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I’m so sorry.
For the kids discussion, you both are already not compatible. You are kid-free, where he’s not sure yet. But once you take away the option for yourself with the procedure, it could make him leave because he may still want the option. Nothing good ever comes from someone compromising regarding kids or no kids.
As for the cheating… I would have already left, despite how bad it hurts.
You deserve someone who would never put themselves into a position like the one he did. Whether he was drunk or not, he betrayed your trust big time.
I know I’m offering extreme advice, but I would cut your losses and move on so you have time to find someone who better matches with your core values and who will respect and appreciate all of you.
You can't change an addict.
Tell him how it makes you feel when he ignores you. You aren't a sex toy that he gets to use for a nut and then move on about his day without considering you.
Explain to him (possibly without coming off too accusatory because that can cause defensiveness) that it feels unfair because he gets off, but you don't. Relationships are partnerships in every aspect, including sexually, so if one person is essentially using the other as a sex toy, it's not healthy.
You do see how you are blaming your ex wife for your son's inability to regulate his emotions, right? I guess if any future girlfriends fail to set proper boundaries they would deserve to face your sons temper too?
My dad went out to his next stage of life's journey from a hospice. He had cancer and they took great care of him, he went out very peacefully, they made sure he had no pain and it was as good as you could hope for. Tell your family you love them, good rest and a soft exit to you my friend.
THIS! ESPECIALLY since a LOT of the medical gaslighting will revolve around hAvE yOu TrIeD lOsInG wEiGhT???? Implying that the weight is the problem rather than a symptom of the actual problem.
The medical industry SUCKS when it comes to helping women and minorities.
Btw she just mentioned for the first time to him after 8 months of dating. That’s odd for me especially no communication has been spoken about it.
Of course not! If you have any self-respect for yourself as a man then don't entertain this idea. The guy left her, she doesn't have any better options and wants to crawl back to you. Find yourself a younger, respectful women who would be a good mother to your kids.
So your complaining that a man who was seeking an uneven relationship with a younger woman doesn’t actually respect women?
LEAVE him.
But he's an Ex
Honestly, he us out with his friends and you need to leave him alone!
A good couple should be based on trust and checking in all the time ruins a night out.
This was obviously a pre planned event….let him enjoy it!
Oh I get that. And that could very well be what’s going on there. I am just pointing out that a good man who is so available would never want an ex to want them.
Break up and move out. You’d have more freedom and rights in prison than you do in this house.
He hurt you. Deliberately and repeatedly. That is not love.
You'll be better off on your own than staying with someone who hurts you.
Because, he knows he can do it. He knows he can get away with it and do it again. He's not going to stop hurting you. He is not a good man.
Do not get back with her. Worst case scenario she broke up cuz she thought there was a better option she could jump to. Best case she’s extremely impulsive and there’s a possibility she will end it at any time
Crazy how the narrative changes when the roles are reversed
I try to view it like my grandma would, tell him to shut up and get over it or he can walk.
tbf you have a glimpse of what life will be like co parenting with him.
I how op reads this and takes it to heart. She's seeing exactly what her future with him will look like. (It looks exhausting.)
Have you tried talking to them? Letting them know they’re completely audible and obvious and embarrassing?
You’ll waste the next several years of your life if you don’t leave. Throwing stuff around when he’s upset is a giant red flag and he’s only 20.
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Dump him. Dump him now. You do not settle for being someone's placeholder. He will drop you in a heartbeat. Dont waste your time.
It doesn’t take 10 years to do it and while I’m a huge fan of world travel, living abroad, experiencing other cultures and seeing the world? That would be a HELL NO for me.
If it were me, I’d ask him to put together a plan. Take sailing lessons. Put some effort into identifying what it would take financially, what it would mean for training, what it would mean for homeschooling a 10YO to ensure that their education isn’t negatively impacted.
I can appreciate having a dream. But I suspect that he has a very romanticized view on all of this and if he were to actually put some thought into the practical aspects, he might realize that this 10 year thing is not gonna work out.
And maybe he can find a way to be into sailing or world travel that doesn’t negatively impact you and your kid.
I’d tell him you don’t really want to discuss it further til he has some training and a solid plan.
Or you can just placate him and cross this bridge when it actually becomes reality. Which it probably won’t.
Listen, I (44F) would love to be a Grand Prix jumper (horses) and compete in the Olympics. That’s just not realistic. But I can (and do) have horses and enjoy them. Maybe he needs to scale back, get a catamaran or something and sail a few times a month. I hate to crush dreams but he’s made some life choices—like having kids—that make what he wants to do pretty irresponsible and unrealistic.
This could spiral out of control with very little warning. There is definitely chemistry there. You need to pull back a little. Nobody has done anything wrong yet, keep it that way.
Or maybe he's Sokka from avatar, and a fortune teller told him she foresees suffering in his future, mostly self inflicted.
It’s one of the reasons I like wearing a watch while I am cooking, tbh.
Do you have friends? You need friends and things to do like hobbies.
4 years and you've never met his friend and most of his guy nights are away in other cities? Something suspicious is going on
This is great advice.
Also, hate to say this, but I would check on the police incident. Unfortunately, you really can't trust him to tell the truth. There may be fines, court dates, suspension etc
Being a couple takes lots of things. One is letting your partner have a separate life. I think that's what she was trying to communicate.