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1. you might get some value from the work of Marshall Burtcher @healyourcodependency. his youtube videos are really great and his ig content has red/green flag checklists.

   it makes me sad that you wish it was easier to forgive and forget. I know you love him. but you are not only doing yourself a disservice, you are actively causing yourself more pain by staying. he's been going further each time you catch him. and he lies to hide or downplay it. he doesn't openly communicate it with you and make a plan that's right for you both, he just goes out and hides it and acts like it's no big deal when you catch him. this won't be the last time. it will be harder on you the deeper you go with him.

   love yourself enough not to disrespect yourself this way. don't sabotage your future self and her heart this way. yes it's going to hurt to stay, and it's going to hurt in different ways to leave. but you deserve a real and honest partnership. and you aren't getting it here. if this was someone else I know you'd see that it wasn't healthy to stay. please make the very hot but healthy choice to leave. grieve. cry. get angry journal it out. focus on your hobbies. go to the gym. take long walks. dance in your house to cathartic music. break dollar store glass into a dumpster. anything to get in touch with how you feel and move through it in a healthier way than just giving him no consequences and staying. you are teaching him that you will stay even if he betrays you. please love yourself enough to go even if it breaks you in half for a while. I know it's hard. I'm going through a breakup too. the urge to just let it go is so strong but I know that the healthy choice is to hold to my values and not enable him while sabotaging myself.

   best of luck to you

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