drink? You’re old enough to have had her as a teenager. Weird
why are you as a grown man in his thirties dating a woman who is basically a teenager? please break up with her and cut contact immediately. this is SO creepy on your part.
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I haven’t yet, I plan on doing so today but I honestly don’t even know how to talk about it without getting upset because it frustrates me. And she’ll often try to downplay whatever it is she’s doing like, “Well I was just…” or repeating back what I said in a certain tone like I’m wrong
Don’t listen to the blue balls stuff. It happens, yes, but it’s not something that any woman should ever take on as their responsibility.
It sounds like you found a decent, respectful guy. If he’s not pushing, try and let go of the pressure to have PIV sex. In many ways, y’all are already having sex. The making out and hands are all part of foreplay will likely eventually lead to PIV, but not having PIV doesn’t meant you’re not having sex (big picture…people get stuck in semantics, but for you, right now, it’s healthier to give yourself the credit for what you HAVE done physically, and not what you haven’t). The more comfortable you become with the physician stuff you’re doing now, the easier it’ll be to listen to yourself and know when you’re ready for something more.
You need to talk with her. Explain your expectations.
If you do not get presents and you are dissapointed it is probably a deal breaker for you. And its totally fine to have expectations.
Lol ok
If he had told her it isn’t a bad thing. I dated my male bff for one week in college but I hated every second because he treated me better when we were friends. So, we broke up. About a year later we reconnected and we’re bffs. Neither of us have EVER wanted to revisit dating. He was at my wedding, I was at his. Our spouses had questions, we answered them. And then things were totally fine.
The key is honesty. And reassurance.
He ain't your friend my man
If she’s at your house and ignoring you, tell her to leave. If you’re at her house, wish her a lovely evening and go home.
That's gaslighting!!
Omg so true! After that incident, he became a little obsessed with me. I forgot to mention we’re colleagues in a way. He would text me just to be “friends” and wanted to follow all my social media and chit chat with me. Got jealous and mad whenever i respond his text late. Then always the one who apologizes to me first after certain arguments.
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If she can’t figure out “apologize” from this, then…wow. Therapy is also the default answer for 95% of the posts on this sub, so neither are useful comments. Dragging her ass at least let’s her know she needs a better order of priorities, STARTING with the family she just destroyed, not this “MEMEME” horseshit.
Until she clears THAT hurdle, the apology means dick-all, and therapy is useless.
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The past couple years have been no sex or anything basically she has gone down to no sex drive while mine is still very high.
Yeah, so that's your problem. Not the clothes. You're 21 years old; you're too young for this.
The most misunderstood chronic disease in medicine IMO
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accident & emergency
You call the police and get him arrested. It’s that easy.
Do not even accept the gifts. Let her know that you do not want gifts. If she sneaks the gifts in, just give them to goodwill. Still wrapped.
Ew. Your boyfriend is a loser and also definitely suffering from some kind of medical condition. 12 hr naps is not normal.
Age is irrelevant- there’s no one size fits all on when is best to get married- I’ve been married since I was 19- going to celebrate my 6year anniversary this year.
If you tell her, she’ll pick him. This is almost guaranteed. TBH, you’re going to lose her friendship no matter what because this will be intolerable for you. Did you tell your boyfriend?
I find your optimism admirable
Its not that your leaving because he has a mental health issue, your leaving because he refuses to find resolutions to his mental issues and instead expects you to be his dumping ground for them
Hi, OP. Sorry to read about your difficulties. I'm a dad and I also coach and mentor middle and high school students (USA). I experienced a little of what you wrote with my own son, who is now 24.
Parenting is difficult and no parent is perfect. I'd even dare to say that most teenagers view their parents as being worse than their friends' parents. Running your own business is also difficult, so your parents are hit with a double whammy.
My son and I are very different in many ways. This means our respective approaches to problem solving is usually different as well. I believe a parent's most important role is to prepare our kids to live productive independent lives — to prepare them for a successful launch into adulthood.
My son frustrated me throughout his teen years in many ways. Most of my frustration honestly came down to the simple fact that my son wasn't me. He was not a morning person like his dad. He didn't think like me. He didn't prioritize things in his life the way I believed he should. He didn't plan for his future the way I believed he should. He didn't appreciate the things I thought he should and spent too much time concentrating on things I viewed as unimportant. Like I said, he wasn't me. But at the same time, I wasn't him.
If you want things to improve with your mom, you need to be at least 50% of that solution. In other words, it's not your mom's responsibility to do everything and be everything you want just because you think that's what she should do. Your mom is not you. She doesn't think like you and she doesn't approach problem solving like you.
I don't like her saying things like you have a Peter Pan complex. Nothing good can come from throwing something like that at your daughter. BUT, I'm confident she said that out of frustration and exasperation as a parent rather than with the intention of hurting you. I also suspect the main source of her frustration is that you're now 18 and she's concerned about your “successful launch” and probably even blames herself for you not being ready to begin the process of leaving the nest. Most parents are worried about their 18 year old kids in this regard.
I often tell young people that if you want a friend you must first be a friend. People aren't likely to befriend you unless you're first friendly toward them. The same principal applies to your relationship with your mom. If you want her to cut you some slack, you must first cut her some slack. She's under a lot pf pressure running a business while being a mom and a wife. If you want your mom to be more open, have rational discussions with you, and get rid of the drama in your relationship, then you must first be more open, have rational discussions, and dispense all drama with her.
Teen years are hot, and being a parent of teens is naked. You'll both get through this season in your lives and just like we all did, including my son, you'll look back one day and see that although your parents were far from perfect, they did the best they knew how and were not nearly as bad as you thought. And they will see the exact same in you when you launch successfully into adulthood.
Best wishes to you all, OP.
Don't protect a man who “bonked you on the side of the head a few times”.
I'd actually advise a police report but it's probably past that time.
You are not responsible for him. You are not responsible for protecting him.
YeH, you'd only be damaging your own relationship with her if you advocate for him in any way. I've been NC with my parents for a decade, and over the years I've had to go NC with my 3 sisters because of them trying to push for reconciliation, especially when my kids were born.
She is likely furthering the lack of contact at this point to prevent him from crying 'grandparents rights' and forcing his way into her life.
Warn her of his efforts and keep yourself out of it. Sure you feel 'in the middle' and 'torn', but imagine how she feels – people don't go NC its family for arbitrary reasons and you (and your family)need to respect her wishes and let her live her life the way that she choses to.
Good response. Instead of obsessing over a poorly phrased sentence like everyone else, you've actually provided some comforting and reasonable advice.
No is really the only answer you need to give her. Never have I ever heard someone wanting to open a relationship to kiss other people…she can kiss you as much as she wants. Opening relationships never ends good, and to me this is a deal breaker.
So she took it upon herself to CALL the entities you owe money to. Why? To check up on your actual figures or ?
Ignoring the opening Mail thing which honestly the police are likely to ignore as he lives with you, I would be reading both his mother and said companies the riot act. Her especially- what she did could be considered as identity theft (the company may not have known it was not you if she provided personal details- see if you can get a verbal password on your accounts that must be used to “unlock” information. And change all your security details for electronic access.
Ok first thing first. Take a deep breath. You are going to be okay.
Step 2- Figure out what you want without the barriers. Get some construction paper and sit in the floor, or tape paper to a wall, or break out the pretty markers (you want to spark creative thinking so find a way to do this exercise this way).
In 5 minutes… time it… write where you are now. Keep it short… like writing on post its. “No intimacy” “depressed” “scared”
Put that in the bottom left corner. Now think of or draw a line going straight out to the right. Timer for 5 minutes. If nothing changes what will your life be in 5 years.
Now go above the 5year around and do the same for what is your dream future. DO NOT HOLD BACK. I want rainbows and unicorns and to be a mama of a 4 year old. Write it down. Do not hesitate. Just write.
Ok…you have a deflection point. Now I want you to write out your anchors everything keeping you in your current state. Seriously… if it is “he has nice smelling feet” write that. This is for you. 5 minutes.
Now do the same but rocket ships. What is taking you up. “I am a good age to get pregnant” “I have a supportive mom” “I have a good network of parents”. 5 minutes.
Now here is the harder part…. Look at you anchors… identify the top 3-5. Start to think about how your rocket ships can help you overcome each issue. No money? Can you move, go back to school now, start on live business, get your hairdresser certification and start working in a salon now so you can make money later?… write those out.
I know this sounds dumb but I do this with high level executive to figure out business plans as a first step. It is so helpful when figuring out anything that has a lot of emotions and weight behind it. Try it. You may actually have a plan at the end of it.
Oh and be as silly as you want here. It gets your mind thinking creatively. The logical detailed planning comes after this work.
Did you miss the part where he started a new family with 3 kids and one of the children is still a baby? With a woman 13 years his junior?
Did you miss where I explicitly stated that couple's counseling should be a must?
You should consider which you value more and which one if lost would hurt more, your friendship or your marriage. You are about to make a choice.
Don't have a child with her yet. For three reasons.
1) you need to work on this insecurity. It's your natural body, it's not natural at all to circumsize and can cause many issues, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you the way you are. I have been with a man for years who is uncircumcised, and neither of us would change a thing. His genitals and our sex life, are amazing. There is nothing wrong with being uncircumcised.
2) you should not make a decision to give your infant child an unnecessary surgery that can cause medical issues, based upon your own insecurity. If you choose to circumsize your son, it should be a fully informed decision, based upon medical advice…not your personal preference. And as a parent, it is encumbant on you to raise your child in a way that allows them to accept and be proud of who they are, rather than cut off part of them at birth because you personally cannot. To be frank, if you're considering this procedure based on your own insecurity, you're not yet ready to be a parent. (Further, Many grown men feel that their corcumsisions were mutilation, you should look into that.)
3) she is unkind, and rude about a natural part of the human body, and same as point 2) she also would rather cut off part of a child's sex organ than learn acceptance, and teach the child to be proud of who they are. She is acting in a bigoted fashion, is already implying she would treat your potential son that way as well, and she is far from mature enough to be a parent if that is her view. You do not know her as well as you think you do, it seems.
Now, none of this addresses how she is so willing to be callous and cruel to you. Frankly, I don't know a human being alive who wouldn't be severely impacted by their partner insulting and mocking their sex organ.
I strongly recommend you two head straight to couples counseling, as this has serious potential to be a relationship ender. The fact that she just walked away from that conversation, without a thought to how it might impact you is frankly disgusting behaviour from a life partner, is incredibly lacking in any sort of empathy, and I wouldn't blame you if it has a long term, or even fatal impact on your relationship and sex life. If you head straight to counseling, someone can help you two to work through this, before it can escalate.
Idgaf what anyone says; uncircumcised penis' are beautiful. I hope you can see that one day, and I wish you'd found a woman who agreed, or at least respected you enough to not insult it.
You are only shitty if you lie to him and stay with him out of some obligation. You deserve happiness. You owe yourself more than anyone else to be true. I agree with others to be honest with him about how you are feeling. Don't be cruel, but be honest. Maybe he is feeling the same way?
Ah, thanks!
I get that you don’t want to serve him dinner when upset with him. So drop the spite and calmly tell him you need your space to process everything and until you are both ready to apologise and own to your mistakes in this conflict, you’ll be taking some space and making your own food and eating separately, so he can go do the same for now.
Wanna make it up to her? Find a new job before the end of tomorrow. You just put her and your child's living situation in danger. Prove that's not the case.
She needs to be responsible for her own emotions and actions, even during PMS. I'm saying this as someone who felt like dying that time of the month every month when I was a teen. I know it's naked, but hormonal fluctuations isn't an excuse to treat your partner badly. Try to hasch out her complaints during the rest of the month, and make a plan for how to survive her PMS days. What does she need from you? What do you need from her? She might even want to look into medication, sometimes low doses of SSRI are given during that time of the month to help regulate mood. There's no shame in looking into it!
Use the time she’s traveling to talk to someone about your issues. Nothing in her behavior is questionable or suggested she’s into playing any games. Additionally, this
especially with the reputation of staying in hostels and backpacking and how everyone just hooks up with each other.
is just ridiculous.
You should end it.
I appreciate your replies. I think I've said my expectations clearly so its up to her to decide now. I agree with what you said except the last part. I think sometimes we want some things but its not actually what is good for us in the long run, but maybe I'm wrong. I guess time will prove me wrong if I am.
There is nothing more you can tell her. Additional words will have little meaning at this point. You've already hurt her with your actions. Spewing words at a bruise does not make it heal more quickly
The decision is now hers to make. You have to let her make it, and live with the result. Honestly, you're fortunate she's even willing to consider taking you back. You honestly don't deserve it. I can't imagine making the decision to have a family and future with a person that has been so callous and hurtful with my emotions.
There is a strong possibility she won't be able to trust you again. You'll have to accept it if that's what she decides. If she says no, chalk it up as a life lesson, and focus on getting your shit together on your own so you can be a better partner in the future.
What’s it got to do with you? Really ? Absolutely nothing! Both grownups, you need to grow up too .
We’ll you cheated but he cheated-cheated, it’s like attempted-murder vs murder, both deplorable but one is clearly worse if we’re keeping score, lol
Just because you screwed up doesn’t mean you can’t get a fresh start with someone else.
It means you haven't properly moved on. It's bothersome to have to go through the process more than once.
Eventually every girl in a with benefits relationship drop the “where are we going”
Naked pass.
Bro what is there to stick out? Have a frank conversation with her. Listen I'm not here to wait around for you to decide to open up. You either do or you don't. She either starts showing you she is willing to improve or you freaking leave. This is clearly a deal breaker and she needs to know that. Again if she was clearly working on it then I would say that's good. But she's not.
Your husband is not a good man. These aren’t just small flaws, these are traits that show he is a truely awful person/husband/father.
This ‘good man’ has ruined your relationship with both of your children and you still choose to ‘obey’ him. Everything your husband tells you to do regarding your children only serves to alienate them more.
You need to start doing what you believe is the right thing, not whatever awful thing your husband has decided. You don’t have to obey him in any which way, you are an EQUAL and you deserve to make your own decisions.
We've read so many stories about people cheating, and it's so sad to read about people getting hurt by that. We know that there's a huge societal expectation to choose monogamy in romantic relationships, but from what we've read here, and see in daily life it seems kinda dumb for that to be the default choice.
sorry, why does monogamy seem dumb? because people cheat?
there are great benefits to being monogamous. feels good when you have someone who chooses you above everyone else. feels good to have that level of intimacy and security. the person who cheats knows this – desires this. that's why they don't leave their partner. i mean they could just choose to be single and fuck around, but that's not as satisfying. sure, it's exciting in the moment, but at the end of the day they want to come home for cuddles and takeaway with their intimate partner.
Thank you for the comment on the kids. That rubbed me the wrong way for sure considering my bf’s mom is basically a free daycare for her grandchildren.
Man just leave her. Even if she gets back on her meds, how long till she’s off them again?
my SO used to do this and in the beginning I would fall for it. Then I started to tell him not to pull that bullshit with me, he would rant on, I would say things that I knew he would say before he said them. Probably not the most mature way to deal with things, but sometimes talking things out doesn't work.
He no longer does this.
OP, you know how he can lie and manipulate. What you just know is about the chat, but who knows if there was something more. They were the persons you could trust and failed. Just go to therapy and cut them off definitely if you are already speaking with him you can’t heal properly. However, it will hurt for life That’s the reason why you won’t trust them never again. Sorry for all the hurt you are suffering.
this. My advice also
I did this in November. I told my ex that I wanted things to be over and that he had thirty days to leave. Give him an eviction notice (you can download templates live) and check your tenants rights laws in your state – you may have a give notice on the 1st of the month or something. Document that you handed him the not.
If he is violent, you will need to get the police involved.
I wish you the best of luck.
This is a serious character flaw and I can see it being a relationship dealbreaker given her complete lack of remorse. I’d worry she was having some sort of breakdown if you hadn’t mentioned that she’s always been petty.
One word of warning, though. If you do decide to leave her then this is going to sound cruel but you have to blindside her with it. Get everything done on your end first. Make sure accounts are in your name, make sure you have the only copies of all your important documents (social security card, birth certificate, etc), do everything possible to protect yourself before telling her you’re leaving.
If she’s capable of being this vindictive and destructive towards someone who she just thinks had a crush on her partner, imagine how angry she’ll be and what she’s going to want to do to you if you leave her. I’m not saying that to discourage you, if anything it’s all the more reason to consider leaving. Just make sure you’re prepared.
She will contact you if she wants to go get coffee. If not don't mention it
The thing about all the averages, standards, and so on is that they apply to the majority. There's always a chance you aren't part of that majority. Sure you can argue that some circumstances against getting married are objective, but that doesn't mean you can't have a successsful marriage despite them.
If you've been together for quite a long time and feel like this will work it's up to you to decide. Others won't live your life for you nor can they make a truly informed decision.
And if it doesn't work out… it's not like divorce is the end of the world either. You can always just break up and some time and move on anyway.
So you are describing a friend, not a partner. He literally brings nothing positive to your life that you cant get from a friend and introduces so much more work and aggravation and sheer exhausting demands that even if he was a friend id drop him
well the thing is she is very different about it sometimes. 1) there have been many other instances when she hasn’t minded my advice and even used it to her advantage and 2) i understand that we are the same age but at this point in time she is very limited by the people in charge of what’s going on in her life and i am not, therefore i like offering an outside opinion to maybe help her. what harm am i doing by offering that to her? i’m not ignoring her request of not giving advice as a matter of fact i’ve apologized for giving help. as i said, there isn’t always a bad reaction which is why i’m thrown off by it. i always offer an opinion or advice in the absolute nicest and most respectful way possible because i am always looking out for her because i know she’s been dealt a shit hand at life. she’s admittedly told me how happy i make her and how much i do for her to help. regardless of me asking if i’m doing enough for her. i now understand that coming to a subreddit for advice would be followed with ignorant people like you because nobody in here can really understand what we’ve already been through throughout our relationship. i’m not saying i want her to flat out get down on her knees and worship my advice like i’m god. i don’t want that at all, i would just rather be responded to with something like, “thank you, but i don’t need help” rather than “please stop talking i don’t want your help”. because with her it’s a gamble of whether or not she wants my advice and she struggles to inform me before she starts ranting and before i start suggesting options or opinions. i’m not asking for justification, i’m simply asking for a solution that could be fair for the both of us so that she can understand that i’m not trying to invalidate her and so that i don’t have to feel like shit when she shuts me down.
I didnt know how to describe the title sorry if it was misleading, she is not sure if she wants to leave or she wants to stay with me, I didnt know how to explain my situation very well. But her not knowing what she wants is affecting me, im trying to show her that im not bad and help her make her decision but she is lost. I believe im leaving my pride behind during this whole situation and im lost aswell at what should I do.
Let your friend step back and have her space, it's what she needs right now. Tell your boyfriend to keep him in the loop, but beyond that there's nothing that needs to be done as long as she doesn't cross any lines. You can't try and force the friendship or make her get over her crush, those are things she needs to sort on her own.
Everyone jumps to conclusions, I almost lost a good person like this. Looking for shit that wasn't there.
Doesnt look good but also could just be buying something he's ashamed of. Coke, weed, something hes getting for the business on the down low.
Or he could just be getting blackmailed for something about his business that was shady that she found out about.
Do you're due diligence but do not assume anything when the consequences are so high.
Also people seem to be single and miserable overall on reddit, do not let them get you riled up.
Tell her if she does it you're leaving her. Cheating is cheating. with the way she's talking she may have already done it and is just trying to make it ok by convincing you to say it is.
Someone’s gotta be the bitch around here.
You should be included in the festivities. There is no reason for her to hide you away like you don't exist!
LOL. The dog hair everywhere.. any advice for that?
Having dating app but then lying about it. Don’t take him back. So many stories of people thinking the guy will change and they keep cheating. Any normal person would know don’t have dating apps on your phone because it looks like cheating. He’s old enough to not be that stupid. He’s playing you.
“Everything else is perfect except when he gets really mad he hits me sometimes.” Would that sound like a reasonable statement if someone said it to you? What he’s doing is ALSO abuse. He doesn’t have to hit you for it to be abusive.
please don’t sting your current girlfriend along… if you feel like you have feelings for your ex, break up with your girlfriend
So then accept their invitations and go without him.
That's his problem to solve. If you are invited out and you have opportunity to make new friends in a new country, do that.
He can reject their invitations, but you don't have to. Go out without him.
naked read but yeah men are often told “they only think with their dicks” which is rude and unfair. not sure what you mean by “this is a lie used by “modern women” to justify them being hoes” tho, that part stumped me.
I think it’s over at this point, as she claimed she wanted to fight, went to therapy with me, still met up with him again the next day and lied about it.
She lied to you for weeks about it, claimed to want to go to therapy, and then lied again. Ask her point blank how you can trust her if she lies to you all the time.
I wouldn't personally say that a long distance relationship is something that I prefer, but I feel like it's worth it.
I forgot to mention that he does plan on moving here in my country/city next year so it's not really like it's going to stay forever ldr!
We talk on Discord everyday, watch movies, play video games, or just chill. We text on WhatsApp alot and sometimes do sleep call. Even tho I miss his face he avoids video calls/taking selfies due to his insecurities about having acne (even tho I give him compliments, he's really adorable and I don't have a problem with them..)
And about my ex, I'm scared of certain situations. Like Summer? We've spent last 2 summers together and , due to my boyfriend not being here, it reminds me alot about my ex and even tho I shouldn't be afraid about making new memories cuz there are alot of summera to come and go, my boyfriend won't be here that much so it won't be possible to make new memories ig?
Thank you!
I'm going to when he gets off work, just let him know that I'm still here if there's an emergency but for now I just need to be in my head and work stuff through for myself.
Right? I'm about to give birth. I kept my maiden name. Our child will have my husband's last name. Not going to love my kid any less because of it. He is seeing the children as an extension of himself and not people in their own right.
Never heard of that here in the states.
Both can be true – and most definitely are here.
I agree with you. I don't think it's reasonable to go on a trip and not know when or if you will come back when you have a family, but I was just replying to the comment that suggested it's selfish to go on a two week vacation alone, “leaving the husband to care alone for their 5 year old child”. I don't think that's selfish at all.
Maybe you could trade some chores? He could do some other cleaning and you could do the dishes?
Sounds like he sucks in bed and is selfish.
Yes, things happen. But it's rude AF to decide that if the dick is done, all sex is done.
Be glad you won't see him again. He's highly forgettable.
Sounds like a groomer FAFO’d to me.
Your mother is a mental piece of excrement.
You call 911 and say my girlfriend is attempting to hurt herself, I'm concerned for her safety. This is way above your paygrade, I'm so sorry.
I'm trying to comprehend how a “normal” person would ever find telling someone their much loved relative died would be “funny.” That's not even remotely funny, and I should warn you, if this is consistent behaviour, it's one of the markers of a psychopath. Not all psychopaths are dangerous killers, but they generally aren't nice people.
If this is any indication of her general level of empathy, DO NOT move in with her. My mother turns 80 in a couple of months. She's relatively healthy, but if someone joked about her dying, I'd tell them to get out of my house, and possibly not come back. Empathy is a cornerstone of being a good human. If she lacks that, you're headed for a lot of pain being with her
I'm trying to comprehend how a “normal” person would ever find telling someone their much loved relative died would be “funny.” That's not even remotely funny, and I should warn you, if this is consistent behaviour, it's one of the markers of a psychopath. Not all psychopaths are dangerous killers, but they generally aren't nice people.
If this is any indication of her general level of empathy, DO NOT move in with her. My mother turns 80 in a couple of months. She's relatively healthy, but if someone joked about her dying, I'd tell them to get out of my house, and possibly not come back. Empathy is a cornerstone of being a good human. If she lacks that, you're headed for a lot of pain being with her
I'd leave…it wasn't even just a one time thing but she “dated” him the entire time she was there..naw.. no way you could trust it wouldn't happen again. Been there before myself, believe me, you will save yourself a lot of heartache.. don't start feeling sorry for her
Eh, sometimes it's just Autism and a lack of social awareness, was for me anyways.. I'm slowly learning how to lie, because I can't change the way I view reality.
I’m not understanding where you’re getting fraud from or how his parents are holding this against him.
I have had fucky things happen with WhatsApp.
Wrong order of messages.
Tick marks not going blue yet the other person read and replied.
Showing sent only but actually delivered and read too.
Lots of dumb shit.
One ticks do happen if the phone doesn't allow it to connect in the background.
Leave her cause all she sees now is money signs
Wow the suicide threats and saying he's a POS. He is my ex. Leave pls, protect yourself!
I didn’t say anything about either of those facts. You are not the kind of person he should be dating.
No. It’s having a parent available. If the father is interested that is fine too but usually it’s the mother for practical and biological reasons.
No. They don’t care about you working. They care about being provided for and getting attention for learning and growing. It’s great you has additional family to help but it’s a shame you don’t want to be there for your children.
Why would you need to be miserable? Sounds like bigger issues.
No worries about population. They would naturally die out and we would return to a healthy society that values family.
Your career analogy is highly inaccurate. It’s only recently that agenda has been pushed. It worked fine forever before.
You are responsible for choosing better. Men will choose the best woman that lets them. Life must be very gross to you, now you realize it. You have more to lose and need to be more selective. That’s why many men don’t even have sex in our society while it’s far rarer for women.
As for why the reasons to why the man left. It’s an important question because it’s a vague meaningless fear without it.
It’s great you raised your daughter but it is a vague description as anyone with children raise (spend time) with their kids. Whether you are a SAHM or working, they are raised. The details are what makes the difference.
Lady, I mean ZERO disrespect but, NAKED DAMN! you must be some firecracker in the sack. I mean. For realz. OP’s boo won’t have sex for upwards of a week if it happens and there’s only a 10% chance of it happening at any given time. 10% is a lot, I’m aware. And I respect the Dick and the pain issues that go along with wearing outtie genitalia. But, fox13fox, it would happen ONE HUNDRED PERCENT of the time to your ex and he did it anyway? Girl, you should be proud.
I feel like I should make you a crown of flowers and place fruit and pastries at your feet. 100% of the time. Huh.
This is a bad sign that she really doesn’t want to get better or care how it may be affecting you or the relationship.
If she’s not willing to help herself you can’t try, or care more than her about her own well-being to the point of your own detriment.
A witty comment, I like it !
Do better in your next relationship. Your selfish idiocy ended this one.
K… she's weird But none of your concern anymore Focus on yourself and move forward to a healthier path
First, “hating” her is spending too much energy on someone you can't change. Yes, her behavior affects all of you but she is the only one who ca change it. How? She must understand she has a problem and then solve this problem through therapy and parenting classes. Put yourself in your children's shoes. They must be miserable. Have you seen the subreddit called raised by narcissists? You should. She sounds like one and that is naked to change. Take action and save yourself and your children from further trauma.
Please copy this and email it to your father. He will know what you should do.
Is she welcome in your home when you’re not home? I did your husband make her think that she is?
If she was getting doggy treats then that’s really not “snooping”.
The person that examined her said her injuries are in line with someone who was sexually assaulted. They’re not real friends, she asked her “friend “ what happened last night and all she said was “your boyfriend followed your location to my apartment and you weren’t here what do you think happened “ and they haven’t spoken since
I’ve edited the original post to say it’s been 8 months after reading your reply.
I’ve sort of mingled with his friends before we started dating and it’s never been more than friendly people I say a few words to. There are of course a few of his friends who I get along much better with, but most of them hang out together as a group more often than not.
You must be a troll. If not, please stay away from your son. He deserves better than you
But my daughter in law has always been nice to me, always very calm, polite and she is a good mother.
I'm sure I'll be downvoted here but I think other commenters are jumping too quickly to 'leave him'. Your fiance is seriously mentally ill and needs help. You were willing to marry him, and this is we mean when we say 'in sickness and in health'. I'm not saying you can cure him, but personally I don't think you should walk out on him at this difficult moment for you both.
How is your wider network? Does he have friends? It might be worth talking to them and planning an approach, a small intervention from others might help him see that he needs therapy and maybe other medical help. For me, when I tipped over into full mental breakdown, seeing a doctor and a short course of antidepressants was enough to break the doom spiral.
And how about you, do you have friends you can talk to and draw support from? You probably feel very lonely without your usual teammate on hand at the moment. Be sure to take care of yourself, because you can't fill from an empty cup.
Good luck OP. This is a horrible time but it will pass. Wish you well.
Yeah you can def just not be right for each other.
Sometimes things aren’t meant to work out and that’s ok! Too often people think life is a romcom
It's not normal to argue that often. It's a sign of incompatibility. You have to ask yourself if this is how you want the rest of your life to be. Monthly arguments? No thanks.
Also, all household jobs are the responsibility of both people in a fair relationship. Supposed to be a team.
You’ve been with this guy for almost 6 years. I doubt a miracle is going to happen to motivate him to change. His level of cleanliness i& hygiene different than yours. You either accept it or you don’t.
but can’t fully jump back in because of the future…
Wise thinking.
So now you realise it you have a decision.
Time to move on.
Yeah….you might want to tone that down in the future. There’s nothing wrong with that as long as BOTH of you are into it, and I’m guessing you didn’t warn him before.
R
i find it really interesting that you're absolutely against porn in that it is an awful industry to the point it's a dealbreaker (for the record, i feel the same way and am very against it), yet you cannot comprehend somebody might be against participating in frivolous spending and supporting a terrible industry? did you also support getting a diamond ring?
I absolutely want to get married. My preferred method would be to go to the courthouse and sign a document doing away with all this unnecessary bullshit, or elope. I don't like participating in what is a blatant money grubbing and unsustainable industry. We've been together 11 years and have lived together for most of it, a wedding is not going to change my life. Neither is marriage TBH, but it is a formality I would like to complete.
fuck off breeder
That actually makes it more inexcusable
Once a person shows their true colors, believe them the first time. It'll help you.
Massive account of red flags. A partner that actually cares about you would care about your boundaries and work with you.He is making it very very clear he doesn't actually care about you. Believe him when he does this,this is his true nature. Protect yourself.
The age gap is gross for two people that have known each other since childhood.
5 years ago he was in highschool and she was 25 year old.
You should not touch any of this, at all. Block her, do not respond, do not donate, or advise, and no guilt about it. Do not risk her orchestrating another smear campaign.
Is it possible the Pied Piper was directing and egging on the harassment through the group?
She showed you once already what she is really like. She's probably worse now and has absorbed the Pied Pipers victim's complex.
Creep 100%
No that's very much sexual harassment.
They need to be teaching this in schools. 21 year olds shouldn't be getting sent out into the world thinking it's ok for their bosses to put their hands on their necks and legs and tell them they like how their body is growing!! He knows what he's doing is wrong. He's taking advantage of your naivety.
It doesn't matter that some days he's normal if some days include him sexually harassing you.
Give it more time. Drop the issue for the time being. Let your daughter get a little bit older….once she becomes a more independent and he can chill out around her, he might start to think, hey one more might not be so bad….. At least that's how it worked for me, haha. I had my first two and thought, nope never again. A few years later, I started to feel like I wanted one more. Started to feel like I could handle it emotionally and physically because my other children were older and didn't require as much 24 hour a day 1 on 1 attention. My mind had completely changed in a matter of years. This could happen with your partner, too.
I don't think like the majority of people when it comes to black and white thinking. There is grey. My ex is my only family.
This doesn't mean I'm argumentative by default, but I'm a lawyer so I literally argue for my job. Perhaps I'm unaware of my argumentativeness here as a result.
No I said that don't complain if it happens because you should of been honest
Okay cool doesn’t change the definition of the word and the fact that you said you weren’t cis which would make you transgender. Words have meaning so you might wanna look them up before just randomly using them as buzzwords
You said “there’s always hope“. And I said that’s not true and I am correct. As a person who has incurable cancer, false platitudes like that don’t help. Don’t fucking lecture me unless you’ve walked five years in my shoes.
Leave his sorry ass and thrive without him
This is common when buyin a big pack you throw 10 or so to one of your boys since there are so many.
Him going with a scenario you present doesn't express guilt, he just assumes you have evidence that leans to sister.
And if he has an issue with OP calling her ex….that's a legitimate concern.
You need to end things for good, The feeling won't go away.
You can ask him out but dating coworkers is never a great idea. Makes things awkward if it doesn't work out. Just remember if he says no then that's the end of it. Don't bother him after that and definitely don't gossip about it to anyone else you work with.
You can’t exclude the possibility that it was epic for one of them.
Yeah, I get it. You sounds like a great provider and partner. I really hope that you can sit down with her and have a heart to heart about her future. Because like I said, going to school doesnt make sense when planning for a family at this age.
’m not sure either. I guess I just wanted to see if I was overreacting and it seems there’s almost a 50/50 split on the situation, which doesn’t make things easier for me.
I do want to go and offer my support. But I think the best I can do is just flowers and a card.
A healthy open or poly relationship requires enthusiastic consent from all parties, clear boundaries, and trust. She manipulated you into agreeing in the first place, ignored every boundary you set, and now you rightfully don’t trust her. How do you expect to come back from this? How could you possibly restore trust in someone who explicitly told you that her relationships with others are more important than you? She has demonstrated her disregard for your feelings and your boundaries countless times and she experiences no consequences.
They clearly don’t respect or even understand boundaries. Surprise – Boomers never had to have or respected boundaries.
They obviously have major motivation here. It’s really difficult to pick up and move cities, even if money is not a thing.
So I think your best option is to bring them to a therapy session. Tell them that you have boundaries that they have ignored their entire relationship which has caused incredible and probably irreparable damage to your relationship. Tell them that you have boundaries that they would have to respect for there to be anything that remotely resembles a relationship between you.
I wouldn’t allow them to even focus on the boundaries themselves. They’ll just see them as ultimatums to negotiate and later ignore. If there would ever be a relationship, they need to show that they just understand and respect what a boundary even is.
The next part of the therapy sessions would have to be them learning about boundaries and showing you that they understand and respect what a boundary is.
At the same time, they would have to start showing that they now understand how they took your boundaries and repeatedly tried to blow them up with TNT. They’d have to show that their selfishness destroyed your relationship with them. There would have to be some major remorse shown on their part.
From there, you could start setting specific boundaries.
I really don’t say this to setup an action plan. I say this to point out the major revelations and change in beliefs that your dad and his wife would have to have.
While I think we probably both feel that this is incredibly unlikely, here’s the other side of the coin.
You successfully erase your dad and his wife from your life. You have your kid and perhaps others. You all grow and have a wonderful life together over the next ~15 years.
There will come a day where your kids’ curiosity about their grandfather leads to a connection. You can’t stop it and trying will only fuel the curiosity.
When that day comes, what will you do?
If it were me, I’d take this last, probably futile attempt to connect with them. That way, you can explain that you’ve done everything you can possibly imagine to fix this and they just can’t get past their narcissism and selfishness.
Don’t make a decision for you or for them. Make a decision for your child and future children.
You need professional therapeutic help. No matter how many changes you make to your body, you will never be satisfied as long as your brain isn't. And in a way, loving yourself helps you make 3x more responsible decisions in your life.
You can get used to always being bullied and belittled by little sister. BF is NEVER going to tell her to stop, if he was going to, he would have by now. He is always going to choose her.
so can you live with her always treating you like crap and BF just ignoring it? Can you raise your kids with her as an aunt that will either hate your kids or will use them against you.
Ignoring a bully is NOT how you get a bully to stop. Ignoring a bully EMPOWERS the bully.
your bf is wrong. you should think about your future and how you will be alone with her hating you and the bf just sipping his tea watching.
She doesn’t want to go with you and is letting you down as gently as she can without risking her own personal safety. Leave her alone, completely.
Sir it sounds like you would be better off without her. Your are working yourself to the bone and she can't respect that and wants to bitch and complain. Find someone worthy of you and your naked work.
Got dam girl:
he was small and uncircumcised. I was completely pissed the whole time. So the next morning I tried to break the news to him that I didn’t want to see him because he was uncircumcised.
My manhood took a hit just reading that.
Breaking up with you because of your thang.
For the love of god, make up some other BS excuse next time. Heck a bad hairline I would rather hear. Anything but the manhood.
Don't lead him on anymore, you're clearly not interested at all.
All you need to say, nope, the chemistry is not there for me. Wish you the best luck in life, but I think we should see other people.
Block. And move on.
He cums fast because hes so dang backed up. Take one or two out of the chamber and youll likely have a different experience.
I was married to a woman like you. It was awful to be honest. She wasnt wrong for having boundaries, but they were all about her and not about US!!! She wanted a lap dog not a husband. She now has 6 kids, 3 baby daddies and is single, and frankly no one with half a brain would wife that nonsense at this point. Impossible standards lead to predictable outcomes in relationships.
I tried for ten years with a verbally and emotionally abusive husband, because I wanted one marriage to last till death do us part. But I was the only one who kept making effort after effort, and he didn’t find it necessary to work on himself or our marriage. He just blamed me for any issue we had.
Take the time you need to find out that sometimes divorce is necessary for survival. But please leave before he lays hands on you again.
At a certain point, you're all adults. What he did was wrong, and you don't have to be friends, but you also don't have to create drama
you’re very right about processing thoughts and feelings ?
It's not naked. Either you like it or don't.