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These comments are giving me so much hope! Thank you!
Yes. Sometimes if you don’t give them anything they freak the f out.
Here's something for all the men in the comments. It really shows how much you respect your woman by if you think it's okay to do this or not. You never hear men complaining about Instagram accounts not because they don't care but because women don't make that a problem for yall. If you can't jerk it to the woman you love and only her you do not Love her and respect her fully. 4 years of commitment and I've caught my fiancé jerking off many times but uts always my pictures on his phone. It's respect.
Sounds like he's into BDSM. Compatibility might be an issue, but its an area that's very big on consent and rules.
Let her find herself. Alone at a rave lmao
Why are you still with him? He's clearly abusing you
It sounds like you shouldn’t even be dating.
It just rubs me the wrong way, she said she lost a lot of friends once they found out what she did. Some of her friends even sided with Jake so she stopped talking to them. Even the guy she hooked with, upon meeting Jake and telling him, sided with him. It seems like she’s leaving something out. She said Jake found out because the guy she hooked up with told him because he felt bad about it.
He’s selfish. He would completely turn me off. Plus, he has zero compassion or interest in turning you on. Ask for what you want. If he can’t meet you halfway, then move on. This isn’t healthy.
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Yeah you’re definitely right. He thinks while I’m finishing college he is going to travel, get all the training he needs and then a year or two from now we can decide on a place to on-line together.
I’m fully capable of paying my own bills, but we have talked for 2 years about getting a place together and that hasn’t happened yet. I just don’t want to keep waiting around for him. He says he wants a future with us but I feel like I have no say and I just have to wait around for him to come home just to pick up another contract over and over again
Yes
She knows her son better than you and is warning you!!
You should leave him!!
You can still meet with her after you breakup!!
You should ask her what his previous relationships were like!
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He's a fucking nutter. Run.
Why do you want to talk to your mom only and not to your dad too?
If you think that telling them will help you stop thinking about, tell them. But I don't understand why you are singling your mom out here.
It's not normal at all for parents to do this. They could have gone to the bathroom and pretend they were showing or something if they really had to have sex.
He's given you a clear answer, yet you're still trying to set yourself up to be his rebound. Rebounds are often left with the hurt and emotional baggage of a partner who isn't emotionally available. Some go months, even years, waiting around only to realize that they've wasted their own time. You mentioned noticing that he distanced himself, only to come back and flirt again once he failed to get his ex back. Let's say he does decide to try something serious with you, picture having to constantly grapple with the mental of being the fall back choice.
The truth was right there in his wording “he'll do whatever it takes to make it work” he's going back to his wife he may have wanted to divorce her in thr beginning but it's very possible that they have reconnected.
You need to cut him off and stop letting him come around when it's convenient for him. Stop letting him be around your daughter when you're not allowed around the son.
I’ve seen so many posts where “parents” consider other people as selfish for not watching their kids. Seriously, how far does your head have to be up your own ass that you think anyone else is obligated to take your responsibility of being a parent?
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Suck it up. This is parenting. It will absolutely not be the first time you have to be the adult. It will be a lifetime thing. If you think this is bad, wait until he is a teenager. That's when it gets really bad. And smelly.
I don’t look the same I did when I was in my early 20s. I’m late 20s now and if my partner didn’t want to marry me for gaining weight (I’ve gained around 40lbs) then I wouldn’t want to marry him anyways.
Do not bring up her weight. Don’t even frame it as a health thing. Sure, show concern if she has unhealthy habits but never, ever, EVER, tell her you are concerned about not being attracted to her because weight.
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Or her friend is one of those people who thinks you need a notarized form every single time you so much as touch your partner in any way. To me, it sounds like it was all mutual, but then when she told her friend, her friend was like “oh my god he didnt even ask first?! RAPE RAPE RAPE! THAT IS SEXUAL ASSAULT REEEEEEEE” with no regard for how humans actually work. That certainly lines up with her going from leaning into the kiss, to having a “bodyguard” and talking about consent in public.
Being friend with a female colleague isn’t weird but the constant and multiple face time, the one hour call in the evening, the romantic basket gift plus the fact that she didn’t do anything for your wedding (if she is a good friend, why didn’t she write something) would really make my bells ring. Where there is smoke, there is a fire… But did his behaviour changed? Did he start to work late, be distant, be more out of the house, have soles expense on the bank statement out of the ordinary? If not, I wouldn’t worry too much but definitely a it some boundaries with this relationship
Black guy here, this is ridiculous. How does Kate feel about racist fans in the anime community that get mad at black people for cosplaying as literally anybody?
That’s how Kate is acting.
Your mom is right.
She gonna be a pretty sorry ass lawyer with these reasoning and critical thinking skills lol
Why are you here? You're asking for advice about your relationship with someone who could destroy your entire life with a single sentence and then you tell people “it's too nude to break up with her”.
If that's the case, then don't ask for advice since you clearly don't want it.
Cut them off
I agree with this. I completely understand how this could totally shake you but at this point OP needs to decide whether to stay or go and not “offer” divorce or for him to sleep with others which just feels like a test. If she can't see herself reengaging in this relationship (which I wouldn't blame her for) after a year then it's time to end things.
Are you sure you’re both 28? This sounds like something teenagers would argue about, not people almost in their 30s.
And you’re both at fault.
I'm so happy you and your girlfriend could work things out. Your best friend sucks though. You deserve to tell people, even your gf, about your trauma on your own accord, and him doing it for you instead of offering actual help on is a big no. Talking to him about relationship issues is kind of unfair, since he's friends with both of you, which is why he might have reacted like this. You guys should talk about this.
Try and stay away from social media, its societal cancer. You seem happy with the boyfriend, if your colleagues start talking then let them talk, just know its jus that, all talk. They don't know your boyfriend or your relationship dynamic. The both of you are on a spectrum and they have no idea what that really entails. They also sound like people you should keep things professionally with since they seem to be fine to just discard people based on some moronic gibbering on-line that validates them for being shit tier people.
Exactly my thought. People in this godforsaken hellhole buy guns for their toddlers. There are zero roadblocks to gun ownership in some states, and very few in most. What did this guy do that he can't get a gun??
She knows these two colleagues because I talk about them often. They are my friends too and we hang out together. About two years ago I started a group chat to share pictures of the baby kittens I was fostering with all the people who wanted to be updated. There were some family members and a few close friends. That's where she go their number I think. When I heard that she contacted them last monday, I was so pissed that I felt like deleting this chat group, but it's useless. I should rather delete their number on her phone. And it would not be enough anyway, as she contacted one on the colleagues via Instagram.
I like the idea of an “information diet”. You're right when you say that she feels entitled because I have enabled it. I've tried multiple times to back her off in a soft way, but it's difficult. Either I'm too nice and it's only a few days before she starts her information craving again, or I say it more abruptly and she feels offended.
It's a nude conversation to have. You essentially have to accuse them of something they aren't doing. Otherwise they don't take it seriously, either because they're being naive or they like the attention. Inevitably, they either figure out that they are playing a dangerous game, or it goes too far and someone gets hurt.
As yourself the question. If someone says that what you value isn’t important, and that nobody cares, do they have your best interests at heart?
The answer should have been no. He doesn’t. Find someone who LIKES talking to you and try to heal from this bullshit.
This part is confusing to me if your paying high end price why can't they tweak your meal.
You could start by writing notes for more in depth for him and then practice giving him a verbal compliment once a day.
Sounds like you want a relationship and he doesn't. There's not enough info to say what actually happened. But yeah. Just move along.
Also it doesnt matter if she has a CNC, force or whatever. She is drunk, she cant consent regardless of kink. She cant stop it and probably cant get herself to say a safe word either. Rape
Ongoing consent doesn't include when you're incapacitated and literally can't consent, at least not without prior express consent. She was asleep.
Dafuq is wrong with you.
This is emotional abuse. You deserve better.
Don’t tell her what to wear. Also don’t date a girl who wants to show her ass off to the world because she’s seeking attention from other men.
Good advice. But if i write to the parents it will only regard an apology regarded shouting at them, nothing about Mark.
I don’t know, man. Me and my partner tell each other everything lol. If one of us gave a coworker a ride home it would be suuuper weird if nobody brought it up.
Good luck.
Get a lawyer.
Practice in your head, to a mirror, or with an extremely trustworthy friend, the things she might say to get you to come back, and how you’d respond.
This is what a lot of people don't realise when they fall in love. Your partner may be the most wonderful person in the world, but their family matters because you'll be dealing with them for the rest of your life. Every birthday, milestone, Christmas, holiday will require interactions. They will have opinions on how you raise your kids, how you dress, how often you go out, what you wear, what your family are like, what house you guys and where. They will have to deal with their own feelings of another person coming in and “taking away” their child. Some MIL's can't accept this and unleash hell.
Nope. She's lying .
She might only feel comfortable with her kink when she’s too inebriated to care but still not okay boundary cross.
It actually depends on the state laws; some states are still very pro mom so it’s likely that she would legally be recognized as the sole parental authority over the twins
Shes cheating on you. Openly
honestly, you fucked around and found out. you shouldn’t have been having unprotected sex in the first place, even if you thought you were infertile. that’s just irresponsible, plain and simple.
you are well within your rights to have this child, but know that you’ll more than likely be raising them alone. you’ve known that he doesn’t want children — don’t wait for him to change his mind, because he probably won’t.
You have right to feel wierd and,/or angry about this. She lied for 12 years and falsely accused someone of rape.
I think I would find that lie worse than the cheating itself. Its a terrible and dishonest thing to do. Cheating can happen, but lying about something that big for so long? That is an other story.
At least it seems she is coming around and want to repair things its seems.
When someone is resting—asleep or not—-coming in, turning on the lights, making noise, leaving the active dog, trying to have a convo….it’s kind of rude, don’t you think?
You could have gone in quietly, used the light on your phone, got your sweater and left with the dog.
His response of chucking the toy and acting like a jerk isn’t cool.
I’ll be honest, I get annoyed by stuff like that. Especially on the weekend when I just want to sleep in a little or rest for a change. My partner gets up early and like today….up at 6am and he’s been in and out of the bedroom a few times in the last 2 hours and put the puppy up on the bed with me, then she’s pawing at me then wants down, then wants back up…I just want one morning to get up at my own pace. Especially after a long and exhausting week.
I don’t hurt the dog or yell call my partner names though.
I don't even think he'd be the AH for leaving if she was working on it tbh. Some things just take too much of a strain on people and relationships. We never blame someone for leaving an alcoholic or drug addict after years of dealing with the cycle even if they finally are getting help.
People can only do so much and yes he's dating her but you can only give so much before needing to do what's best for you. He's not obligated to stick around and wait for her to get better even if she's actually seeing people for it. Just like someone going through rehab even if you're together isn't required to wait around.
All people have their own issues but we aren't required to wait around until everyone with a mental illness gets better partners included. Mental illness affects both people in the relationship if one party has it.
As a bisexual woman, it isn't different just because it's with a woman. It's still 100% cheating. I've never had sex with a cis woman, but I'm not about to cheat on my partner out of “curiosity”. She could have even told you she was feeling curious and had a conversation with you about it, but instead she sought someone out and began an affair with intent to have sex. I'm sorry, but I would contact a lawyer anyway.
Have fun with your friends and a good friend will share their family with you!
No, but talk to your doctor about not being able to sleep.
I’m very sad and bummed out and embarrassed.
You should be. Not because of dating a nice and kind man you like and are attracted to, but because you're 41 years old letting your 'friend' mean-girl you out of having a decent man. WTF!
I teach teenagers, mostly seniors, and they'll clown each other for trying to do this, they'll tell the mean girl to quit talking about guys like she's a freshman. If girls not even out of high school yet know better, why don't you???
Your friend is jealous. JEALOUS. And her daughter is a mean-girl brat too. Tell her to STFU and if you decide to keep her as a 'friend' watch your back, because I wouldn't be surprised if she tried to make a move on him.
I’m very sad and bummed out and embarrassed.
You should be. Not because of dating a nice and kind man you like and are attracted to, but because you're 41 years old letting your 'friend' mean-girl you out of having a decent man. WTF!
I teach teenagers, mostly seniors, and they'll clown each other for trying to do this, they'll tell the mean girl to quit talking about guys like she's a freshman. If girls not even out of high school yet know better, why don't you???
Your friend is jealous. JEALOUS. And her daughter is a mean-girl brat too. Tell her to STFU and if you decide to keep her as a 'friend' watch your back, because I wouldn't be surprised if she tried to make a move on him.
OP jesus..
Okay let's talk this out my girl
Yall have been together for 2 years. You've only ever met not even a handful of his friends simply out of luck So im presuming you've never met his mom/siblings/dad/extended family? Lemme know if I'm wrong. He lies about spending time with you actively while ur together and then says you werent… which to me makes no fucking sense js. You say he loves you but he has done nothing in 2YEARS of being together with you and knowing this hurts u even suggested dinner with his nearest and dearest? You aren't even asking him to post u on his socials everywhere ur simply asking to be included in his life and he cannot accommodate that for someone he claims to love? He excuses alllllllll of this on him being a private person…. and using that boundary as an excuse to not introduce someone he's in a serious relationship with… to the other people he himself usually hangs out with anyway? And probably guilts u into not emotionally being supportive of his need for privacy?
Is this all accurate?
Seems to be… are u gonna spend 2 more years being a dirty little secret?
He sounds like ur a side piece and he hs a serious relationship with someone else and thats why u are so far and widely isolated from his inner circle as to not arise suspicion.
Has he even ever posted pics of u together? Or allowed u to tag him in posts or are those also a violation of his rights to being sneaky? ?
This isn't normal or healthy. But by all means stay and deal with this for more years to come. I just personally would never be able to be with someone who treats me like I'm something to be ashamed of and is unwilling to introduce me into his life. What even kind of future is this?
Yeah ive told him in my eyes its cheating. Your wanting other women. But he still does it… then moans when i cant be bothered to dress up for him or make it exciting. Whats the point you lust over other women,???
Lol terrible advice divorce the woman and expose her cheating. She deserves the consequences of her actions
First, and I say this as a person who practices polyamory, you don't actually have to do this. Your desire for monogamy is exactly as valid as your partner's desire for polyamory. There's plenty of things that I consider to be morally acceptable but also relationship deal breakers for me. I don't want kids, so I don't date people who want kids.
Second, if you decide to keep doing this, you can ask for things like more time together or plans on specific days.
I'm not sure what you mean by a boundary on kissing. Boundaries are about what you let other people do with you. What other people do with other people would be an agreement or a rule.
It's rape.
I don’t think this is all on her. Op sounds a bit immature himself. She made a comment he didn’t like and instead of communicating his disappointment he “told her off” and told her she talks bad about her friends…that’s not a mature way to handle the situation.
even though she knew very well that I would never hurt her.
I mean…you pinned her to the ground for multiple minutes while she was crying and terrified. Sorry but “I would never hurt you” rings pretty hollow after that. You didn't humiliate her, you traumatized her. Whatever your intention, what you did comes across very much as a threat. “Remember when you think you're strong that I can easily hurt you if I want” is not a loving or protective message.
Honestly there's nothing you can do except give her time and perhaps write out a genuine apology acknowledging how wrong your actions were. She has to decide whether or not she trusts you and feels safe with you going forward. I do understand not wanting her to walk home alone at night, but I can't for the life of me understand why you thought THIS was the way to convey your concern. You need to do some introspection to figure out why you thought this was appropriate so you can assure her nothing like this will ever happen again.
Don’t rope get into a business to meet a goal she is against. Get a part time job and save up for your scooter.
Anti vax moms do this to their kids and the “proof” is the “worms.” People are dumb as fuk.
this is the most recent time. he brings it up every now and then, i would say once or twice a year
Who cares what he's interested in? Make him do 50/50 custody. If he refuses, or makes your kids “suffer” (which I'm assuming just means you know he won't take care of them as well as you do, but he will take care of them) then you take him to court, get 100% custody, child support AND alimony. Don't be a victim and don't let this AH run roughshod over you. HE made his bed.
“The disrespect is the closure” move on to someone that will always choose you
I’m not sure it’s consistent to say that you love someone but aren’t excited about them. I think a “satisfactory” future sounds awful. You’re super young. If it’s not a slam dunk, it’s the wrong relationship
Why? Because he can. Because for no money, he has access to hundreds of women that might be more appealing to him then you are.
I am sorry to say, but he isn't committed to you and has his eye open for nbt. For now, you are a safe port for him to visit from time to time. It is not your fault- it just is not there and his behavior is highlighting his lack of consideration and investment.