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The father is refusing adoption, so he's going to have years to tell the kid anything he wants. Like: “I kept you, but she abandoned you”.
Stop centering other people's feelings and opinions in your questions. You aren't asking him questions so you can understand. You aren't asking him things about himself about his identity about how he feels. You aren't asking because you care about him you're asking questions because you care about perception. You're asking how to explain to grandparents or whoever you're asking how to make other people understand. Stop it. It doesn't matter if anyone else understands. Stop trying to ask how to make people understand him stop asking him to think about and regulate other people's reactions to him. Be there for him try to understand him support him but do it because you love him not because you need to explain him to someone else.