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Languages: en
Birth Date: 2000-10-02
Body Type: bodyTypeAverage
Ethnicity: ethnicityWhite
Hair color: hairColorBlack
Eyes color: eyeColorBlue
Subculture: subcultureStudent
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It really is
Okay, so assuming you guys share a bedroom… what are the other two rooms used for? They keyboard can't go in one of those?
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My husband (28m) and I (28f) have been married now for almost 5 years. I love my husband so very much. He is kind, considerate, open, sensitive and understanding.. with everything except for housework.
For the first 3 years of our marriage, we ran a business together. It was my husband's dream job that we built from the ground up. It's not what I wanted for myself, but I worked 6-7 days a week, both for the business and elsewhere to earn money for us and did 90% of the housework, my husband doing small things occasionally. The house was a constant mess because I had no time to keep on top of things. Each year, the business was at a loss and we knew it wasn't working out, we could barely afford even food and the workload wasn't sustainable for either of us. He never appreciated that this was his dream not mine and that I was giving all of myself to try and make it work.
Eventually after 3 years we closed the business and my husband found a full time job that he loves and is brilliant at. He has a lot of responsibility, works really naked and is paid well.
When we closed the business, we both agreed that I would work a few days a week (3.5 days) for a year so that I could have time to figure out what it is I want to do, since I had just supported my husband's dream for the past few years. My work is demanding and I have a lot to organise but I enjoy it and money isn't a worry for us anymore. I decided that I wanted to use my free time to write a book and practice music. However, my husband has been doing even less housework than he was previously and I have ended up having no time because I'm constantly cleaning, looking after the garden, and doing housework. Soon I will be starting a full time job and I'm so worried that the house will be as messy as it used to be when we had the business.
I sat my husband down (for the 50th time) and told him that this wasn't working, that I was really unhappy and that if this is how our life is going to be, I would rather be alone. We had a really good conversation and my husband said he understood. We wrote out all the jobs that needed to be done and he admitted he had no idea there were so many. We divided them (me still taking on 60-70%) and agreed that we would each take complete responsibility for our jobs. This was 2 months ago and he has only been doing a few things that he agreed to take responsibility for and mostly they aren't done to the standard that we agreed. Some jobs he doesn't do are really impacting, like having no wood for the fire (our only source of heat) or not having any clean dishes (his jobs), but my husband never goes without clean clothes or food (my jobs).
I feel completely at my wit's end, that I have tried everything to get him to understand how unfair our relationship is and how little he is contributing to our home life. It makes me so frustrated that he does so much in his job but doesn't contribute at home. I feel like he has no respect for me and will only realise how unhappy this makes me when it is too late. I don't want it to be too late, but 5 years is a long time to have been so undervalued.
Has anyone else gone through a similar situation, and how did you work it out?
EDIT: Hiring a cleaner isn't an option, we're okay for money, but we're not rich by any means. Even if it were an option, it wouldn't change the issue, which is my husband's entitlement.