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Why are things so high tension and what have you done to try and salvage the marraiage?
Even if you are considering a divorce, you're going to need to deal with the situation and communicate where you're at in the relationship. It sounds like while your wife suspects things are amiss, she doesn't have a clue whats actually going on in your head right now.
Divorce will 100% disupt your kids lives, but you can lessen the extent of the disruption but building a communicative, civil and polite relationship with your wife throughout the process. Even if you have decided to leave her, you still have a moral duty of care to each other and for the sake of the kids that you both share.
You both need to find divorce lawyers to discuss your options.