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my dude, the private investigator, may have been prompted by this:
Two years ago a young colleague(28M) of mine whom my son and his family never met in person informed me that my daughter in law tried to hookup with him.
– Father got more information than he hoped to find out.
Those bridges she burned with doctorcs, caretakers.. get testimonies or records of that. That can be used against her.
Please, PLEASE do NOT quit your job.
That's another way of asserting control: Cutting you off from family and therapy and making you financially dependet on her.
She's probably crazy jealous that you make more than her.
Her mom only cares that her own daughter/blood is in a financially good situation and doesn't give a crap about you, you're just seen as a foreign object that is used as a tool to get ahead in life.
That's textbook narcissistic abuse what they are doing.
She also does not love her own son. For his sake, cut ties with them.
I feel like a zoo keeper/ employee sometimes.
Say “I did nothing but what you’re doing right now is very wrong, goodbye” then leave. You don’t need to prove anything
i think telling her is a step towards doing the right thing.
God bless & good luck.
also…. don’t do it again.
Real estate is going to be tough for two reasons:
it requires a lot of self-starting the market is cooling down
All I can say, my friend, is that my ex told me I was just being jealous about some of (not all of) her male “friends” who clearly didn't just want to be friends. She gaslit me, played the victim, didn't tell me about meeting guy friends while I was at work, etc.
This guy made a move and she hasn't cut him off, they've gotten closer. He knows what's up and so does she. She's already cheating with at least an emotional affair, but it sounds like something physical happened – kissing, maybe? – and that is definitely cheating.
“You should see the other guy”
Take this advice. And also if you ever meet a 24yr old boy in the wild who says he is getting married soon, tell him to wait. A lot changes between 24-30.
i want an answer to my question. “how do i make him stop”. i'm asking for A not B, but everyone keeps answering everything other than my question
My ex would joke that in Brazil he would “throw cats over the river and watch them drown” and i didn't see that as a red flag. I thought he was joking. He actually did do that and will laugh about torturing mice in his backyard to this day. Don't be w someone who doesn't respect animals. Animals can't advocate for themselves and are innocent. Imagine how he will treat you in the future if you stay.
I think his asking is kind of a dick move. He's got $45k in savings and he's asking you for $335? Gee, what's wrong with this picture?
Why did you marry someone you don’t want to have sex with?
He changed
but it’s very strange for me to hear him compliment guys or point out nude guys
Oh yeah and I discovered I have arthritis in my knee at the same time that I was moving all the stuff around. So that was weird that I used to be a runner on pavement so. I hope things get better for you too and yes, be kinder to yourself.
You cancel the wedding asap, try to get back as much money as possible and plan future without him. But before you will tell him you know, try to get ahold of that phone to get some evidence – for him, for anyone who will try to convince you that you are wrong and for yourself to remember what he did if one day a thought about taking him back will appear in your head.
You shouldn’t be having a relationship with a married woman. You can’t trust anything she says about her marriage or her husband because she’s rationalizing her inappropriate conduct with you in her mind. Tell her to go back to her husband and stop being unfaithful
i know. i keep thinking about that. it makes me think i should just be honest and tell him anyway even if he doesnt necessarily want to know
I don’t know why you’re making the same post again. You already got PLENTY of advice in the other post. 373 comments total.
this is the best advice on this post so far, imho. medication causes crazy side effects, and that's most likely what's at play right now. i would just give it time, op. and, in the case this behavior does persist, i would encourage her to talk to her doctor about other medication options, but only if she agrees with changing meds. if she's happy with what she's on now, then that's that. if you are no longer happy in the relationship, then you'd be in your rights to leave it, but do NOT try and force her off the medication.
She’s a sex worker. You have a problem with her choices and values. You’re not going to change her. Move on.
This made my day!
Updateme!
Actually no, he doesn't respect you because he asked you to change for him while making zero effort to do to the same.
I would show your boyfriend the post so you don’t have to have the pressure of saying to or write it down and have him read it if you don’t want to speak about it. I just don’t know how will he respond because what I have seen their are 3 different reactions that can happen 1 He probably will want to go and beat that brother up2 He will be at a lost and probably has no idea on how to respond or help 3 the asshole response he doesn’t believe you. Only you know him personally so you probably can guess the response he will give. But are you seeking medical or therapy? Don’t just sit in a room and let your thoughts run wild you will feel yourself go insane because so many different options and thought are goin to happen
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he routinely forces me to go on long walks with him at night.
we don't really have time to do these walks during the day, and when i've asked him if we could find another way to exercise he gets really annoyed
Learn how to say “No”. Seriously, you don't have to go on these walks if you don't want to and if he doesn't respect a no about this, then you should stop dating him.
Can you afford to get your own room? If not, then politely decline.
I forgot to add that she was cutting herself (self-harm) in her teens but is not diagnosed with anything. She thinks she has borderline (BPD) tho.
She had a phase in her teens as well where she wanted to be a boy.
I don't know if this information is helpful to you and maybe others, but yeah.
Her mom goes to therapy (for way other reasons) and my gf was told by her mom that she should come with her (this was also in her teens) but after some sessions, she said that it's not helping her.
Honestly reading this made me tear up. My partner is really caring and sweet, despite all the negatives. But you're right that they don't put as much effort forth anymore. I don't know what to do, I feel so happy around them and feel so loved and cared for. I've decided want to talk to them again before making any major decisions, but I thank you for your advice
Grand gestures are the wrong approach. Too little, too late.
What you should do is respect her boundaries and her decision. She is an adult. She has given you ten years of her life–and some of her best years, at that. She has a whole lot of data on your state of mind and has concluded that you're unlikely to change. She's exhausted and she's done.
The years of dysfunction aren't going to be reversed just because you finally started taking care of your mental health. Nor by trying to love bomb her.
What you can tell her is that you understand why she's done, you agree that you have not pulled your weight in the relationship, you are sorry for the ways you have hurt her, and that while you hope she will reconsider, you will accept whatever decision she makes. Thank her for lighting a fire under your butt to get help, and then stay in treatment whether she comes back or not.
yeah, lots of things can cause a false positive syphilis test, such as lupus and rheumatoid arthritis
I think how you deal with it depends on if his comment is something you'll ever be able to get out of your mind.
For me, there's no way I could forget and would always wonder if he truly wanted or loved the child.
Even if they were both poly, her inability to enthusiastically express intimacy with him is a deal breaker.
Keep your cool. Just go do something else.
Either the girlfriend will miss you and want to be with you or she won’t.
I deleted the post content because the comments weren't being helpfull. We are intimate it's just the next step that we are scared of. What if he doesn't like my body? What if she doesn't like mine? Thats the issue we are trying to fix .
Almost every comment is asking me to breakup with her which is pretty shallow and not the advice I am asking for.
My first post got taken down so I thought it was because of the word sex but turns out it was because I used a new account
I’m sorry but dancing is not fun
I’m sorry but dancing is not fun
Well, you could tell her to stop sexually assaulting you, because that's what it is.
Mature adults do not take “breaks” in relationships. Either you work on the relationship together or you break up. Sometimes people need space, to think about things or whatever. But going and dating another guy is not working on your relationship. She is just leading you on and manipulating you. It sounds like she doesn't know what she wants and is keeping you as a backup just in case. You don't deserve that. You deserve to be with someone who is honest with you and dedicated to your guy's relationship. I went through the same kind of things when I was your age and all I have to say is, don't waste your time with a relationship that you need “breaks” from to be with other people.
I disagree. Im assuming that there was a good reason why she said that. He couldn’t get her point when she discussed it with him. She was telling him what he is doing wrong and he didn’t want to accept that. „Why don’t you ask your friends“ (i assume) meant „why don’t you ask them what you are doing wrong and why im saying what im saying, you don’t have any and that’s exactly my point. You don’t have friends because you never make any efforts for anyone.“
I don’t mean that this is a regular fight, i meant that she explained it in their current fight over and over again because she explained it and he wouldn’t even listen to her properly or taking her seriously.
You ASSUME that she is saying that and thinks that he doesn’t deserve friends because i didn’t get that feeling. For me it’s obvious that she meant it to make a point and not telling him he doesn’t deserve friends. That’s why im saying you make assumptions here.
I have no idea what you said but I’m pretty sure you just outed yourself bruh
You have some pretty awesome dreams
Buy
Her
Flowers!
Is there some reason for you rebelling against the one thing she asked for!
get some people he trusts to help confront him
The rest of the comments are fine but this part is an awful idea. Unless he has some serious porn addiction issues then it is his own private business and telling friends/family about it and having them confront him is a big betrayal of his privacy and trust.
This isnt true. Even STEM masters only get a three year OPT/CPT remaining period. Its really complicated.
Yeah, that's real weird. It sounds very very controlling and abnormal, and all related to what you wear. He needs to back off.
Do you have children?
You've already quit the job. This situation is already in your past. Move on and try not to think about it anymore.
In the future, when there is workplace conflict, document EVERYTHING. Keep a document with a summary of interactions, including dates and times and places, what was said by whom. Screenshot text messages, save emails. This is a document that can be HUGE help if and when formal complaints are made or if things escalate to a legal conflict. Never lie in this document or you basically invalidate the whole thing, and be as complete as possible, but keep in mind it is something that could potentially be read by HR or by a judge at some point.
Err on the side of going to HR before the other person goes to HR, so that you're the one telling the story and not them. “I'm not lodging a formal complaint against this person, but I wanted you to be aware of this situation and I thought it was important for there to be a record of it, in case things get worse.”
Haha I'm sure it's happened!
“I missed the last train home (even though you haven't)” or similar is also something that can imply they want to spend the night with you.
Haha, I still think it was the flat soda she created and fed to him and those gel packets that turned him off.
Yup. And also as one of these freezing-when-being-assaulted people; it often feels way longer then it actually was. 20 seconds can be how it felt for OP.. while it might have been shorter. The freezing part does that with your mind; it's weirdly accurate how they let superheroes freeze time around them in movies and you hear the clock ticking slower then it actually ticks =/
Why don't you ask her on a date?
How tf is a gym membership $200 a month?!
Cancel her membership. Block her number. Go to the gym location most convenient for you at the most convenient time for you.
No he hasn’t, not that I know of I think. Like he doesn’t want me walking around town by myself or near dark, which I understand ofc, he wants to know when I go out in case something happens or where I go if he asks, I don’t have an issue with that because I understand where he’s coming from because I unfortunately have a bad history with some of that stuff. I’ve put off on moving in, bc I’m just not too sure atm. He did ask me after he said that stuff if I think he’s being too cont.rolling and I said not really because I can see his point of view but I would like it if he could try and see from my point of view too. But now I don’t really know
I haven’t spent a lot of time on it, I’m just basing my concern off of what I know and making logical connections
I don't have to even say it, just open up a dictionary man.
for more context… its not like it was one sided at all… she would also offer to buy me food… she bought me gifts as well…
im just very confused
She should be concerned.
You validated that by this post
Save this poor girl from you wasting any more of her time.
She should be concerned.
You validated that by this post
Save this poor girl from you wasting any more of her time.
he best girlfriend I’ve ever had in my life – I struggle to believe I’ll find better.
Except for your massive personality differences, world views, and general outlook on life.
You are 20 years old, of course you will meet other people that are better for you and more aligned with what you want in life. It is not this girl.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
I work a full time job from home (35hrs/week condensed work week with most Fridays off) and my boyfriend works as an electrician (40hrs/week). We moved in a couple months ago and at the time he told me that he views food as an expression of love and that he would like me to make our dinners on the days that we’re working. As I work from home I am happy to do the majority of the cooking, but since he moved in I’ve been doing almost all of it. I can’t remember the last time he made us a meal since he moved in. I often prepare dinner or do other housework over lunch, and make dinner in the evenings. I feel like I don’t have time to unwind and get away from the house. Even if I decide to go to the gym, the expectation is that I have dinner ready, or that there’s leftovers from the dinner I made the night before. I have made bulk meals before, but he told me that he doesn't like leftovers more than two nights in a row.
Last week was brutally cold outside and his job site was shut down, he didn’t make dinner then and he hasn’t cooked any meals on the weekends either.
I finally had enough and decided to ask him to cook 1-3 meals a week, it instantly became an argument. He told me that he works long hours doing physical labour as an electrician and that he is in pain. It’s only fair that I make our dinners because I work from home, and that my work isn't as nude as his. Making dinner isn’t that nude any way, “it only takes 30 seconds to take chicken out of the freezer”. He mentioned that I had also stopped making his sandwiches for lunch (I was doing that for about a week before I realized that I was feeling sick of spending so much time in the kitchen) and that I can’t be relied on to get in the habit of making his sandwiches. He also reminded me that making dinner is how I can show him that I love him.
I told him that I really need him to be my partner on this and that him making a few meals a week would be more fair. It’s true that I work from home and that I have much more ability to make dinner because of that, but it’s not my responsibility to make ALL of our dinners. He dismissed my concern and told me that he thought I was making a big deal about this. He didn’t understand why I was so upset. He said that how dinner is managed in our house now is very convenient.
What I want is for him to be responsible for 1-3 meals per week, with at least one during the work week. I don’t care if he cooks them, orders in, or picks up something frozen/precooked from the grocery store. And whoever doesn’t make dinner should do the dishes. I want this work load to go from a 100/0 split to an 80/20.
When I cook him dinner he sees it as an expression of love, but when I ask him to handle dinner he views it as a chore. He feels loved when I make him a meal, and I want to feel loved in that way too. I feel trapped in this house and that I don’t have a partner on this issue.
What should I do?
Babies are also a HUGE amount of work and require a large amount of mental fortitude, which isn't going to be there if you didn't really want one in the first place. Please please
please
do NOT have a baby “because they're cute”. ?♀️
I've raised two, and also worked as a “manny” (for a little while) LOL. When you have a supportive partner who shoulders their share of the load, it feels like the amount of work is cut by far more than half. It's weird, but it's true. It's almost like there are millions of years of evolution behind successfully having children and raising them to adulthood. I know, who knew? Anyway, the amount of support there is out there for new parents is AMAZING, it blew my mind. There is everything from pregnancy centers, to WIC and other social services, to family and churches, as well as Facebook groups and such. People are really wonderful when it comes to supporting new parents.
Frankly, out of the many things in life that are worth doing, having children generally (your situation may vary) not one of the hardest, unless you try to have too many, too close together, or do it alone without asking for help. If it was, we wouldn't exist as a species.
If you mean. I find stuff on it? Then no. No hair or anything. Once i did his laundry and changed the sheets. The fresh one had a giant red hair stuck to it.
“[this] wasn’t worth Possibly costing me my marriage and family” suggests that he hasn’t told them. I’d do some sleuthing ??♀️ and tell the wife.
He knew he was in the marriage and he knew what he was doing. He didn’t accidentally cheat – and he didn’t accidentally pick someone over 10 years younger ?
I guess it's time for a threesome.
So after about a year I found her that her previous ex of 3 years, was best friends, and still is, with her brother. Just to be clear this is a separate ex to the one described in my original post.
So this ex is definitely relevant then.
I only found out from her dad
And oof.
If there's a chance yous would be exposed to her exs in anyway then she really should inform you. This kind of lying definitely warrants a deeper conversation.
This hurt. a lot. I only found out from her dad, and it felt humiliating at the time. I feel like i dont know who I am going out with. And i think its bleeding into things like this, just the feeling of being lied to constantly. I'm mature enough to handle the fact s but when they're kept from me, and i find out in the way that i did…i mean am i really at fault for having my back up?
^Expand on this to her and how this is affecting you and your relationship. If she's dismissive of how this makes you feel than you may want to revaluate this relationship.
Also, I hope “having my BACK up?” means “guard up”/”walls up” and not that you've got some side chick lol.
For real. Isn’t there a creative writing sub for these people to use?
You should break up with him, just in case.
Your rotten luck, of all the people you experience your first relationship with, you ended up with a piece of shit buffoon.
Im sorry this happened to you. Do not let this affect your general mindset about relationships tho. Most guys aren't assholes like this idiot.
You don't sound well enough to be in a relationship.
They’re late 20s FFS. Far more normal to have had sexual experiences by then, whatever your culture.
That may be so, but you wrote “I’m nervous…”. You can quibble on words, but…
Also, if everything you wrote above did not show up in a dialog as she brought this up to you lately, then you are doing a lot of listening and no talking. That would also qualify as “uncomfortable” and she should recognze that.
I fucking WISH my boyfriend would do this for me lol
So he’s gross
I think the same, because I have no valid reasons ( expect that she was used to married and taken men), to believe her. But, I’m done with her anyway. I’m glad I took this decision, because it was a rough year already and I don’t need any more drama, stress, etc. I’ll just try to move on
I guess if you're insecure, emotionally immature and controlling you should totally tell her she can only go to the club with you and not her friends
I think if you trust her then all should be fine. People will be unfaithful whether you nag at them or not, in my experience. You can totally ask how things went, that’s fair game. If you smell anything suspicious, that’s another story.
I hear what you’re saying. And yet you read me wrong. But, it’s Reddit?♀️
Honestly my biggest fear would be Someone telling me they love me just because I said it. Right next to someone being mad about me not saying it back when they tell me they love me. I want to actually mean it when I tell someone I love them, and I want to know they actually mean it too.
So if I say “I love you” it’s exclusively me wanting them to know that that’s what I’m feeling. Ofc, if we’ve been together for a year or more and they just don’t feel it “yet” I might consider moving on, but it’s not even been half a year, I would likely avoid using the word Love under 6 months in too…