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Oh god, you don’t want people you want to work with thinking that’s your choice of partner. I should think, if you stayed with her, they would seriously question your judgment.
He full on wanted to do that to you but when you weren’t into it he freaked out and is using his past trauma as an excuse to try to cover it up. His trauma did not make him piss all over you. He assaulted you so I don’t know how you come back from that.
Enjoyment of food really adds to the quality of life, so you need to re-learn your relationship with food starting from more positive perspectives. Embrace food, food is life! Don't treat food as the enemy in your life or as simply a matter “fuel”.
Just because the people who made those comments about your weight were family, does not mean that their own relationships with food & bodyweight are healthy or anything to emulate. You should also be careful as just because someone is family, does notmean they hold a purely loving and unbiased view towards you (some family relationships can be very toxic, being as equally loving as they are issued or abusive).
People can also have a tendency to project their own issues onto others too; for example, one of my relatives suffered from anorexia during her youth and when she later became a mother, she unwittingly encouraged an eating disorder to develop in her own teenage daughter by continually complimenting her on weight loss and very thin frame despite her daughter becoming very unhealthy, dangerously thin and suffering with a lot of food issues. Although the mother herself hadn't been anorexic for years, she still had a lot of issues surrounding food and thinness, which twisted the daughters perspective on her mothers advice (because she didn't know how warped her mothers perspective was), making her think that she really did have bodyweight issues. And this problem is not uncommon; a lot of former anorexics continue to place bone-thinness on a pedestal long after they recover from their eating disorders (and so the lesson is that unless you know someone's personal relationship history with food & bodyweight, to always be very mindful.wary of where their advice or remarks regarding that might be coming from).
I think most of your BF's behaviour are indicative of him simply not knowing how to handle the situation. It sounds like he is trying to help, but is making mistakes and missing the mark sometimes because he doesn't totally understand the situation or know what to do.
It is important that you learn how to develop a healthy and good relationship with yourself regardless of how other people treat or percieve you. There is nothing wrong with your bodyweight, don't let fears and insecurities cast a big dark cloud over the enjoyment of your youth.
That's not how hair works dude.
Tired and scruffy I'll give you.
Solid advice
He's filling them with water and joining in water fights with the local kids but he is embarrased to admit this because he thinks that OP will accuse him of being immature or trying to relive his childhood ….
Did she start taking hormonal birth control lately by any chance? It can have an effect on her sense of smell.
Did you feel real love after that? I'm curious because i'm really getting wedded to the idea that's it's super rare and not everybody is meant for it. But thank you so much, i'm having tears rn, probably it's my period but i'm really thankful for your comment. I hope i can feel it soon too.
I'll honestly never get people like you, people that want to force their partners to get in contact with people they don't speak to or open about trauma they aren't willing to talk about, it's one of the most jarring things to deal with having someone keep pushing you to either contact someone or open up about something you don't want to talk about.
Did you force your own family norms onto this? “It can't be that bad, it's family afterall” You need to ask yourself this question: why didn't you just trust his word for it? He is the guy you want to marry afterall, so I don't understand why you would doubt him on this.
I hope you learned from it, because all you can do is give him space and let him talk to you when he wants
I do not view it as okay and I will not be doing any punishing of any sorts I have learned what's right from these helpful people in the comments thank you for commenting and helping.
He’s your husband. What if you die while your children are young and their biological father is nowhere to be found, do you trust your husband with your kids? How will he raise them without telling his family? Why would you remain with a man who hides the biggest part of you?
Make it make sense.
She's a messy drunk. Maybe she quits for good, maybe she doesn't but either way it doesn't need to be your problem.
This is the right move. I wish Reddit still had the free award, if they did I’d give it to you. OP needs to take this advice
Had you defined the relationship with her at that point? It’s kind of a technicality, and not great.
How did this conversation come up anyway?
I applaud you for having a cool head and following your lawyer’s instructions on how to proceed in this situation.
Please understand that you are not ‘taking down’ four marriages. Those marriages where taken down by the people who are cheating. It’s like a rot. It’s easy to online in ignorance about the rot, but once you find out, it’s better to let people know about this rot so that they can take their own actions.
Maybe your lawyer can get three additional clients out of this 🙂 He’s aware of the situation and he’s been working on it for a while. So, I’d think that he’s at this point better prepared to handle this situation.
YTA. Even if people on the left were upset, tough for them, it’s a concert.
Yes! There’s some brands that bother me (I’m a lady) so Dido on making sure they can be used anywhere and everywhere because that mistake was made lol. They can taste funny but sex shops usually have testers where you can taste each one and find one you like. I just like the mango the best and we found one that’s safe for me and him.
Has Lilly done anything that would make you think your trust issues will cause a problem?
With or without Lilly you should break up with Daisy if you don’t love her
Just hit 2 years.
I'm stunned that you'd want someone to marry you that doesn't want to marry you. You'd want someone to look at you every day knowing they didn't really want you but felt forced to be there. You'd want to online a life of pretense where your partner was thinking about how to escape every day.
I’ve been getting constantly downvoted for anything I say but thank you all so much and i think I should explain everything a lil bit more. I understand and maybe it is insecurity and ik I should def talk to her about it. I actually think it is more from a place of monogomous boundaries bc tbh I don’t think I’d like her seriously cuddling her straight friends either, because i think that level of affection should just be reserved for us. I do trust my girlfriend to not cheat on me and I think a lot of people have gotten the wrong idea, but it’s my fault for not explaining correctly. I figured out I am uncomfortable with my girl cuddling with any friends in general whether they’re gay or straight and whether or not my feelings are “valid“ I really can’t just change how I feel uncomfortable with logic. My sisters and so many girls I know who are naturally cuddly and touchy persons stopped cuddling with their friends entirely after they got boyfriends and many girls I’ve talked to about the issue (just asking if they cuddle with their friends) they say they’d find that a bit weird. I threw in that some of her friends are friends are bi and gay to basically help validate my point a bit but I think that got everyone confused and thought I was insecure about my gf and her cheating but that’s not it, because as I said earlier I would not really like her cuddling anyone like how she cuddles me. I know it’s a strange boundary but I can’t control feeling that way, I see cuddling as something similar to kissing and ik it makes girls feel “protected” or the other things girls said in this sub but I see it as something intimate that should only be reserved to partners. If my girlfriend was from a background where she kissed her friends for fun I would also be uncomfortable, even if there’s no emotions involved. Maybe that’s a hard take and maybe I actually am super insecure for believing this but many people are dming me and the comments are now pretty mixed on whether my boundaries are valid or not and that’s besides the point. I also want to establish I am not blaming my girlfriend. I can see how some people think I am attacking her and think she’s in the wrong but I understand that it is just ways we view different things, I thought this from the start even after all the comments calling me immature and a baby. That’s why I took this concern to Reddit in the first place, if I thought i was completely in the right I would’ve just messaged her about it already. I came to Reddit to know how to communicate with her or even whether to communicate with her about this concern of mine at all. Whether this comment gets downvoted or not I don’t really care anymore. This entire post is kinda controversial because of the complete variety in responses
It can cause problems in your feet AND near your genitalia for example actually, fungus for example, which could definitely cause a bad smell so maybe your bf could get that checked or try some creams, definitely keep everything dry and iodine can be very helpful. Even if that’s not the case it’s good to prevent so please dry yourself!
If your therapist is telling you it's the PTSD and anxiety, you need a new therapist. I'm assuming the therapist knows he actively cheated on you multiple times with multiple women? The therapist cannot blame you for lacking trust.
I don't see a reason to stay with him. If he accepted blame and worked to rebuild trust by giving you full access to his phone and location, I'd say maybe it could be worked through. But he's still blaming you. He's got the therapist blaming you, too. He isn't willing to change.
I’m going to be blunt, what you describe is the exact opposite of “doing a good job”. It’s ridiculous not to have each other’s number in case of emergencies involving the child. No one says you have to be besties or even like each other, but as mature adults with the responsibility of modeling healthy relationships for your stepson, you do need to be at a bare minimum polite and cordial. Perfunctory courtesy like you give to bank tellers and parking attendants. Hello, goodbye, please, thank you, how are you, take care. That’s it.
It also sounds like he got off light.
The fun solution, work out together. Meaning, have more sex, Dr's orders. Does she want a healthy guy or not ?. I got you, bro. Not even kidding, though, lots of burning of the calories there and drink more water, the amount for your actual size not that 8 glasses for all bs. Also, she just wants you to stay with her longer because you're probably the best to cuddle with cause you make her feel safe. That's just my guess & possible projections but she probably is just worried about your health, and she should be if she cares about you at all. Big hugs, ain't nobody happy with their bodies totally. You're not alone, even models complain about the way they look and they're paid for having theirs.
did you even read what you just replied to?
“reading through your comments, he has a lot of problematic ideas and behaviours” read OPs comments, it’s not just about the test.
He is a cheatong, lying, deceitful scum so there's nothing to miss.
If she wears it, talk to your photographer about changing the color on official pictures. If she asks about it or complain about it, either tell her that you didn't want her to look impolite in the pictures since she wore white as a guest in a wedding, or blame your photographer (with their permission, of course).
That 100% depends on if you are ok with it or not. My husband does this to me from time to time, but I have explicitly said to his face without being prompted or asked that he could. I have given him full unending general consent. The few times I have woken up and asked him not to, he stopped and gave an apology. And neither off us was upset the next day.
This does not sound like your situation
Do you have to pay prior to the surgery….? I work in billing at a hospital in the US and generally, you do not pay until after services are rendered – is this different in other countries? It is kind of hard to tell what the hospital bill is going to be before a procedure, no matter how invasive, simply because of her age. If you pay post-surgery, then just let it all be in her name and roll it to collections until she dies and they have to write it off. Are there laws in that country that state immediate family must assume all debt upon death? I know here, if my parents die with debt, it does not get handed to me. The corporation holding the debt typically have to just absorb it. Not sure on those laws pertaining to Latin America, I assume it'll vary from country to country. If you have to come up with the money beforehand, then that is a whole other issue….I just don't see how that is logical, considering it is impossible to know charges for a procedure (especially on someone of that advanced age) before it is completed. If she codes on the table and they have to use a bunch of meds and equipment to bring her back, then wouldn't they charge additional to the 60k? If they end up not needing to do part of the procedure, wouldn't they then not charge you for that? Idk, this medical facility seems shady tbh.
You said it as a challenge and not like you were telling him to stop. If this is real, it sounds like you didn't communicate what you actually meant and at no point told him not to do it. Maybe you need to talk to him about only doing things when you verbally say “yes” to avoid confusion. Though, if you're this oblivious to the things you say, maybe you shouldn't be intimate at all.
Lol like they say that? How does one tell someone they think they're a murderer?
“Yeah I've given her enough chances.” I think it's the opposite: you've given him enough chances.
He talks to other women and actively talks negatively about you to Abby. They are emotionally cheating, 100%. I promise you that if you leave, he'll immediately be messing around with her. She's encouraging him to leave you because she wants him. He resents you for “making him cut her off,” although it's obvious he didn't actually do that.
It's never gonna stop and he'll continue his emotional affair with Abby and other women. Leave his ass and spare yourself further pain and heartache.
You are long distance, haven't had any physical intimacy past hugging and she doesn't want to sext. You don't have a girlfriend, you have a girl best friend.
At this point you're better off realizing what it is and finding someone closer to you to be your actual girlfriend.
Oh my, she is actually unhinged. I am so glad she is going to the pshych ward. I hope they can help her.
You can't really do anything except encourage her to get help. What she is doing now she is teaching her child and that's not cool at all. She also needs to get her child into therapy. Poor thing.
Just be there. You sound like a good friend.
There is no “talking it out.” You have irrevocably damaged your relationship with your daughter and she will never speak to you again about anything. That ship has sailed.
May you should copy and paste this to r/AITA
So he works manual labor for 13 hours a day while you work less than half that and you want him to do as mamy chores as you? You have a cushy job, I'm assuming because you were able to go to school. At this point it's not about who makes more, it's about who's working harder. He's obviously more physically exhausted, and you're already home. I haven't even touched on the whole “just doubled my salary but want my bf to pay me more”, it comes across as very greedy and self serving. You come across as very privileged and I feel sorry for your boyfriend. Women making more than their boyfriends is only an issue when they act like you.
Maybe your sister can have custody of your daughter instead of either of you. Your partner doesn't want her. You don't really want her either but you're forced.
He is trying to nail her, and she is letting it happen. Tell her she needs to tell him to back off, or she needs to find a new job. I'm not above letting the guy know his advances aren't appreciated either. If she won't do any of these, you are not her priority, he is.
Yeah you don’t seem to have a future if you can’t see yourself ultimately settling down….
Is the dog okay? Do you still have it? Sorry about losing your pops. That’s tough. Totally understand how a puppy on top of grief is too much.
I don’t think I’m a hero at all. I just don’t know what to do. But thank you for the insight I guess.
I just read the comment and if that's what happened it makes little sense. You're saying you touched her and she presumably didn't show she was uncomfortable or say anything suggesting it wasn't ok.
She then left. Why would her leaving make you assume you did something wrong? Why would you feel a need to apologize? If you sensed a problem, apologizing would logically happen in the moment, not later on. This just makes absolutely no sense.
Sexuality isn’t black and white, it’s a very fluid spectrum. I think, at your age especially, it’s something you find out about yourself over a period of time
Sexuality isn’t black and white, it’s a very fluid spectrum. I think, at your age especially, it’s something you find out about yourself over a period of time
500+ person parties? wtf? doubt. A large house can fit around 80-100 people in it. We use a tally counter for our house parties.
Seems you are going to leave your son with her and plugged into what you say is a narcissistic family. Divorce but think this through. Your sone should be priority number one.
It sounds like you would be WAY better off without her. Why is she a SAHM if she has no kids? Kick her lazy ass back to her Moms TODAY!
I obsess over him every day. Everything I post, I try to make it to his liking. I literally think about a guy all of the time that I’ve never had a real conversation with IRL. It’s unhealthy and I’d like it to stop asap
when exactly is an appropriate time to have that deep of a conversation
As soon as possible.
Dating is about figuring out if you're compatible or not….. he already talks “love” while barely knowing you….okay. So there should be no issues discussing why he and his wife divorced, how they relationship looked like, and why he ended up not having custody, but apparently still be actively involved in his kids' life.
I am defensive because you’re assuming stuff like you know me, when you really don’t. I actually do, I hate hotels and will only stay in one if I really REALLY have to, I don’t enjoy it.