Petty me would have sent a cute ass message on the group chat like “Hey guysss, so sorry I won't be able to make it for the Christmas do this year đ Bf just told me that monetary contribution of X is required and as a nurse with student loans, I couldn't possibly justify the expense at this time. Had bf told me early on, I would have let y'all know much, much earlier. I'm soooo sorry about this and I hope you guys will understand how nude it is for nurses in today's economy. Bf suggested he would loan me the amount and that I could repay him in Jan, but that won't work for me either, unfortunately”
If they have an ounce of shame in their bodies they will rip apart your bf who frankly, would deserve it. If bf and his family are cut from the same cloth, you're seriously better off without any of them.
Rich penny pinchers are the worst. Goodness. Why are you with this person? Surely this is not the first time he's pulled something like this?
How recently did her grandma pass away and were they close?
Grief short-circuits your brain amd can cause irrational anger.
I don't know what to tell you but she needs therapy and you need to talk to her more.
Sure, you can end the relationship over this but I would give it a couple of days and talk again.
If she isn't working on getting another job I would try to back out of the deal.
HERE IS THE PROBLEM WITH HER COMPLAINT:
If she wants to get the HOUSE then you get to ask about money.
If she wants you to be concerned about her MENTAL HEALTH then you find a way to back out of the house deal.
Frankly, if she is upset that you don't seem concerned enough about her mental health then the ANSWER is to back out of the house deal so that the LARGE financial pressure is removed from her plate.
Going into a large commitment like this when your partner is self-destructing is a big No.
I don't think this lie is a relationship ender but I do think it is a sign that she is struggling much more than she was willing to admit. She wanted to appear fine and strong.
Find a way to back out. Then just hug her a lot. You'll know in a few months what you want to do.
Our daughter's car was broken into, and the radio and other items were stolen. Our son-in-law paid to have an expensive alarm system installed in the car, but it made no difference to our daughter, she said she never felt comfortable in the car again after the break in, they ended up getting a new car because our daughter didn't feel safe driving it anymore.
â
It does cause a lot of anxiety even thou the car was recovered, you want justice for it being stolen, you want it back in the same condition it was before being stolen. You might have to think about getting a different car. I know it sucks.
4 months is nothing. Slow down. Don't move in together. Give yourself at least a year. During that time if you think this could go long term, get into couples counseling to assess the relationship sooner than later.
Child support can also be required by that state without the husband pushing for it, if he gets any benefits from the state etc. situation, facts, and state dependent, but OP is really not taking this serious enough.
OP if you canât afford a lawyer and can demonstrate need, Google âlegal aidâ in your state. There are pro bono, low cost, and law clinic (students under supervision of a licensed attorney) that can help.
He can still be mad if you still don't tell him he is right and that you are sorry, he says is the âsame shitâ as always because I'm afraid of losing him.
Why are you scared of losing him? Man he sounds childish and exhausting
There is something inherently wrong with someone who is always right ……..
If youâre single you can do whatever tf you want. 2. being raped is nowhere near cheating bc YOU did NOT consent to it. Frankly, I donât think you should be with your bf bc to speak up about being raped takes a lot of effort and he is not putting himself if youâre shoes which makes him a bad bc for no support during this trouble time. Iâm sorry you went through it be with supporting friends and a therapist Ik how it feels you need to let it out and not let it take over your life, good luck
No, Iâd say youâre being far too much of a pushover. Is your fiancĂŠ seeking help? What is their long term plan? Right now, youâre just enabling them.
Iâd be upfront that, if the relationship is going to work, they need to talk to a professional about their mental health, start at least a part time job, and do their share around the house. I would give them a time frame.
Sounds like you're carrying a lot of dead weight there. The crying is the easiest way for them to get back into your good graces. Don't continue to fall for it.
They know that they provide nothing of value to the household, both financial and chore wise. 2 1/2 years is a big enough sample size to know that this behavior is going to continue for as long as you allow it.
You already know the answer. It's definitely inappropriate and you should have shut it down when you found out, then had a discussion about whether she would like to continue the relationship or not. The trend is not your friend on this one…bad pattern. You better reach an understanding.
They wonât be seeing each other. The guy canât even legally leave the county he lives in. Idk it sucks because I really am in love with this woman. Iâve just never seen this side of her. She has now admitted to remembering what she said and is basically just saying that sheâs the worst and I deserve better.
Ask yourself if you could live with him if he never changes. What about having queer friends? What if your future kid is gender fluid? This isnât a minor issue, he hates a significant percentage of humans just for being who they are. Thatâs not something I could live! with
Sometimes relationship hit nude patches. Sometimes you feel neglected or lonely.
But when those times come, you communicate with your partner, you talk it through with them and work on things.
The fact she turned to another guy as soon as she felt like she needed more attention says everything you need to know. She would never have made a good long-term partner with you. She wasn't who you thought she was.
I hope you can mourn the loss of the relationship and what you thought you had, and get to a better place.
He got thru med school but can't understand this concept? Girl, he is being deliberately obtuse!
Petty me would have sent a cute ass message on the group chat like “Hey guysss, so sorry I won't be able to make it for the Christmas do this year đ Bf just told me that monetary contribution of X is required and as a nurse with student loans, I couldn't possibly justify the expense at this time. Had bf told me early on, I would have let y'all know much, much earlier. I'm soooo sorry about this and I hope you guys will understand how nude it is for nurses in today's economy. Bf suggested he would loan me the amount and that I could repay him in Jan, but that won't work for me either, unfortunately”
If they have an ounce of shame in their bodies they will rip apart your bf who frankly, would deserve it. If bf and his family are cut from the same cloth, you're seriously better off without any of them.
Rich penny pinchers are the worst. Goodness. Why are you with this person? Surely this is not the first time he's pulled something like this?
How recently did her grandma pass away and were they close?
Grief short-circuits your brain amd can cause irrational anger.
I don't know what to tell you but she needs therapy and you need to talk to her more.
Sure, you can end the relationship over this but I would give it a couple of days and talk again.
If she isn't working on getting another job I would try to back out of the deal.
HERE IS THE PROBLEM WITH HER COMPLAINT:
If she wants to get the HOUSE then you get to ask about money.
If she wants you to be concerned about her MENTAL HEALTH then you find a way to back out of the house deal.
Frankly, if she is upset that you don't seem concerned enough about her mental health then the ANSWER is to back out of the house deal so that the LARGE financial pressure is removed from her plate.
Going into a large commitment like this when your partner is self-destructing is a big No.
I don't think this lie is a relationship ender but I do think it is a sign that she is struggling much more than she was willing to admit. She wanted to appear fine and strong.
Find a way to back out. Then just hug her a lot. You'll know in a few months what you want to do.
Gym-addicted guys are like diet-preoccupied women: it's just boring to be around.
You should grow up.
Not attending isnât taking it out in anyone! Beside you might look like hell by dinner time(lack of sleep)!
Our daughter's car was broken into, and the radio and other items were stolen. Our son-in-law paid to have an expensive alarm system installed in the car, but it made no difference to our daughter, she said she never felt comfortable in the car again after the break in, they ended up getting a new car because our daughter didn't feel safe driving it anymore.
â
It does cause a lot of anxiety even thou the car was recovered, you want justice for it being stolen, you want it back in the same condition it was before being stolen. You might have to think about getting a different car. I know it sucks.
4 months is nothing. Slow down. Don't move in together. Give yourself at least a year. During that time if you think this could go long term, get into couples counseling to assess the relationship sooner than later.
Child support can also be required by that state without the husband pushing for it, if he gets any benefits from the state etc. situation, facts, and state dependent, but OP is really not taking this serious enough.
OP if you canât afford a lawyer and can demonstrate need, Google âlegal aidâ in your state. There are pro bono, low cost, and law clinic (students under supervision of a licensed attorney) that can help.
He can still be mad if you still don't tell him he is right and that you are sorry, he says is the âsame shitâ as always because I'm afraid of losing him.
Why are you scared of losing him? Man he sounds childish and exhausting
There is something inherently wrong with someone who is always right ……..
If youâre single you can do whatever tf you want. 2. being raped is nowhere near cheating bc YOU did NOT consent to it. Frankly, I donât think you should be with your bf bc to speak up about being raped takes a lot of effort and he is not putting himself if youâre shoes which makes him a bad bc for no support during this trouble time. Iâm sorry you went through it be with supporting friends and a therapist Ik how it feels you need to let it out and not let it take over your life, good luck
Am I judging too harshly or quickly?
No, Iâd say youâre being far too much of a pushover. Is your fiancĂŠ seeking help? What is their long term plan? Right now, youâre just enabling them.
Iâd be upfront that, if the relationship is going to work, they need to talk to a professional about their mental health, start at least a part time job, and do their share around the house. I would give them a time frame.
Sounds like you're carrying a lot of dead weight there. The crying is the easiest way for them to get back into your good graces. Don't continue to fall for it.
They know that they provide nothing of value to the household, both financial and chore wise. 2 1/2 years is a big enough sample size to know that this behavior is going to continue for as long as you allow it.
You might need to figure a way to move on.
This âŹď¸
You already know the answer. It's definitely inappropriate and you should have shut it down when you found out, then had a discussion about whether she would like to continue the relationship or not. The trend is not your friend on this one…bad pattern. You better reach an understanding.
He is not your problem. Start packing up his things. This is part of the abuse cycle.
Why donât you call the police and have them do a wellness check?
Took the words out of my mouth.
They wonât be seeing each other. The guy canât even legally leave the county he lives in. Idk it sucks because I really am in love with this woman. Iâve just never seen this side of her. She has now admitted to remembering what she said and is basically just saying that sheâs the worst and I deserve better.
Ask yourself if you could live with him if he never changes. What about having queer friends? What if your future kid is gender fluid? This isnât a minor issue, he hates a significant percentage of humans just for being who they are. Thatâs not something I could live! with
Sometimes relationship hit nude patches. Sometimes you feel neglected or lonely.
But when those times come, you communicate with your partner, you talk it through with them and work on things.
The fact she turned to another guy as soon as she felt like she needed more attention says everything you need to know. She would never have made a good long-term partner with you. She wasn't who you thought she was.
I hope you can mourn the loss of the relationship and what you thought you had, and get to a better place.