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Oh, when he asks why you didn't get him a gift, say, “You know, you never get me one so I decided to stop doing it, too. Some relationships just aren't gifting relationships.”
He is going to unalive you if you stay
people shouldn’t be proposing to people they’re not attracted to, wtf are you talking about? if the expectation in their situation is a romantic, sexual relationship, there’s a lot wrong with adding someone to commit their lives to you when you’re secretly repulsed by their bodies. OP deserves to be in a relationship with someone who is attracted to her if that’s what she wants, and it sounds like it is.
Is your current job in the field you are studying?
What does he expect when he dates someone 11 years younger than him? Lol!
Some people show their true colors when everything is settled. While I am scared to death that this will happen to me too, there are many little signs that shows you what your SO is like.
Did he ever helped you around the house? Cleaned on his own? Did he understand you when you were not in the mood for Sex? Was this better before you moved in together?
Making friends take effort. Same with your wife or coworkers. Efforts is everything when it comes to social. Social is also you have to pay attention on other people and adjust yourself according that you actually enjoy being around. When you have a more active tole to improve yourself, social and engaging with others, you do learn from other people’s interest, cultures and etc. It opens your mind and interest. Effort. Try.
With a pineapple.
Hmmmm, I’d take this one a lesson bud. Always wait and think about a reaction you might have – because after 24 hours you may think different. Don’t react straight away. The guy also could of been talking shit. And even if he had been the best idea wasn’t to shout at him. I know it’s hard because I am also hot headed and react quicker but I’m slowing learning to hold my tongue.
Sorry for your loss dude, but you’ll find someone else.
Different cultures tend to be very, very defensive of their family members no matter what. Especially her father.
Dude im sorry for your loss. Your bf (hopefully ex bf in the near future) showed you his true nature; and when someone shows you how they actually are, you should believe them. Im sure there'll be comments saying he was tired and all (already can see a couple), but if my gf texted me crying and told me that her father died i wouldn't doze off. He seems insensitive and callous tbh.
That’s not taking into account the times it happens just because they can though.
The amount of people in here seriously arguing they read 50 shades for the character development lol.
Not at all. This sounds A LOT like this situation. My fiancé said a random woman came to their home when he was 17/18 and diagnosed him with cognitive delay. He hasn’t been assessed since then. I will definitely take the steps to getting him assessed again now. And we definitely do want to talk to a lawyer but fearing the costs if we do have to take it to court and knowing I’ll have to pay for it if his mom refuses to give money up for him out of his own account.
if he’s living with her he’s likely still fucking her too, whether or not he thinks they’re “broken up”
Get the tests done anyway, just to be safe, but this to me sounds like two people got drunk and had sex. Then, the next day you don't remember it and this guy who was happy about having sex with you is suddenly told that a woman he had sex with doesn't remember it, so he gets defensive. Also, I read you did leave at 2am. If he did nothing wrong and thought you slept with him and ran off, he could be angry because of that too.
What everyone else here will automatically say is that he drugged you and assaulted you. That's what always happens in Reddit. You can't be sure though so do the test.
A third option, what if someone else drugged you. Let's say at the last bar someone spikes your drink. You two leave and you both don't know it happened. That's possible. He is your friend, is he the type of person to spike a drink? Only you know that. I'd say he isn't though, as he is your friend and you went out alone with him…
Hopefully you do all the kits and tests soon to find out, because people here always jump to the worst option ever, most of them even fill in blanks with worst case scenarios.
The funny this about guys who neg is they’re super insecure, so if you call them out on their bullshit they fall apart faster than a cobweb lmao
UPDATE:
I told her that I was being selfish and caring about my own feelings of being sad and not giving her the proper space that she deserves. I told her that she deserves to take her space and figure things out. She thanked me for thinking about her.
The next day she texted me asking me how I was doing and if I wanted to join her for an errand. Is she more comfortable due to the fact that I offered to give her space?
No it was just a random thing she usually just has casual convo with him and 99% of the time with his wife being “girls”
You weren’t overly harsh or “in a dark place”.
Unilaterally deciding to enter sex work, while refusing discussion with a partner who isn’t into that is a relationship ender……full stop. That’s a choice she doesn’t get to make alone once she’s married.
If she can’t respect your feelings enough to discuss it further then it might be time to start thinking about the next step.
I’m a solid 10/10 honey, I have excellent legs that are longer than most, and you can’t grab half my thighs either. Nobody would call me fat. I don’t think you are either. He just dumb.
My husband can be like this, a little too blunt. He is as critical of me as he is of himself and I've been working with him on this. To give your bf the benefit of the doubt, the fact that yes your body has changed after kids does not necessarily mean that he finds you unattractive or loves you/likes you any less because of it.
Is there a chance he's neurodivergent? He's 50 so I'd hope he's got a handle on understanding the time and place for certain types of comments and responses, but it is possible that hes never really learned that if he is ND.
If we assume nothing but kindness from him, then the above is possible.
My husband doesn't associate my worth or attractiveness with my body so he doesn't realize sometimes that he can hurt me by talking about it. However, when you bring up an insecurity like that you run the risk of getting burned. Sometimes it's better to keep your opinion on your own flaws to yourself.
And your mom must be proud raising you to have an affair and wrongfully conceiving.
He gave up. Reignite it.
A man, at his sexual peak, has a high sex drive. Total shocker.
If you don’t want to have sex, don’t have sex.
Because I'm a nurse. I feel like a failed him because I couldn't help in any way shape or form because we're so far apart :/
You’ve been offered a golden ticket and excuse to leave your rape enabling boyfriend.
Why are you marrying a man you’re afraid to be honest with? I promise you, swallowing your feelings because you don’t want to be “the bad guy” will blow up in your face.
You are not a rehabilitation center for broken men. What if it wasn’t a scam? He violated your trust, and you have to decide what to do with that information.
Bro, you aren't flirting/trying to hook up with the women on Snapchat?
Come on now, don't fucking lie to yourself.
You want to sleep with these women.
They always go.. it's hard to throw away a relationship I've been in for so long…
I never get it. Like why?! Uve been in it for 4 years and it's not going well..
Why waste 4 more years?!
I had a similar thing with my exgf. I had to bring up us being labeled as in a relationship with each other on social media. She ask why. I tell her that it's odd that would even be a question. Also that it's weird for her to not want to be especially when she told me to join in the first place. She ended up doing it. I notice the areas she is involved in are… racey and have a notable amount of content and people who are actively in affairs and also swinging seems to be a thing. We have a talk and i tell her about my issues and where I have a problem and how could I work on it and if there is anything she could do to help me with trust issues I really didnt want to have. That I did trust her but not the people I could she see was spending time talking with and starting to hang out with. All seemed cool and figured out, though some of what was said gave me some suspicion but I tried to not think much about it. She broke up with me less than two months later.
This was all very recently. I am your age OP. My ex is still in her twenties. We had been together for over 6 years. This was actually a very new long distance relationship. She had moved and I was gonna be following her.
While not the same thing obviously, I see some parallels going on here OP. Do what you will with what I have said. My only real input is that hesitance towards wanting your partner involved in your social media is weird. I would happily tell my partner (and did) my reddit SN and my alts, and I dont tell that shit to my best friends.
You groomed a broken 18 yo boy to get your bean flicked and put your son on the back burner to do so. I don’t know why you even thought you could come back from that. A birthday? Really? You dismissed your son’s birthday, the one you raised, to go fuck?
Leave him alone. Stay out of his life and work with both of the the children you brought in the home, yea.. that includes the one you decided to marry.
Then end it. This isn't about the car, obviously. And don't call me bruh. You're 30, not 17.
It doesn’t matter if she knows he has a gf. He knew when he fucked her. This dude does not give a shit about you. You just started dating. He doesn’t love you. He’s not planning a future with you. He will keep fucking you as long as you let him. He will tell you what you want to hear. It seems like you have low self esteem and he will take advantage of that. He doesn’t love you, definitely don’t let him use you.
And I have been doing that but I worry if I approach it the wrong way we will end things and she will blame her body for it. She really likes me. This is one of the hardest parts of it.
Of course I’m going to ask my friends for advice before I ask her. I don’t want to hurt her!
He asked me and I wanted to be honest with him
You put a damp warm math textbook in your vagina.
Show these texts to his wife. Do not warn your wife or she will warn him (and he'll discredit you).
Nothing kills inappropriate texts like public exposure. Plus maybe his wife knows more ….
Surveys show coworkers are the #1 source of affair partners. Therefore the standard you should apply is 1,000 times greater.
There should be zero contact outside of work. Unless you are present or she provides full transparency.
im sorry about what happened when you were younger, that does sound like a really not fun situation. I don't know if i have the strength to break us up, like i said in the post, i love him to bits, and this would come at a difficult time for me. then again, if i dont, our relationship would either end up with me or him being unhappy, and that's not fair to both of us. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Why are you content being her backup plan? Don’t you think you deserve better?
Fair enough. She also said something along the lines of how she thought it was a red flag at first dating a guy younger. But now she thinks its fine to date someone younger than her
Sounds like you’re dating a narcissist. Is that the kind of person you want to remain with long term?
End it. Think of your kids, they don’t need to see this or have this negative influence on them.
Thanks for the context, but re-read what you just wrote here.
She's only with you because she doesn't want to sell your house. Do you really want to be in a relationship and more importantly a legal one with someone who's only still in it for reasons unrelated to the relationship itself? That's absolutely horrible.
I get that you haven't had an honest relationship with her. You've tried. She hates you. There's no fixing this, and I unfortunately think you logically know that.
You do need to walk away.
You now know he isn’t in a place to be dating and just wants you to hang around in case he has a good day.
Learn to respect yourself and don’t put up with his shoddy behaviour. You are worth more than a nearly 40 year old who is acting like a selfish teenager. Stop wasting your life on him.
Childbirth is your wife’s moment, not yours
It's his child too. It takes both to procreate. It's his family, he'll provide and care for the children as well. To say it's not his moment at all is asinine. It may not be his moment “as much” as it is hers hut it's certainly more his than it his wife's rude, nosy family. Boundaries need to be set.
I'm so sorry about your experience with your ex. I think you seem a wonderful and mature person but it's possible you're vulnerable to predators right now, as you might blame yourself too harshly for things/talk about your perceived faults whilst excusing the behaviour of others, who will use your tendency to blame yourself against you
I done the same thing at your age, had been with horribly abusive men, done a lot of soul-searching, a lot of arming myself with what type of men to avoid, and wandered straight into a relationship with a man who was abusive in less obvious, more confusing ways so I didn't even realise
it isn't normal to have had extreme highs and lows after a month together. this is the honeymoon phase and instead it's been an emotional rollercoaster by the sounds of it, which is something that makes relationships extra hard to leave because you become “addicted” to the highs and can only achieve it by staying with the toxic person
look up lovebombing and narcissism, knowing the tactics of abusers reduces their power. you don't have to leave but truly think whether you can have the type of future you want – what career do u want? do u want marriage? kids? to travel? do you want a partner who is there for u emotionally? do u want a partner you can bring around your friends? one you can trust? one who will support you during tough times like losing pets or terrifying times like attempted assault??? – and think about whether you can ever achieve that with this person. good luck!
“Take some time to think about it” isn't a great reaction, and I bet she wouldn't like being told the same when she came out as bi. But if she didn't suspect it was coming and you fully came out all at once, I can understand this being a knee-jerk reaction.
Wow,
Tbh this exact idea came to my mind right after it happened. But what can you do, I still think talking it over with her would help. What would you do?
What what the fk I will do there? She will Be with her friend and I will be with them? Lol I don’t know them and when I wanted to bring a friend u know that I won’t be alone she said no like wtf
Lol “bro-code”? Time to grow up kid. Bro-code is what people like your “friend” invented to gas-light you into thinking that they're not banging the girls you like and to stop you from doing the same.
Any chance you can go to an actual psychiatric hospital to get proper help?
he should go to the doctor, it could be an indication of a health issue
Yes you can? So many issues stem from lack of communication skills in relationships. You most certainly can communicate in rude ways that aren’t productive to what you want to achieve. Like instead of saying, “hi, nice to meet you! So sorry, I’m not feeling well so I’m going to go lie down but you two enjoy yourselves”, you grumble “what’s up”, obviously don’t listen to the answer showing you were asking as a performance. Little children get a pass to be grumpy because they don’t feel well. Adults don’t take it out on each other.
Now this is helpful. You posting just “ur being used” is like going to the doctor and having them tell you “okay you have tonsillitis” and that's it, no meds no nothing lol kinda pointless innit
Seeing the dog + ex is fine. It’s the fact that she doesn’t tell you when she does that. That’s not great behaviour.
I suggest to see you doctor OBGYN again as I suspect your pills is the cause. It happened to my SIL – her birth control pill causes her to have low libido & she did her blood test again for the OBGYN doctor to match her with new pills. it works.
You don't stop her. Some people are just too stupid to date. She actually feels that going on a cruise with another guy who has already made his intentions clear is a good idea? Yeah, that would be the last decision my partner would make as my partner.
Yeah … I know that is likely the right move to move on . I’m probably doing myself a disservice because of it . It’s also not good that she’s flirty and we have had sex once in that period of time….
Thing is she knows we’re very transparent and we hide nothing from eachother financially I know exactly how much she has and vice versa, I just want her to actually look for a job because she literally sleeps All day 🙁
Unfortunately Shes gonna be feeling awkwards now going to the gym after this interaction
Well, at least he confirmed you made the right choice.
I thought about it for a while and realised that he had violated my safe space by telling me such a cruel story. And now he was trying to manipulate the situation by making me feel guilty for being horrified over suggestions I repeat his cruel act. I decided not to say anything and just blocked him on everything and moved on with my life. The trash basically took itself out and now that he is gone, I realise how much negativity he brought to my life and how much better I feel now he is gone.
Best pop him in a pillow case and hurl him into a safe space.
Nooooooo! This is classic manipulative asshole behavior. It will never stop. I'm 55 so please take my life experience and use it to help yourself. There are great guys out there who will always treat you how you deserve to be treated. This guy will not.
everybody has mental illness, dude. I mean, who is actually mentally well off, nowadays?
This actually sounds like a good candidate for the blank stare and the “I don't get it. Can you explain it to me?” Make him tell you why the 'joke' is funny, and just keep asking him to explain more. Let him get really uncomfortable.
A: Your right to be angry. B: Your Gf has a poor sence of boundries and one hella sence of entilment.
Clearly changing your pass code, before you even speak to her is Job 1.
You are not anymore. You are going to break the engagement, and from now on, you are going to give yourself the love and respect YOU DESERVE. And only accept the same from your partners!
It's always hilarious to me when people come on here and explain relationship ending scenarios and always ask, “what do I do”? I think you know exactly what needs to be done.
Cheaters lie. Best to go into any conversation about what they're up to knowing the answers before you ask the questions.
Does his fiance have any responsibility in avoiding these situations?. She is a grown woman in a committed relationship. Shenis engaged to be married. There is no excuse for men behaving badly toward women but why go where predatory men are knowing what these places are about?
Thanks
?
Shit! You just made me realize I tell my wife this all the time and she has never said the same back to me.
this sounds like the shittiest relationship i could imagine. why are you wasting your life on this creepy loser?
He IS abusive and I know the reason should not matter but the fact that you were 100% right makes me much more angry.
Leave this asshole and never look back.
My heart goes out to you for your loss of your baby girl. I lost a son due to SIDS at 3 months old. I know you can build a happy future. It just takes time. If a stranger was doing these things to you; you would call the police and get to a safe place asap. Please do that hon. Love and Hugs!
I hate to make a judgment solely on age, but this is a tough one. She's young enough to be your child.
The thing that stands out about this post is that you haven't mentioned much about what would make this a healthy/unhealthy relationship. Sure, you have a shared interest/work. But you haven't mentioned maturity, education, whether she's gainfully employed, whether you're in different stages of life, whether your attitudes are compatible, etc. So I feel like the only thing I can base a comment on is age alone.
And, yeah…that's pretty gross on its face.
May i ask why is this relevant now?
Sadly yes… just wish she would get help honestly
Thanks. I was just really confused.
Having a joint account is ok. But you should always have your own account too. If he wants to lend his friend money after he’s able to contribute to your joint bills, then so be it. He should be able to do what he wants with his money. That is on him. In this case, he’s using YOUR money to lend to his friend which is not ok.
don’t want to sabotage my chances of working with him
Looks like you already may have. If you hook up with him and work him only disaster awaits for you and if you refuse his advances then his offer may disappear. DONT MIX WORK AND PLEASURE, you will regret it.
Exactly. The content of the messages are essentially irrelevant – the important thing is OP is getting a weird feeling about it and doesn’t feel comfortable. That’s enough of a reason to stop seeing him – you don’t need to justify it by getting back up that the messages are indeed odd.
If your gut says no, take it as a no.
So he’s mad at you because. . . He ditched you?
“In sickness and in health”
That’s the vow. It’s not different if someone has cancer, lots of people have cancer and live!. They have lifelong healthcare needs. Autoimmune conditions can be managed. Having a rare condition doesn’t even mean inability to work or have a regular life- most people adapt. And even if you were disabled by it, he made vows. That’s what having a partner is.
How could you possibly have taken what he said wrong? He basically said that he’s ready to throw everything you have away if a test comes back positive. That’s messed up.
Anybody can have to deal with flirting. If you respect the boundaries of the relationship, then it's a simple choice to avoid the flirting and/or avoid that person. We all have to make that choice. He literally accepted her invitation to fuck, yet you want to make this work. I don't know what you hope to accomplish with him.
walk away. Sometimes it really is this simple
It’s alright. Nobody’s going to blame you for being on edge, you’re stuck in a really shitty situation. I just wanted remind you we aren’t here to hate on you and see if I could get the situation explained more thoroughly. I think it’s safe to say anyone in your situation would be on edge. All in all I would say the majority of people here just want to help you and hope you can find a happy outcome.
He tells me he loves me all the time.. and it hurts. It hurts my heart. He feels stuck until Dec? Hell I feel stuck.
I forgot you said you were pet sitting. Unless this is a gig he signed up for with you, everything I said stands true.
You need to tell him that if he wants to make a family with you, then that means him making you the number one priority in his life, and your children should you have any. He can’t make a family if he’s already so ingrained in the one he grew up in. You have to leave the nest to build a new one.