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Model from: ca
Languages: en
Birth Date: 1990-11-22
Body Type: bodyTypeAverage
Ethnicity: ethnicityWhite
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There's only one person in all the world who'll feel as sickened by this as you do.
Tell his mum.
You deserve so much better then being disrespected, where is your self respect honey?
If she’s open to it, consider getting this book for her or having her purchase it. And then her actually read it. I found it very helpful when I was learning to set boundaries.
Boundaries (Henry Cloud & John Townsend)
You said it yourself, you trust your wife 100%. That’s a huge thing. Now you need to keep reminding yourself of that when you’re struggling with your own insecurities.
Perhaps start planning true date nights again at least once a week. Even if it’s just at home once the kids are in bed. Really use that time to focus on each other and your relationship/connection. Look at old photos, talk about fun memories, play a game where you guys ask some basic questions about each other again to remind each other about core values and likes and such. Truly work on re-connecting. And if you can’t do a full date night, plan mini-dates. 30min here and there of uninterrupted time is better than nothing!
I’d like to think some of this will help your self-esteem.
And keep being open/honest with each other, but do it in a calm and respectful way.
Is this what people call a midlife crisis?
Yikes. Dump her or cheat on her
Restrain + blindfold. Forced oral. Going down on her is for Daddy's pleasure.
Nah it just depends on what your boundaries are – I’ve never told him he could or could t, it’s just a big turn off for me personally. I know others are fine with it and that’s cool for them, it’s just not for me personally
Why would you want to save the relationship? He sounds like a complete loser.
I agree. It always comes from a place of insecurity. That isn’t to say i excuses the tactless way she put the blame on you to appease her bad emotions.
Despite what the pet people say here on reddit, cats/dogs can still flourish when re-homed. Maybe try and find someone you know who can handle a cat and then you can still visit Kaira every now and again.
Why to lie? I am sure there are many people looking for ONS/casual things. Heck, a few months back even I was looking for same.
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Spend time thinking long and naked about what you want your future and relationship to be.
Because you're framing a very old fashioned style of relationship, from back when women didn't have many opportunities to make and keep their own money.
Is that what you really want?
What about her? It seems like she is more interested in a modern relationship where you treat each other and whoever is most able pays. She'd likely rather be taken on a few nice dates where you act the full gentleman than you pay for everything and when you can't pay y'all don't go.
It could be a manipulation technique.
Make you feel bad about yourself so you don’t leave him.
Or he isn’t attracted to you anymore. This hurts but it definitely happens sometimes.
Either way, all he should see is a cloud of dust from whence you came.
You deserve to be loved wholeheartedly.
Well considering they had 3 kids together I’d say she’d forgiven him and moved on.
As a former co-ed player of sports both child/teen/adults – if she says she's okay and you aren't worried about her cheating, You are just overreacting. Honestly I found co-ed changing rooms more comfortable outside of that awkward teen “we know about sex but we don't really understand it or each other bodies” stage. Its a bonding thing, not feeling isolated (if most of team is men), and kind of heading off trouble kind of thing. It helps all kinds of way: allows for more “right then and now” planning before, during, after games; keeps any creepy body/spouse/other bullying out of locker room/ makes people feel safer to stop it (not just woman/woman but men/men body shaming, too), means she can't have a crazed fan getting her when she alone, she can walk out to her car as a group (especially if it's dark), and in ice rings more bodies mean less chill.
I completely agree that her naked swimming may or may not be sexual, but this dude is trying to say lap dances aren’t sexual and
I’m going to get banned just told someone off , they said you want to leave him and he needs help
All of her friends think I’m wrong for not talking it out with her first, but I think I’m justified for ending our relationship because she lied about her serious addiction for over a month. Would I be crazy to contact her again?
All your friends aren't the ones in this relationship and you are completely allowed to have your own boundaries and naked break-points in the relationship.
Addiction is a horrible and malevolent monster and while you could choose to stay with her and combat this with her, if you don't want to do that it's entirely up to you.
What, exactly would you even do? Discuss how she's lied to you for months and been doing god-knows-what with this homeless guy for, assumedly, the whole time?
If the trust is gone and you don't want to put up with it or go further, then don't. That's your call, not theirs. If they're so sympathetic to her they're quite welcome to stay in touch and help her themselves.
It’s better to tell him now and deal with the consequences rather than waiting until you are even more invested. At least now if he can’t deal with it then you have less to lose.
Run the fuck away man.
And get tested for STD's now and in a fex months.
So let me get this straight. You do sex work (yeah, it's a 'dating' site but clearly geared toward transactional arrangements) and have an issue with men who don't respect women. You met this guy via your sex work. This is the type of man you're going to get in that context, maybe look elsewhere for partners in future.
The dumbest form of toxicity is when someone looks at someone else who took a reasonable action with what was obviously good intentions, and because it's not exactly they way they would have done something, or they had some other plan in mind, tear the person trying to do something nice down. This was not worth hurting someone over, and it wasn't worth ruining your relationship. But you did it anyway, and I can tell from how you wrote this that you are going to continue to double down. I hope when you're staring down at that shiny watch face you purchased yourself while your right hand takes the place of the girlfriend you pushed away because she dated to buy you something you said you wanted, you're super happy with your life.
Definitely sus. Don’t jump to conclusions but I would be wary. It’s concerning he didn’t at least tell you he was working out with her. Cameras seem a tad over board bc what happens if he finds those and he really isn’t doing anything wrong? That just seems like a bad idea but hey, at least you’d know for sure. I think your best bet is to act normal and just “leave something at home” so you have to go back
You had a small flame and he fanned it.
But, I have some follow up questions to hopefully help;
Do you guys tell each other about your days normally?
Would your mother be party to what you suspect? Being as shes somewhat immobile (hope she recovers soon btw OP) shes likely to be around most the time.
And also, is this the first time you've posed this question or similar?
I talked to her in private many times before the marriage and she seemed completely fine with the marriage so I had no reason to think it was forced.
She only speaks arab and the dialect of arab from my parent's region (which I'm also fluent in).
Probably been 1000 times because people always want to go here. Foods actually really good. Never really thought twice about it. It's just a restaurant.
I think it's this right here. Maybe she did something she's not proud of and now needs to protect that?
If she has to hide it from her husband then she probably did something that is divorce worthy.
“Bars only exist for single people to hook up” is…a pretty stupid take. This isn’t a boundary. It’s a creepy, controlling flex. And lemme guess – the rule does apply the other way around.
If she wants to hang with her attempted rapist, she has issues that you can’t fix and shouldn’t be caught in the middle of.
Is he rude/not engaging around all other people but you? How does he act around his friends?
No, but it got gradually more and more distant as the relationship went on. The other aspects of our marriage are great, but some things you think you can live without until time passes
I know, that's why I'm asking for advice here. I don't know the best way to go about it.
I don’t speak to my mum or sister at all
Before the marriage?
Most people would probably say that making out and having (oral) sex with people outside the relationship is cheating tho. The fiancé should have assumed that to be the case. Typically I'd you don't wanna do a behavior in front of your SO, them it's probably crossing a boundary or cheating and you shouldn't do it at least without talking to them first. If she thinks she didn't cheat or do anything wrong, she should have happily told him all the details. Instead she lied. So clearly she knew she cheated.
You can’t unilaterally decide to be out of the workforce. Your partner needs to be on board as well. It’s quite possible that he doesn’t earn enough to cover your bills as well as his.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to be at home but it is risky – what if the relationship doesn’t work out or he leaves you when you’re older.
Try a Pentecostal/evangelical church, they seem to skew towards wanting stay at home partners.
In the meantime get a job to pay your bills while you search for you perfect partner
He said things will escalate cause he wont be able to hold back and does not want that to happen at this stage
Wow, I could’ve written this myself.
We’re separated now, and we have a son. I work for the same corporation as his “friend.”
He told me I would never be more important than her even though he took it back saying he was too drunk when he said and it was so early in our relationship I should get over it.
Here’s some kickers…
I was in labor with our son, and we have to drive her Christmas present to her because we wouldn’t have a chance. It was an hour and a half round trip.
I had been exclusively pumping around the clock and feeding this baby and doing all the bottles.
I was cleaning bottles. He came out of his office where he’d been sat playing video games all day telling me that he wants to donate $500 to her go fund me so she can go see her mom. Her mom is dying of cancer and that is extremely sad but we did not have $500. He proceeded to belittle me in front of my own mother and tell me that I was a bad person.
My mom had to leave because she thought she was going to snap on him.
Our son needed a procedure to fix his tongue tie. We would have to leave the house at seven to get there in time. That was too early for him but either the day before or the day after she drove her to the airport at THREE AM for a business trip when my company pays for Uber.
And here’s a good one just yesterday I mentioned that I am worried about the state of my company because they lost a client.
He said oh yeah, I saw her post that but I forgot that it would affect you, too.
Every chance he gets he puts her in front of me. He called me crazy and abusive and all of these terrible things and then he left me so we can go start a polyamorous compound. No joke. These men. Girl we wasted our time.
Lol cool story bro. 22/23 years old, 7 years together (since 15), 3 kids already (so she’s spent 3 of those 7 years pregnant), you somehow managed to get a good job which pays all the bills and supports a family of 5, and you have time for dates, and now she has time to work and fuck around.
Plus in another comment you claim you asked her to work to help out financially.
This entire post is fiction.
hahahaha yup! agreed – but now he is an arsehole
Honestly it sounds like a lot’s going on here.
I think his concern that you have lost interest in a shared hobby you used to bond over is a lot more serious than you seem to think. It probably feels to him like you think he’s a stupid loser for liking the things he does. And, if i’m right, he’s not ever going to frame it like that in discussions with you. So you’re going to get defensive, evasive bullshit non-answers.
Side note, reddit tends to take OP’s (your) side. OP gets to frame the discussion and give a one-sided account. But there’s often relevant things the OP leaves out: what have you been doing, not for yourself or apart from him, but with him? You might rightly think “i already do so much” but the relative change is something he feels and is very real to him.
You’re doing fewer chores for him. You have more and more reasons to spend time apart from him. Not only that, but you are bonding with other people at the same time, and he knows it. Hence the gym boyfriend comment. He might wonder where these changes are coming from, if they’re for another person, or what.
Bottom line, he’s afraid to lose you.
We do not know if she was too drunk to be thinking, if they have a history of her being allowed to pay for things with his phone and this just happened to be very large, if she mistook something he said. I think in meaningful relationships one f up that gets apologized for and can be fixed can be moved on from.
If she doesn't fix this he should definitely breakup with her and if he feels the circumstances made this not make sense in any way for her to do, then just breakup now. It's definitely a big problem and not okay. So I vote he try to get the money back before moving on with breakup or moving forward. If you think he should just loose the money in the name of making a point…. Then that's a valid opinion too.
What the hell…
Have you ever dated someone? It’s normal to want to meet their family. From the perspective I have of the relationships in my family, it’s normal to include serious girlfriends/boyfriends in our family. I have always wanted that for a partner of mine and for myself in my partner’s life. I want to meet the people who made my boyfriend who he is today.
I completely understand this is a terrible situation he’s facing. And I’m 100% here for him right now.. and have been since day 1.
I suppose thinking long term about someone and thinking someday saying “I haven’t met his dad” will eventually be “I never met his dad” is saddening, is just atrocious of me?
Someone is full of shit. It isn't your therapist. He interrupted your therapy session because you getting better is a threat to him. If you are in a good mental health space, you will wake up and realize what a shitty partner he is.
Sperm is cheaper than free. Most guys will spend good money for a chance to give theirs away.
Run and please don't get pregnant
Good for you:
I straight up told him he can’t keep popping in and out of my life whenever he pleases and that he either needs to make a choice whether he wants to work things out me or no
And after his whole emotional dump, you get this:
I can slowly see his communication between us has gone down
he got what he wanted so he doesn’t need to try
Look, I am not going to dump on you or blame you because I get it… its naked understanding what's good for you and not.
But, you're clearly having new profound realizations about this connection. I would blame you if you didn't listen to yourself about this new realization you discovered. Before, you were not that aware… And now… You're fully aware.
For the future.. the ones who are worth keeping around, are the ones who start strong.
It's not your job to make someone else relationship ready for you… They should come to you prepared for the relationship already… Those are the high value connections.
The fact that you're having these doubts now, is an indication you're chasing after something that you're not fully in love with.
I think you could find a more fulfilling experience elsewhere.
What you describe is called harassment so you could always ask the police for help. But you first need to develop the respect for yourself to see that this situation is messed up. He's wasting your time, using you and will drop you completely as soon as he finds someone he actually wants a relationship with. Don't wait until that happens because chances are that's going to make you feel even worse than you do now.
From what I’ve just read and no other information & asking no questions the first thing I thought is BF found himself a bangmaid. Who is paying for all this??? What will YOUR responsibilities be?? Are they paying costs & doing the work?? If you do your thing, no extra work like it would be just the two of you is this ok???? Oooooof.
Deep fakes?
Unless you’ve sent them on or unless either of your phones have been hacked then they’ll be fake pictures. Don’t report the nudes (they’ll say that’s your fault) report the blackmail.
Hide all the nudes first since if the police do actually investigate and they ask for your phones you don’t want to Police having your nudes.
So if I'm gathering this correctly her logic was “I made our mutual friend lie about me spending time with him when you weren't aware because I knew you'd be upset that I am spending time with another man as if I had something to hide, further confirming your suspicions and really making myself look guilty of infidelity.
Then, when I am confronted on my lie through my own guilt shaken by an innocuous comment and how it made you feel to be lied to about your wife hiding the time she spend with another man who is supposed to be both our friends, rather than apologize for it or acknowledge how hurtful it was I will turn it on you that I only lied because I don't think you trust me and want to take away this other man that I am either already cheating with or crossing deep emotional boundaries.”
That about it? If she isn't already cheating she's about to, and the fact she doesn't feel sorry in the slightest but instead blames you…she may have already checked out.
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Hey guys, so idk if you remember my post that I made on here a few days ago, talking about my boyfriend who is really unhygienic and won’t clean up after himself. I appreciate all of your advice that you gave me and a lot of you asked for an update when I have one.
So yesterday as I was heading into work, I got a call from my sister. She said that she saw my boyfriend on tinder…. I asked her to send screenshots of his profile, and he had photos of himself taken in MY HOUSE and in clothes that I bought for him. I immediately called him and asked about it and he pretended like he didn’t know what I was talking about, even after I sent the screenshots of his profile.
I drove straight home and told him that he needs to start packing his things and wait for me to come home before he leaves. He did wait for me, and we had a very long talk about our relationship. After a lot of pointing fingers and pulling technicalities (which is something he absolutely loves to do), we decided it was time to break up. He never gave me a reason why he downloaded tinder.
So yea, y’all got the ending you were hoping for. it’s over between us. I guess I’m kinda glad I found out he was cheating, because I didn’t feel like I had a valid reason for leaving him until now.
Does he complain if you post lovey-dovey stuff on your Instagram and tag him?
I mean I don’t think anything can really change unless he gets a new job with more humane hours
NTA. The hospital literally advised us to wear noise cancelling headphones when our baby's purple-crying (crying for no reason, all needs met, just Big Feelings) was getting overwhelming, because when parents get overwhelmed by the relentless noise (which goes straight to our instincts and lizard brain) they might shake the baby out of stress.