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He CAN control it. He just doesn't want to. You said you've told him before to knock it off. Do it again and who cares if he gets mad for it. Don't entertain any fights. Don't get into an argument about it. “STOP, don't bother talking to me if you are not going to respect my very reasonable right not to be a walking sex object.”
If he doesn't, then break up. Because it's not just about the constant commentary or lack of respect for you and your family that he expects you to wear sexual toys around them. It's about the lack of respect for you and the fact you have expressed a dissatisfaction and he is not willing to knock it off.
3 years isn’t a problematic age gap at all. You’re making a big deal out of nothing.
If this is your partner's sibling (which is sounds like he is, as opposed to your sibling's partner) then your partner needs to take point on this. He is clearly not well and unless he has some actual evidence of something you've don't to wrong him, then this is an issue of how he's treating you, not the other way around.
Most likely, from the sound of it, you haven't actually done anything, so there is absolutely no need for you to sit down with him. Someone should really strongly urge him to work on this with a professional, but you don't have time for this and it's not your fault. Is he jealous of the new baby for causing changes, or of the fact that you and your partner are experiencing things like home ownership and parenthood? It's entirely possible, but, again, not your fault, and not healthy.
If you're going to say anything at all, let it be along the lines of: “If you can give me an example of something specific that I've done that's upset you, I'd like to talk about it and have a chance to make it right. But it sounds like you're describing our past interactions in a way that doesn't at all square with what [partner] and I experienced. I hope you can understand why that's concerning to me when I thought we had established a good relationship.” Again, though, I think that should come from your partner and I think your partner should very vocally stand up for you and say that BIL isn't welcome until he can get his attitude right.
Idgaf if he’s bi, straight, gay, or lesbian. He’s out here cheating on you lmao.
He needs to work on his empathy. To me it sounds very dismissive. If you can’t talk to your partner and emotional support person why be together.
Dump her as a friend and tell the rest of your friends. Then make sure it gets back to the guy she’s with. Burn all of her bridges, she deserves it for being such a horrible person.
I fully support the theory that self-pleasure is healthy for your well-being. Both myself and my partner engage in solo release sessions at our own discretion in addition to our completely healthy sex life together.
Celebrities? Swimsuit/Lingerie Models? Overly Endowed Anime Characters? Adult Film Stars? Those Instagram chicks who only post provocative photos, but call themselves influencers/models?… As long as you're not going down too dark a road with your erotic material; go for it babe! Just please clean up afterwards, but not down the drain in the downstairs shower bc it'll cause a clog when your goop clumps up in the hair trap…
But women he knows personally?
Women he socializes with??
Female friends he's possibly has crushed on/been crushed on by?? (crushes are incredibly common in male/female friendships; sometimes leading to something, sometimes unrequited…but still)
Women he's slept with??
Women he used to be in relationships with??
Absolutely the hell not for so many reasons beyond the obvious betrayal to you. He's actually betraying every single one of these women whom he allegedly respects and cares about by objectifying them.
His former partners (sex & romantic) surely didn't agree to continue to be a source of sexual pleasure for him after breaking up. I would be furious and humiliated to learn that an ex of mine had photos of me saved to still use for masturbating.
His female friends, particularly those who have never been interested in him in any way other than platonically, are being used for sexual satisfaction without their consent by a man they thought they could trust to be a good guy.
He's using these women to have an orgasm and then seeing them, spending time with them in his every day life… There's no way he's not seeing them in a sexual way while they're hanging out, his brain is going to make that association.
This has got to stop for your sake and for the dignity of these women around him that he's secretly using. Make sure to keep yourself focused on who's actually in the wrong here and don't misdirect your hurt or anger towards the women who are unknowingly victims of his unacceptable, just like you are. If things go south and the relationship ends over him continuing this behavior, I suggest you consider telling these women who think he's a good friend about his use of them. I understand not going to that if you're going to be with him and around them, and if he stops… But if he refuses to quit and you leave this unhealthy situation, maybe they deserve to know what their best buddy is up to behind their backs.
Thank you for your kind words. I sent her a letter. No response. I’m losing hope. I can’t believe how quickly this turned. She tells me she loves me and wants to spend her life with me, 24 hours later she cuts me out of her life completely. Your advice is great and appreciated, but sadly it looks like I won’t get to use it.
I really hope someone recognizes this thread tbh and warns Amy.
OP
Do you and your bf realise that women in labor rip their vagina skin, vomit, literally puss and shit on the floor/ bed???
…why does your bf need support??? He's supposed to be taking care of you
..and he's serious he will throw a tantrum and abandon you and the baby in the delivery room???
You're trying to have a baby with a man who has told you he will abandon you???
What are you doing??
It's fair for a person to take their time to 'get over' someone, it doesn't always just end. If he told you he was still getting over someone that's fair as well, means he doesn't have much to hide.
If after all of that his eyes were on you, then I don't seem to understand the problem. Seems like a decent person to me.
He’s never wanted to be friends with you, girlie ? This isn’t how friends treat each other.
54 m and 33 f. Damn ur dad sounds like trash. Op I think you’re right and should let it be. It was his decision to let his wife do this.
54 m and 33 f. Damn ur dad sounds like trash. Op I think you’re right and should let it be. It was his decision to let his wife do this.
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Completely up to you. I married someone wealthy and I work because I want to. He encourages it. Babies and little kids are so very hot, but they grow up. If I didn’t work, what the heck would I do all day when my kids are like 10 and 12 and at school? I’d go insane. I make good money on my own. If I stopped now and started up in 8 years I would be leaving so much on the table. The way things are going now we can retire before our kids are done with high school. I get to be my “old self “ for a few hours a day which I love. I have a career that uses my degree, it would be different if I had a menial job I hated.
Also my first kid is so high energy and high needs it’s better for him to go be social than to sit at home with me. All things to consider. It kind of worries me that your fiancé has such a strong opinion on it. Do you get to have a say his big life decisions also? Can you give him ultimatums like that? If not it would be a huge red flag for me. Because at that point it isn’t about money it’s about control.
She probably dosent like you and that's why she is insulting you
OP, what “assets” are you going to earn over the course of the marriage if you are out of the work force caring for children?
Come on. You know this is not a fair deal.
And do you really want to marry a man who would be okay leaving the mother of his children penniless in the event of divorce?
Cut your losses and move on.
Because spending 2 hours in a freezing rink at 10pm on a Sunday to watch a group of adults fall down a bunch isn't a thrilling time for most people? You think if OP decided to go she's going to stop him?
Also, you realize that going to the game doesn't mean you hang out in the locker room, right?
Classic Reddit comment just bashing op because he’s the man.
That bullet point #2 in the OP is mega disrespectful, like she just typed in what she really thought there. She’s also gone to a kink hook up site. How the hell are people taking her side?
Yeah, if he was contacting sex workers it's not to get help moving a couch… it's to pay for sex.
You have to decide if you are okay being with someone who pays for sex while you are together – or not.
He is 100% going to lie about it, so don't bother trying to get closure or proof. Just decide what you will or won't accept.
Thanks so much!
I'm sorry but your wife sounds insufferable. Like, you sound like a wounded puppy atp. Idk why you would want to continue on this way.
Yes! I had to stop 2/3 of the way through, thinking god this is too exhausting to read. Absolutely ridiculous to have to cave to your spouse’s overblown insecurities like this.
Well yeah, who doesn't like having a backup plan on tap that literally lives a few minutes away.
Nothing will change…he is who he is. How can you trust him in the future?
This is early relationship knowledge, time to move on.
You’re right. It probably would bother me for the rest of my life if I didn’t at least try. Short and low-key is good.
Never said you were. I said the exact same story that was posted was about a female. Just minus the incredibly crude wording.
It sounds like you are incompatible. What happens when you move in together? Is he going to respect your home also being your cats home? Or is he going to be one of those boyfriends we read about on Reddit who “left the door open”. I have a cat and while I don’t need to be with a cat person, they sure as hell need to respect my cat.
Speaking from experience, a lot of people with sexual trauma in their past can have certain “quirks” or triggers with sex that someone without trauma might not understand. There may be certain things you can’t do in the bedroom lest you accidentally send them into fight or flight, for example. I imagine that’s the kind of thing he’s talking about.
My first instinct would be that this was purely a power play on his part. He's trying to show off that he can do whatever he wants and get away with it. A move like that draws a lot of attention which the sky is clearly desperate for. Gay or not however, that's still sexual assault which is a crime. Not decking him was probably the right call however as that would have just caused a lot more problems. It sounds like your girlfriend has finally accepted that this toxic dude shouldn't be a part of either of your lives, correct? If not you need to continue to explain this situation to her until she makes the right call. Remind her that this was not just some silly little act or gay associate did, it is sexual assault. It was an unwanted violation and he's lucky he didn't get his ass kicked for it. Once your girlfriend makes the right decision to cut this guy out completely from her life, if he's still attempts to contact her then you can lay it out and no uncertain terms to him that further attempts to contact her will be considered stalking and that you and others will act appropriately to put a stop to it or that you will be calling the police to report both the stalking as well as the previous incident. I'm confident he'll understand the implied threat. Either way I wouldn't see this person as a threat as far as him potentially stealing the affections of your girlfriend. A threat to her personal safety possibly considering this act he perpetrated though.
the age gap is older than you are, but it’s not a negative factor…be a bit serious. wishing your boyfriend peace and somebody who’s willing to set and stick to boundaries over inappropriate exes, and i hope that person will be you ❤️
Do you ever take her out, get someone to take the kid so you can have a night away. Cheating is not the answer. You’re not only disrespecting your wife but also your kid. The woman you’re talking too should be blocked until your sort yourself out.
Thanks.
She now admits that she fucked up and swears no ill intent, only that she didn’t fully think through the gift, and hopes that I can forgive for so we can work on our communication, but I don’t even want to talk to her because there’s no way I can soften my reaction right now.
She either did it intentionally, or she cares so little to even think of the very clear perception that comes with her gift.
Why do you keep orbiters in your life while having a boyfriend?
Obviously your guy friends would fuck you if you would let them. Thats a no brainer.
lolol no shit…
“The “reviews” from the Class of 2023 mean nothing, i was really hoping to be done with Highschool, when i was done with highschool. Ima continue to look for a decent MAN, and ima leave you to jacking off infront of the mirror. Bye Felicia” And then ghost his ass.
If it’s over just let it go. Cut contact and move on. We can’t read minds so it’s a waste of time trying to over analyze this.
Simple curiosity and down an internet rabbit hole is another.
You really don't have to dig deeply to find this stuff if the person you've Googled has an identifiable name.
I’m genuinely confused as to how you went from this comment:
It's absolutely disgusting how women discuss with their friends all the gory details of their partners' bodies. This happens over and over. I don't know if it ever can be changed.
To whatever it is you are trying to convey here
Hijacking top comment to say I was in this exact scenario a 6 years ago. I was with a guy for 6 years. He said he’d never get married. I ended our relationship because it was going nowhere and I was angry I wasted so much time with him. He was in a relationship within months of us breaking up and was married a year and a half later. I was dating who would later become my husband at the time when I found out. I was angry and hurt too…not because I wanted that to be me marrying him, but why not me? What was wrong with me? I got over it but my initial reaction was anger and hurt just like OPs GF. It’s normal.
Dude. It 100% sounds like you are “the other guy”. Are you sure she doesn't have a boyfriend?
You made your bed. Tell him and deal with the repercussions for your kid. This isn’t the end/worst thing, but literally fucking stop your whining because it takes two to tango. Woman up, talk to him, see where he is at, and raise your child. In the end, this might end up being the most wonderful stupid ass choice you could have ever made with this amazing kid.
Never no , we’re in different countries
he's angry because he can't control you anymore. I'd bask in his anger and continue doing what you're doing.
He’s not that into you 🙁 sorry. You should cut your losses and move on.
Thanks for sharing with me your opinion. For marriage, I didn't ask him about getting married or anything. He is the one who mentioned it when we were having a conversation. I only wanted to know if he's serious about me.
As a childfree person I will just say you can’t be childfree and your partner has a kid. Those things don’t conflate as you will have to have some sort of relationship with the child eventually. If you planned on being CF for the rest of your life then you need to breakup with this guy.
On the lying now, you definitely need to breakup with this guy. A lie by omission is still a lie. Would you honestly have dated him if you knew he was about to become a dad? I strongly doubt not. Him keeping it from you is a massive glowing neon red sign.
I do agree though you can’t be mad at him for knocking up his ex as you weren’t together at the time, but the lies to get you into and keep you in a relationship are bordering on sociopathic.
Thanks. I'm trying not to fall into a depression spiral bc I've also told myself I've wasted 3 years but I guess today's the day I learned a lot about not being a doormat anhmore. Better late than never right. I thought I was doing better bc I walked out of my last relationship for my fiance putting hands on me so the bar is so low for me at this point that I thought I was in a better situation. Now I just feel dumb but ill think ill take time to myself for a while…
Your first problem was agreeing to no visitors for the whole weekend and your second problem was asking her permission to have your bf over to your house. I totally would understand her not wanting a bunch of visitors but you having your bf there and not really around her should be fine as long as you still help her out as needed. I personally think she is milking it and being unreasonable.
100% agree with this.
OP you need to decide if you want to work on your marriage and, more importantly, if you still love your husband. If yes, then you should probably think about what a partnership is to you and what an equal distribution of work looks like in a marriage. This should be your bottom line. Go to marriage counseling if it helps.
Marriage takes CONSISTENT communication and work. He needs to show you that he's willing to put his insecurities and fears aside, and step up as a partner.
If your husband doesn't want to have this conversation, rejects the idea, or similar then you may need to decide if you want to stay in this relationship. How will you feel being treated and talked to in this way 5, 10, 20 years down the road?
What magical reason do you have for thinking that?
You're telling me they had dinner and they didn't do anything else?
Good one!
The issue is you have a sulky, childish BF. It's not about you being late, there's obviously more going on and this is a final straw, but to refuse to come out when you've worked a 24-hour shift AND driven to collect him is not reasonable adult behaviour. Would be good to know what the 'so much' he does for you looks like.
How do you know such details?
Yeah OP has some very weird thoughts about relationships I think.
He mentions he has contemplated divorce, and then states EVERYONE has. I've been with my wife for 6 years and no matter how bad things get, I would be WAY WORSE without her, and have never even considered being without her.
He isn’t scratching for itch, he’s scratching to inhale the scent.
Hope you aren’t paying for the car he’s fucking her in too.
Dafuq
How are marriage rates higher among women then men?
Everything about this post is just screaming red flag, abusive, wildly immature guy. With this level of immaturity and controlling behavior, he really isn’t fit to be in a relationship with anyone.
Look like an end of a relationship to me
You have the audacity to say that laws limiting abortion are barbaric when ripping the child from the womb is what is barbaric. Do your research and watch how the procedure is performed. Depending on the age of baby/fetus the limbs are ripped off, and the skull is crushed with no anethetic to the baby. and yes, the baby/fetus can feel pain by the 12-week stage.
If you are going to kill your first child together, then at least do it before the baby can feel pain.
Babies are a natural consequence of sex. You took that risk when you had sex, do not take the consequences of your actions out on a child's chance at a life. That is a unique human being.