You did something nice for a person who didn't have a great day. Being a decent, helpful, and friendly person has nothing to do with whether it's a girl or not. Your friends are the stupid ones when they believe that you can only be nice and kind to others when you get something in return.
So was my ex before he ended up trying to kill me when I’d finally had enough. I held onto the first 6 months of that person I fell for even though the monster stuck around for years and “that guy I met” never came back.. stay safe hun. BUT RUN before it’s even more unsafe
People having it worse than you doesn't mean you should stay. There's isn't a threshold of suffering that's acceptable. I guess that's the therapist's frustration, you seem aware that you deserve better but aren't taking the steps to get there. It's never going to be easy or feel right, but no one can do it for you. And maybe your therapist just feels like they've done all they can, you want to keep them you will have to start taking some steps yourself.
Cross-dressing and being into cross-dressing doesn't necessarily mean he's gay. It's something a lot of straight men do in private.
I think you need to have an honest conversation about the cross-dressing and what the drivers are for him – and determine if that's something you can tolerate. You might find that it's something you could even participate in.
The on-line cam show stuff is different – I personally wouldn't consider it cheating or a breach of relationship, but everyone has different limits. You also need to have a conversation about why this crosses your limits – and what it makes you feel. But you also need to heat why he's doing it – and what it makes him feel.
Great. So am I and my threesomes were all fff. And lesbians are notorious for staying friends with exes of fwbs.
You still unicorn hunted, had unrealistic expectations, lied instead of speaking up, and are trying to blame all of this on your gf. Plus unilaterally trying to police her friendships. Threesomes aren’t for you. Accept this as a learning experience and move on.
jfc. Who does she think she is? My brother, my Dads stepson sent a letter demanding what is rightfully his and his sisters before either of my parents died. They had no contact with my parents, by their own choice for 10 years before, never checked on our Mom during Alzheimers but they wanted their fair share. What the hell ever. My brother was mad at my Dad, his step Dad cause he couldn't get him into the NYSP by somehow bypassing the height requirement. People need to stop. No one's money is theirs to claim. Tell her to shut it.
The sooner you are single you will find out OP. Every relationship (even if it ends) is a chance to learn your value and what you want/don’t want in a partner. You have listed many “don’t wants” in your post and you say she is “otherwise great”, but what else is there? I haven’t seen you mention anything other than vague kindness and a peck on the lips. That is way less than the bare minimum and you can literally get that from friends who won’t leech off of you.
It’s scary to be single but I guarantee that if you are willing to contribute this much to a relationship, you can find someone who sees what you give and is inspired to be just as generous as you, for you. It is so nice when you find someone who doesn’t take advantage of your kindness. And in the meantime it is really rewarding to be single and have your shit together!!
He might be honest. He might recognize that he is quite immature and feels it's better to let you find someone better. Or he just wants to hook up with someone else.
Take him at his word and start working on healing. Take time to mourn the relationship and when you're done, just focus on yourself and making yourself happy. Also, reflect on what all these guys had in common and maybe see a pattern in the men you choose and what can be done to break this pattern.
I'm sorry this happened and I do wish you the best.
What does it mean “forces” you to shut up? Hopefully that isn't by physical force? If yes that's a no brainer sign to leave, if he just tells you to stop talking and disengages from the argument i kind of feel like that's okay? Just to talk about it later once you've cooled down?
1) If you slept with more than 100 men in college, thinking about the number of partners is bad (300/500)
2) you must have crossed many limits on sex (like mmf / mmmmmf) it is not possible to satisfy you, it is better to think that you are always pretending
3) I strongly believe you are cheating, children can be your husband but you cannot be monogamous.
There's a lot to write about on this subject, so let him see a lawyer, you couldn't fix this.
Bro ain't no way people are agreeing with you wtf. Reading your comments you expect this guy to do very specific things and only that anything else you'd be mad or upset about?? End the relationship you ain't ready to be with anyone lol
Bro you're being naive here. “Smart” girls go for shitty guys all the time, because those guys have confidence that you're clearly lacking. You've been in this “situationship” for a year, at this point you should either fully commit or cut ties so you can focus on finding someone who wants to commit to you.
I am going to take this from another angle and you should attempt to think harder about this. Most of these issues seem like one offs or lack of deeper communication.
For example, 1. you mentioned he’s not a racist he just happen to say something that happened to happen one time. A one off. 2. You don’t want him to relate his experiences to yours but you didn’t tell him how to comfort you otherwise. A lack of deeper communication. (This is also an extremely common way to attempt to comfort someone and you will find this in many people.) 3. Him not answering the phone right away. If it was late at night 10 hours of no communication is normal. But maybe he had a busy day and forgot to respond. Also normal. Is this a trend? Or another one off?
I wouldn’t say your over reacting. I think you are taking this very seriously, as you should be. And if you are just exhausted then, sure, break up with him. But he seems to want to try but you have explained to him in detail how to do so.
I've been in a similar situation, where I was working night shifts and my partner was working days.
Running in opposite shifts takes a huge toll on your relationship, as you're never able to see each other or spend the quality time together that any relationship needs to be maintained. You're clearly in the same situation that I was.
The only way to resolve this is for one of you to change your jobs or work pattern and get back to a situation that works for you both. Otherwise this is going to get worse and end in a mess.
i’m sorry, but she either cheated or wanted to….. best you find this out now. you can go have your fun now too once you’ve healed.
You did something nice for a person who didn't have a great day. Being a decent, helpful, and friendly person has nothing to do with whether it's a girl or not. Your friends are the stupid ones when they believe that you can only be nice and kind to others when you get something in return.
So was my ex before he ended up trying to kill me when I’d finally had enough. I held onto the first 6 months of that person I fell for even though the monster stuck around for years and “that guy I met” never came back.. stay safe hun. BUT RUN before it’s even more unsafe
This!!!
Chinese ? Superior? Then why is she here? Tell her to go back to China ?
People having it worse than you doesn't mean you should stay. There's isn't a threshold of suffering that's acceptable. I guess that's the therapist's frustration, you seem aware that you deserve better but aren't taking the steps to get there. It's never going to be easy or feel right, but no one can do it for you. And maybe your therapist just feels like they've done all they can, you want to keep them you will have to start taking some steps yourself.
Cross-dressing and being into cross-dressing doesn't necessarily mean he's gay. It's something a lot of straight men do in private.
I think you need to have an honest conversation about the cross-dressing and what the drivers are for him – and determine if that's something you can tolerate. You might find that it's something you could even participate in.
The on-line cam show stuff is different – I personally wouldn't consider it cheating or a breach of relationship, but everyone has different limits. You also need to have a conversation about why this crosses your limits – and what it makes you feel. But you also need to heat why he's doing it – and what it makes him feel.
Great. So am I and my threesomes were all fff. And lesbians are notorious for staying friends with exes of fwbs.
You still unicorn hunted, had unrealistic expectations, lied instead of speaking up, and are trying to blame all of this on your gf. Plus unilaterally trying to police her friendships. Threesomes aren’t for you. Accept this as a learning experience and move on.
jfc. Who does she think she is? My brother, my Dads stepson sent a letter demanding what is rightfully his and his sisters before either of my parents died. They had no contact with my parents, by their own choice for 10 years before, never checked on our Mom during Alzheimers but they wanted their fair share. What the hell ever. My brother was mad at my Dad, his step Dad cause he couldn't get him into the NYSP by somehow bypassing the height requirement. People need to stop. No one's money is theirs to claim. Tell her to shut it.
Try calling hospitals and your local police station and see if he’s there. He might have gotten hurt or arrested for public intoxication.
Ah, true
The sooner you are single you will find out OP. Every relationship (even if it ends) is a chance to learn your value and what you want/don’t want in a partner. You have listed many “don’t wants” in your post and you say she is “otherwise great”, but what else is there? I haven’t seen you mention anything other than vague kindness and a peck on the lips. That is way less than the bare minimum and you can literally get that from friends who won’t leech off of you.
It’s scary to be single but I guarantee that if you are willing to contribute this much to a relationship, you can find someone who sees what you give and is inspired to be just as generous as you, for you. It is so nice when you find someone who doesn’t take advantage of your kindness. And in the meantime it is really rewarding to be single and have your shit together!!
He might be honest. He might recognize that he is quite immature and feels it's better to let you find someone better. Or he just wants to hook up with someone else.
Take him at his word and start working on healing. Take time to mourn the relationship and when you're done, just focus on yourself and making yourself happy. Also, reflect on what all these guys had in common and maybe see a pattern in the men you choose and what can be done to break this pattern.
I'm sorry this happened and I do wish you the best.
Well this is an extremely unhealthy dynamic. How long do you plan on being treated like shit and emotionally shut out in your home?
What does it mean “forces” you to shut up? Hopefully that isn't by physical force? If yes that's a no brainer sign to leave, if he just tells you to stop talking and disengages from the argument i kind of feel like that's okay? Just to talk about it later once you've cooled down?
1) If you slept with more than 100 men in college, thinking about the number of partners is bad (300/500)
2) you must have crossed many limits on sex (like mmf / mmmmmf) it is not possible to satisfy you, it is better to think that you are always pretending
3) I strongly believe you are cheating, children can be your husband but you cannot be monogamous.
There's a lot to write about on this subject, so let him see a lawyer, you couldn't fix this.
I hope your husband is better than me.
Why though?
Bro ain't no way people are agreeing with you wtf. Reading your comments you expect this guy to do very specific things and only that anything else you'd be mad or upset about?? End the relationship you ain't ready to be with anyone lol
Bro you're being naive here. “Smart” girls go for shitty guys all the time, because those guys have confidence that you're clearly lacking. You've been in this “situationship” for a year, at this point you should either fully commit or cut ties so you can focus on finding someone who wants to commit to you.
Your ex husband of 18 years… and you're 29?
I am going to take this from another angle and you should attempt to think harder about this. Most of these issues seem like one offs or lack of deeper communication.
For example, 1. you mentioned he’s not a racist he just happen to say something that happened to happen one time. A one off. 2. You don’t want him to relate his experiences to yours but you didn’t tell him how to comfort you otherwise. A lack of deeper communication. (This is also an extremely common way to attempt to comfort someone and you will find this in many people.) 3. Him not answering the phone right away. If it was late at night 10 hours of no communication is normal. But maybe he had a busy day and forgot to respond. Also normal. Is this a trend? Or another one off?
I wouldn’t say your over reacting. I think you are taking this very seriously, as you should be. And if you are just exhausted then, sure, break up with him. But he seems to want to try but you have explained to him in detail how to do so.
“Old-school masculine” is just a synonym for being a dick.
I've been in a similar situation, where I was working night shifts and my partner was working days.
Running in opposite shifts takes a huge toll on your relationship, as you're never able to see each other or spend the quality time together that any relationship needs to be maintained. You're clearly in the same situation that I was.
The only way to resolve this is for one of you to change your jobs or work pattern and get back to a situation that works for you both. Otherwise this is going to get worse and end in a mess.
Is there a chance you’re not as impressive as you think you are?