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You have done a good job trying to discuss this with her, well done for that.
It sounds like she has got very comfortable in the relationship and her libido has settled to its natural state where you and her are concerned.
I’m really not surprised living together has made this worse, she is even more comfortable now!
You can try to improve this dynamic, get yourself off to the gym, have some more boundaries in the relationship before giving up.
Have you considered a lab created diamond? Or perhaps having a starter stone and moving up in size once she is getting paid full salary?
Now with all those friends that called and texted asking if you broke up, those are the guys wanting to fuck her when you do break up. Let that sink in, they wouldn't ask such a question like that if they don't want to have sex with her. They would have asked why the “sexy” picture? Read some of the comments on that picture from your friends, you'll see what I'm talking about. If they deny the fact they want to fuck her, do a loyalty test on your friends, have her call them on speaker and see which one or how many of them respond to her “Netflix and chill”
Unless she agrees to a casual relationship then there's nothing doing here and you need to limit your interactions with her as much as possible. She realises you've caught feelings for her which she obviously doesn't have for you
Also before people come for me saying I shouldn’t be trying to parent my step kid, I’m 1. The only father figure they have in their life 2. I’m the stay at home parent
im not assuming, i know plenty of women that do this, but either way im done talking about this. Now a guy has small pepe energy for having a preference, next comment ill be deemed misogynistic?.
If he slept with another woman would you forgive him for cheating?
I'm speaking from experience. An experience I prefer to not reexperience. And, the only way to avoid another divorce is to avoid another marriage. My last LTR proved how simple a breakup should be.
My ex-wife and I are pretty much enemies. My ex-girlfriend and I are still on decent terms.
Remove money out of the equation and it prevents greedy people from going apeshit. Marriage is supposed to be about love. But, it's not. It's about money. They use the code word “security.” Notice all the reasons the person I replied to surrounded money in one way or another (property, inheritance, taxes, etc)?
Marriage is a business contract that has nothing to do with love. You can love someone without a business contract. I've done it a few times since my divorce.
Right now OP loves her boyfriend. So, the marriage isn't about love. Love is already there.
he was protecting YOU.
Soo it’s not natural for women to have hair yet we naturally grow it? He seems to just view women as something of pleasure and not respect them as a whole with the ability to make their own choices. Like it’s your body, you have the right to do what you please with it and he really doesn’t have a say over that. Sorry but he sounds like a total tool. I’d leave him asap.
I think that sometimes proof is not needed. If he makes you unhappy or makes you constantly doubt yourself and him, it's time to go.
They loved you because you were probably going to pay them money
Whether or not you break up with your current girlfriend do NOT date this new girl. She already doesn't respect your boundaries and she will only get worse if you allow her pursuit of you to “win” you. By all means, be single for a while and mess around there's absolutely no need for you to stay with the same person just because you feel you should. But don't date the work creeper!
Well I mean, have you cheated in the past? Has there been a period of unfaithfulness or infidelity in the relationship before? Answer this honestly.
Have you asked her why? Is it trauma? If you care, be respectful about it. If you're willing to wait, be patient and help out if you can.
If you don't want to, I suggest you end it. I think if my partner ever told me she we're not interested in sex anymore, I'd leave her. She has zero obligations to having sex with me and she owes me nothing as well. But that also means that I am not obligated to stay in a relationship where I know I will be unhappy and resentful.
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She’s right. Even if she got hard to take a shower: who cares? Grow up man.
Sure Hun?
I’m talking documents of his medical records, set dates, FALSE backstories
this says false backstories, as in false information, likely about him agreeing to give the child up or in his involvement at all. Not falsified paperwork.
I mean this is the kindest way possible, but you need to figure out who you are on your own.
You're very young so there's no point in dragging this dead horse relationship. Find someone that won't cheat on you twice instead.
It doesn't hurt to reach out, but if she doesn't reply then just leave it at that
Yeah, obviously, but the amount of men who feel they're “owed” it just because they go down on their partner is ridiculous.
I've had to remind more than one man with a sharp bite that the word “No” doesn't have a secret meaning that is akin to “Yes”. So I treat them all like they don't know, that way when men aren't dicks and respect consent I have little more faith than I did before in mankind.
No history, she is my best friends ex, I actually helped get them together in high school.
yea good point. Our sex has drastically improved comparing to the beginning of the relationship. We were making massive strides figuring eachother out there for a few months. This is just a little hick-up and reality check that i need to push further.
I’d let it be man, nothing happened, she flaked you, obviously wasn’t really into it, at best you were plan D. She probably was never going to contact you, but saw you in person, thought to talk to you, and probably will never reach out again. There’s nothing to chase here except disappointment and you probably should leave it. She cut you off in a disrespectful way and beyond clearing the air because she happened to see you, nothing says she wants to continue anything
You lost your mum only 2 months ago. That's a huge deal. Are you seeking any therapy over this (or the previous relationship trauma)?
How much were you expecting of this guy? You say there was little communication while he says he FaceTime'd you all the time, who is right? If he wasn't actually gaslighting you then it wasn't fair to accuse him of that, as you were basically inferring that he was being an abusive and nasty person.
I think you should focus on fixing your problems and getting yourself into a better place before getting involved in another relationship.
What exactly do you want him to do? ?
Don't ignore it as “blah blah blah” when someone tells you they're not ready for a relationship. It doesn't matter how “on point” your courting is if someone is an emotional mess still in recovery from an eight year relationship. You can't trust someone in that vulnerable position or take anything they say seriously. Just as a heroin addict will switch to methadone then wean themselves off of that, a recently broken up person will shift their attentions to a “rebound relationship” until they learn to stand on their own two feet again. It's endorphin withdrawal and it's no joke. All anyone could tell you is to be more careful with your emotions next time. You ignored way too many red flags here.
You are with the wrong guy!
Talk to her about this thing and see if you both can work through it as a couple. That is one option.
You could also take a step back and sort yourself out. Does this happen with other people?
This is absolutely disgusting and your girlfriend is actively pushing/furthering the patriarchy. Men can feel the entire array of emotions and feelings, just like any other human being. Your girlfriend is being toxic, and you need to seriously consider if she is able to learn and change. You can share resources on how it's healthy for men to have feelings, and how thinking otherwise is sexist as hell.
I think leaving is probably the right answer. It doesn't have to be about him being right or wrong, but rather that you and he obviously want different things out of the relationship. You want an active relationship where you and your partner spend time together and do activities together. He wants a lazy relationship where you just kind of pass the time. Neither of these are 'wrong', but they do make you probably not right for each other.
Ideally, if this were a better relationship, there'd be communication and compromise– you ask him for what you want, and the two of you do things together some of the time and he does lazy stuff some of the time (and you either join him or don't). There should be SOME willingness of 'I see that you want something badly so I'll try to give it to you at least a little'. There's not it doesn't sound like.
I think the concert is a symptom of that. The concert is important to you, it's part of your lifestyle. But I think he just sees it as an unnecessary frivolous expense / waste of time and money. Much the same as if you said 'I can barely scrape two dimes together but I'm flying first class to a 3 week vacation on a private island'- it should be the first thing you dump if you're short on cash.
Same I think is true with going out. I think he sees it as an unnecessary waste of time- thus he's salty about it and is saying if you're gonna waste money on a concert he's not gonna waste money on dates.
Of course, this advice is only based on what you've told us, which is mainly the complaints you have about him. I think there's enough meat there to be a valid reason for breaking up, if you don't find other redeeming qualities of the relationship.
The reality is that to not punish her… I would be punishing myself.
It's not punishing her. That post is doofy as all get out. But there are natural consequences to our choices, and the natural consequence of choosing to take out $250K in loans to attend an unnecessarily expensive “prestigious” school and get a low-paying degree is that you'll have a hard time paying off those loans and finding a good partner.
You are not required to throw yourself onto a pit of swords to spare her from the natural consequences of her choices. Sometimes life isn't nice to all of us. That is not your fault and you don't need to try to be a hero to save others at cost to your own life goals.
Or the spilling was “assisted” by someone or something. lol
Random, but I'm the mom in your scenario. I'm married with two kids, but the eldest has a biodad in a different country. Kiddo is hitting preteens, and I'm terrified he'll decide to move away to his dad. I will have to let him go, and it absolutely breaks my heart. At least I know he will be so loved, and well taken care for.
I have a similar story where my toddler managed to crack my ex’s iPhone code and immediately swiped open his camera roll. I saw some things I didn’t want to see. Even if he didn’t physically cheat, the damage had already been done. What a slap in the face. My rosetinted glasses came off and I finally saw this man for what he truly was. I finally saw that the bad things happening to him were rather caused by him.
I kicked him out. We have 50/50 custody now and he’s a better parent now than he ever was back then. I’m glad my kids have a better relationship with him now.
He did spread lies to my kids about why I kicked him out so I had to do some damage control there but the kids came out fine. We’re fine now. I’m dating a lovely guy who respects me and we’re blending our families soon.
You’ll get through this, and focus on the kids. X
I was thinking podcast as an option too
Well obviously your BF knows you well but not well enough, as a week wasn’t long enough.
The fact that you had this reaction to your dad finding someone who might share his life is incredibly concerning.
It was your dads secret to tell, and he didn’t want you to know, because he knew, just like your BF that you would have a overblown reaction.
So pull your head out of your arse, keep your nose out of your dads life, and get some therapy.
oh my gosh i never knew that. that’s so cool. this is so helpful. thank you.
Yep it is so fucked up! And that pretty much says exactly what he is doing and expects. Hope OP is taking notice of that too. He's horrid!
Thank you! This isn't masking! You can't mask sensory overload.
no more than what you’d put in soup and for three days he didn’t eat at all, I just find it concerning that after a week of dieting something like this happened
Ehhh she might believe him if he comes clean without her finding out first. But will she be able to accept and move forward knowing her boyfriend thinks cheating on his girlfriend is “cool”? Probably (hopefully) not
I get that but this project is our house. I’m not backing out of making my home livable. I haven’t made it completely clear to SO why I have the problems with this friend so I’m going to make it clear to him what those problems are and he will handle his friend. If friend can’t control himself he will be asked to leave. I am just trying to get advice on what I can say to dude when/if he says something inappropriate that won’t start an argument or piss people off.
Your feelings are your feelings. If this relationship feels wrong, you owe it to your partner to tell her the truth. She deserves to be with someone who adores her and wants to be with her as much as she does them. Don't string her along when you know that you don't have romantic feelings for her. That's not fair. Tell her the truth.
To break up, you simply say, “This has nothing to do with anything you have done. My feelings have simply changed. I am not ready to be in a serious relationship, and this doesn't feel like it's working. I'm sorry. I don't want to hurt you, but I have to end things between us.” Answer any questions that she has. Let her get her emotions out. Be respectful and don't get defensive.
However, I caution you to be certain that you want out, because if you break up with her, sow your wild oats, and figure out that the grass wasn't greener on the other side, she's going to be long gone.
Trust your instincts on this one. He's being a manipulative man-baby, and you don't need that. Yet another example of someone who sways all their exes were “crazy” because he clearly doesn't see how he's the problem. Ugh. Pass.
Ignore him but go further by blocking him. You don't need to deal with this shit
There is no problem with him being single at his age. There is a problem with him pursuing people 12 years younger than him at his age.
There is no problem with him being single at his age. There is a problem with him pursuing people 12 years younger than him at his age.