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For starters I assume you are young.
Yes, he should not have told you that he would minimize his work trips.
I don't blame him for prioritizing work over you (the initial lie aside). The chances of a young relationship lasting are not super high. Even “non-mandatory” trips can be important when it comes to building your work relationships and promos later. A 2 month relationship is nothing.
Basically, dont take it hard. I dont think you did anything wrong. You two are just not compatible right now.
RemindMe! 3 days
This is a great answer. I didn’t consider the thought of not having a good dialog with each other so that’s a fantastic point. You also give some good reflection questions that I need to get answers to for myself.
I’ll work on how to have the conversation in a safe environment and have the discussion with her. Thanks for all of the thought and examples you put into your comment!
The ironic part is that the best way to hurt her would be to show that she doesnt matter, by creating more drama you are just feeding her by giving her more attention.
Definitely you should, but inform your committed FWB first. If she takes offence, and decides to take up your offer of relationship, then that works too, right? If she doesn’t, you get to shoot your shot with this dance girl
When she was 18 and a literal child?!? That goes beyond grooming…
I absolutely cod not finish reading this. Ask yourself why you would this level of drama in your life? It sounds like you have broken up multiple times over the same exact issue, let him go.
To me it’s like porn and I don’t care, mainly because I think the kind of guys I date aren’t going to be super into it as a result of their personality/taste
i mean idk her but i would only behave that way if i had feelings for him. maybe she wants him as backup
Wow, talk about taking it to the next level, tho I suspect you can never be too careful. Never seen any weird behavior between them, but at the same time, I wasn’t looking for any
Ihave brought that up, but she said it's my word against hers, and who are the authorities gonna believe?
?
Haha good catch. I agree, these things the longer they take, the more time for outside factors and the flame to burn out.
I know coming back and saying “Let’s get married now!” is the dumbest thing to do.
We’ve both got strong faiths, God’s got a plan
My bf expects me to pay half on anything (even though he makes way more) and charges me when he picks me up. I wish I was in her shoes. However, everyone has preferences Maybe try it on with her to see how it goes?
Whatever dude, you said that in a post you made barely half an hour ago. Quit reposting the same shit. It makes you sound crazy.
But what am I supposed to do really? Say fuck off to dad and my younger brothers over an affair that doesn't involve me.
It did involve you though, it involved your entire family. And honestly, you're a POS, because this is one of those rare situations that by not “picking a side” you have essentially picked a side…the wrong side.
Your moms the victim here. And yet she's getting 0 justice here because she lost her husband, her life, her security and now…her kids…when she did nothing wrong here.
Yet your dad, he cheats, lies, leaves, and screws over your mom and yet gets to be happy, gets to be in love, gets to keep his family he wants, and now he has his own kids sympathy.
Im not saying you need to spiteful make his life hell but damn your morals are way twisted.
She came clean about that lie after being coerced, as well as other lies. I’m sorry, she cheated and cheated and she lied. There is no basis for trust. And without trust there is no relationship.
End it for your own mental health.
I mean if you want to generalize, many men refuse to get better in bed. They refuse foreplay and think intercourse should get women off because it get them off and refuse to hear differently.
Many “good men” feel it is the wife’s duty to provide sex, and she doesn’t need pleasure. Since men can be ready instantly, woman can too. And refuse to listen to anything different. And a woman in her 60s? Hell, she was probably taught that women shouldn’t be sexual until she was married and ready for kids.
But that’s just a generalization, all men aren’t like that.
Well maybe he should smoke less weed and play less video games and get a part-time job. Even working one day on the weekends would probably give him an extra $400 a month or at least close to it. He'll save money on weed and make a little extra cash. Sometimes you got to work two jobs to make the ends meet. As for not letting you have any room to study, does the house happen to have a living room and a family room? Or a living room and a dining room? Is it possible for you to make the dining room or the living room / family room if you happen to have both one of those into an office study space for yourself? So if he's upstairs getting high and playing loud music you're downstairs somewhat away from all that racket and still able to study.
I met him through a mom friend he helped with her kids. And he’s a musician and the first time we met he was playing guitar and my baby was playing harmonica so it just happened like that. We met naturally..but it’s been an issuer for me setting boundaries I kept telling him that the relationship was going to fast and that I wanted to be friends and keep it casual, I broke up with him early in the relationship and he still wanted to be my best friend and I told him I wanted to keep it casual but I think he’s infatuated with me and I can see how it’s toxic and today has been the last straw because Actually got a bit mad at him because he came over to “surprise me” …with what a garbage bag of chicken nuggets in hand? and I was actually pissed and I told him I wasn’t surprised and that he ruined my flow it really stresses me out cause I would like to prepare myself (mentally even) to have company. Ruining my toddlers routine. Really not good. And he is disregarding the boundaries I’ve tried to set over and over. I’m thankful for your commitment I keep trying to just blame myself for feeling like I can’t accept his love or whatever but your totally right it’s not okay, and even I have feelings for him it’s hard but I know what’s right. And something not right with him unfortunately
I mean BF is 19. Yeah he's immature, I was too at 19.
I’m going to give it everything I got. This girl means the world to me. She said that she has seen me as the future
I don't want sympathy, I just wanted to tell this story because telling that to anyone is very hard, and I don't know who to tell. I understand I'm being a piece of shit, I apologized to her about calling her shallow, and honestly if she rejects me and has a good relationship with this I would be happy, honestly not immediately it would take time. I'm just overwhelmed with thoughts, because I know I kinda reaped what I sow.
Many great alternative ideas as to why this all may be happening. I’ll add my own.
Speaking for my mom, she has training as a therapist. I’ve hear her do telehealth and she really sounds amazing at what she does, regardless of what was said on the other line my mom is always ready with a positive outlook and logical steps but if needed she provides a shoulder. However with her kids . It’s almost impossible, she gets so emotional and illogical and can’t listen for crap. It’s like the whole “mom” super love thing just … changes them can’t see passed their baby. I’m 29 for example and still sometimes she will still try and “protect me” from things she THINKS will hurt me.
She realized what while adults understand the lessons you can learn from failure. It’s a tougher lesson as a child and children can switch focuses quickly and develop interests that give them joy. She maybe trying to protect him in a motherly way without realizing it goes against what she knows logically as a sport. Maybe she’s worried he may become disinterested if it’s too hard. He might lose the love of something all of you share.
Playing at her level might make her feel bad in a motherly way. She might not even realize it. Even if she does she might be denying it due to feeling deep down that her fears may also disrupt his growth in the game.
Maybe try to find moves that lead towards him finding a way to win. Set it in a way that it’s like after training with his mom he’s better now. Y’all aren’t training a grand master. You’re having fun with your child and sharing a hobby.
OP, she completely took advantage of and then broke your trust and then lied about it until you proved it to her. This is not confusion, this is infidelity. As is often said – because it’s true – trust is the one absolute in a relationship. She broke yours and, let’s be honest, you will never trust her again. The equation, like the laws of physics, is unflinching; no trust = no relationship.
Grow a spine and stop letting her walk all over you and break up with her.
It’s also important to note, pending the type of eating disorder she has, your metabolism can be really damaged. It’s common for recovering/recovered people to put on a bit too much
Don't make other people accomplices in your cheating.
Well, you've come to the wrong place. Reddit loves to paint the world in black & white: cheaters are always cheaters, will always remain cheaters and are just plain evil people and deserve every punishment. You should always, always tell the injured party if someone is cheating regardless of the people involved are family, friends or mean nothing to you.
Yes, your brother did break your confidence. That part is actually true, whether or not the rest of the Redditors will agree or not. As a brother you can have some expectation of confidentiality. Let's say you cheat on your taxes and your brother knows: is it ok to report that to the IRS? Should he be obligated to report you to the MPAA because you're illegally downloading movies?
It is debateable whether or not that expectation extends to you cheating on your girlfriend, though.
On the other hand, between you and your brother you are the way bigger asshole and idiot by far. Your brother didn't break you up. You did. You caused all this by your own actions, you massively fucked up and it seems you just plainly refuse to take any responsibility for your actions.
You gloss over your cheating by saying “it wasn't an affair or anything” as if that mattered. You cheated — your gf is completely entitled to dump your sorry ass for that alone. Then you told your brother. Why? To unburden yourself? To lessen your guilty conscience? Because trouble shared is trouble halved? Again, you made a unilateral decision to burden someone else with the consequences of your own actions without paying any regard to how they might feel about it.
Maybe your brother found himself caught between a rock and a hard place. Maybe he likes and respects your ex, and he didn't want to have to pretend, he didn't want to have to lie pn your behalf and see her blissfully unaware of what an utter shithead you were.
Maybe he didn't want to snitch on you, but between that and the alternative, he chose the lesser of two evils.
Your brother's transgressions pale in comparison to what you have done.
Time to grow up and accept that the major part of all blame falls on you.
You can't just dump your trash on your brother's doorstep and expect him to deal with it. He didn't ask for this. Your girlfriend didn't ask for this.
Bottom line: you did this. Apologize to your brother for putting him in this difficult position.
You really just accept it, tbh. He didn't treat you right in the first place and you are the one that broke up with him so it's not like you were waiting for him to change his mind. You said yourself that he was abusive/manipulative. Those crocodile tears and love bombing words were just to get you back under control. He didn't mean it.
Friend, the title of your post is she wants to borrow £30,000. Now, you can't seriously think that you would ever see any of that money back again?? It's not a loan. This is a scam. She is trying to rip you off. If she doesn't want to introduce you to her family, tell her to get her freaking family to loan her any money she needs. You're not a bank are you? might as well let me 30,000 pounds.
What are your red flags?
YuCk! ?
my ex will be a horrible dad he couldnt. even handle sweet little me ????
“Gave her body away”
Gross.
I agree with your friend.
Does your girlfriend know you think like this?
It was intentional lol
Ok-Carob,
The question you have to ask is whether you like/love him more than you like/love yourself. As someone who's seen addiction ruin a parent…I can tell you than no amount of YOU wanting him to get/stay clean will matter. He's got to want it for himself…and if he doesn't, he will bring you down with him. He'll steal from you, lie to you, make it so you don't trust yourself…and potentially even get you hooked on a substance that will hollow you out and leave you a shadow of a human being….incapable of love in any capacity and willing to do things you never imagined just for the next high…which will never be as good as your first.
It's your decision to make to be willing to go through all that. But it's a great big world, and somewhere out there is someone with a carbon copy of all the qualities that you like about this guy…but without all the baggage and bleak future. I suggest you find that person, and wish the current guy all the best in the world and tell him that you really want a bright future with him.
At 18…the life ahead of you has so much potential. How much of that potential you achieve will ultimately be a function of the choices that you make. I wish you the best possible future full of happiness and opportunity.
As a married couple, I don’t know why the two of you wouldn’t shared financial information. Seems reasonable.
Right??
Seems he likes to pick a bone with you. From now on, completely ignore him. Only respond when askee work related questions. Anything that can lead to an argument with him, avoid it at all costs. Don't give him that luxury.
You know, I don’t have anybody to tell them exactly what I feel for her, I don’t think my friends could understand in anyway. I’ve been so afraid that I might be doing something wrong, too selfless or outwardly stupid, so I went on Reddit, the only place I feel like I can be honest. Finally hearing someone telling me, that my approach is not wrong is literally bringing tears of joy to my eyes. I’m so damn thankful. Thank you.
thank you for you input!
ew your bf is literally 27, he'e definitely won't talk to a 19, but normally the 27 don't date 19 too