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I am sorry, but that doesn’t seem possible. You two have by far too much baggage and made no effort so far to clear any of it. I don’t doubt you love each other. I doubt you understand what it means to take yourself back for the other person.
You don't belong in ANY relationship until you do some serious growing up. You drove that guy away by basically smothering him.
Listen: does my boyfriend have the biggest dick I’ve ever been with? No. Am I still always excited when I see some peen? Absolutely! This girl just sounds…kind of mean? Like I’m sure that she’s a good person, but who says this? If my boyfriend had responded with “your breasts”, I would have been so sad.
I just want to add that your situation is exactly what I'm personally going through as well. It sucks and I also don't know what to do. I legit feel unloved and feel like a part of myself has gone missing. I don't have any desire to express my playful fun side anymore because all it leads to is rejection. All I wish for you is don't lose who you are as a person while navigating this. Good luck!
Why did your son have to be kicked out for him to want to see you??
You don't sound like a deadbeat parent, but don't let your emotions cloud you incase your son wants to use your emotions to manipulate you.
You did everything you could to spend time with him, HE WAS THE ONE THAT DIDNT WANT IT
It's possible he just wants to see where it goes, perhaps he doesnt want to juggle too many people either. Theres nothing wrong with him deleting the app after a first date. It would be more of an issue imho if he said he really likes you and kept trying to match with more women on the side. Give it a chance bc that's what it seems he is doing. I don't think it's a red flag. Red flag behavior is him trying to propose on your 2nd or third date, lol.
If you honestly don't believe that happens, we cannot see much of anything the same. I'm not trying to change your mind. I know better.
I went out with a cougar once, we went back to her place, she was like 40ish, I was 25… she turned me the fuck out… older women know what they want… they will real quick.
A romantic dramedy featuring this common couple. One individual is anxious, insecure, and a bit of an over thinker. The other is optimistic to the point of idiocy and hardly gives thought to anything, especially when it comes to talking! Surely this will be a healthy dynamic without any whacky misunderstandings!
It sounds like he has a friendly relationship with his ex which is not necessarily a bad thing. It seems like if they wanted to be together again they would be. But they’re not. Be glad he had help.
Some people (possibly OP) would just not be comfortable hearing their partner would be into an open relationship if they both agreed to it. Her mentioning it doesn't mean she will eventually act on it but OP has to decide for himself if this is something he is comfortable with.
Paternity test before you do anything
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I can completely understand looking at it that way. I’ve witnessed it when were still talking. When my mom made those accusations when I was little. My dad came to my pre school to pick me up, he had bought Aladdin on VHS for us to watch that weekend. When he got there to pick me up a state trooper was there and said he was no longer going to see me. My dad still has the VHS tape, in the wrapping. He said he could never bring himself to open it or throw it away. Just an example of how deep it is. It just sucks that, I feel like, myself and my children are in the crosshairs of his anger now. Doesn’t feel fair but also can understand it.
Haven't been to therapy in a year, guy I setup an appointment Monday 🙂
I'm trying to take care of myself but it's tough. Tried to go to the gym today but started crying on the treadmil and left within 5 minutes, it was ridiculous.
I don’t feel like I glossed over it.
“…let's say nothing fun happened!”
Are you saying you'd seriously be okay with dating a serial cheater who decided to lie to you by omission, proving they continue to be a liar? Hey, I guess we all different standards. Pretty extreme of you to called me fucked up over not wanting to date a serial cheater but ??♀️
You have the right to feel angry. He has the right to feel angry. He does not have the right to physically abuse your dog because he feels angry.
If that by itself is not bad enough for you, know that he will treat YOU like that when YOU make him angry.
Anyone who can’t show common decency to people, especially those who serve you, is not a good person. She is hiding behind this nice girl facade she shows to you. She is showing her true nature in her treatment of them. If you refuse to see it or don’t want to accept it makes you complicit. You are just as bad as her by not calling out her.
I couldn’t be with someone who is such a POS.
Thanks. Auto corrector has become my worst enema. 🙂
I had to reread the ages, because this sounded like some shit I did when I was 19. At 28, hell no. It’s not even about the tits honestly. It’s the fact she got drunk as hell and played a game with sexual dares. I would be absolutely furious if I found out my boyfriend took part in that. The way she’s describing the whole night super casually, says she sees nothing wrong with the situation. You two need to have a serious conversation about lifestyle compatibility.
Now is the time to put the brakes on you mom. Do not give in to her expectations. Stop telling her everything. Get engaged the way you want and tell her about it after the fact. If you don't stop this now she will try to dominate your whole marriage. And if you decide to have kids, she'll want control of that too.
How do you arrange that into relationships exactly then? If that’s just how it is
Only real advice in this entire thread
My beliefs are not harmful in any way – again, they’re the natural default. The way of the natural world.
You’ve never met an atheist before?
I think it'd be sweet. Literally xD But if you don't wanna spoil it, ask him how he feels about a work delivery. Apparently it's different for folks in terms of preference.
I don’t want to be doomed to a life of exclusively doggy style and no kissing or foreplay because he wants to have a beard. That feels miserable for both of us.
I am in therapy and he knows about the sensory processing disorder but I don’t think he truly grasps it. We have also taken couples therapy together since we plan to get married but it’s still very hot for him to understand what my SPD is like.
It’s called being immature and controlling. Lol. Grow up.
I just don't bother getting upset with most things in general, which is another issue to work in all together.
That's totally okay. If it's really not bothering you, no need to actively try and make yourself annoyed/mad/miserable. Some people enjoy taking care of others, it's okay. What's not okay is when it's not reciprocated somehow. So you were doing all these things for him, what displays of love and care were you getting in return? Massages or something? Nothing?
I'm easy going with 95% of things, but I will die on the hill that represents the 5%. There's a few things for me that are absolute no's. Like someone calling me stupid or implying that I'm stupid. It's a warning once then I cut all ties if it happens again. It's so disrespectful and I never do that to anyone else, I won't tolerate it. If a man ever hit me, they'd never get another chance to do it again. It's good to have those very hot lines.
What are your hot NOs? If you don't have ANY, its a problem. If you have them, and he crossed them, and you're staying, it's a problem.
Abusive, impoverished, no family, no friends, no job, anxiety, depression, chronic panic attacks… I think you needa be focusing on yourself
But he DID think before he spoke. He did this very deliberately, that much is obvious.
You’re moving way too fast and he isn’t even sure if he wants to be moving. But the residency point is also a red flag that even when time passes he’ll move goalposts.
You haven’t been together long enough to start a family in my opinion, so maybe that’s what he’s feeling too. It’s valid! I just don’t think he’ll ever give you what you want even when the “proper” amount of time passes.
Cut her off from your cash.
Why are you paying her bills?
Why isn't she working full time?
Why do you agree to all these moves?
Yep!
I wouldn't even wipe my arse with that letter. Keep it sealed, return it and never look back.
He can control it, but why bother when he can just make you take the blame for his shitty behaviour?
He won't change, because he doesn't want to. Life is great for him right now. He gets to do what he wants and treat you like a punching bag (verbal – for the moment) and then blame you!
If he wanted to treat you better, he would. It's really that simple.
Dude, you’re going places, and not to be crude but she’s literally dead-weight.
You want a partner. Someone equally yoked. Maybe not as ambitious as you, but ambitious at all. Maybe not as fit as you, but willing to move at all.
Hurting someone you care about hurts. Its gonna hurt her way more if you move her all the way out to Cali and THEN break up when it becomes even more obvious that shit is never gonna change. Clean break now, move on, never look back.
Or enjoy being a father
Your post is pretty revealing. You started this relationship in a competitive spirit, trying to “win” this guy over this girl in the LDR. You won, but it's a Pyrrhic victory, because you'll always wonder if things would have worked out between them if you hadn't interfered.
And because you treated it like a competition, of course you're always going to be paranoid that a better player might come along and beat you in the next round.
We agree that he can have boundaries, eg he and his new girlfriend don't want to see his ex – I've said multiple times (though possibly not in this thread, I'm losing track) that that's completely reasonable.
Reasonable action and consequence pairs:
“If you are unkind to my girlfriend, we won't see you any more.” (Or “I will see you alone”, or “we will spend holidays with her family”.)
“If you don't agree to follow my (reasonable) rules when caring for your grandchild, you won't get to spend time alone with them any more.”
“If you keep a gun in your house outside a safe, we will not allow our grandchild to be in your home.”
In all of those, the consequence is a reasonable and proportionate response to the action.
But seeing his ex GF, when he and his GF aren't around, is really none of his business. His parents seeing his ex GF does not harm him or his GF.
If the parents are being unkind or unwelcoming, that's a separate issue that absolutely should be addressed, without a doubt. There is no reason, however, why his parents can't both see his ex GF when he and his current GF aren't around, and be kind and welcoming to his current GF.
We agree that he can have boundaries, eg he and his new girlfriend don't want to see his ex – I've said multiple times (though possibly not in this thread, I'm losing track) that that's completely reasonable.
Reasonable action and consequence pairs:
“If you are unkind to my girlfriend, we won't see you any more.” (Or “I will see you alone”, or “we will spend holidays with her family”.)
“If you don't agree to follow my (reasonable) rules when caring for your grandchild, you won't get to spend time alone with them any more.”
“If you keep a gun in your house outside a safe, we will not allow our grandchild to be in your home.”
In all of those, the consequence is a reasonable and proportionate response to the action.
But seeing his ex GF, when he and his GF aren't around, is really none of his business. His parents seeing his ex GF does not harm him or his GF.
If the parents are being unkind or unwelcoming, that's a separate issue that absolutely should be addressed, without a doubt. There is no reason, however, why his parents can't both see his ex GF when he and his current GF aren't around, and be kind and welcoming to his current GF.
You lack trust in your partner, obviously. You are abusive, her ex is in her friend group and there's no changing that. They can still be friends regardless
I’m not in anger management. I know I was wrong. I won’t ever do that again.
She is, but she’s also so nice to other people that were disrespectful to me. They have history, but it upsets me that she doesn’t know how to set boundaries.
How could she fix this, logically thinking? Because I feel like that was borderline cheating!