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Yes.
It's all about her little movements .
Thr phone thing is a major sign.
You need to be upfront as calmly as you can because this ll be make or break.
✌️
Some men are not good at it, so they claim not to enjoy it. It’s pretty simple. If a man says he doesn’t enjoy it, it’s a clear sign he is not skilled at it. So take a pass on any sexual activity with such a man.
Instead, find a man that enjoys it. There are only several hundred million to choose from, and you pretty much only need to ask once to find out. ?
Is it possible Jackie is his daughter?
My spider sense feels like OP has more issues than this going on. He said yes with the condition you don’t destroy his house… I am sorry if you think that is controlling but to everyone it is reasonable. If he told you couldn’t blow up the house to you that is a controlling statement.
You need to take a day and reflect and decide if you really want to be with him. I feel like there are other issues in the past you aren’t speaking of that eventually led up to this.
Youre not ugly, but you are bald, which isn't helping.
Trust your friends. If they're telling you it's your stiffness, then that's probably what it is.
The worse you make him sound the less sustainable your relationship is.
I don't believe you have said one positive thing about your bf. I suggest learning about Gottman's magic ratio of 5 compliments to every one criticism (highly predictive of Relationship success).
He wants a loyal partner. Thats all.
Honestly idk but i do know he isn't ignoring me because the messages i sent him are not delivered which means he's been offline
You said it is a good reason to end it. what is the good reason to end it ? i didn't understand sorry. and what if she will marry another guy after i end relationship. what will i do then. There will be no second chance.
This seems like a power thing to me which will probably make you more uncomfortable.
I’m a Bi female that has pegged a guy or 2. I like watching guys do gay stuff. I even like a little humiliation throw in there. My partner of 4 years is a straight male. He’s not into it. I respect that.
Safe BDSM is about consent and this seems like forced Bi territory. If you aren’t into forced bi don’t do it. Even in the world of FORCED bi the sub has to be into the humiliation factor if the are 100% straight.
Lastly, butt stuff is no joke. It can be messy, painful and dangerous. Trust is a must.
I never heard the term gaslighting until earlier this year after that stupid show came out. Now I hear it constantly and far too often used incorrectly. It's a form of psychological manipulation ABUSERS use against their VICTIMS. I don't think it really applies to a husband being less than forthcoming to his wife about a friend. I agree he is being shady but I wouldn't consider that abuse.
Lol. Ok. Possessive, controlling, insecure, and ridiculous. Get some confidence and let others love their way. Is she upset? Nope.
Maybe distance yourself from on-line dating and women on social apps. Your attitude is not exactly ideal from accumulating all this disappointment over the years and You may become even more resentment if you continue to pick the same kind of women. It’s nude to know what to change about yourself when you have a tendency of attracting the same kind of partner. You would be doing more good than harm to your mental health if you cut back from these dating apps. You seem to have been only picking immature women. Even if you bag them, I don’t really expect you to find that much of happiness at the end of the day. On-line dating apps give women way more power then either one person in a relationship should have and she would only make you miserable if you end up with her. Try to be in a relationship where you at least have 40 % power in the relationship.
Please ghost him. Then go on-line your best life.
Joining in- I have long hair and my family has a running joke that it's a tie between me and my cat who sheds the most. I am looking at my lap while typing this and see strands of my own hair. probably daycare! or just life- brushed a person in the hallway, sat in a chair someone else has sat in, anything.
Guarantee later in time she will find another guy the love of her life.
I've been there before. ( I didn't cheat in the end either ots gross and not worth it) There isn't any working out after cheating. Relationships are built on trust, and cheating destroys that. Staying together will only cause you anxiety, do you really think you can trust him to not cheat again? If you could then he wouldn't have done it the first time. If he cheated the relationship is already over because he killed it.
He is not worth it. He is not worth the constant doubt and worry. A relationship with no trust is like a house built on sand it won't last, it will crumble.
It will hurt breaking up at first, but I know from experience one day you will look back and know you did the right thing.
This man is 27 ?♀️
No, that's reality. Sorry about your feelings.
Congratulations. I'm really glad that I've read a success story on this Reddit. But as always, doing business with friends and family sucks. My dad is a big business owner, and i remember him always telling me to never start business with friends and family, as it always ruins the friendship and the business at the same time. He was literally telling me that, since i was maybe 10yo.
Consult it with lawyers and create a file about her underperformance and bad behaviours. Firing people is messy, if they don't want to go, so be careful. I don't know how the law works in the US so i can't give you specific advice. But the main point is that you should have solid grounds for firing her and it should be extensively documented, before you do so. In my country it you fire them in a bad way, they can sue your company really hot and will likely win. Its well worth the the time to consult it with appropriate layers. Just Imagine how pissed you would be if she somehow managed to sue you and actually get a part of your company. Good luck and please make an update post later, I'm really curious if she will throw a tantrum, or acknowledge that she is the bad one and go peacefully.
Uh….. leave her
I'm just kinda confused with these comments? Everyone saying he hasn't moved on. You can't fully move on? Grief never goes away, it fades a little but never completely goes away. It isn't like breaking up with someone. I agree that he should go talk to a therapist. I lost my father when I was almost 2, I'm now 22, and I still grieve, in my own way.
And with the pictures, he didn't say he had them EVERYWHERE, maybe some pictures. So, yeah OP should go see someone to talk to, but I think the girlfriend is overreacting. Imagine saying that to a kid???
You said your bf asks if your brother can come with you two on dates. Have you said no? Have you asked your brother not to come along?
Have you asked your bf not to drag your brother into your private lives by complaining about you to him?
If you feel emotionally exhausted by your current bf's behavior then why stay with him?
Congratulations! Age has very little meaning now. We can all be mature or immature for our age.
I hate to say this, but your situation is incredibly common on Military bases.
Under the Uniform Code of Military Justice it is actionable if a
service member is found to be cruel with animals. The same goes
for Domestic Violence, Threats and neglect to family members,
alcoholism and substance abuse.
The usual course of action is to approach a Chaplain…….
and No…you don't have to be a practitioner of an organized
religion….. and lay out all that is going on, what you are afraid
of and what your intended course of action is. You may be accompanied to
the Judge Advocate to submit a statement. You can also request a
personal advocate (see: Social Services) in addition to the Chaplain,
who will be available for wellness checks, document behaviors/retribution
and possibly locate shelter if things get Really wonkie. There Was a time when
you would have had to suffer in silence. You don't now, but you can't
sit on your hands. You HAVE resources but they can't read your mind.
Get going!!
Of course that would be the ideal, but there are a lot of sick twisted fucks out there. The world is a pretty shitty place. Honestly the way I deal with hate is pitying the people who are doing the hating. They are so sick and twisted beyond repair that there is no reasoning with them. Hell, I mean that’s why wwii happened and there have been tons of interventions to try and prevent future genocide. It’s just a grim reality of the world and the best thing you can do is surround yourself with the people who love you for all that you are, because at the end of the day, who cares what some random person on the internet says
It definitely happens, but it is the exception and not the rule. In England, I found with all types of jobs (waitressing, call center, IT projects), it was more or less expected to have a drink with your coworkers.
My bf “hates forced gift giving” and doesn't care if he gets one, and he genuinely means that. I haven't gotten him anything for Christmas but his birthday is coming up to and I may have something for then. I would get him something for Christmas but I just don't know what right now and I can't give him a random gift because then I'm just doing it for the occasion so it's better if I don't lol. I hope I find something though
All parents worry about this but that doesn’t mean putting your life on hold indefinitely. Personal growth makes you a better parent.
While it is OPs choice she states in a reply that she doesn't want to take any form of birth control. I can honestly understand his paranoia
Cry about it.
I am so sorry that happened to you. He really is a nice person and He wants me to continue my education as he himself wants me to study further, wdys?
Yeah, another term you see a lot is NRE, or New Relationship Energy, to refer to that new love brain chemical dump. It’s amazing how powerful dopamine and oxytocin are.
?
Lol, you should definitely be concerned about this. At least she should have the respect not to say that to you
Stop using your life as a way to explain that isn’t helping OP. That’s your life you two talked about personally. But you need to respect OP’s opinion and his view whether you like it or not.
Are you located in a different time zone? Because traveling in different time zones can be super hot to have consistent text and communication.
You’re over thinking this. You say it yourself— you trust him. So why does your trust wither away in your own thoughts?
Perhaps bring this up to him, and come up with a way to communicate in bulk? Messages in the PM for you, of which he’ll receive in the AM?
My condolences on your marriage.
the last time he slept with someone was and he said 4 days ago.
but we’ve talked before about how we aren’t sleeping with anyone else.
Which is it?
Also this: It wasn’t even in this state and I don’t have feelings for her, I have feelings for you. So it was in another state (is sexual exclusivity jurisdictional?) and he's good with having sex with people he doesn't care about? Some people are fine with that. I hope the woman he had sex with is.
It sounds like you have some talks ahead. You might not have been 'in a relationship' but if you agreed to keep it sexually exclusive, then…?
Meanwhile it was only six weeks. And get tested.
I wouldn't bother and just break up. Be done.
This is how your life is going to be in 10, 20, 30 years from now. He is not going to change. This is who he is. You have already had problems with porn. He is going to keep going to have problems.
You know what else? He is going to have financial problems and if you marry, they will be your financial problems, your credit is going to get fucked. He is playing games or spending on cam girls. How does someone like this even keep a job? He obviously plays during work, give what you said, so he isn't going to be able to keep that job for much longer.
I know people who have spend 20,000 to 100,000 to 1M on games. No, they weren't rich and now they have so many financial problems.
Nah no drugs just 32.
The grass is greener. I was a divorced dad of a 3 and 1 year old who are now full grown. The grass is greener.
Not really. I feel great.
60 dating 40 is not as gross as 40 dating 20, but the same power dynamics are in play.
This is the problem with dating someone who could be your child.
I’ve moved out before but only ever lived in flatshares. My BF is unwilling to move out of his nice family home with a garden for our pets but has said if worse comes to worse we will have to do it. I’ve previously lived with actual abusers so I have a high tolerance to his mum but I admit sometimes she does something that pushes me over the edge. The comments regarding my dads recent passing and being so focus on finances really upset me.
I’ve told him that rent for an 1-2 bedroom house/flat would be considerably more expensive then a house share which is what I’d prefer or a studio. He doesn’t like the idea of living with strangers or living in a flat/any property that’s not as nice as his childhood home that’s his safe space. I don’t want us to move out until we are more on equal footing financially. He currently makes almost double what I make and I don’t want more of the financial burden to fall on him.
They? It's just one person that I replied to saying that.
Who else are you talking about?
I so sorry OP! No one should have to put up with any of this. Your husband does not love or respect you. He not only treat you this way himself, but allows his “friends” to mentally abuse, exclude and humiliate you as well. If I was in your shoes, I’d would’ve left long ago. I don’t see how you can overlook this behavior from any of them.
There is no excusing his friends behavior, but ultimately your husband is the most at fault. He’s supposed to be your partner, No. 1 supporter, friend and love of your life. He’s clearly none of those things and instead is the instigator into your mistreatment. Please look after yourself and leave, it will not get better if you stay.
Break up and find yourself someone available. She's in a relationship. Of you can't respect your own partner and relationship, You should at least respect hers.
Yeah fair that’s a good point, I’m also worried because she works in the same area that he lives so if they catch up after work it might be at a restaurant or even his house
God forbid in his car
In future it would be best to say no if you aren’t willing to look after them when your family neglect them. A pet isn’t the responsibility of a single person, it falls on everyone equally.
you don't have to orgasm during sex. you can do it as foreplay
Depends if you are willing to leave over this. If you aren’t, then you’ve lost your leverage. She obviously doesn’t care about it so nothing short of the threat of you leaving will fix that. (Even then it might not work)
Serious conversation is necessary. But a lot of the time the partner not acquiescing to your requests is a likely result
maybe he should have been a mature adult then and actually responded to any of her multiple messages
i told him that he tends to romanticize his days and that’s what is great about him and to never change that. i told him it’s a problem that i need to resolve. i told him i would like to hear the highlight of his days.
sometime after that i was sad when we were facetiming, i wasn’t comfortable sharing with him since he’s no longer comfortable with being open to me. he noticed i was sad and told me to talk to him if needed, i said okay. the next day i told him i was feeling better when he asked when i woke up.
he might think that despite what i say, i don’t want to hear about his happiness. i think because neither one of us are open to sharing our feelings, this relationship is pretty much dead.
My advice would be to read the books and skip the sex scenes. Are the characters interesting? Is the story compelling without the romance? She could be telling the truth and just like the story.
I read a series by Nora Roberts, and honestly, I usually skip the spicy parts. The characters are fun, the story is interesting, there's drama, humor, and a murder mystery.
God please stop being dumb
Good thing it's not a baby. Just a clump of cells
I love how this unwanted guy with self esteem issues has no problem posing with his shirt off to show himself off to OP, while calling her hot and sexy. He much think he is at least hard enough to flaunt his chest and likely 6 pack. Hardly sounds like an insecure guy with self esteem issues to me, but maybe I am wrong. shrugs
You want to have a threesome with somebody who is happy to ruin your marriage? Sounds like a super idea!
You are already playing with fire with this woman. How disrespectful to your wife to continue to allow a woman who on several occasions has tried to initiate something with her husband. A member of her family is back stabbing her and you her husband are allowing it (by hiding it), sometimes encouraging it (flirting back) and now what? You want to take advantage of the situation?
She basically did do that when I addressed it today, I posted an update.
I just don't get why when there's a wedding ring in plain sight people still try. Or when I spend the opening of our only conversation talking about my wife and even showing her pictures of her. Not just this incident, but in general. Like, what drives someone to try to mess around with someone who is taken? It must be a “I can't have it so, but I want it” mentality.
I was in a “relationship” years ago where the girl never mentioned she already had a long-term boyfriend who moved for work to another state, and I was the other guy. We slept together for almost six months before I found out, we even called each other boyfriend and girlfriend and said we were in a relationship. I don't even know if her friends knew or if they thought she broke up with him or if they were just lying to me too. And then one day she panicked because he showed up in town unexpected and called her from the airport to surprise her. We were lying in bed together when he called, and she confessed everything to me. I ended it then and there when I found out. I felt gross, it felt really disgusting, like I violated something. I didn't date again for months because I felt so grossed out with myself. And I still have no idea why she did it and why she hid it from me, I was just gone that same day and never spoke to her again. She tried to contact me many times, but I never responded.
So I've been the other person unknowingly, and I hated it and myself when I found out, and I don't know how anyone could on-line life comfortably being the other half of an affair. I don't know why this neighbor thinks any of this was okay,
She is jealous that I have a husband and am starting a family and she isn’t. I feel like she’s always been a jealous person
Start telling him he smells bad.
I think your mom is on the wrong. You say the only reason L wasn't invited was at your mom's request. Which means your sister is ok having her there? They have a relationship, she's your dad's wife and mother to your brother. She's family to your dad. There should be no hot feelings between her and your mom. They don't have to enjoy each other, but your mom is wrong to try to exclude a person who hasn't harmed her, has been good to the bride, and is family adjacent. Also, I would not tolerate my kids going to a wedding from which I was explicitly excluded.
An update 6 weeks on from this. She admitted hooking up another guy last week when out with friends so we have broken up. If any girl ever ever asked for space just know that it is time for you to walk away from the relationship. It is code for – I don’t know if I want this right now. If someone says they don’t know if they want it, walk away and mean it. You have to assume they don’t want it and will never come back.
Thank you everyone for your comments. I should have listened rather than trying to stick with her and the relationship.
Yeah, not what I asked. I didn’t ask you if you are a good husband, or father or how much housework you do.
I asked you what you have done to build intimacy with your wife?
So…then talk to him about that.
And that's not working anymore. Your partner of nearly a decade would appreciate you putting in an effort to make the day special. You're grandstanding about a holiday that celebrates cherishing loved ones. Really?
I’ve had my tubes tied, so I know exactly what it involved.
There are so many varieties, I don't think they've tried all of them.
????
just bc the holiday is bs to you, for many people it isnt. he does have the money to buy me something for $1 when he makes a lot of money every week. it’s the thought that counts. it didn’t have to be a gift that costed anything at all. a romantic letter or anything would’ve been nice
This is a really flimsy excuse. No one needs to look that hot for porn – the free websites are pretty well-known and plentiful. All of my guy friends/exes (who I sometimes watched porn with as foreplay so I know their browsing habits)/most of my female friends too use something like P*rnHub or R*dTube.
I've never heard of someone using this method. If he wants to have any hope of salvaging this he needs to come clean and commit to getting treatment (since in his own words he has a problem). I'm so sorry OP.
Telling him to not watch porn because of your insecurities is kinda controlling. You probably should break up and focus and fixing those.
That being said, if he's actually talking to these OF women, don't feel bad for one second when you break up. I think once you start to actually communicate with the on the screen, that makes it more than just porn.
OK, so.
You need to stop lying to him.
But also – he's not your dad and you're an adult, if you want to vape, tell him you want to vape and are going to. If that's a deal breaker for him and he breaks up with you because he won't date someone who vapes, well, so be it, but doing it and lying about it is no less damaging to your relationship than being honest and letting him decide.
She's nutty and you're awkward. It didn't work. Let it go.
And your repeated use of “the kid” is really cringe. She didn't go out with a child. Get over it.
Text your parents right now and get out
First off, find out for sure he doesn’t feel the same way. Guys (including me) can be extremely clueless to subtle hints. Ask your sister if he’s seeing someone and if not, whether he might be interested in someone like you. Don’t make it sound like a stalker thing, just say something to the effect you think he’s a nice guy and you’d like to get to know him if he’s available.
>>When my boyfriend makes changes to our plans, even if it's to do important things that better himself eg playing a competitive game of his hobby that he'd forgotten about before we made plans, I get disappointed and have an awful habit of expressing this.
How often does this happen, though? My partner would be annoyed with me if I were careless & forgot a hobby date, and so then had to cancel on him? And I likewise with him. In fact, if I forgot a hobby date and had made plans with my partner in the meantime, I would very likely keep my plans with my partner. If it happens once in awhile, sure, you can be easy & give them a pass, but if it's common…? The hospital thing is slightly different, as families/hospitals should take precedence, but at the same time, he did rescind his offer to come over and made plans with you. I'm really not sure you're the entire bad guy here, OP.
Read your post. Think about the things he has said to you. Would you ever say those things to someone if you didn't want to insult or offend them? Imagine speaking to a friend like that.
I don’t want to be seen as needy…
yeahhh, I mean I am a hormonal dude, but why, in the name of all that is holy, did you two not think about using protection?! Especially when it's been ongoing?
That crazy tidbit aside – you have no proof that it isn't just him text-bombing you with different accounts. Fortunately he lives like forever away from you so go about your day. If you plan on keeping the baby – don't expect him to step up more than you legally force him to do.
Your dad knocked up a 20-year-old at 40. I don't think you should give his advice much weight
It's normal to want to look and enjoy looking. It's good manners not to be obvious about it, especially around your partner. He absolutely can control it.
Yeah that's true. It feels so.. I can't even put words to it. He abused her trust here and should be taken accountable for it
munches pork rinds, popcorn style
She says that, but I have to honestly question if she means it. Maybe she's afraid of losing you and giving her issues, not finding another. If that's true, any you go through with this… well, cruel it would be.
they could but, age can def be a factor.
Of course we do. It's part of the unspoken girl code that you don't horndog on another woman's boyfriend or husband.
Even you stated “I would never get involved with someone in a relationship”. You would never because we all know that's intrinsically wrong.
Own your actions. Trying to rekindle a relationship and hide the truth will fail.
Idk why you gotta be such a bitch about saying what you needed to say, but thanks for your input ig ? I would've gotten your point without all the unnecessary attitude as if YOURE the one tied up with ts.
Have you asked him what married life would look like? Based upon his recent and strong connection to a new religion that seems to strip away any sexual contact before marriage, I’d be willing to bet marriage would be the little wife staying home and raising kids.
He has clearly changed. This is not the person you fell in love with. You are far too young to stay in such an unhappy situation. Please leave him.
It's quite easy, actually: This is idiocy on the purest level because the woman didn't consult her husband on this hot photoshoot first. When asked, she will probably say “I didn't think it through, we were shooting photos so I went with the flow”. This is just like the bride-to-be saying that she was pressured into it, or everyone was sucking the stripper's cock so she had a go at it too.
As you can discern from the words in bold, the idiocy of what leads to both situations and the outcomes are compared, not the actions themselves.
Grow up. Seriously. You aren't married to her so why do you think the kids deserve your last name? Solutions.
Get married and have her change her last name and adopt her son and change his last name.
Get married and take her last name. You won't die.
Fix your fragile ego about having the kids have your last name. Will they be less yours if they don't have your last name?
Your only point is that you don’t want a problem picking up the kids from school? Ask yourself this, if your complaint is that you don’t want your children to have a diff last name than you, why should she then have a different last name from the children?
She is right, you are joining her family but you are also creating your own. Why won’t you consider taking her last name? And any sexist argument will not cut it
Ask him if he knows anyone that would MMF with you
Right? If her dad considered whether or not to invite her to an event and the major concern was whether or not she's “nonindigenous” enough for him, she'd be rightly furious. Racism is always racism, op, even against nonindigenous people.
Obviously this is an incredibly difficult experience to go through man. My heart goes out to you.
However, you’ve got some good karma behind you to find out that the woman you were a breath away from committing to is a lying cheater. You found out before making it official, and one day (not anytime soon obviously), you’re going to look back and think of how lucky you were to find out when you did.
Get your financials in order and never talk to her again. She’s a scumbag and your life will be better with her out of it.
People are being realistic, not pessimistic. Yes, you can continue living and be happy, but there are many things to consider for that to occur. A 24 yr old girl susceptible to manipulative parents, who can be forced by her fiance to decide in 1 month about a rather scary future with him is not the partner that will be emotionally equipped to handle the things to come. You don't get to force her to agree to be your caretaker in 20 years and possibly forgo having children because you want her to blindly pledge allegiance to you. That decision should come after much needed therapy and counseling. Give her time to fully understand what she's committing to. Pushing marriage when things are so unsettled seems as though you are trying to secure a caretaker.
Don't do it.
In my state, a marriage 10 years old or longer is considered a “long term” marriage and you will be expected to pay your ex-wife alimony, and it will be considerable considering the gap between your incomes. You won't have to pay child support if you did not adopt the stepchildren. But you will have to pay your ex-wife half of any wealth you have put aside during the marriage, including retirement accounts; and she will probably get the house.
You should not be surprised that stepchildren do not consider you their “real dad: and you should not be surprised that teenagers push their parents (or parent figures) away. All this is strictly normal.
Talk to a psychologist before you make any decisions, because, although I understand your feelings are hurt, I don't think you truly appreciate where the downgrade in lifestyle will fall. It falls on thee.
LMAO at everything this poor man has been put through. You can’t buy affection from people. If they don’t see him as their father then that’s it, it’s also part of the deal. You can’t make that part of the deal, and if you’re uncomfortable with that don’t get involved with people with kids or have any of your own.
Yeah I know it was a stupid decision on my part. I should have been more sincere and should not have let that happen.
Ick
Nonono, dont get me wrong. You do you. If you think that your ways are fine, its ok. Thats freedom, you are free , as much as I am to think that you act like a doormat.
I wont explain it to you since you clearly have your idea, that differ to mine, and for whatever reason you think that “many men” are like you.
I , in fact look at porn, alone and with my SO. Porn, like everything in life ( mostly ) can be used for good and for bad things. IE you learn as a kid from porn, bad thing. You learn as an adult from it, understanding that it's fiction, its a good use. ( this can be elaborated a lot more, ofc ).
You dont need to change anything to be correct to me, as I dont care a thing about your correctness in general, nor should you try to please nor me nor anyone IF you think you are behaving properly.
Cause she don’t really care about her husband’s feelings that’s why
What you allow will continue.
Please get a divorce and some self respect
Yeah you may be right. Just have all the thought rush in of why I shouldn’t do it when I think about that decision. Like we on-line together, have a dog together, and for the attraction piece it isn’t like we can’t have sex or anything. Just the leading up to it I don’t have that same passion like I want to jump her bones right away, but when we do get into it the feelings come back in if that makes sense.
Because he thinks you’re his friend and you’re secretly pining over him. Say this plays out for the next 10 years. You forever are in love with him and never build a life with someone else and never make a move. At some point it will come out. And he’ll realize his friend never made more of his life because he was too hung up on him. It’s not romantic it’s just sad.
Yeah. I’ve never cheated, but almost every person I’ve dated or know have cheated. It’s way more common than people want to admit, even those in this comment thread. The loudest are the ones with the strongest urges. I just don’t see what ignoring it or shaming it does. Understanding why it happens, to me, helps me understand him and potentially new partners.
So your BF takes the path of least resistance, easily misunderstands things (per another comment), and still gloms off of Mommy fir insurance, phone, etc. This debt is serious, and this doesn't sound like a guy you want to legally tie yourself to.
The GF isn't engaging. She gave Shady Guy what he wanted at the time to make him go away, and untangled herself from the situation at a safe distance. She didn't add him back, she gave an pre-emptive excuse in case he asks again, she didn't say “hey, snap doesn't work but we should text about the show!” From the facts OP has told us, she's not giving off any “yeah, I'm interested!” signals.
He needs to trust that she knows how best to handle it, and just let it alone. That includes trusting her on whether HR would be helpful.
Thank you for your comment. I am actually worried about retaliation – which is probably a good reason to separate him from my life too. The fear of retailiation is exactly why I want to secure another living space before I end things. That way I can have a safe place to on-line as soon as I need it.
Thank you for your comment. I am actually worried about retaliation – which is probably a good reason to separate him from my life too. The fear of retailiation is exactly why I want to secure another living space before I end things. That way I can have a safe place to live as soon as I need it.
I would say go no contact with him but it sounds like you are afraid he will hurt you if you do. Is he dangerous or just someone who shouts and yells?
i’m replying to a comment that she needs to consult her partner abt a day trip to tijuana
I mean, thanks, I'll give it a read.
But I don't know that my boundaries have anything to do with the fact that you kept replying to me, despite me stating I ended the conversation, and then I came back to it because you decided to misconstrue what I said. I'm not a fan of that, and in the hope that no one else somehow get confused and think I actually agree with what you're saying, I continued to reply.
Or maybe I was just drawn to your winning personality. Yeah, I think that makes more sense.
So many men take no as an invitation to try harder. Heres the answer they'll give, no matter what you say; F: “I have a bf” M: “I dont see a ring” F: “Im married” M: “Wheres your husband tho? I could treat you better” F: “I dont give out my number” M: “What about social media?” F: “Im gay” M: “Hot” “I can change that” F: tries to physically move away M: blocks and/or follows her F: “Im not interested in dating” M: “Who said I wanted a date?” F: “I dont feel comfortable” M: “We're just having a friendly conversation” F: “oh ffs piss off!” (Assertion of any kind) M: “Youll regret that” threats, escalates situation F: tries to be nice and cautious M: sees it as hot to get and interested
Theres no winning.
Yes. You have no idea what it’s like for women when men are asking for their number. You yourself said in your post that the guy would not stop asking her. The takeaway here should be that you are more aware of how little many men respect women and their wishes and by more sympathetic towards what she has to go through. The moment she did not immediately give her phone number to this guy he should have backed off and left her alone. But of course he didn’t and she and her friend know that things can turn south quickly. Literally a common experience for women is a guy offering to buy them a drink, and when they nicely and politely decline the guy suddenly gets nasty and says “fine you’re an ugly bitch anyway”.
I see one of the top comments here was suggesting telling her to give out your number in the future if she’s feeling pressured. That’s good advice except literally 15 years ago when I was your age and in college I heard plenty of guys I knew sharing the great “trick” where if a girl gives you her number, call it while she’s still standing there so if you don’t see her phone ring, you know it was fake and you can call her out on it and pressure her for her real number. Or a guy will say “here let me just put my number in your phone and you can text me if you’re interested!” And she thinks this is respectful and a safer situation. But then he puts his number into her phone and then calls or texts himself so now he has her number too without even asking her if he could.
You need to tell her that if she wants any chance of saving the marriage, she stays home instead of running off to Vegas to fuck this guy. She thinks you’re stupid.
You don’t need to tie yourself up with “why” she planned to cheat (already cheated).
I know I'm so glad that we can talk and sort out stuff. But I don't know what's going to happen. He hasn't pushed me away like this ever before. I'll try to talk to him again.
Honestly, I feel like once you're an adult, the age of your friends doesn't matter. I have friends who are both older and younger than me, and I know many people who do as well. If you're it may be a little different but if you have fun with them and they have fun with you it isn't weird.
You have only been dating six months, you’re still in that phase where you are deciding how important the other person is to you. She has decided her shampoo is more important than you. That is her choice. Now you need to choose if you want to be less important than shampoo.
If I were you I would break up and post why on social media because I would want everyone to know my side of the story, but I’m messy like that.
Your boyfriend does not understand boundaries.
?
I’m close to my family but if my partner isn’t well and asks me to postpone the visit, I would. You’re way too codependent on your parents. You can survive another week without seeing them until your husband gets better
If that was me it would be a hot no. Emotional affair treads the line already, but telling her he loves her, involving your children into this affair.
Of course he’s a wreck. He wanted his family life and to have a little thrill on the side. He should have thought about that before doing what he did. This wasn’t a little crossing the line flirting and messaging. Telling another women he loves her should be the end.
He wants to fix everything but where was that will and drive before he destroyed his family?
You have to make that choice but I’ve seen a lot of stories just like this. And rarely does the cheating stop if the wife decides to forgive, it just sets a precedent that some tears and promises are enough to get another chance.
A big part of this is it becoming long distance. It honestly scares me and there is no guarantee when it won’t be long distance.
Exactly this. There's a difference between “I don't like this party's fiscal policy” and arguing for essentially team nazi. I don't give a shit if someone judges me hasty for cutting off communication with destructive hate-mongers. I've cut off people for less. ??♀️
If your politics are “jail people for being different”, I don't care if you gave me a kidney, we're done here.
You are not an ass for leaving a relationship where you are not valued. What she thinks is not your responsibility or your worry. You deserve to be valued and loved, not just to give love endlessly.
You deserve to leave.
I don't have an opinion on whether you should continue your relationship with this guy. There are a lot of guys out there who haven't cheated on you though.
What she did is absolutely revenge porn. Highly recommend you tell the police. They likely can't prosecute, but a call from a detective will make her shut up.
Well, first you have to go back to the initial job interview that landed you this job in the first place. From there you can review the job and duties contract that he had you sign to ensure your job requirements are being met. If I’m fact your current work output for your job does fall short of the signed contract agreement, you can then decide if you want to increase your efforts or quit and find a new job. If your boss was in fact wrong and you are meeting or exceeding your job requirements, you can file a complaint with HR.
God, imagine wasting time trying to prove to strangers that have no effect on your life how super not jealous and bothered you are… While being jealous, self centered and bothered that you lost 01 boy's attention XDD
Sis, put the phone down and hug a pillow. You'll get more support from that than here
It's simple, you've grown up and your bf hasn't. Life is still one big party for him and he's still in that phase where words should be trusted over actions. When you want a life long partner you will hear it but you will also SEE it. People who want long term relationship are willing to stop pretending to be single. When we all want long term partners, we can acknowledge that sometimes it is not good to put ourselves in vulnerable situations. This can totally be fixed but it means your bf has to grow up, and he clearly doesn't want to.
So are you going to get a lawyer or just believe everything she’s saying to you?
Op should definitely drop her from his life but I highly doubt ex would get back with her. I’d be creeped out beyond belief if an ex of 7 years who cheated on me came back around saying they had nonstop feelings for me. The gym thing is stalker behavior Who knows if the marriage trouble is even real, or if this isn’t some gossip from the shit stirring friend.
Insecure or what. I am always tired and annoyed at people who keep negging themselves and don't work on their personal issues with themselves. Not to mention his gf is pregnant and he's getting wasted. I dunno, dude should probably put his time into bettering himself if he's so unhappy that he has to drag his SO down to his depressing level. Very immature.
OP, you and your SO need to be strong and communicate well when you're parents, both running on empty. She won't have time for your pity parties.
I’ll be back when there’s an update, god speed, OP!
But the other parent will no longer be at the bus stop.
Is it that serious
I don’t believe him at all. He admitted that he did post on here last year but then denied talking to guys. Denies saying he’s Bi. I asked him if he’s hooked up with anyone and he says no. He swore on our kids and his Pop. But I do not believe him at all. I won’t leave right now. We have a baby together and I don’t want to put her through all the shit. But I did tell him if I find out he’s lied at any time, I’m out. I’ll be watching him like a hawk and I’ll be checking his phone in a few days. Wait for him to let his guard down. He’s used reverse psychology on me by saying “if I had anything to hide, I’d change my passcode or I’d sleep with my phone under my pillow but I don’t, I leave it out so you can use it anytime you want”
Oh hell no. I smell a trap. Either she is being genuine, problem is there is a good chance she'd get resentful. OR she is already cheating herself and trying to make herself feel better. OR she wants a excuse to divorce you.
Leave. This is awful
her attitude towards you is gross. and it reminds me of all the fat activists ive encountered over the years. you do you, let the others develop diabetes break their ankles and need plane seatbelt extenders in the meantime
Honestly, I would recommend you break up. It's obviously stressing you that you are having limited intercourse and it sounds like that's not something he can fix.
Based on the timeline ( once a week or if you go multiple times in a day) he probably has a medical reason as that is pretty standard recommendation if you are on it due to diagnosis of ED and have other health issues. ED isn't something to do with libido (hence it's social usage) but a physical biological issue. And if he was in a relationship with a low libido person, or one who was down with her getting “finished” only he probably was good to go, hence you don't have gossip on it.
Everyone has different preferences. Perhaps you’re just incompatible?
I (44F) couldn’t match your energy for making out just randomly. Like….I want to brush my teeth and freshen up and such. My partner and I kiss (on the lips) and hug goodbye in the morning and hello at night when he gets home but for the most part, the more serious making out is limited to time in the bedroom after we have freshened up.
Punctuation is an actual thing.
Ask her why. And then move on.
“Did you catch the bit where it says even when not expressing saliva can spread the virus? “
I QUOTED THAT TOO. I QUOTED IT AND THEN WENT IN DETAIL, ARE YOU STUPID?
Moving in together sometimes changes the relationship. This post sounds just like my last relationship where my ex would make plans on the weekends with his friends and not with me since “we see each other everyday”. It went from fun to roomates real fast and I was miserable. Your needs aren’t being met and she’s not even trying to make an effort for you. Sorry OP but I think it’s time to break up. If she’s not even making the effort to do what you would like or just between the two of you, she’s blatantly telling you you’re not that important to her. I’d recommend making arrangements to break up and move out.
You need therapy. What has caused you to accept such a horrible person in your life? You are in a relationship with pure evil. Your personal issues will only get worse as you are exposed to this emotional abuse. Exposing yourself to this kind of person will eventually cause PTSD.
That’s a good question/point. I stayed in our bed and went to ask if she needed to talk. She replied no. The next morning as I was preparing for work, she did come hug me for a long time.
To me that comment makes me think he is very boring/reserved, or just not interesting.
Good for you setting boundaries and being upfront amd being honest. Not idea why you're being ghosted but hopefully you can talk things out.
Oh yeah, they totally ‘made out’ except it wasn’t just with their mouths.
You don't think she lied about what he said do you?
He can’t come. It’s not Halloween and it’s not his wedding. No one cares to see his personality.
He definitely would – which is why I have this attitude in the first place. He’s been so adamant in the past about me not speaking to or texting any males, he’s even looked through conversations at the very beginning of the relationship and demanding I stop talking to them all the while he’s doing the same
So he minimizes and dismisses your valid concerns: Not being attracted to women, not wanting to watch him most likely enthusiastically fuck another woman infront of you because you’re most likely monogamous/have no interest in adding a 3rd to the bedroom which is valid and understandable. He says he wants and needs this to have a fulfilling relationship with you, therefore superseding your wants and needs, or else he’ll break up with you. He should break up with you and find a partner who’s willing to have a 3sum on the regular with him. He’s selfish, manipulative, obviously does not care enough about your needs because his trump yours.
That seems like a really clear cut and obvious way to break up with you. I wouldn't do anything but block her and move on.
If you're not ready to cut them off, then you're equally unready for a committed relationship. Your partner deserves someone who understands the necessity of growing up and maturing enough to recognize that your family is out of line. As long as your strategy is to allow their disrespect rather than putting your foot down for the sake of your relationship, you need to remain single, only have fwb, etc. You want to continue to be a child, fine. It's a free country. But does mean missing out on grown up things like a girlfriend.
Wake up, OP. Take the red pill. Kick his sorry ass to the curb.
This rarely ends well.
I don't see it working. What should I do?
Break up.
you did great! would do the same thing. no way this man is 32 and acting like a whole teenager. communication is key to a relationship.