You need to tell him ASAP so he can be treated as well and so you don’t catch it again! Although cheating is super bad in a relationship and you should never do it, I have known a few people who have continued on seemingly strong after someone cheated. It’s just going to take a long time to gain that trust back, and that’s on him to do. If he tries to blame you for it, although you’ve been loyal that’s a good sign to leave although that’s not what you want. You should always look out for yourself and your own Healy because noon else is. STDs sometimes if left untreated can cause cancer!! Always be safe love and stay strong!!! Also as a good reminder — WHEN he does get treated and if you decide to stay together. He would obviously have to tell the person he’s been cheating with so they can be treated as well, a lot of the time doctors won’t tell you this, but if you have repeated BV after everyone is treated (even if you still don’t have an STD) and you take your medicine for the BV and it keeps reappearing ITS NOT YOUR FAULT!!! That means he’s probably still cheating! Stay safe and stay strong girly!! You didn’t do anything wrong
Tell your friends. Your discomfort with confrontation is nothing compared to the discomfort he is bringing the women (and apparently teenage girls) in his life. The dude is not okay, and it is not okay to just let him go about his life without ever saying anything. His friends need to get up in his face and call him out on his disgusting behavior.
mmmmmm I would be hosting a Christmas party he wasn’t invited to so that your niece could still enjoy all the time with her cousins and family. That way she doesn’t need to be subjected to something she might not understand at this point and suffer more hurt. gonna go with NTA, it’s your money. If you’re no contact with your brother and his new family, you’re no contact with them for Christmas as well
Ahh, to be 19 again and think that stuff like this is a big deal…. those were the days…
But seriously, she didn't tell you because there wasn't really anything to tell? It kind of never came up, probably. It's just an anecdote. Something she did before you and her got together. It's like a dumb game.
I've had a guy give me a hoodie at a festival once. He told me I could keep it, it was old anyway. Barely knew him, and he didn't expect anything back in return. He just gave it to me and then left, he didn't even make a move! You know what my bf did when he found out? He 'permanently borrowed' it from me, and now HE wears it all the time.
Your girlfriend told you the truth the minute you found out. And she'll even get rid of them for you (please tell her to donate, a lot of people could really use the hoodies!). It sounds to me like the thought just hit you that well, if she wanted, she could get a lot of guys to like her. But she choose you. And I don't see how she did anything wrong.
This story is like the Neverending Shit sandwich ? that keeps on giving…..Girlfriend sleeps with Guy in October Sweeps month….you devastated and decided to have a revenge screw with the same girl twice…..Girlfriend finds out, plans out “revenge-revenge screw” against you with a different prospecter….you both take a 2 week break from each other….so your girlfriend can get her “nuts off” with “revenge-revenge screw” with a different dude….but there's more folks….she has to kiss him first!….before she can do the finalized dirty deed….I'll bet you when she comes back from her “revenge-revenge screw”….you'll be already conducting tryouts with some contestants lined-up for your “revenge-revenge-revenge screw” …..this is the Neverending Shit sandwich ? that keeps on giving….Waiting for the Sequel.
Slow your roll, there pal. She’s not obligated to be available to you 24/7 over a nosebleed. You’re almost 30, She got back to you with a valid reason and to check on you. What exactly do you expect from her? Grow up.
I was once 19 dude, and trust me, you're not being the bad guy. I'm not saying she's a bad person, she's still figuring this stuff out as well. Part of that is seeing where boundaries are. It sounds like she has some emotional problems where she is afraid to be alone. She doesn't yet know how to get those needs met in a healthy way/calm herself down so she doesn't do something stupid — she may learn that, she may not, but it's not crazy that she can't do it right now.
You are not helping yourself or her by beating yourself up over this. What she did is not ok if she has promised you that you will be together. You have every right to be upset about that. I don't know if you blew up on her and said cruel things or something — that's not ok, that should never be the response when someone else does something wrong first, but mistakes do happen. But your emotions here make total sense. I imagine some of this guilt is because she is playing with your head a bit.
I am genuinely concerned with the guilt/shame you are putting on yourself here. You seem to be a bit obsessed with her and unable to acknowledge her flaws or her part in the situation. If she knew that you used to have a crush on one of your friends, and then you set a matching PFP with that person, would she think that was ok? Or would she be hurt because you had promised yourself to her, and told her everything bad this other person had done to you? Does she do gestures like the PFP thing with you? Does she want people to know you're together? Does this other guy know?
I don't know what your relationship with your family is like, but if there's someone a bit older you could talk to who you feel comfortable wouldn't judge you (I absolutely wouldn't judge someone younger in my family coming to me about anything, but I know it doesn't always feel that way), I think it really might benefit you to talk to someone about this in person. If that's not an option, I think it'd be a good idea to talk to friends and not hide or sugarcoat any part of this, even if you think it may impact their opinion of her or you. This amount of distress is just a bit much. I still cannot tell if you've done anything you actually need to apologize for, or if you just feel bad that you made assumptions.
This is accurate if we're talking about two blackout drunk people ending up in bed together. But when one of them is sober, they are in a position to easily manipulate the fuck out of the drunk one. After a certain level of intoxication, she could pretty much walk him to his bed and climb on top of him, and he'd only be vaguely aware that it was even happening. That's rape.
As someone who never drinks, I can tell you that my friends are frighteningly malleable when they're drunk. If I can herd a drunk buddy twice my size into a car, drive him across town, steer him into his house, remove his vomity clothing and run the shower over him, then coax him into his jammies and tuck him into bed like a fucking toddler, then some evil bitch could absolutely take advantage of that same pliability to commit a rape. And it wouldn't be his fault.
That is rape. He wants to keep you as helpless as possible so he doesn’t have to take any responsibility for his own actions and still keep you with him. Like an unwilling sexually abused slave. I would see a doc for birth control in case he rapes you and get a lawyer asap.
lmfao was ur weirdo partner also the one who convinced u that ur bad for dating another teen on amino when u were 17 ????? lmfao who cares about amino relationships anyway. ur partner is ridiculous lollllll y do u buy into her bs SHE IS THE PEDO LOL
Too many political differences these days are based in misinformation and propaganda. Regardless of which side of an issue you are on, you will each view each other as “weak-minded” for falling prey to the “other side's” lies. When your partner as a weakminded idiot who can't tell fact from fiction, it's hard to respect them. I'd cut my losses if I were you.
Before you confront your wife, make sure she doesn’t drain any joint accounts. Split whatever down the middle and move your half to somewhere she can’t touch it.
When people say it “has to be family” taking care of someone, they always mean:
“We need to force a woman in the family to make this her full-time job.”
Unless you want to end up his full-time caretaker, do not do this. He’ll find so many little reasons why you shouldn’t work and why you should stay home and take care of his brother. Because family obligation means female obligation.
Well, for now, they seem to be, but I'll look thoroughly. Thanks
If he has to guess 350, it's probably up there.
Goddamn. Good on the mom.
You need to tell him ASAP so he can be treated as well and so you don’t catch it again! Although cheating is super bad in a relationship and you should never do it, I have known a few people who have continued on seemingly strong after someone cheated. It’s just going to take a long time to gain that trust back, and that’s on him to do. If he tries to blame you for it, although you’ve been loyal that’s a good sign to leave although that’s not what you want. You should always look out for yourself and your own Healy because noon else is. STDs sometimes if left untreated can cause cancer!! Always be safe love and stay strong!!! Also as a good reminder — WHEN he does get treated and if you decide to stay together. He would obviously have to tell the person he’s been cheating with so they can be treated as well, a lot of the time doctors won’t tell you this, but if you have repeated BV after everyone is treated (even if you still don’t have an STD) and you take your medicine for the BV and it keeps reappearing ITS NOT YOUR FAULT!!! That means he’s probably still cheating! Stay safe and stay strong girly!! You didn’t do anything wrong
Oh hell yeah they gonna be fucking.
Don't regret it. It sounds like you have incredibly valid reason to want him to seek therapy.
Commit to the ultimatum and follow through.
If he gets therapy later and resolves his anger issues and truly works on this, then you can reconsider at a later date.
But you feel unsafe in your own house around the man who should make you feel the most safe? That is not okay.
You go on a gay sex app just to “chat” with people? No.
There are plenty of men out there who actually LIKE the idea of that.
Tell your friends. Your discomfort with confrontation is nothing compared to the discomfort he is bringing the women (and apparently teenage girls) in his life. The dude is not okay, and it is not okay to just let him go about his life without ever saying anything. His friends need to get up in his face and call him out on his disgusting behavior.
mmmmmm I would be hosting a Christmas party he wasn’t invited to so that your niece could still enjoy all the time with her cousins and family. That way she doesn’t need to be subjected to something she might not understand at this point and suffer more hurt. gonna go with NTA, it’s your money. If you’re no contact with your brother and his new family, you’re no contact with them for Christmas as well
Thank you for your reply. I will consider this option as well.
Apparently. I asked him and he said yes
Ahh, to be 19 again and think that stuff like this is a big deal…. those were the days…
But seriously, she didn't tell you because there wasn't really anything to tell? It kind of never came up, probably. It's just an anecdote. Something she did before you and her got together. It's like a dumb game.
I've had a guy give me a hoodie at a festival once. He told me I could keep it, it was old anyway. Barely knew him, and he didn't expect anything back in return. He just gave it to me and then left, he didn't even make a move! You know what my bf did when he found out? He 'permanently borrowed' it from me, and now HE wears it all the time.
Your girlfriend told you the truth the minute you found out. And she'll even get rid of them for you (please tell her to donate, a lot of people could really use the hoodies!). It sounds to me like the thought just hit you that well, if she wanted, she could get a lot of guys to like her. But she choose you. And I don't see how she did anything wrong.
I wish my ex had cared enough to do that. I was really convinced men who do don't exist anymore.
This story is like the Neverending Shit sandwich ? that keeps on giving…..Girlfriend sleeps with Guy in October Sweeps month….you devastated and decided to have a revenge screw with the same girl twice…..Girlfriend finds out, plans out “revenge-revenge screw” against you with a different prospecter….you both take a 2 week break from each other….so your girlfriend can get her “nuts off” with “revenge-revenge screw” with a different dude….but there's more folks….she has to kiss him first!….before she can do the finalized dirty deed….I'll bet you when she comes back from her “revenge-revenge screw”….you'll be already conducting tryouts with some contestants lined-up for your “revenge-revenge-revenge screw” …..this is the Neverending Shit sandwich ? that keeps on giving….Waiting for the Sequel.
So you know he's not an adult yet?
I think you should hit her back and ask her how it feels.
Value yourself more. You’re having sex with someone who doesn’t even shower regularly, who never cleans and whose house is filthy and smells. Why?
I love having my four kids matching dresses for my girls and matching suits for my boys when we go to church it’s just amazing to me.
this line super creepy to anyone else?
Slow your roll, there pal. She’s not obligated to be available to you 24/7 over a nosebleed. You’re almost 30, She got back to you with a valid reason and to check on you. What exactly do you expect from her? Grow up.
Time for a new boyfriend.
Throwing a temper tantrum after you refuse to commit a federal crime is a get the F out flag.
I was once 19 dude, and trust me, you're not being the bad guy. I'm not saying she's a bad person, she's still figuring this stuff out as well. Part of that is seeing where boundaries are. It sounds like she has some emotional problems where she is afraid to be alone. She doesn't yet know how to get those needs met in a healthy way/calm herself down so she doesn't do something stupid — she may learn that, she may not, but it's not crazy that she can't do it right now.
You are not helping yourself or her by beating yourself up over this. What she did is not ok if she has promised you that you will be together. You have every right to be upset about that. I don't know if you blew up on her and said cruel things or something — that's not ok, that should never be the response when someone else does something wrong first, but mistakes do happen. But your emotions here make total sense. I imagine some of this guilt is because she is playing with your head a bit.
I am genuinely concerned with the guilt/shame you are putting on yourself here. You seem to be a bit obsessed with her and unable to acknowledge her flaws or her part in the situation. If she knew that you used to have a crush on one of your friends, and then you set a matching PFP with that person, would she think that was ok? Or would she be hurt because you had promised yourself to her, and told her everything bad this other person had done to you? Does she do gestures like the PFP thing with you? Does she want people to know you're together? Does this other guy know?
I don't know what your relationship with your family is like, but if there's someone a bit older you could talk to who you feel comfortable wouldn't judge you (I absolutely wouldn't judge someone younger in my family coming to me about anything, but I know it doesn't always feel that way), I think it really might benefit you to talk to someone about this in person. If that's not an option, I think it'd be a good idea to talk to friends and not hide or sugarcoat any part of this, even if you think it may impact their opinion of her or you. This amount of distress is just a bit much. I still cannot tell if you've done anything you actually need to apologize for, or if you just feel bad that you made assumptions.
If you're not excited about the person you're dating, don't date them. Sounds like you're just together because your friends want you to.
She doesn't really drink it. Occasionally
This is accurate if we're talking about two blackout drunk people ending up in bed together. But when one of them is sober, they are in a position to easily manipulate the fuck out of the drunk one. After a certain level of intoxication, she could pretty much walk him to his bed and climb on top of him, and he'd only be vaguely aware that it was even happening. That's rape.
As someone who never drinks, I can tell you that my friends are frighteningly malleable when they're drunk. If I can herd a drunk buddy twice my size into a car, drive him across town, steer him into his house, remove his vomity clothing and run the shower over him, then coax him into his jammies and tuck him into bed like a fucking toddler, then some evil bitch could absolutely take advantage of that same pliability to commit a rape. And it wouldn't be his fault.
That is rape. He wants to keep you as helpless as possible so he doesn’t have to take any responsibility for his own actions and still keep you with him. Like an unwilling sexually abused slave. I would see a doc for birth control in case he rapes you and get a lawyer asap.
lmfao was ur weirdo partner also the one who convinced u that ur bad for dating another teen on amino when u were 17 ????? lmfao who cares about amino relationships anyway. ur partner is ridiculous lollllll y do u buy into her bs SHE IS THE PEDO LOL
I don't believe so…
Too many political differences these days are based in misinformation and propaganda. Regardless of which side of an issue you are on, you will each view each other as “weak-minded” for falling prey to the “other side's” lies. When your partner as a weakminded idiot who can't tell fact from fiction, it's hard to respect them. I'd cut my losses if I were you.
I'd agree if it wasn't for all the sexting
Before you confront your wife, make sure she doesn’t drain any joint accounts. Split whatever down the middle and move your half to somewhere she can’t touch it.
When people say it “has to be family” taking care of someone, they always mean:
“We need to force a woman in the family to make this her full-time job.”
Unless you want to end up his full-time caretaker, do not do this. He’ll find so many little reasons why you shouldn’t work and why you should stay home and take care of his brother. Because family obligation means female obligation.
How small are the odds he's also part of aromantic spectrum like me? Sadly, being a demiromantic pretty much put me in the “nice guy” troupe.
Anyway, nothjng's gonna change until you ask him or he asks you.