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A partner is there for you when you need them. This is bare minimum.
OP, you are actually a good man. Because if I was in your shoes both John and the photographer would’ve had black eyes. Which although maybe satisfying would have definitely ruined the entire day.
It might not make it better but remember that he didn’t just disrespect you when he made that ‘joke’. He disrespected your wife by implying she was the type of woman who would do that to you on your wedding day. If I were her I would cut contact with him permanently just for that.
You know what I would do. Petty AF, I’d take any wedding photo he was in and have him digitally removed. Then there’s no proof he was ever at your wedding.
And yes it might be a good idea to make your own untainted memories, whether that’s a second more intimate wedding or just having some new pictures with family and real friends.