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Waiting 72 hours just makes people think you lost interest.
My boyfriend messaged me before he even left the parking lot after our first date lol.
Your Dad deserves the right to walk you down the aisle. Your bio dad forfeited that right when he left you and your mother. If he's truly apologetic for his past actions, then he should understand and appreciate that having your Dad walk you down the aisle should bring home to him, the consequences of his past actions. Unfortunately someone will be hurt whatever you decide. But best of luck on your bug day. You were lucky enough to find two great men in your life. One will meet you at the alter, the other should be the one that got you there.
Maybe she hates PDA, you do it too often, and she snapped at you, although it was very mean
Of all the ridiculous, stupid, absurd and straight up fake shit I've seen on this sub… This. This is something special.
I think your reading comprehension sucks
It doesn't matter who his target is, he's acting unprofessionally
As long as OP hasn't goaded him or been unprofessional himself (hint for you, disagreeing politically is not the same thing as being unprofessional in a workplace)
OP responded to you too, so you have your answer, which is really fucking obvious that OP's “politics” or lack thereof have no bearing on the situation.
See. This is what people warned you but you didn't want to listen to us lol
This has calmed down since leading into adulthood
You're an adult. You don't need permission
Every dated someone who didn't like anything spicy? Or avoided starches? People can have general preferences.
Because it’s demoralizing when you can’t arouse your partner and she’s venting. JFC have some compassion
At 28/29 years old I would feel wrong and weird dating anyone under 24/25 so now you know why this 32 yro is dating someone so young to try and get away with this stuff. Don’t put up with it.
I’ve been doing all of those things- I’m sober now, journaling every day, and seeing a therapist. I want to better myself for me, but I also want to better myself to prove to her that we can get through this. I’m giving her the time and space she needs
Okay so it’s a really weird reaction and this is my very weird reaction to reading this post.. to be so emotional and stuff, maybe it’s guilt? Maybe he left something out that harmed the cat?
You keep referring to your financial goals… did your wife agree to these as shared financial goals? You kinda come across as though you see your wife’s peace of mind as a hindrance to your happiness.
Have you and her looked at and discussed the costs and consequences of the two options? Is she aware of how your financial future might look if your child went to public vs private? (Having to retire later in life, less funds for fun stuff, more debt to pay off, etc)
While I agree that a private school isn’t automatically gonna make your kid immune from school shootings, there are benefits to a private education (especially depending on the quality of the public school district you on-line in) that you could see it as investing in your son’s future. But you seem more concerned about your own financial future.
This is helpful, OP. It is not ok for this person at work to keep making mean jokes about you, doesn’t matter if he makes a guess at your political ideology and doesn’t like it, or not. Your supervisor is supportive. Tell her the jokes are going too far and they are damaging workplace morale. She will likely tell them to tone it down.
“Doing things like watching movies alone with guys” is a separate action from “sleeping over with guys”.
“Doing things like watching movies” actually implies that there are multiple things he is uncomfortable with her doing alone with guys.
You're just waffling nonsense with your color comparison. You'd have a point if OP had said “watching movies and sleeping over alone with guys”.
It's elementary, Watson.
Kissing a married man? Bad decision. Interested in a man almost twice your age? Bad decision. This isn't going to end well for you.
read your comment saying she’s a doctor
if i were a doctor, I wouldnt want to throw years of education and hard work away because my husband likes a clean house and sex.
plua youre asking her to stop doing what she loves and become completely dependent on you, and that you “know what makes her happy” while she “thinks she knows what makes her happy”
you sound really controlling
For better or worse, a boyfriend at 18 is almost always a short term proposition whereas an education is forever. You don't have to indulge in the “cult”, but playing along just until you get a degree might be the best longterm option here. This guy, wonderful as he might be, isn't the last relationship you'll ever have. So if you give up your shot at an education you could find yourself left with no degree and no guy. Someone who truly had your best interests at heart wouldn't force you to choose between getting a degree and dating him. It's all too easy to take a stand on something when it doesn't affect you directly. So in a sense he's being pretty selfish. If you can project about a decade into your future you'll probably find that making nice with Mom and Dad just to get your funding back is the smart move, even if it costs you this relationship. Maybe don't let this guy's ego derail your life.
Yeah super easy to gain 24mil plus by just being a bit more “disciplined”… op even admits it was partly inheritance and luck.
Silly poors though eh?
Yes pretty sure discipline means “my daddy exploited people so I didn’t have to, now I get the gains 🙂 and I invest cause I don’t have to spend it on staying alive!” Lol
Hope someone has this mindset about your next partner when you find yourself in a committed relationship
My goodness I can’t imagine. I had my daughter at 22 I can’t imagine having 3. We did well do support the one let alone 3. I’m 46 and my daughter is 24. I only had 1 child. My daughter was unplanned but I learned from that error. I never got pregnant again ever.
I believe that willful dishonesty or gross negligence is the standard here. The latter can be debated in this situation but I don’t see a small business owner trying to fight a college student in court over $400.
She thinks she just won the lottery, OP. Protect yourself and end things.
I just wanted him to be sympathetic over how I felt loved and cared for.
You're never going to get this from him, and thinking that he's going to feel any warmth towards anything involving your parents now is, frankly, nuts.
Your mom may feel bad and did a nice thing for you but that doesn't erase your parents kicking you out because they hate your partner. This doesn't change anything on his end. What your parents did was awful, and it was ABOUT HIM.
Going to college as a 22 year old married man and woman? Yeah let me know how that works out for you.
Ok cheater.
Only thing is that my boobs touched him and we are hard
I’m all for second chances in a lot of situations. He had he’s chance to step up for you. He didn’t. He would have if he wanted to. He lead you to believe he did want to. But he didn’t. What’s different now? This man fucked up his second chance too much. He doesn’t deserve a third chance.
Why does he have to be the one to break up? You’re an adult. Adulting often involves doing things that give us grief and inconvenience. Man up and do what needs to be done instead of whining on here.
Your poor bf thinks you are happy with him. You’re lying to him every day. Stop it. Let him find someone who does want to spend the rest of their life with him if your not that person.
Use your voice. Tell her to stop it because you don’t like it. If she does not stop after that then repeat her own behaviour back to her. Make fun of her small boobs.
It's hilarious she thinks your savings are also hers after 8 months of a relationship.
Hilarious but also not normal. No one I know would ever think that they own their partner's money after such a short relationship. And then even if you agreed the money is indeed also hers, the instant desire to stop working and do stuff with it that you explicitly said you don't want to do… so it's not really “your” plrular, it's more HERS, as she is not interested in discussing it, only in telling you what to buy.
I want to really highlight how NOT NORMAL that level of entitlement and immature (in her 30s!) is. I think you are underreacting to this enormous, Mount Everest-sized red flag.
You understand if it’s an open relationship that he will be included in some way? Is that what you want?
Sorry, I missed where you gave her equal responsibility for the creation of these 3 kids? He’s 22, same argument applies to him. He didn’t cheat tho, he didn’t nuke his kids family. Sure thing he should support his children via child support. It would be better to get 50/50 custody tho. Children deserve both parents equally. No excuse for her cheating. I don’t care if being a mom made her crazy – my mom had 3 kids by 21. She left my dad for a while when she was extremely unhappy and they found their way back together. But she didn’t cheat. And so shouldn’t have OP‘s wife.
? What daft buggers.
“Play stupid games, win stupid prizes”
You are not insane at all. It's super important to find a partner who has the same or similar emotional maturity. It does not sound like he does.
100% agree it really depends on if she is or isn't pulling her weight tbh but if the person making less was financially contributing less I personally don't think that auto means they need to do more if they're still paying what they can if you get what I mean
Like if that meant contributing all her pay to pay 50% when that would only be a fraction to him I wouldn't say that's fair if that makes sense. Like what she earns doesn't mean she now has to do more chores because he earns more if they work they same amount of time?
This man is horrible to you. Literally horrible to you.
That’s the kicker! I wasn’t worried about it at all. Until I realized it was go time and I was in no position for it
Thank you for mentioning it! That’s good to know the non-stimulants work well too.
Most rentals (at least where I on-line) include water.
thank you ):
Not being sexually satisfied is frustrating and people break up over it, but it's not awful. And her sexual needs are all she talks about. No mention of his pain, worry for his health or anything like that. Which is why I say she's not concerned about his wellbeing. Otherwise she would have mentioned these concerns so she doesn't look like a selfish asshole and to get advice on how to make him understand possible health risks. I also see no mention of taking his feelings and fears into consideration. A concerned person would do that
Now you seem to have forgotten what you said
That's what I mean with 'reasonable', but I understand what you mean and I couldve6phrased it better.
Libido fluctuates for many factors outside of you has her partner. You’re over-reacting prematurely. If it persists then maybe be concerned but it’s only been a week and a half.
Maybe if he’s open to it and attend therapy. However, based on his responses that seems unlikely.
Sorry that your husband can’t grasp the situation and the damage he is inflicting.
Never pay more than you would pay if you were single.
No, she's just a woman who knows her worth, and TBF, she's probably out of his league 'cause OP sounds like a loser.
told her to go fuck herself when she was drunk and called her a bad mother
If she wanted to have dinner but was busy Wednesday she would have told you a day she could have dinner. You did fine.
You can always be more open-ended with someone and tell them it was great meeting them, you'd like to go to dinner sometime, what's their schedule like? That will get you a clearer answer. If they are busy for perpetuity, they aren't interested.
If you want to keep things less pressured and you really only chatted at the bar, then ask them for a drink sometime instead of dinner.
Anyone who uses the word “guru” next to dating are people you should NEVER take advice from. The whole “alpha male I'm going to bombard you until you comply with my will” attitude is off-putting to any woman with healthy boundaries, self-esteem, and self-regard.
You replied with a door left open. I would not expect to hear anything, and if you do hear from her gain, you can always check back in with yourself later to see if you are still interested.
Are we all ignoring the fact that OP also took an active role in the split/bullying, he was hiding the fact that he was out partying with this group from his fiance. You don't hide something unless you know it's wrong.
To be extremely blunt: You’re living like a teenager, whereas your gf lives like an adult. If you move in with her, she’d have to be your mommy and she knows that. Stop being a bum and take some initiative in your destiny
Why would you invite her to your wedding? Baffling.
There are none so blind as those who will not see.
Girl, I get it. I have a pretty fucked up past but also a very supportive and normal fiancé. It’s wild to think about sometimes but if your guy is anything like mine, it’s just because he sees that you’re incredible and strong despite what you’ve been through.
Go on your trip and have an amazing time.
You are too damn old to have your parents pay for every little thing. Your girlfriend is 1000% correct. You are too dependent on your family and if your were to just move in with your girlfriend like this, you’d stress her out. Grow up
How are you 25 and believing the absolute bullshit she’s selling you?
Because you’re ignoring decades/centuries of social context and history. Men are not romantic with each other and choose to show that by avoiding anything that can be seen as intimate such as physical affection, or talking about feelings, which is why you have the problems you have today with men’s mental health. Women have a different set of socialization issues, but do not see being affectionate the same way as being romantic, which is why you have a lot of guys confused about the friend zone because women are touching them or telling them intimate things about feelings, but it’s just how we were socialized to act in friendships. It’s really not that fucking hard if you look back all through history, women’s friendships are seen being more affectionate and close and men’s friendships are literally made fun of her being oh, you only talk about the game and never talk about feelings and are afraid of doing anything physically close beyond a handshake. Yes, treat queer and straight relationships the same but don’t treat people the same ignoring years of history and socialization and how toxic masculinity and patriarchy has shaped what friendships and different relationships mean just to be like well I’m being equal why is everyone getting mad at me for not being equitable? Come on now it’s not that nude. Also just like all straight people don’t want your girlfriend all gay women don’t want your girlfriend and to assume that we will be creeping on her if she said she is straight and not interested at all is actually contributing to the idea that gay people are predators who don’t take no for an answer.
You shouldn't try to get her to do anything. You should try to stay out of things as much as possible. If she's not performing well as the job expects, whoever she reports to should take whatever actions they would if she were any other employee, ex. Give her less shifts, talk to her etc
Good luck but stay out of it!
He really seemed to want me to agree with him, that the only possibility for me having coffee with a woman is because I must be a lesbian.
I told him many of my female friemds experimented in their 20s and that the lesbian label just doesn't fit me. And besides, they were coffee dates – no expectation for sex.
We ended it with me reminding him that my divorce was traumatic and stressful, and part of what I've been doing post divorce is redefining my identity. Part of figuring out who I am meant saying yes to new situations.
It sounds like a tough situation you are in. She has maybe grown out of the partying and into a place where she wants more security, and you are still into doing things you used to enjoy doing together.
On one hand, I can see where she is coming from. You have been together a long time; she is ready to settle down, and she wants you to want that also. The fact that you don’t likely makes her feel insecure and threatened. On the other hand, I can see that you don’t see eye to eye with her on the issue and don’t want to just bend to her will. Which I can also understand.
I still believe that a real conversation is necessary. Hopefully not a heated one, but a very honest one about where each of you is and how you are feeling. How one’s actions truly make the other feel and vice versa. Both of you should have boundaries that the other respects, and hopefully that is achievable. Hoping peace for both of you.
Focusing on your jealousy instead of his mental health isn’t a good look, ngl.
That’s what I feel but then sometimes I’ll just post on Instagram or snap stories and she replies with harts and says other stuff that makes it feel like it’s more tho so it just confuses me
And what if the child was born with a learning disability? How would he handle that? Another break down?
I wouldn't expect things to change. After 6 months you already know where he stands on long distance relationships, and its impossible to make that type of arrangment work without mutual commitment and powerful trust. At some point someone has to risk uprooting themselves for the sake of being together, and there cant be any reservations on either side when that time comes.
Not responding for weeks? Focusing too much on sex? Being super hot/cold? Yeah, probably not the one.
She's not in a position to be in a relationship right now. Move on.
Idk. I think he has a right to have enjoyed it in the moment. He also has the right to regret what he did or that he enjoyed it. I don’t think it’s right for him to blame you for those feelings, though. I won’t call him a dick, but he definitely needs to figure his shit out. And probably needs the space to do so?
You are right. Thank you for your honesty
I'm not saying you were trying to trap him, I'm saying that thought is going to cross his mind. The waiting for sex to get a proposal is a common trope in movies.
A year, for 2 people who have already had premarital sex? That's a really, really long time. You are trying to delude yourself thinking otherwise.
Sure, he didn't initiate, but he thinks you are a virgin, and you've known you both aren't virgins since he told you about his ex. I would also think that his cherry popping comments could potentially be a really bad attempt at trying to make a move. You have mentioned graphic details, he is talking dirty to you. He could be trying to get things started verbally. How are you responding to this?
This relationship is over. Stop trying to fix it.
Find separate living arrangements will be the next step.
What? Op not telling they are not a virgin or the boyfriend obsessing about virginity?
I was gonna say, you could argue that in Gatsby, the woman's husband (was her name Daisy? It's been years.), Tom, was a total monster.
Sounds like a commercial for a quirky sitcom
You're both weird and gross and terrible for one another. He's more gross, but you've let a lie build up for a year and that's just bizarre.
It sounds like he has a virgin fetish. I'm willing to bet that after having sex for the first time, he would probably lose interest anyway.
Rip the band-aid off now and tell him you're not a virgin and it's weird that he assumed you were. This relationship is doomed either way.
Yes, I'm trying to be better at being on top of laundry. I know and it's not necessarily that I like not having a towel as my own hair is pretty long and gets sopping wet like a mop. But by the every end of the shower after you've cleaned off, it's just water, right? I wouldn't think there's necessarily a huge issue with a little water on clothes if it air-dries in 10 minutes anyways. I would wring out my hair as well as I could and kinda… hand-squeegee most of the water off before getting dressed?
His bringing up her virginity over and over in sexy text messages and conversations isn't a clue? Apparently, he's been ramping up his talk in the past month. He's horny and the thing he talks about is her virginity. Not her tits or ass or the way she looks when she is taking control of a situation at work. It's fairly clear that the idea of her virginity and his taking of it are sexy to him.
I said she sucks. This relationship won't last because it's based on lies. He will probably resent her for this if he stays with her. She's not the vision he had in mind. His vision might be untenable however.
I think virginity fetishes suck for the reasons stated earlier. Virginity =/= morals. She could be a devout Christian now, as she says. They go to church together regularly. Doesn't sound like values are the problem. Sounds like she had a rumspringa and has been dishonest because she is ashamed. He might also be ashamed if he knew (or not). Because they have shared values they follow imperfectly. Hello, Mary Magdalene.
They both suck.
OP please don't let someone pressure you into having sex with them. Ever.
I want to be with her, and I’ve made that clear to her, but she doesn’t want the same thing
I will no longer have sex with her if we are not in a committed relationship
This seems like textbook manipulation to me, lol. Doesn't mean its wrong though.
Nothing suspicious, she's always been very open about this guy. She is not really happy with the pressure in her professional life and having a family with young kids, so I guess the attention is some kind of nice distraction..
Cheating or other poor behavior is rarely a reflection on the recipient. It's almost always because of an issue the enactor has.
In this case, for whatever reason she is just not ready for a full committed relationship. It's not your fault, her choice of affair partner has nothing to do with you and everything to do with her desire to escape, self sabotage, or whatever other trauma she's not handling.
Stop rewarding any attention seeking behavior. This means all communication is text or email, no face to face or phone calls. If she wants to see the kids, work with a registered supervised visitation center you both split the cost for. Set boundaries and when she violates them put her in time out. For example if a text turns into a whine about taking her back, tell her you're muting her for the next 24 hours, and do it.
If you can't afford an attorney consider asking family for help, also check with your employer, many have an employee assistance program that includes time with an attorney.
Logistics aside, you did your best. Learn from the relationship and get the best closure you can.
Or he just want to play mind games. cause now i have feelings rushing back
The fact that you were lied to for a year should be grounds to break up with someone, tbh. I could never be with someone that lied about something that major.
She probably doesn’t feel like she can be honest with you because
The classic “It's your fault I lied to you”
Ok stop. You aren't going to settle for less but you got to see how you communicate and how people see you. This is what you asked for. You asked why you can't find a partner that meets your expectations. As I said “would you date you?” No one is saying you need to settle, but they are saying don't sit back expecting a successful man to want someone that isn't on his level. You were expecting people to say you should expect more but instead they told you to build your own success and money and you just didn't like hearing the truth. No one is saying you should settle, but earn your own money, buy your own designer purses.
This is so sweet ♥️ I wish I had better advice but all I can say is you’re a great daughter. We love our LGBT elders 🙂
But what if they get fat?
She did not have a plan. She wants to move across the country to be with her family but has not finalized anything and is living in our city until we come to a divorce and custody agreement.
I tried to add in another comment but I don’t think it gets seen. I rarely need assistance. And I wanted to hire a home caregiver I could call when I do need assistance. But my wife wanted that role and was insistent she did it because she loved me and wanted to take care of me. At all times a caregiver was an option. We also have home help in forms of a nanny and cleaning services. Overall, we had a very “easy” life.
She did know I was not a virgin.
Good for you. You have morals and standards and clearly respect yourself enough to stand by them.
He had a major panic attack because you both moved so fast and the so first time things went south you were already married ( you said you were unhappy with how thing were going etc) and his world crumbled . He forgot all the good reasons you were together and felt trapped with somone who nolonger liked him. So he tried to bail ,then panic set in again when he realised what he was throwing away everything over 'one arguement'.
This is a risk when you 'marry in haste' you have to work through the cracks when you are already committed. I think he probably made a genuine mistake because was scared in the moment and overreacted. I'd be inclined to forgive this ONCE but if he ever pulls a stunt like that again i'd pack his bags for good.
If you trust him, let him go. He will either prove that he was trustworthy, or he will prove that he wasn’t.
Honestly, I don’t think it will end well, as I think he is vastly underestimating the challenge of spending 5 weeks with someone for whom he carries a torch. And who may carry a torch for him. They only broke up due to circumstances, after all.
Or you could break up with him before he goes so that he won’t be cheating on you when they hook up.
Honestly, past cheating of any kind is a red flag. It shows you his morals and values. Even though he wasn't in a relationship it is still wrong imo.
I would date a guy with a past like that.
It sounds like it’s better for you to go, and that you’ve thought it all through. You mentioned childcare, and I just wanted to chime in that your new university may have available childcare for students. These centers are often extremely high quality, and the ones I’ve encountered are at the cutting edge of what’s best practice in the field and are most responsive to new research. Lots of universities have resources specifically for student parents, please take advantage of them!
I wish you every luck and success
Eww no she is not a real friend. Set your boundaries and stick to them.
And congratulations on finding a good partner!!
Can you empathize with what you put him through!
If he doesn't want to stay with you, stay away from him.
The first thing abusers do is isolate their victims and manipulate them into being their whole world. This relationship is fresh and you are already feeling stuck. This won’t get better, only worse. Be very very careful with birth control. If she even gets a whiff of you leaving her she will do everything she can to prevent that from happening.
Help!