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She also didn't have to go the deception route.
Her behaviour is not that of a girlfriend that respects her relationship and her boyfriend. And he is not controlling he is putting boundaries that need to be put.
Yes. An to me this isn't a major deal breaking issue on getting married. I know he is capable of standing up and setting boundaries because I've seen him do it with other people. He just needs to be pushed a little harder to do it I think.
This is good advice.
Speaking as a father with a daughter, if I ever find out a step parent is going through my 19 year old daughters phone they are getting their fucking ass beaten.
If you're not tired after working for 11 hours you're not working.
How does he feel about you thinking he “lied” about the down payment? I could see this either way. He was sincere. He had access to money. It’s just not what you prefer. Or, he actually misled you.
The language you use is the biggest concern to me in this post. You guys definitely see money differently, and you aren’t necessarily right. There are plenty of people, like me at times, who did all the “right things” like you say, and still got ducked with volatile markets, house problems, health issues, etc.
sometimes it’s ok to on-line in the moment. The money you say he has saved certainly makes it seem like he’s not ignoring finances completely. He doesn’t seem completely irresponsible. But then again, maybe your are right. Funny how life works out that way.
You seem pretty intense. Honestly, you guys are probably just incompatible.
Cheers! It's tempting advice because it sounds plausible, but it can get you in a lot of trouble. When it comes to revenge, best to stick to the old adage of “living well”.
First, the transition to parenthood is an extremely difficult period. I hope both of you have other family members and friends for social support. Second, why did you joke about him getting food? He directly asked you and you said no. I don’t see the situation as a disagreement since as far as he was concerned, both of you were on the same page about dinner.
I would be shocked if he isn't abusing her in other ways.
Why on earth would she believe you?
Yup, we’ve discussed the differences in our love languages before. His is mainly physical touch (and a hint of acts of service) and mine is obviously words of affirmation haha. But since we’re doing long distance it’s been naked to love him in his love language…I’ve asked him about how I can make him feel more loved and he just never figured out an answer.
I also don’t expect a massive gratitude, only that my effort is acknowledged yknow? Like a simple “hey, I feel really appreciated reading your letters/poems. Thank you” would suffice ?
Dude. She ain't asking. You ARE the third wheel. She just discovered she's bi or les.
I mean that you aren't comfortable, and you should let her be happy. You won't fulfill that.
I dont think its weird to wonder about someone youve dated for years…
Creep 100%. I've experienced this way too many times in my life….
Okay, I'm going to have to shout this:
HE IS A POS. HE IS NOT NICE. HE IS FAR PAST CREEP.
Nothing about this is good in any way whatsoever. I don't know if reporting your supervisor to HR would not end in backlash. It seems the whole environment you're soaking in is nothing but a toilet of misogyny. You may need to just pack you desk ASAP and get out.
I understand that he’s scared for your safety and a potential new baby’s safety. Is it possible to discuss other options of parenthood like surrogacy, adoption, fostering? Could you wait another year or two for your partner to have time to “relax” into parenthood before trying a natural birth again?
If you are not on the deed or the mortgage, then you are not building equity in the home, and since you are not married, you wouldn't be entitled to any equity in the home if you broke up.
I would advise against paying half of the mortgage, unless you two have a written agreement that should you break up/sell the duplex, you get 50% of the equity or some other fair amount.
You can pay some rent, but it shouldn't be half the mortgage. If your boyfriend is committed to you going on to buy a home that you both move in to, then you two could agree that you save your money to put towards your own home purchase (and then his name doesn't go on that home, by the way). Otherwise, the rent you pay should be less than half the mortgage (so let's say the mortgage is $2,000, you should pay maybe $600) and it also depends on how much space and access you have in the home. If it is HIS home and he takes the extra room or won't let you decorate how you want, then it is clearly HIS home and you should pay less, more like renting a room.
Sorry, went through something similar… best bet is to break up and move on with your life
She made her choices and she's going to have to live with them
Was she unfaithful in the past with other fictional characters or was her affair partner a live human being?
Focus on something else. Are you in college – throw yourself into your classes. Start volunteering. Pick up exercising. Start reading all the books you haven’t. Plan a trip. Declutter your place. Picks set amount of time you’ll give him for space (I saw a few weeks at most) and throw yourself into other shit. When that date comes up on your calendar and if you still haven’t heard from him send “I wish you nothing but the best and to figure your shit out, but I can’t wait around forever. I don’t want to. Read up with you via text, but I’m respecting your space.”
As someone that went through sexual abuse and having a partner constantly pressure shit like this it's frustrating reading your post and replies. You say u arent trying to pressure him and u stopped asking him to finger u or have intercourse and u respect him…
And then follow it up with that TONIGHT u tried to get him to go down on u while u had a cup in..on your period and he wasn't comfortable! Because he already told u he isnt.
You keep contradicting yourself! Same with how u want him to try having sex in the shower so he doesn't see the blood. It's very ME ME ME ME!
i want to find a compromise so i can have sex with him!
Do you seriously not see that?
No one is shaming you for your high sex drive! But you are coming off as very selfish and self absorbed to the point you want to fix this so u can get what u want from him instead of jst getting affection.
i honestly think if you are anything like me hormones go into overdrive during that time. And you get alot more emotional and needy and need alot more affection.
Like is said my husband isn't comfortable with sex during tht time aswell. He's just a major clean freak and the thought of ur freaks him out heavily.
So he will show his affection in other ways he would cuddle me and bring me snacks, make me a naked water bottle spend time watching movies with me. So i get my dose of affection and if i have a sexual need i take care of it myself when he isn't around. Or help him out without him having to touch me because again… id never want to make him uncomfortable At all!!!
There isn't any way u can make him not uncomfortable. You can talk to him and tell him u understand and that you still want his affection tho but it won't have anything to do with anything sexually if he isn't okay with it and you still want to just be around and be near him.
You coming up with ways to work around his trauma seems very much like you are trying to “fix him” so you can get what u want. Is so bad!
That's maybe not the greatest approach here. Realize he isn't saying he hates u sexually or doesn't want to be with you in that way it's literally just for a period of time..lol.. and that you as his girl are acknowledging and putting yourself aside to respect his feelings and trauma!
You’re definitely overreacting. And, from the sound of it, a little clingy. Sorry but you went through his phone and that’s a huge red flag for a lot of people.
“Talking” is defined differently depending on who you ask, especially if it was before your first date. He had no guarantee that anything was going to work out with you two at the point where he hit up the other girl. If you two were talking for almost a month before your first date then it makes sense he would have had doubts about it going anywhere at the time.
I wouldn’t worry about it. You didn’t find any proof of him doing that after you guys started dating. Paranoia like this can often result in causing exactly what it was intended to avoid in relationships. It would have been wiser to just ask him about this instead of looking through his phone and invading his privacy.
Hi thanks for your message. I think we will probably meeting 3x a week. We have one standing appointment to meet for a coffee. Othertimes we would either do it at my flat or over teams.
Discuss this with your doctor. There may be a better medication out there for you. There is even genetic testing to help determine the right family of medications for you.
This is too vague.
I don’t think your mindset is toxic, but I don’t know if it’s realistic, either. Sometimes you meet someone and know right away that they’re a better fit for you than the person you’re with. It’s messy, but life is like that.
Date someone who doesnt think betraying your right to privacy is okay.
This isn't normal ur not supposed to be apologizing to a woman that took your private thoughts and then tries to use it against u.
It’s almost like a woman should actually like a piece of jewelry that she’s expected to show off and then wear every day for the rest of her life.
Not my proudest moment. I gave him many warnings that I was not emotionally sound.
I’m wondering….if it’s been like this for 4+ years, why are you just now bothered by it enough to say something. In other words, have you been feeling this way all of this time?
I’m asking because it’s such a long time to feel resentment. If this is something that you’re only feeling recently, have there been other changes in the relationship? Are you feeling differently about him for other reasons?
An equitable way to split money is for the couple to share expenses based on % of income earned. You earn 60% of the total income, you’ll pay 60% of the usual bills. Starting the conversation is naked. “I’d like to revisit our finances.”
“I’m feeling concerned because I had savings earmarked for school and that money is dwindling. Can we talk about solutions?”
I understand not wanting to rock the boat…but this is having a real impact on you and how you’re feeling. If you don’t bring it up, it’s not likely to get fixed on its own.