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Every relationship has dealbreakers. It’s ok for this to be one for the both of you. It’s not ok to continue to try to pressure her into engaging in these sex acts.
My lawyer is slower than a wet week so I'm not sure how much I'll loose yet
Her girlfriend sent her a dick pick of some guy & the two of them were joking around about it? And you’re upset because your gf commented on it instead of saying “I only have eyes for one dick. What were you thinking?”
I guess ask your gf if she’d be ok w you receiving pussy or boob pics from some guy friend & you riffing on those pics with your buddy.
You’re allowed to feel how you feel. I’m not sure that this was more than thoughtlessness on your gf’s part. It doesn’t really sound like she’s soliciting porn.
Tbh it would probably be such a small amount that I wouldn’t bother paying it back / we would have spent it. But yeah if there was a big chunk I would return it.
if she tells you reading the phrase “throbbing baby syringe” isn't turning her on? she's probably telling the truth.
Is this is 1800's, when women didn't have assholes or something? We fart. Big deal. Why is a fart more gross when in the same room as someone else? A fart is still a fart whether it's unheard/unsmelt or not. And this conversation isn't including strangers, this is about partners. Yeah, don't fart on me every chance you get, but why tf would I make my partner leave to fart. Seems weird to me. Why am I even arguing about fucking farts on Reddit lmao, half the people here haven't even felt another persons' touch
It isn't stupid to care about someone. It isn't stupid to want to avoid upsetting them. This isn't about not loving her. It is that honestly that tendency is something she unconsciously benefits from. She can acknowledge and not deal with her anxiety because you will always, well, coddle her if push comes to shove so to speak.
I see, that is tricky. So you have a period where you were perhaps a bit toxic yourself and that has made you self conscious. And honestly, good on you for acknowledging that. But yes, do not overcompensate. The reality is that if she has anxiety, and if you can get her to acknowledge that anxiety will impact the ways in which she interacts with you and processes her emotions generally, then her not taking steps to deal with that is her choosing to be that way, if you know what I mean.
The taking non consensual photos of you part is not okay at all, but the looking at porn is normal and harmless. Every man on earth watches porn, whether he is getting laid 10 times a week or once a decade.
Wait and get cheap secret cameras around the house. Or a pi. That way you have undeniable evidence
I thought this, too.
He moved on. He doesn't want to be judged for this action. At least he's honest about it.. Now you do you. One less bell to answer one less egg to fry
Thanks for this input.
You said she was stressed out about work, money. And her son has issues at school. I think it all affects. These problems.
I get the point you’re trying to make but this is a reach. A 25 year old is fully developed and years into adulthood.
If it’s been two years with little to no improvement, you gotta get some help. Self help, therapy help, something needs to change.
Here’s a question for you: what do you want? Do you want to get back with her? Do you want to apologize? Do you want closure? Do you simply just want her out of your head? You gotta find the answer to that first, so you know what direction you’re heading.
Pretty sure a normal girl just casually sitting on a bed waiting, is not a suspect. It’s not like she was looking through the windows being creepy and shifty. They’re a 5-person sharehouse ffs. That’s totally out of line. Pulling a gun out instantly lol what a joke
Your husband hasn't got a single clue how an open marriage works he has a fantasy of something that doesn't exist. Open marriage takes lots of very hot work honesty open communication. There is lots of jealousy and envy and disagreement about boundaries and such. Ask him how he would feel if you said yes then YOU found a new love and decided you didn't want him anymore. This has happened more than once.
I have been very close to people with open marriage. I've seen what happens.
Stick to your guns. He wants to change the rules in the middle of the game.
If you've been around here long enough you've probably seen a couple of stories of the initiating partner asking for an open relationship, getting an open relationship, then the other partner goes and does an open relationship, and then the initiating partner gets insecure.
You know why? Because they only thought about how cool it would be to get to fuck other people. They never considered the idea of how it might feel if the other partner fucks other people.
That's what's happening here. This 4-some was your husband wanting to fuck his coworker and wanting your permission to do so. This was entirely a guilt-free, consequence-free way to fuck someone outside his relationship with the full support of his partner.
Of course, because he spent almost no time thinking about this from your perspective, he didn't consider the idea that you might also have sex with someone other than him. You know that's what he wanted because he said, “you never paid attention to me”.
This is how he envisioned it:
you him coworker coworker's husband
NOT
him coworker
you coworker's husband
How do you fix it? You don't. He has to feel his feelings, realize what a dumb idea this was, that he's the one who fucked up, then do the appropriate mea culpa for both his and his coworker's behavior.
“I married a fuck toy, not a person,and if you don’t fuck me a year after a traumatic major surgery and while you have to take care of twins 24/7 you are terrible and I’m a victim”
You, and OP, are terrible people.
Don't look now, but your immaturity is showing.
The first priority of a parent is to protect their kid, not the possible feelings of someone they have just met.
You don't just drop all your important information on someone at the first date, you judge whether they deserve to have that information, if they are going to be important enough for you to trust them with it.
If it's vitally important to you to not date a single parent, then that should perhaps be something you ask about.
He says that you were breaking up when you weren’t… and you married this guy????
Are you around him enough to see the effort he puts in, or is he eating chips on the couch all day?
Your culture seems to put you in a position where you have to take a risk on someone and hope it works out. If he has a dream and is focused on achieving it, then you might have to hang tight for however long that takes and be happy that he treats you well in other aspects of the relationship.
my girlfriend have been together for about 2 months and she caught something from me that had to do with my past relationship.
ok, i *totally* misread that!
You mean she “caught” the convo about the Jersey. Totally different deal.
OK:
– She should not be going through your phone. That is a massive boundary violation and pretty much worth a break-up this early on on its own.
– I would be miffed if a new, exclusive boyfriend was reaching out to an ex about an object– no matter the value. If it was at all a recent (sounds like it) or contentious (also sounds like it) break-up, doubly so. Objects are often used as a reason to keep playing a thing out… if you are done, be done. Understand that the object, like the relationship, is gone, so it does make more sense that you might apologize about that— but, the bigger thing is, she shouldn't have been going through your phone in the first place.
– Heck no on that “open relationship” proposal.
Statement still stands that this much stuff this early on is pretty reg flaggy– and, also, are you sure you're over your ex enough to be launching a new relationship?
When I walked out she knew it was a big deal, the dozen messages, and her long email plus the voicemails of her crying were pretty telling. I spent over half my life looking for someone like her and to kick her to the curb over this would be ignorant. We have a very complicated lifestyle and bonds between us that I could never have with another human being. She isn't getting a pass on this but I'm not kicking her to the curb either.
Thank you for bringing my attention to that. You're absolutely right. It's a mistake I'll learn from to communicate better on the future.
Lots of what I've been saying has been getting similar responses. Time to reflect without the presence of my ego, and make better judgements
Thank you again for taking thd time It means a lot
You can't dig deeper when the person is not responding to any communication from OP
Yes, but does your husband go out of his way and message your friends about the issues they have? That is where the trust is broken, while ok, you can assume that the person is not your friend anymore, is an entity and comes in a package, the issue is the other person, that you’re not friends with starting to message you about your shit.
Why not? Well you bring up respect, but doesn’t respect towards your friend require something said in confidence to remain in confidence?
Once you message you make it clear that confidence was broken, even if it was, keep it on the low low.
You can tell your husband, hey it’s a private matter, I can’t share since it’s not mine, that’s ok.
You say see it as friendship, but you might not want that friendship, for whatever reason, which is ok…you don’t have to be friends with your friend’s spouse
Bro I was obviously being sarcastic. You need to work on your sarcasm compass. The advice is get over it. It's life man. Love and love loss is part of life and truthfully just cherish the memories. You sound like a emo teenager I'm not going to lie. Yeah it hurts sucks get over it
Gold Digger. Run.
I thought so too, that is definitely what it feels like.
Can you imagine how bad the sex would be.
I was thinking that maybe you could plan a trip somewhere for the two of you for romance. I actually like the above commenters idea more though. You’re a lucky guy! Treat her like the gold she is.
?? this comment is an edit. The initial comment was different and less than half the length.
If he's the kind of person you'd want to build a life with, he'll be a good father. He'll be there for his baby when they're screaming in the middle of the night, and when they have doctors appointments, and when they're teething and colicky and learning to walk. Soon, he's going to be making decisions on bedtime routines and whether or not to sleep train and if they'll go to daycare and what preschool they should go to. His life will be taken up completely by his child, because that's what parents do. It's what children deserve. He'll be proud of every milestone, every first tooth and first word and first step. All of his money will go to this baby, their clothes and diapers and rash creams and toys and zoo passes and daycare. All of his time will go to this baby, because they need 24/7 care. That's what a baby deserves. And he'll be doing all of this with another woman, because this will be their baby and they'll need to be on the same page in order to give that child what they deserve. He'll be supporting her when their child is sick, when things are stressful, when they're worried about finances. He'll see his ex all of the time. He'll talk to her about this baby all of the time, because they'll be the only people who get it. Children should be celebrated, and if you don't want kids, you won't want to be the stepmother of a newborn infant when your relationship is so new. You haven't made a commitment to spend your life with this man, and if you stay now you'll either never really be a part of this child's life because you didn't commit at the start (which would not be ideal for either of you down the line), or you'll find yourself trapped with a man you don't want to be with because you'll lose a child you've been helping to raise since day one if you leave him. This relationship is too new and you're too young to make this kind of commitment. It's not fair to ask it of you. And if you stay now, it will be a commitment, because babies take over ever single part of a parent's life and his baby will take over yours. I'm my opinion, this isn't about whether or not his lie of omission was OK, it's about thr fact that his life is about to go down a completely different path that you don't want and haven't signed up for. And if none of this is true, if he isn't involved, he's a shitty dad, and shitty dad's don't make good partners. I don't care at all if people don't want to have kids, but neglecting a child you do have is absolutely unacceptable.
If he's the kind of person you'd want to build a life with, he'll be a good father. He'll be there for his baby when they're screaming in the middle of the night, and when they have doctors appointments, and when they're teething and colicky and learning to walk. Soon, he's going to be making decisions on bedtime routines and whether or not to sleep train and if they'll go to daycare and what preschool they should go to. His life will be taken up completely by his child, because that's what parents do. It's what children deserve. He'll be proud of every milestone, every first tooth and first word and first step. All of his money will go to this baby, their clothes and diapers and rash creams and toys and zoo passes and daycare. All of his time will go to this baby, because they need 24/7 care. That's what a baby deserves. And he'll be doing all of this with another woman, because this will be their baby and they'll need to be on the same page in order to give that child what they deserve. He'll be supporting her when their child is sick, when things are stressful, when they're worried about finances. He'll see his ex all of the time. He'll talk to her about this baby all of the time, because they'll be the only people who get it. Children should be celebrated, and if you don't want kids, you won't want to be the stepmother of a newborn infant when your relationship is so new. You haven't made a commitment to spend your life with this man, and if you stay now you'll either never really be a part of this child's life because you didn't commit at the start (which would not be ideal for either of you down the line), or you'll find yourself trapped with a man you don't want to be with because you'll lose a child you've been helping to raise since day one if you leave him. This relationship is too new and you're too young to make this kind of commitment. It's not fair to ask it of you. And if you stay now, it will be a commitment, because babies take over ever single part of a parent's life and his baby will take over yours. I'm my opinion, this isn't about whether or not his lie of omission was OK, it's about thr fact that his life is about to go down a completely different path that you don't want and haven't signed up for. And if none of this is true, if he isn't involved, he's a shitty dad, and shitty dad's don't make good partners. I don't care at all if people don't want to have kids, but neglecting a child you do have is absolutely unacceptable.
Get therapy.
My ex did this so much that I started writing down when I talked to him about and what I said. Of course when I told him I was writing things down so he couldn't pretend that I never said anything I was the ass for doing that. I still write things down, including bosseds, because I hate being told things didn't happen when I know they did.
Good luck
That’s how I view it, my brother doesn’t agree. And honestly, I’d rather he wasn’t my around because they do not get on and it wouldn’t help the situation imo.
I wish we had a normal family with people around to help though, my big brother is taking most of the responsibility as i try to finish college. It’s not fair but that’s life I guess.
Or love potion
Your crazy for going past the 1 month mark with someone who clearly can’t get over this “friend”
You are THIRTY-SIX YEARS OLD?! This reads like a lovesick insecure teenager who has no experience with relationships.
Get a grip – this guy ain’t it. He doesn’t check the boxes. He’s not a good partner. You know why? You know why. Because he’s an emotionally abusive, because he has issues that he blames on you, because he’s breaking down your self worth.
He doesn’t want you. Please know your value and walk away. Block him. Forget his number.
You’re better off alone. So much better.
Yes, with the new job he would be uninsured. With his current insurance that gets through his job, he does not have to pay for therapy.
That’s somewhat what I was feeling, especially with the progress we’ve made with the relationship. I just wasn’t sure if we should be prioritizing his mental health and helping with his issues, and if I should be “sticking” with my condition
Thanks. I will!
That’s the part that kills me. He spent so much more than he needed to to get it from my favorite (expensive!) designer, which is so thoughtful! But the average person is going to look at it and think, “that’s cheap.” And he doesn’t deserve to be thought of as cheap! I wish he had spent less somewhere else.
You feel like there's so much more because there is. The thing about cheaters is… THEY LIE. She's trying to minimize her infidelity and spoon you sugared bs to save face.
Best thing you can do is cut it off now. She'll make a scene, maybe try blaming you, but it'll be worth it. If you stay with her after this, all you'll be telling her is she can get away with whatever she wants. Cheaters never do it just once. She'll do it again if she hasn't already.
I’m so sorry you had to endure that and all of your feelings are valid. I’m a mom myself and love my kids dearly. I know your mom loves you more than life itself. I know she would want to know and be there for you. You are precious and you need your mama. I wish you so much healing.
It seems strange in general to meet a colleague’s family friend on the fly unless they were already very close. It’s even stranger if she’s married.
I travel a lot for work and this has a lot of red flag. I’m very close to certain colleagues and have never met their families outside of things like weddings. Even if missing their flight was innocent, he should’ve booked a room of his own knowing that you were already concerned.
At best, it’s sketchy and he was inconsiderate. At worst, he cheated and this was likely the culmination of an emotional affair. The truth could be somewhere in the middle.
Sex is pretty important if youre not acesexual, either there has to be a sex related compromise that could be worked out of the current love you have fof him will turn into resentment. I love sex and would want it daily and if i were in your shoes thst would be what we call a
Deal breaker.
Goodluck op.
You are right..i wish i had a time machine. She doesnt have alot of social contacts with other people either im so afraid she will never recover . But i guess thats not my decision to make. And i shoudnt be selfish..
Let him go hungry. Shine on!
You know you don't have to cook for anyone else except yourself? Stop cooking for your new born 40 year old and let him buy his own takeaway. Problem solved.
Yea and I kind of got upset about him and his behavior it was so confusing. I know I ruined my chances with him. I just felt like he wasn’t attracted enough to me so that’s why he couldn’t decide. He couldn’t even commit to just catching up.
Kind of think I won’t find one at all at this age…
Y'all are both trash.
I don't understand the time line here. Does he not on-line with you?
I hate to say it, but get out before it gets worse or harder.
I’m honestly just sitting in his bathroom, shaking, while he’s asleep trying to decide if I should leave at 2am or not. It’s so shocking to think I trusted him so much. Thank you for the advice.
Next time you go down on her, get her close to an orgasm then button mash her genitals and when she complains say “I hate women who care about their orgasms.”. If you still wanna fuck with her after that remind her that only a male orgasm is needed to reproduce and keep our species going. If God didn't care about women's orgasms why should you?
Bye boy child ..don't let the door hit your receding hairline on the way out.?
You were only 2 weeks together and 12 years have passed. If you reach out to her, it will look like you spent 12 years of your life thinking only about that moment and those 2 weeks with her. She will freak out and you will feel very embarrassed about the whole thing. I recommend you not to do it. But if you do reach out anyway, try not to focus on that stuff, because you would come across like super obsessed.
He sounds like a 12yo.
True talk .. he definitely remember everything that happen his just trying to outsmart you