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You're right that he can't control it, and he likely feels awful about it happening and wished it didn't.
Parenting does not stop at 16!!!!
Your wife is being completely unreasonable. You are allowed to be on good terms with the other mother of your kids. You are allowed to communicate and chat and joke if you want to. Your wife saying no contact unless there's basically an emergency is ruling out birthdays, Christmas, graduations, weddings, grandchildren….. Basically the rest of your older kids lives.
She knew how you co-parented when she met you and had kids with you. Just because she's feeling insecure, doesn't mean she gets to destroy the healthy and positive relationship you have with your ex. And can I just say, as a kid of divorce, having to do two of everything cos your parents can't be in the same room is exhausting. You HAVE to be able to be at the same events sometimes, talking to eachother. It's just how your adult relationships with your big kids is going to be. Your wife actually needs to get used to your ex being involved more as the years go on, with family stuff.
Might be time for some couples therapy so you can discuss the reasons behind why your wife is feeling so threatened by your ex, because cutting your ex out of your life is not an option, and you've literally done nothing wrong. She's either struggling with her self esteem after having another baby and feeling insecure, or she's being really immature about how healthy co-parenting works. And actually, she's being pretty immature about how to discuss her feelings with you. She does not get to dictate things. You sit down and discuss your feelings like adults. Maybe she hasn't learned this yet, in which case therapy is great place for her to educate herself.
I'm sorry but to my own interpretation… this is a lost cause unless you go straight to therapy with him but I feel like what has lead to this point is not redeemable to my own standards. You've tried discussing with him and it doesn't change and I personally find he crossed the line into cheating as he is DIRECTLY speaking to those cam girls and wanting something from them that goes beyond just jerking off to their image. That's cheating to me and your other reasons just pile this up. 600$ in 11 days and then say he doesn't have enough money? Say he doesn't have time but literally makes time for this? At this point, the man has an addiction and he needs help at the very least. The way you wrote that he doesn't do foreplay but you asked and given him direct communication on it is something I would not allow in my relationship. It speaks to a wider issue of selfishness and then you add that he's not romantic which clearly is something that is lacking for you…
Don't get caught up in the 'sunk cost fallacy' of thinking because you spent 7 years with him that you should allow yourself to be miserable with someone who lies and is unwilling to change. My first serious relationship was 6 years, we grew up together and went through a lot. I stayed far longer than I should have because I felt trapped in this idea that I wouldn't find someone else and that I would've wasted the best years of my life. I was wrong.
Go ahead, have the party, and then revisit the relationship afterwards. If (and only if) he’s willing to make very serious changes to how he puts up boundaries with his brother then maybe consider a much smaller civil ceremony later, like in a year time?
Honestly, though, if this is how he approaches your wedding then you’ll have to accept that there’s three people in your marriage and you’re not number one. Do you really want something like that?
Thank you for your response. It's just a sad situation because we love each other very much but I just don't see how this relationship can continue and evolve if his roommate continues to be in the equation. The other problem is that they've been friends for a while and it just seems to me that he cares a little too much what his roommate thinks. Like I said, he works two jobs and I don't want things to be harder on him but it's like when am I ever supposed to voice having an issue with something?
I've explained to him that I understand that his roommate makes the rules because it's also his place but I don't think it's right of him to basically ban me from the apartment because he doesn't like that I make noise. The reason why I think that this may be a case of his friend being upset that he started a relationship with me and he is no longer the center of my boyfriend's attention is because he's also disabled. I just think he's being super hypocritical.
Like I said, I feel like I walked into a situation with someone who is not ready to have a relationship. I have gently told him this and I have not attacked him but I've just laid out the way things are. He always gets upset and begs me not to leave him but I'm just not happy with the way things are. There is real love there and we support each other and we have a lot of fun when we are together but I just don't see it being conducive to a future together.
Can you get some kind of medication that’ll help lower your libido some?
By continue it I took it to mean that she liked the distance and wanted to continue the distance.
Depends on age, too, i think. In my twenties, I slept platonically in bed with friends several times a year. Now I’m mid thirties, married, with two kids…I can’t remember the last time I platonically shared a bed.
Depends on age, too, i think. In my twenties, I slept platonically in bed with friends several times a year. Now I’m mid thirties, married, with two kids…I can’t remember the last time I platonically shared a bed.
Your brother is literally a criminal and your parents aren't helping by enabling him. But how is how they chose to spend their money any of your business? They are adults, and can do with their money whatever they want.
I’m so glad you are breaking up. 5 months and she has shown you some red flags. Have a great time on your trip!
Our relationship problems are solvable, I don't think it warrants a break up. I don't think after this many years our first instinct should be leaving each other, I'd rather try to work them out first (issues like improving our communication – we're both trying to work on it together)
I guess I don't know if my trust issues with him are valid or if I'm unnecessarily stressed
I really wish yoir wife had more self respect than to even cpnsider staying with you.
Well luckily we are 15 years into a pretty awesome marriage so I don’t think anyone is walking away lol. Out of curiosity, wouldn’t your partner making that much more motivate you to chip in a bit more?
I went with that to give you a sense that there are women who might hate that idea.
Most women don’t get off from PIV sex. I’d say most women who care about size probably do but they are actually in the minority.
Then you need to understand that if she chooses to have sex with him, to her, she's within her rights.
She's not your girlfriend and right now y'all are only FWB to HER. You might have her on a pedestal but right now she's letting you two chase her.
And I don't want to burst your bubble but there's a very real chance they've hooked up and you need to realize that and temper your expectations accordingly.
You've pursued her for months, you've told her what you want and she won't commit. Do not assume she's being “faithful” to a relationship that isn't a real thing to her despite what she might be saying. There's tons of posts where the OP doesn't understand why their SO had sex with someone else when they were “clearly talking/serious” and this is why.
Right now expect no loyalty despite if you've given that loyalty to her. Your situationship is completely to her advantage my guy.
Separate rooms is awesome. She can sleep in mine. I can sleep in hers. We can sleep separately for any number of reasons. We can hang out/have sex/cuddle for however long and then one person might leave to get some sleep. It's perfect if you need time apart or have some scheduling issue. And we can always poke our head into the other room in the middle of the night and ask to hang out if we need to.
With the context of it being a mental break caused by the wrong meds, it’s not unreasonable to write it off as an isolated incident.
He literally said she would be so easy to rape at a certain moment. That is not something anyone needs to be around
One thing I think you should reflect on is how mature or immature she seemed before you found out about this lie.
When it comes to age gaps, the main reasons people give for being against them are gaps in maturity, gaps in life experiences, and power dynamic concerns. Have any of these things actually played a role in the six months of your relationship until this point? Did she ever seem significantly immature prior to this to consider calling it off?
If “yes,” then break up with her. If the answer is “no,” then I think this is much harder to judge. If nothing significant in her behavior screamed “too immature to be in a relationship with” in the past six months, then does it really matter if the exact number of years are off?
I usually consider lying to be a huge deal breaker in a relationship and can see why it shakes your trust. But it’s naked for me to judge this one as harshly as other lies as it (a) has a clear motivation that is somewhat understandable (b) didn’t actually risk your well-being – she still wasn’t young enough to risk legal repercussions for you, wasn’t cheating, etc., and (c) without the lie, you would likely not have the relationship at all, and that should probably be on your mind. This could easily be a one off mistake not indicative of a larger pattern or character flaw, and it sounds like the past six months have been overall positive and valuable to you.
I think you need to talk to her and stress the importance or honesty to you and how that affects your trust. Whether that leads to a break up or a “I’ll give another chance, but will consider ANY dishonesty after this point to be a deal breaking betrayal” is something only you can decide based on everything else in your six months with her and feelings up until this point. But I do think you should consider the whole picture here. I don’t think there is a wrong answer and I’m not sure I could stay with her myself in your shoes, despite everything else I’ve said.
Yeah she is being shady. Put her on the curb with the rest of the garbage
OP – I would absolutely LOVE to hear what makes your current 26F superior (as a partner) to the one who was your casual hookup.
Ditto.
“I need you to pay me back that $1K I loaned you ASAP. Thanks.”
Lol she’s hilarious for that
The Quran suggests it is Halal for a woman to marry a non Muslim. It says nothing about dating and that is not a problem. You are 19- you are not and should not be thinking about marriage in any near future.
Lots of Muslim women around the world date non Muslim men and even get married. That is a decision for them and their faith.
Enjoy your relationship dude. The faith decision is hers to make, not yours
It boils down to the last bit about your opinion that your finances are entirely separate until you're legally married. Have you talked about how sharing money is going to work once you're married? Are you only going to make a joint account once you're legally married? The line where you say you insisted she invite your large family makes it seem like you are divvying up decisions instead of making them together.
Her perspective seems to be that your finances are already pooled so spending a lot on your family and not hers seems would be a snub. (Although if your mother is contributing to funding the wedding and fiancee's parents are not an extra thank you to your mom would be justified for sure.) Fiancee's line of thinking considers you two as a unit already but you seem to want to operate as individuals.
But regarding your father… frankly, a family member who won't show up to your wedding unless they are gifted a nice hotel room doesn't really seem like someone who is worth creating conflict with your fiancee over (unless they cannot afford to come without some assistance from you, that's different).
Get a life. I don’t have a reason to lie about any of this. I don’t benefit from lying and I’m tired being accused that.
go find someone else that won’t do that
He said it best himself. I'm not one to judge anyone's boundaries but I will judge double standards.
Let’s not diagnose people
She’s a cheater and a liar and that’s all there is too it. Don’t waste your time with a polygraph, they’re not always correct and it’s unecessary here. You know what’s going on, you just don’t want to admit it. I hope you can heal from this my friend.
If it's not serious, then why are you bothered by it?
It appears that he has a lot of reservations about getting you pregnant and becoming a father! It's totally normal to have those thoughts and feelings, but to immediately accuse you of being deceptive and lying to him clearly shows that he isn't ready for a relationship because he hasn't developed the skill of opening up and talking about any fears and feelings that he may have! If he isn't able to do so in this instance, then there are most likely other instances as well! I would honestly suggest that you evaluate what priorities you need and the ones that you want in a relationship. There are certain mistakes that do happen when in a relationship that are both a teaching moment as well as being forgivable. This is not one of those mistakes because problems with trust, not being willing and able to discuss any relationship issues that arise, making unproven accusatory statements, and not being able to clearly think when he is angry are part of the foundation of what a meaningful and healthy relationship can not include!