80 thoughts on “Ria Babe the hot online sex chat with hottest babes with a LIVE Cams”
Not sleeping can happen, and I know how shitty that feels (didn't sleep a minute 2 nights ago, and had to work the next day. Shitty, but happens). And it's okay to feel angry because you agreed to a tour you didn't want to – that was the thing you should change in future.
Being upset at your partner not wanting to be used for sex for sleeping better is not okay. He doesn't owe you sex, and you have to accept a no without getting upset, angry, trying to pressure him etc. If you need to climax to sleep better, masturbate. But don't try to make him sleep with you if he doesn't want to. Wtf.
You should not apologize. You could not have taken your phone out in the middle of a funeral to text her an emoji. She did not even write anything! She texted you an emoji which is the lowest of the lowest in terms of communication. She was just looking for a response/reaction! She was not trying to communicate. At least she could have texted you “Thinking of you.” Or “Send hugs to your family.” No, she texted you an emoji.
You should talk to her but tell her the truth. That you had a difficult time at the funeral and that a moment that was special to you, to honor your grandmother and spend time with your family, was ruined by her need to argue over nothing. She texted you an emoji. There was no emergency. There was no important message. She was not even supportive of you emotionally and sending you a nice message.
What your ex and his new wife plan for their family is their business. Your daughter is not owed a heads-up. She doesn't get a vote in someone else's reproductive choices. This child would be an addition, not a replacement. She also shouldn't have been snooping.
You can commiserate with her feelings, but you shouldn't be feeding her fear and anger. “I'm sorry you're upset but you need to know that you are not being replaced. I know you think that you should have been told sooner, but this is their personal business and most couples wait 12 weeks before telling anyone.”
You really believe in the soulmate stuff when your supposed soulmate basically told you that you weren't enough and was interested in someone else and to open your marriage so he could be with someone else guilt free. Not only that but again your supposed soulmate isn't happy you have found some happiness with someone else while you two are still together.
You are the way you are and that's ok. You may need to talk to him about this. Don't let anybody put you down and keep working on getting healthier. Everything will be ok. Just expect ups and downs. That's life anyway.
You love her? If you do, I’d give her two weeks with messages like the one you sent here and there. After the two weeks ask her to meet you and talk. Also, you need to have a plan about what you’re willing to do or not do to avoid repeating the issue.
Whenever he does this, leave. Just turn around and walk away. You are done hanging out with him for the day. He’ll get a clue or you’ll break up, either is an improvement on this obnoxiousness.
Copied and pasted from earlier replies. You don't want advice, you want attention. Have fun with your incredibly annoying family, until your uncle snaps and takes a bunch of you out. You know, if he wasn't a figment of your fucking imagination.
That makes sense, try not to beat yourself up over it! Insecurities are normal, but worrying about something you can’t control fixes nothing. Whatever happens, you will be fine 🙂
You're obsessed! All this free time on your hands? Meeting with her family, giving them access to your phone, showing your nudes to strangers just to get back, admitting to getting shagged in the company truck etc. All for what, revenge?? Now you want to go back a second time to warn her of his cheating habits again. She didn't believe you before, right? What is your end goal? A TV interview? If you have this much time on your hands, please volunteer at a shelter or something because what you're now is such a waste of time.
Resist the urge to smoke/drink yourself into oblivion. There will be plenty of time for that later, but right now, you need to get your ducks in a row.
If there's any way for you to get screenshots of it and send it to yourself, do it ASAP. Then contact a divorce attorney.
Keep her in the dark if you can because if she catches wind of what's happening and divorces you first, you'll be taken to the fucking cleaners.
DO NOT LEAVE YOUR HOME! If you do, she will get it.
usually i’d advise leaving a “fiancé” who did just one of the following: – unilaterally demand a wedding, monopolizing guest list – not helping to plan whatsoever, foisting every bit of labor off on the other person – criticizing your work thus far, especially at the direction of his family
i’m almost impressed that your fiancé has done all three. like, that’s incredible. the only question that remains is why you would be with this person, let alone marrying them? i wouldn’t let the king treat me this way, let alone my partner. insane.
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Husband (33M) and I (32F) have been married for 10+ years. We have two young kids (preschool and elementary school).
He is very controlling, especially about money. He used to look through the grocery store receipts and would criticize if particular line items were too expensive. Even though at the time he had a comfortable 6-figure salary and no debt (house and cars paid off), we fought because he was upset about paying a babysitter for our first date night in months. I would feel guilty buying myself a coffee once every few months, and felt like I need to pay for it in cash so it would not leave a trail. He told me to stop paying for things with cash. After many, many conversations, fights, tears, etc. in the past year he finally agreed to let me get my own credit card. He would not let me get my own checking account for some spending money, even though he would know exactly how much went into it from my paycheck. (We are not talking about a significant amount of money here, just say $100-200/mo. because we have talked about how I feel constantly guilty and monitored. Also, though I'm not sure it matters, I now make more money than he does.)
He is extremely religious and conservative. So the above conflicts about money were couched in religious guilt as well, about “stewardship.” To his credit, you cannot say he doesn't try to on-line by his principles. But we disagree about serious issues like gender equality (he's “complementarian” — men and women are 'of equal value' but have different roles), abortion, and issues around sexuality.
Re gender equality: I am very successful in my career and very proud of myself for where I am today, but have felt guilty for not being the stay at home mom he would have liked me to be. He has tried to accept/respect my wishes, but it has come down to, he is not the person I celebrate my wins with. He's not my cheerleader who tells me to keep going and that I can do it when I am feeling down. I felt like I had to hide it from him when I was working very very hot to take many interviews and negotiate naked on my salary (which I did very successfully I might add), because he would have asked why I was wasting my time on it.
Re abortion, I lost one of my closest friends because he figured out that that person was considering an abortion and implored them not to murder their child.
Re sexuality, I think you can guess his theoretical and political positions. In daily life, he discourages toddler son from wanting to wear nail polish or jewelry or dress up (because he wants to be included with sister/mom). He once wrote to a group mailing list asking the women to dress modestly in consideration of their Christian brothers. When we first got married I wanted to talk to him about our likes and dislikes with regard to sex, but he shut me down and told me he didn't feel comfortable talking about that. I would be afraid to share any of my sexual fantasies with him, I think he would consider any roleplaying cheating or sinful.
He doesn't like it when I color my hair or cut it short. I've considered getting piercings or tattoos, which he also disapproves of. I stopped playing music when he is home, because he criticized it for its profanity or (music video) people wearing revealing clothes. (For context, I listen mostly to Selena Gomez, Taylor Swift, etc.)
He is constantly tired and, it feels to me, joyless. He does not listen well, he does not empathize. He has trouble being interested in or enjoying something “for someone else's sake” — because someone he cares about is excited about it. He doesn't enjoy playing with the kids. We think he might be mildly depressed, and some have suggested maybe also slightly on the spectrum, but he has no interest in getting diagnosed or treated.
For many years he just did not hear me. All of the above are issues that I have brought up repeatedly, even gone to counseling for, but either he could not change them (because they were fundamental biblical principles that he couldn't change his views on) or he didn't seem to understand how seriously the issues affected me. But in the past few months that came to a head — I told him I didn't see us staying together if things didn't change. Suddenly he has been trying very hot.
He felt very betrayed. He said I wasn't honoring my vows. But finally, finally, this shocked him into change. (For example, allowing me to get my own credit card, suggesting eating out more often.)
But it doesn't feel like enough to me. It feels like too little, too late. I can't describe the feeling of powerlessness I felt over the past years of our marriage. I felt like a sane person checked into an insane asylum, you know you are fine, but everyone tells you you are crazy until you wonder if you are. I felt like if I were Isaac, he would be Abraham. Only unlike Isaac, I would fight, and he would carry me up the mountain and kill me to please his God.
It feels unfair of me — to give up when he's trying so nude. He's changing, why won't I at least see that out? Yet emotionally I feel dead to it, to him. It feels like too little, too late. I don't want to spend another 10 years arguing with him to earn some trivial “privilege” like having my own credit card, which should have been a non-issue in the first place. Life is too short for this.
But people stay with their spouses through cancer, dementia, addiction, debilitating accidents. I feel cruel for being tired of him, for wanting to discard him, when he wants to stay together, he wants to try to change. (But it always feels like, 'I'm sorry you feel that way, I'll be the bigger person and let you have your way' after rounds and rounds of arguing, and never, “I'm sorry. I was wrong. I should never have done that / treated you like that.”)
I will lose all of our community, all of our nearby family. No one will understand. He's a good Christian man, good provider, good family man. He will be heartbroken, he will be a broken human being if I leave. (Though sometimes I think that's as much because of his self-image of being a good Christian, husband, father vs actually loving/missing me.) He said he won't accept a divorce. (The Bible has very specific conditions for “biblically recognized” divorces.) We recently bought a house I can't afford on my own. I assume we would share custody — my poor kids! Not only would I see them less, I worry they will blame or resent me, especially with their religious upbringing.
I'm terrified. I feel like a terrible human being. But I want to be free. Aren't I so very selfish?
EDIT to add some of the things I appreciate about him: He is generous with others (donates a significant amount of money), does chores, works very hot, always remembers my birthday and our anniversary. He is honest (to a fault sometimes). He's VERY intelligent, likes to read to the kids and explains historical concepts well to them.
EDIT2: Clarifying a few things. People keep asking why I married him. The short answer is, I married very young and I didn't know better. I was encouraged to pursue a “courtship” model which emphasized taking dating very seriously, and he was my second relationship (the other one was < 6 months). My parents are divorced and, without diving too much into the background there, I was looking for someone who wouldn't be like my dad. I was (am? our marriage has really challenged this) a Christian myself so I semi-shared some of his values, or at least was sufficiently unclear on my own views that I thought I could accept his views. As I grew to disagree, I still tried to respect that he was trying to online by his convictions, even if they were different from mine. When I felt unloved or unhappy, I tried to "humble myself" and "put away selfish ambition" (re: wanting to work for example -- I stayed at home for many years) and "find my contentment in God" rather than "depend on people for my self worth." He has always been well respected within our communities, by people who seem intelligent and kind to me -- I can't count the number of people who told me "how lucky I was" when we were getting married -- so I've really questioned whether it's something wrong with me that's the source of my deep dissatisfaction.
Also, I have always had access to our joint accounts. His control has been less legal/logistical and more emotional. It was a recent realization how much I have lived in fear of his disapproval. For example, regarding separate credit/checking accounts, he told me that Christians should be “one flesh” and that having separate accounts seemed selfish and would pit us against each other. (He still felt this way when he was the breadwinner, so it's not just to take advantage of my higher income, which is a recent development.)
I strongly disagree with him in many ways and have obviously been deeply hurt by him, but I don't believe that he has ever been intentionally malicious. I would describe him as paternalistic, believing he knows what is best for us (even when,
Not much advice on the legal aspect other than getting a lawyer ASAP. Make 100% sure you have this all in writing and it's set in stone.
For the kids though. I would be upfront with them. Divorce regardless of the reason will have the possibility of affecting them negatively. Whether you tell them what is going on or not. They are old enough to understand. You don't need to go into graphic detail about the situation.
I would read this, but whenever I see drastic age differences I just feel an aneurysm coming on. You know what everyone’s gonna say. You know you shouldn’t date a guy that was probably fucking random women in uni while you were learning what a period was. Those relationships just never end well.
Not really, they’re both medical practices often done for self-confidence/aesthetic value. They both cost a lot of time & money, are painful, & semi-permanent (one can always lose a tooth), etc. I think it’s an alright comparison. Just because one of them is much more normalized doesn’t mean they’re not similar if you’re thinking categorically about “ways people change themselves.”
Would bf also be upset if she had lasik because she hated wearing glasses? There are lots of at least partially cosmetic surgeries that people undergo these days ??
This is an excellent time in your life to learn the difference between boundaries and control.
A boundary is about the things you do or don’t allow to happen to yourself. “If you shout at me, then I will end the call”
Vs.
Control. Telling other people what to do and claiming it’s a boundaries or disrespect. “I don’t want you dressed like that” “I don’t want you at clubs cause I don’t like it”.
Have you harmed the relationship by being out socially? No. You responsibly hung out with friends while he wasn’t there. Because he couldn’t be there he decided to make you feel bad for having fun without him. He doesn’t truly know how to be happy for you if it doesn’t also include him. Would he have prevented y’all (or just you) from clubbing if he had gone?
Also, it’s troubling the way he speaks about your friends. Either he’s cruelly thinking the worst of lovely people or he’s cruelly thinking the worst about people who aren’t the safest to be with out partying if their goals are hooking up and scoring. But that should be a separate calmly expressed concern and not insults flung at you/them to make you feel bad about being out at all.
These messages are meant to control you and make you feel badly for having fun without him. I wouldn’t have any patience for this
So in other words, you want to have your cake and eat it too?
Why should someone pay less for rent when they're sharing the same space? If you can't afford it, that should have been a non starter to begin with, don't move in.
If you aren't going to contribute equality when it comes to finances, you should make that up in other areas. Fair is fair.
It's not a form of manipulation to deny someone access to your body. You're not a vibrator.
You want a different type of relationship than she does. You have decided that sex can no longer be a part of the kind of relationship she wants. You're not stopping her from having sex. You're stopping her from having sex with you. And since you're not in a monogamous relationship, by her choice, there is no reason for her to expect sex from you anyway.
You set a boundary. She doesn't like it. That's not manipulation, that's called not getting what you want.
It's not a form of manipulation to deny someone access to your body. You're not a vibrator.
You want a different type of relationship than she does. You have decided that sex can no longer be a part of the kind of relationship she wants. You're not stopping her from having sex. You're stopping her from having sex with you. And since you're not in a monogamous relationship, by her choice, there is no reason for her to expect sex from you anyway.
You set a boundary. She doesn't like it. That's not manipulation, that's called not getting what you want.
It's not a form of manipulation to deny someone access to your body. You're not a vibrator.
You want a different type of relationship than she does. You have decided that sex can no longer be a part of the kind of relationship she wants. You're not stopping her from having sex. You're stopping her from having sex with you. And since you're not in a monogamous relationship, by her choice, there is no reason for her to expect sex from you anyway.
You set a boundary. She doesn't like it. That's not manipulation, that's called not getting what you want.
Based on the content on the site it seems highly unlikely she is using this for anything good.
I think you're jumping to conclusions a bit there. Fetlife isn't a dating site. Maybe she has a kink she's not ready to tell you about yet and is getting advice on how to do so. I know you said you're open to anything but that doesn't mean she's ready to TALK about absolutely anything.
You know, she could be thinking of this game as a social game at a party not a intimate counselling session about life goals.
She could interpret the party question is “which one of your friends here is best parent?” as she might see you and her as a unit in this context and the game as a way to get conversations going among friends at the party.
Not like it was a question by a counseller asking “who in here will you get kids with , your partner or someone else?”
Yes, I guess I want to translate I’m more upset by the lack of communication and also know that I’m not crazy for being caught off guard by this. This helps a lot thank you.
That’s kinda like saying ‘apart from that, how was the play Mrs. Lincoln?’
She has double standards. She ignores your needs and she’s spending a significant amount of time on porn. She may have developed a ‘habit’ for it. Something along the similar lines of an alcoholic who ignores the needs and wellbeing of his/her loved ones.
Count your blessings. This is not how a healthy relationship works. She punched you in the head. That should have been the end there and then. Don't self pity and blame yourself.
Letting someone know about being late is a huge thing as well. I work as a vet tech and our clinic books people in for 20 minute consults for 'regular' stuff. We will ask people to be there 5 minutes before their appointment. I often have to call people to ask where tf they are and they will just be like 'oh yeah I'm gonna be late'. Just… call and let us know.
Whatever you do, DO NOT give in and propose, or worse get pregnant, when you are not ready. It would be unfair to you, her, and your child.
I know its hot to hear, but two people can have a good relationship but have fundamental needs/wants that don't match. You break up amicably and move on.
Nope those are all excuses…he dumped his escapade on you to relieve his guilt….Not understanding what a true violation it was. I think he does now…He would have kept doing it if you supported him. I am not as positive about couples counseling. I did it later we broke up and most of the people on reddit have less that stellar reviews of couples counseling… So leave and start over.
You weren't in a relationship then. There were no commitments between you two. You didn't even know each other back then, other than a few digital interactions. You didn't do anything wrong. You were single and acted like it. Don't torpedo a good relationship with something that has no bearing whatsoever on your relationship.
Ask her how she’d feel if you went out for the night, danced with another girl, then avoided being around her when you get home, then tell her “if I were single I’d date a girl who is nothing like you”. Bet you she’d be pretty upset.
They agreed to no sex! It was a mutual decision! He never even said he was ready, he just started dropping sexual comments and hoping she got the point.
Dude is a creep, acting like a creep.
OP made mistakes but let's not act like this guy is a victim.
While attraction is important in the beginning, it’s ultimately not what’s going to get you through a long term relationship. I’d suggest you meet her in person, keep things friendly, but don’t count her out for body type, my Dude! I’ve known dudes my entire life that have had a “type,” been married and divorced, just happened to meet a thick girl and vibed and now they’re the happiest they’ve ever been!
I have a “type” too, but that doesn’t mean I’m BOUND by it. If I was, the dating pool would be pretty empty!
But to clarify, you have to be able to see yourself appreciating her looks as well! I’ve met some seriously great friends from a dating app. It started out as the “Heyyyyy” thing, but amicably, we realized we wouldn’t be a good fit. I’d keep the flirty stuff very mild right now, though.
Just don’t count her out because you have a “type.” Sometimes our “type” is just not conducive to a productive relationship!
The breadwinner part gave me pause. So op pays for stuff but he wants her to pretend that he does and then uses this pretend game as the basis for demanding she follows his rules?
“Pretend that I pay for everything so it makes it ok that I get to control you and hold it against you.”
Not sleeping can happen, and I know how shitty that feels (didn't sleep a minute 2 nights ago, and had to work the next day. Shitty, but happens). And it's okay to feel angry because you agreed to a tour you didn't want to – that was the thing you should change in future.
Being upset at your partner not wanting to be used for sex for sleeping better is not okay. He doesn't owe you sex, and you have to accept a no without getting upset, angry, trying to pressure him etc. If you need to climax to sleep better, masturbate. But don't try to make him sleep with you if he doesn't want to. Wtf.
You should not apologize. You could not have taken your phone out in the middle of a funeral to text her an emoji. She did not even write anything! She texted you an emoji which is the lowest of the lowest in terms of communication. She was just looking for a response/reaction! She was not trying to communicate. At least she could have texted you “Thinking of you.” Or “Send hugs to your family.” No, she texted you an emoji.
You should talk to her but tell her the truth. That you had a difficult time at the funeral and that a moment that was special to you, to honor your grandmother and spend time with your family, was ruined by her need to argue over nothing. She texted you an emoji. There was no emergency. There was no important message. She was not even supportive of you emotionally and sending you a nice message.
What your ex and his new wife plan for their family is their business. Your daughter is not owed a heads-up. She doesn't get a vote in someone else's reproductive choices. This child would be an addition, not a replacement. She also shouldn't have been snooping.
You can commiserate with her feelings, but you shouldn't be feeding her fear and anger. “I'm sorry you're upset but you need to know that you are not being replaced. I know you think that you should have been told sooner, but this is their personal business and most couples wait 12 weeks before telling anyone.”
Go on your trip and enjoy. Your girlfriend did it on purpose.
You really believe in the soulmate stuff when your supposed soulmate basically told you that you weren't enough and was interested in someone else and to open your marriage so he could be with someone else guilt free. Not only that but again your supposed soulmate isn't happy you have found some happiness with someone else while you two are still together.
You work, study, and do all the housework??? What exactly does he add then?
You are the way you are and that's ok. You may need to talk to him about this. Don't let anybody put you down and keep working on getting healthier. Everything will be ok. Just expect ups and downs. That's life anyway.
He is not interested because you make it sound like he is a burden.
Try to squeeze you in at some point.
That was not needed.
That's doesn't sound at all like you, like you, actually want to see him.
An easy. I'll be there the 3rd-15th. Let's plan something. Would have made it sound like you were actually interested in meeting up with him.
You love her? If you do, I’d give her two weeks with messages like the one you sent here and there. After the two weeks ask her to meet you and talk. Also, you need to have a plan about what you’re willing to do or not do to avoid repeating the issue.
He's not punishing me. Just being a bit annoyingly persistent in his statements
You are with a very insecure guy
Whenever he does this, leave. Just turn around and walk away. You are done hanging out with him for the day. He’ll get a clue or you’ll break up, either is an improvement on this obnoxiousness.
Copied and pasted from earlier replies. You don't want advice, you want attention. Have fun with your incredibly annoying family, until your uncle snaps and takes a bunch of you out. You know, if he wasn't a figment of your fucking imagination.
That makes sense, try not to beat yourself up over it! Insecurities are normal, but worrying about something you can’t control fixes nothing. Whatever happens, you will be fine 🙂
He can learn from other non indigenous people.
You're obsessed! All this free time on your hands? Meeting with her family, giving them access to your phone, showing your nudes to strangers just to get back, admitting to getting shagged in the company truck etc. All for what, revenge?? Now you want to go back a second time to warn her of his cheating habits again. She didn't believe you before, right? What is your end goal? A TV interview? If you have this much time on your hands, please volunteer at a shelter or something because what you're now is such a waste of time.
Yes
Resist the urge to smoke/drink yourself into oblivion. There will be plenty of time for that later, but right now, you need to get your ducks in a row.
If there's any way for you to get screenshots of it and send it to yourself, do it ASAP. Then contact a divorce attorney.
Keep her in the dark if you can because if she catches wind of what's happening and divorces you first, you'll be taken to the fucking cleaners.
DO NOT LEAVE YOUR HOME! If you do, she will get it.
Unfortunately as soon as one person in the relationship asks to open it they have broken the relationship and it usually causes irreparable damage
Your boyfriend is misogynistic and gross.
He embarrassed himself and her with his own behavior. She should have shown him the door right then.
Hot to say. But I felt she distanced herself. Going to see her tomorrow. Hopefully things will be better.
They are also unethical af. There’s a reason many countries are no longer allowing overseas adoptions.
That’s something you’ll need to know obviously. It’s be ok to worry about that. But again, you don’t have to worry today.
Honestly if it was just random stuff I wouldn't really mind. But it is specifically placed stuff I need and I told her I will need.
usually i’d advise leaving a “fiancé” who did just one of the following: – unilaterally demand a wedding, monopolizing guest list – not helping to plan whatsoever, foisting every bit of labor off on the other person – criticizing your work thus far, especially at the direction of his family
i’m almost impressed that your fiancé has done all three. like, that’s incredible. the only question that remains is why you would be with this person, let alone marrying them? i wouldn’t let the king treat me this way, let alone my partner. insane.
Reasonable secure people with a stable definition of cheating.
I don't think that's necessarily the case.
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Husband (33M) and I (32F) have been married for 10+ years. We have two young kids (preschool and elementary school).
He is very controlling, especially about money. He used to look through the grocery store receipts and would criticize if particular line items were too expensive. Even though at the time he had a comfortable 6-figure salary and no debt (house and cars paid off), we fought because he was upset about paying a babysitter for our first date night in months. I would feel guilty buying myself a coffee once every few months, and felt like I need to pay for it in cash so it would not leave a trail. He told me to stop paying for things with cash. After many, many conversations, fights, tears, etc. in the past year he finally agreed to let me get my own credit card. He would not let me get my own checking account for some spending money, even though he would know exactly how much went into it from my paycheck. (We are not talking about a significant amount of money here, just say $100-200/mo. because we have talked about how I feel constantly guilty and monitored. Also, though I'm not sure it matters, I now make more money than he does.)
He is extremely religious and conservative. So the above conflicts about money were couched in religious guilt as well, about “stewardship.” To his credit, you cannot say he doesn't try to on-line by his principles. But we disagree about serious issues like gender equality (he's “complementarian” — men and women are 'of equal value' but have different roles), abortion, and issues around sexuality.
Re gender equality: I am very successful in my career and very proud of myself for where I am today, but have felt guilty for not being the stay at home mom he would have liked me to be. He has tried to accept/respect my wishes, but it has come down to, he is not the person I celebrate my wins with. He's not my cheerleader who tells me to keep going and that I can do it when I am feeling down. I felt like I had to hide it from him when I was working very very hot to take many interviews and negotiate naked on my salary (which I did very successfully I might add), because he would have asked why I was wasting my time on it.
Re abortion, I lost one of my closest friends because he figured out that that person was considering an abortion and implored them not to murder their child.
Re sexuality, I think you can guess his theoretical and political positions. In daily life, he discourages toddler son from wanting to wear nail polish or jewelry or dress up (because he wants to be included with sister/mom). He once wrote to a group mailing list asking the women to dress modestly in consideration of their Christian brothers. When we first got married I wanted to talk to him about our likes and dislikes with regard to sex, but he shut me down and told me he didn't feel comfortable talking about that. I would be afraid to share any of my sexual fantasies with him, I think he would consider any roleplaying cheating or sinful.
He doesn't like it when I color my hair or cut it short. I've considered getting piercings or tattoos, which he also disapproves of. I stopped playing music when he is home, because he criticized it for its profanity or (music video) people wearing revealing clothes. (For context, I listen mostly to Selena Gomez, Taylor Swift, etc.)
He is constantly tired and, it feels to me, joyless. He does not listen well, he does not empathize. He has trouble being interested in or enjoying something “for someone else's sake” — because someone he cares about is excited about it. He doesn't enjoy playing with the kids. We think he might be mildly depressed, and some have suggested maybe also slightly on the spectrum, but he has no interest in getting diagnosed or treated.
For many years he just did not hear me. All of the above are issues that I have brought up repeatedly, even gone to counseling for, but either he could not change them (because they were fundamental biblical principles that he couldn't change his views on) or he didn't seem to understand how seriously the issues affected me. But in the past few months that came to a head — I told him I didn't see us staying together if things didn't change. Suddenly he has been trying very hot.
He felt very betrayed. He said I wasn't honoring my vows. But finally, finally, this shocked him into change. (For example, allowing me to get my own credit card, suggesting eating out more often.)
But it doesn't feel like enough to me. It feels like too little, too late. I can't describe the feeling of powerlessness I felt over the past years of our marriage. I felt like a sane person checked into an insane asylum, you know you are fine, but everyone tells you you are crazy until you wonder if you are. I felt like if I were Isaac, he would be Abraham. Only unlike Isaac, I would fight, and he would carry me up the mountain and kill me to please his God.
It feels unfair of me — to give up when he's trying so nude. He's changing, why won't I at least see that out? Yet emotionally I feel dead to it, to him. It feels like too little, too late. I don't want to spend another 10 years arguing with him to earn some trivial “privilege” like having my own credit card, which should have been a non-issue in the first place. Life is too short for this.
But people stay with their spouses through cancer, dementia, addiction, debilitating accidents. I feel cruel for being tired of him, for wanting to discard him, when he wants to stay together, he wants to try to change. (But it always feels like, 'I'm sorry you feel that way, I'll be the bigger person and let you have your way' after rounds and rounds of arguing, and never, “I'm sorry. I was wrong. I should never have done that / treated you like that.”)
I will lose all of our community, all of our nearby family. No one will understand. He's a good Christian man, good provider, good family man. He will be heartbroken, he will be a broken human being if I leave. (Though sometimes I think that's as much because of his self-image of being a good Christian, husband, father vs actually loving/missing me.) He said he won't accept a divorce. (The Bible has very specific conditions for “biblically recognized” divorces.) We recently bought a house I can't afford on my own. I assume we would share custody — my poor kids! Not only would I see them less, I worry they will blame or resent me, especially with their religious upbringing.
I'm terrified. I feel like a terrible human being. But I want to be free. Aren't I so very selfish?
EDIT to add some of the things I appreciate about him: He is generous with others (donates a significant amount of money), does chores, works very hot, always remembers my birthday and our anniversary. He is honest (to a fault sometimes). He's VERY intelligent, likes to read to the kids and explains historical concepts well to them.
EDIT2: Clarifying a few things. People keep asking why I married him. The short answer is, I married very young and I didn't know better. I was encouraged to pursue a “courtship” model which emphasized taking dating very seriously, and he was my second relationship (the other one was < 6 months). My parents are divorced and, without diving too much into the background there, I was looking for someone who wouldn't be like my dad. I was (am? our marriage has really challenged this) a Christian myself so I semi-shared some of his values, or at least was sufficiently unclear on my own views that I thought I could accept his views. As I grew to disagree, I still tried to respect that he was trying to online by his convictions, even if they were different from mine. When I felt unloved or unhappy, I tried to "humble myself" and "put away selfish ambition" (re: wanting to work for example -- I stayed at home for many years) and "find my contentment in God" rather than "depend on people for my self worth." He has always been well respected within our communities, by people who seem intelligent and kind to me -- I can't count the number of people who told me "how lucky I was" when we were getting married -- so I've really questioned whether it's something wrong with me that's the source of my deep dissatisfaction.
Also, I have always had access to our joint accounts. His control has been less legal/logistical and more emotional. It was a recent realization how much I have lived in fear of his disapproval. For example, regarding separate credit/checking accounts, he told me that Christians should be “one flesh” and that having separate accounts seemed selfish and would pit us against each other. (He still felt this way when he was the breadwinner, so it's not just to take advantage of my higher income, which is a recent development.)
I strongly disagree with him in many ways and have obviously been deeply hurt by him, but I don't believe that he has ever been intentionally malicious. I would describe him as paternalistic, believing he knows what is best for us (even when,
Because he’s wants you miserable and missing him, and you’ve just accepted it over and are trying to move on.
Honestly, you’re spoiling his fun.
OP chose not to.
I couldn't move and couldn't afford the constant trips for the longest time.
What did you do to him? I feel like that's an important part of the story.
Not much advice on the legal aspect other than getting a lawyer ASAP. Make 100% sure you have this all in writing and it's set in stone.
For the kids though. I would be upfront with them. Divorce regardless of the reason will have the possibility of affecting them negatively. Whether you tell them what is going on or not. They are old enough to understand. You don't need to go into graphic detail about the situation.
The audacity of that man. Absolutely not. Dump him.
She's not your friend.
I would read this, but whenever I see drastic age differences I just feel an aneurysm coming on. You know what everyone’s gonna say. You know you shouldn’t date a guy that was probably fucking random women in uni while you were learning what a period was. Those relationships just never end well.
Not really, they’re both medical practices often done for self-confidence/aesthetic value. They both cost a lot of time & money, are painful, & semi-permanent (one can always lose a tooth), etc. I think it’s an alright comparison. Just because one of them is much more normalized doesn’t mean they’re not similar if you’re thinking categorically about “ways people change themselves.”
Would bf also be upset if she had lasik because she hated wearing glasses? There are lots of at least partially cosmetic surgeries that people undergo these days ??
This is an excellent time in your life to learn the difference between boundaries and control.
A boundary is about the things you do or don’t allow to happen to yourself. “If you shout at me, then I will end the call”
Vs.
Control. Telling other people what to do and claiming it’s a boundaries or disrespect. “I don’t want you dressed like that” “I don’t want you at clubs cause I don’t like it”.
Have you harmed the relationship by being out socially? No. You responsibly hung out with friends while he wasn’t there. Because he couldn’t be there he decided to make you feel bad for having fun without him. He doesn’t truly know how to be happy for you if it doesn’t also include him. Would he have prevented y’all (or just you) from clubbing if he had gone?
Also, it’s troubling the way he speaks about your friends. Either he’s cruelly thinking the worst of lovely people or he’s cruelly thinking the worst about people who aren’t the safest to be with out partying if their goals are hooking up and scoring. But that should be a separate calmly expressed concern and not insults flung at you/them to make you feel bad about being out at all.
These messages are meant to control you and make you feel badly for having fun without him. I wouldn’t have any patience for this
Are you not close to your family?
They may not be your BF but they have been in your life forever supporting you.
Why aren’t they a comfort?
So in other words, you want to have your cake and eat it too?
Why should someone pay less for rent when they're sharing the same space? If you can't afford it, that should have been a non starter to begin with, don't move in.
If you aren't going to contribute equality when it comes to finances, you should make that up in other areas. Fair is fair.
It's not a form of manipulation to deny someone access to your body. You're not a vibrator.
You want a different type of relationship than she does. You have decided that sex can no longer be a part of the kind of relationship she wants. You're not stopping her from having sex. You're stopping her from having sex with you. And since you're not in a monogamous relationship, by her choice, there is no reason for her to expect sex from you anyway.
You set a boundary. She doesn't like it. That's not manipulation, that's called not getting what you want.
It's not a form of manipulation to deny someone access to your body. You're not a vibrator.
You want a different type of relationship than she does. You have decided that sex can no longer be a part of the kind of relationship she wants. You're not stopping her from having sex. You're stopping her from having sex with you. And since you're not in a monogamous relationship, by her choice, there is no reason for her to expect sex from you anyway.
You set a boundary. She doesn't like it. That's not manipulation, that's called not getting what you want.
It's not a form of manipulation to deny someone access to your body. You're not a vibrator.
You want a different type of relationship than she does. You have decided that sex can no longer be a part of the kind of relationship she wants. You're not stopping her from having sex. You're stopping her from having sex with you. And since you're not in a monogamous relationship, by her choice, there is no reason for her to expect sex from you anyway.
You set a boundary. She doesn't like it. That's not manipulation, that's called not getting what you want.
There is 3rd hand smoke. You can get it from living or being somewhere where there was heavy smoking. Also you can get it from cleaning it.
Based on the content on the site it seems highly unlikely she is using this for anything good.
I think you're jumping to conclusions a bit there. Fetlife isn't a dating site. Maybe she has a kink she's not ready to tell you about yet and is getting advice on how to do so. I know you said you're open to anything but that doesn't mean she's ready to TALK about absolutely anything.
KEEP THE FETUS. DITCH THE BABY.
LOLLLL
you reached put for forgiveness ?! And then gave him a key? ???????
You know, she could be thinking of this game as a social game at a party not a intimate counselling session about life goals.
She could interpret the party question is “which one of your friends here is best parent?” as she might see you and her as a unit in this context and the game as a way to get conversations going among friends at the party.
Not like it was a question by a counseller asking “who in here will you get kids with , your partner or someone else?”
I had a stroke
But you don’t have an obligation to uphold there.
It’s not the right thing to do, obviously, but it’s wayyy less shitty than betraying someone you have commitments to.
Shame on him.
Two people have a disagreement and ask for advice concerning how to handle it in an adult manner
This sub…“DiVoRcE iS tHe OnLy WaY tHeRe Is nO aLtErNaTiVe!!!”
Yes, I guess I want to translate I’m more upset by the lack of communication and also know that I’m not crazy for being caught off guard by this. This helps a lot thank you.
Other than this our marriage is fine
That’s kinda like saying ‘apart from that, how was the play Mrs. Lincoln?’
She has double standards. She ignores your needs and she’s spending a significant amount of time on porn. She may have developed a ‘habit’ for it. Something along the similar lines of an alcoholic who ignores the needs and wellbeing of his/her loved ones.
What the fuck man. 10 years down the toilet just like that? I’m so sorry dude.
Your girlfriend is an immature nightmare.
Count your blessings. This is not how a healthy relationship works. She punched you in the head. That should have been the end there and then. Don't self pity and blame yourself.
Letting someone know about being late is a huge thing as well. I work as a vet tech and our clinic books people in for 20 minute consults for 'regular' stuff. We will ask people to be there 5 minutes before their appointment. I often have to call people to ask where tf they are and they will just be like 'oh yeah I'm gonna be late'. Just… call and let us know.
Let her leave or simply leave her.
Whatever you do, DO NOT give in and propose, or worse get pregnant, when you are not ready. It would be unfair to you, her, and your child.
I know its hot to hear, but two people can have a good relationship but have fundamental needs/wants that don't match. You break up amicably and move on.
It's fishy but it might not necessarily be cheating. Find more info.
Nope those are all excuses…he dumped his escapade on you to relieve his guilt….Not understanding what a true violation it was. I think he does now…He would have kept doing it if you supported him. I am not as positive about couples counseling. I did it later we broke up and most of the people on reddit have less that stellar reviews of couples counseling… So leave and start over.
Many years invested. Many attempts at setting boundaries. Most times she's the victim because of my verbal reactions. Strange life…
It was his idea
You weren't in a relationship then. There were no commitments between you two. You didn't even know each other back then, other than a few digital interactions. You didn't do anything wrong. You were single and acted like it. Don't torpedo a good relationship with something that has no bearing whatsoever on your relationship.
Sounds like he playing games.
To a guy she isn't happy with
Ask her how she’d feel if you went out for the night, danced with another girl, then avoided being around her when you get home, then tell her “if I were single I’d date a girl who is nothing like you”. Bet you she’d be pretty upset.
Then you're fucked up
They agreed to no sex! It was a mutual decision! He never even said he was ready, he just started dropping sexual comments and hoping she got the point.
Dude is a creep, acting like a creep.
OP made mistakes but let's not act like this guy is a victim.
This just doesn't make sense to me. I'm not sure how I can give you advice on something so ridiculous, for that reason…I'm out.
Fucking love this encouragement!!
Absolutely not I will not engage your insanity any further than I have. Leave him alone and seek therapy.
Exactly ??
Omg, what is wrong with you?
While attraction is important in the beginning, it’s ultimately not what’s going to get you through a long term relationship. I’d suggest you meet her in person, keep things friendly, but don’t count her out for body type, my Dude! I’ve known dudes my entire life that have had a “type,” been married and divorced, just happened to meet a thick girl and vibed and now they’re the happiest they’ve ever been!
I have a “type” too, but that doesn’t mean I’m BOUND by it. If I was, the dating pool would be pretty empty!
But to clarify, you have to be able to see yourself appreciating her looks as well! I’ve met some seriously great friends from a dating app. It started out as the “Heyyyyy” thing, but amicably, we realized we wouldn’t be a good fit. I’d keep the flirty stuff very mild right now, though.
Just don’t count her out because you have a “type.” Sometimes our “type” is just not conducive to a productive relationship!
I don’t think she is an appropriate friend for you. Friends shouldn’t say that they would be a better partner than your spouse.
Why don’t you confront him?? Go to a lawyer – what are you getting by being quiet ??
okay the calling thing – you're both at fault. But yeah it's over man. She doesn't respect you as a person.
The breadwinner part gave me pause. So op pays for stuff but he wants her to pretend that he does and then uses this pretend game as the basis for demanding she follows his rules?
“Pretend that I pay for everything so it makes it ok that I get to control you and hold it against you.”
What kind delusional idiocy is this?
Be careful you don’t want to be a rebound