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OP, I am concerned about your anxiety surrounding this. To me, it sounds like you're engaging in a high level of codependency if someone being out of town for a few days is causing you so much distress. When you say “if he will be leaving,” do you feel as though he's abandoning you when he travels?
You may want to discuss these feelings with a therapist because you are setting yourself up for unhealthy, suffocating relationships.
Are you working in your passion fields? If you could do anything would you do something related to your current jobs?
There might be a disconnect here where your husband feels that if he could do anything he wouldn’t be coding but that he is doing it as a sacrifice for the family, and perhaps sees your work as you pursuing your passions. Maybe in a perfect would be would want to be a barista or a poet or a painter or make comics.
I feel like people who work in fields with low pay but that they are passionate and people who work in high paying fields where they aren’t as passionate often don’t understand each orders mindsets, make incorrect presumptions or projections of the other persons mental state and mental models
I get why you’re upset but sometimes you have to do what you have to do. I got a procedure done a few years ago and the ONLY person I could find to drive me home was my sister’s ex. I definitely wasn’t seeking him out specifically, lol, but I was desperate for a ride. Your bf was probably in the same boat.
Tell her to give it back then, and give it to another little boy with parents that won't apply it to their egos. I get not wanting a bulky item – I personally hate large gifts, but they're concerned with how it made them look and that's absolutely wild.
Thank you, I appreciate this. I do not know how to make it true
He's been grooming her since she was a child, hoping she'd eventually be ok with this
Good luck to you, I hope you'll figure this out!
She literally divorced you to maintain a lie.
He hasn't mentioned that she gave him 4k to use for the divorce…it's nothing about her not wanting to compromise. Tell the full truth OP and stop trying to get sympathy by lying
Oh okay. It sounds like they need to define the parameters of their relationship because he would consider the emotional intimacy between you and her cheating. Or he is at least uncomfortable with it.
You can't really do anything but talk to her and get her to talk to him. Right now she is in a relationship where all parties are unsatisfied, anxious and their needs are unmet. It can't go on or it will blow up.
1 Why are you not protecting yourself? 2 If you're going to keep the baby, I say do you . 3 There are SEXUAL DISEASES out there that you can't just make a decision to walk away , so protect yourself.
Him telling you it's your choice is masterful manipulation. HE chose to disrespect your relationship by “technically” not cheating. I've seen a lot of men do this kind of thing, but when the roles are reversed?? Trust me, they see it as cheating, because it is.
The fact you're the 23 year old and he's 4 years older is also sickening. I'd expect his behaviour from someone under 25, not from a grown ass fucking man and I would bet he's hoping your young naivety will make you stay.
He will keep doing this kind of thing in relationships, allow this man to experience consequences for his actions by never speaking to him again or TRUST me you're choosing misery over happiness. You deserve so much better.
LOL, shes either going to stay with him and be miserable, or cheat. delusional.
I truly don’t care if she’s going to be with someone else. Just I could’ve known that shit before I flew out here.
I confirmed with her Wednesday, Thursday, and today an hour before boarding. I doubt I’ll talk to her after this weekend. On to the next.
Sweetie, you're still young, got a whole life ahead of you. Take a moment for yourself to consider if this is the right time to be in a serious relationship or not, what you'd like to do with your life (it's okay if you don't know yet) and what you'd like to see and do. Be careful if you do decide go share some “fun” pictures back and forth, because even if you do trust him.. You only know his on-line persona vs him in real life. The internet is full or lies, fake media, and fake people. Just be careful my dear, live! life to the fullest
I begged him to stay,
That implies he broke up with you which also implies this has been on his mind for some time and it finally happened. Gives him way more time to come to terms with the inevitable and while it wasn't going to be easy it wasn't a surprise like it was to you. That's the discrepancy. You were blindsided by what happened and are still coming to terms with and accepting what is going on. He could have been spending weeks/months coming to terms with the same concept looking for the time to end it.
Also if a relationship starts with cheating issues and ends with the person who was cheating is immediately going after someone else odds are they were still cheating so the transition would never be as rough as the person who was both faithful and surprised by the breakup.
Nothing to do for you but give yourself time to heal and do not contact him for any reason. It's better if you just block him on everything so he can't come back and mess you up even more.
Bc it hurt my feelings to be dishonest to her, and also tbh i wasn’t that interested in him and carrying on the relationship, bc it felt worse to do that, and he was already dating. And idk how to tell her at all. I was acting like I was interested but i wasn’t.
SHE should have been more transparent with YOU.
“I'm uncomfortable that you have this tie to someone else they you don't talk to me about. Is there something you want to tell me?”
Not “I don't like that she has that, I'll cut it off her while she's asleep”.
Depends on the severity of the infraction…
Broken trust by eating a piece of leftover cake, recoverable.
Broken trust by humiliating you in front of your friends… Possibly not.
I wouldn’t want to put my daughter thru that , at the end of the day what I wish for her is to have a healthy relationship between her 2 parents
I struggle to believe this is real.
Are you ready to break up?
No, its not. Thats not gaslighting. Jesus. Look up the definition.
Find someone who will be there for you through it all.
Actually the thing is he behaves very sweet and loving.. So it boggles my mind. Like wait.. He is sweet and nice.. What are you complaining about… But then my brain goes. No he forced you.. Manipulated you very sweetly.. You can't ignore this fact. So I asked here to get a third person opinion.. Coz I'm blind with love.
He sounds depressed and unwilling to help himself to be honest. I’m getting strong “eeyore” vibes.
It’s naked to be spontaneous when you have a job, home to care for, doggo, etc. You still have to research trails like in your example. So maybe research the trails and put them in a jar like someone else mentioned and pick one and go.
Or sit down and brainstorm (together) some things you’d like to do at some point and put those in the jar too and when you have some time on a weekend, pull out one of the ideas.
I’m also a fan of volunteer work. Again, not so spontaneous if you’re doing things like walking dogs at the local shelter. But I do wildlife rescue/transport and that definitely is spontaneous. I never know when I’m going to get a call to come get an injured or orphaned critter.
At the end of the day though, all of this mental load shouldn’t fall on you. You’re not a cruise director—you shouldn’t have to entertain him. He needs to participate in creating his own happiness. If he’s so bored, he needs to get out and try a new hobby on his own, meet new people, etc not just wait for you to come up with something.
I don't think I've done anything wrong, I have lunch like this with friends fairly often.