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FIRST love, dear. First loves aren't meant to be our LAST loves. You're 21. I know you orobably feel grown af already but I assure you, you've got a FUCKTON more life and living and growing ahead of you.
And part of that growth is learning to walk away from partners that aren't compatible with your life goals. Some people that we date are only in our lives briefly bc they don't mesh with what we have planned for ourselves.
Your bf wants a SAHM/housewife popping out kids ASAP. If that's not what YOU want then that means he's not the one.
Pressuring your partner isn't love. Pushing at your partner is manipulation. Dismissing your partner's wants and life goals in order to get your dream at the expense of theirs is abusive.
Is that really where you want to be? One 'accidental' pregnancy will derail your entire future and a bf too selfish to care bc he'll have what he wants.
Learn from my fail: Married 10 years, together 16, divorced at 38. All because he was my first loooove and I didn't want to looooose him. Turned out that all he actually cared about was having a bio kid when HE wanted to. Don't be me that didn't find a truly supportive partner until I was 40. You deserve that NOW and your bf doesn't sound like he fits that description at all.
Enjoy your youth. Become an amazing nurse. Find a partner that is proud of you for all your hot work. Not some little boy with dreams of having you barefoot and pregnant so he has power over you.
She probably waited until they were married and he was “stuck” before bringing her true self out.
My boyfriend doesn't give a damn about his kid (unfortunately) and he only speaks of him as a “duty” or a “liability”, and said repeatedly that if he could've let him online with the “crazy bitch” (kid's mother) he would've. He doesn't know him and hasn't paid any attention to him in the last 10 years. But he also, argues that if the kid is to live with us, better it be the best experience possible (to which I agree in principle).
I offered him other women who are single but he refuses to contact any of them
Better to walk away after sinking 3 years into this relationship than walking away after sinking 4 years into it. It's not going to change. Leave now for your own sake.
I’ve been married for 22 years you dumb twat.
My opinion that people should be polite, and know how to accept gifts politely, even if they don't like the gifts [within reason]. She is not polite, she is rude and bluntly acidic. You don't want that toxicity in your life.
My advice: send her a text saying “We are not compatible. I hope you find someone that's compatible” and then leave.
Thanks, that makes sense.
I still think he is trying to avoid you. How do you want to handle it is your question
That is HIS story.
Why do you think he told you so?
To stop you from going.
They are so cunning.
And so much alike!
Put all the evidence you have together. Do take photos of all the messages and pictures.
Put them away for the time being.
Then in two or 3 month… let his wife have a nice parcel. “For her hands only”.
“Vengeance is a plate best eaten cold” they say.
There’s a reason for it in certain cases, but Reddit in general seems to think that ALL age gap relationships are an issue when it’s clearly nothing to do with the age gap. In this example, the guy is an immature dickwad. I don’t think the age gap is the problem at all here in this instance yet many people on this post seem to think so.
I was concise in my opinion of age gap relationships. My comment ‘their both adults’ was referring to this specific post.
Of course, I do not believe all age gap relationships are healthy. An 18 year old is in a vastly different stage of life than a 50+ year old. There is a clear power imbalance and a large variance in life experience.
In my case, I’m 28 years old with a 42 year old partner. We both own our own homes, both on a similar wage and contribute equally to the relationship. We communicate any issues we have together effectively and both look out for each other. The age gap between me and my partner is considerably larger than OPs. If ALL age gap relationships are a problem, then why am I in a happy and healthy age gap relationship? People facing issues in an age gap relationship (issues that people face in any relationship) is not ALWAYS indicative of the age gap being the problem. Sometimes people are just assholes despite their age.
Interesting take and food for thought.
he thing is, I don't want to wait. If she's ended it, I need to move on.
I 100% agree with you, I think it's pretty normal to get FOMO about the single life or meeting other partners, but not everyone acts on it. Your gf acted on it and there's no way to change her mind, nor at this point should you even try.
You should never stick around hoping she comes back, I also have a policy of never taking someone back who's dumped you. Take this opportunity to focus on yourself for a while and build yourself up as a man. If she does come crawling back after a while (which they often do) you should be in a place where you don't even want her anymore.
I think what is happening is you still have some feelings but she doesn't.
Fair, that's probably how most people would react. I think the fact that it's only been 1 month, it's not really worth trying to change his mind. If this is something he feels that strongly about then it's good you found out early…
In the kindest way possible, if a man 6 years older than you is getting upset with you for trying to communicate your feelings, he’s not the one. Coming from someone who broke up with their 28 year old boyfriend while they were 22 for a similar reason.
So did she tell you what she was doing? Or was it a vague ‘I’ve got stuff to do’.
And did she (and if yes when) actually tell you that she couldn’t make Thursday?
Now as for her excuses. You may not have used the word important, but based on your post, she should have been able to imply the importance of it all.
That you didn’t tell her what time to be there Friday – well as you say the plan was for everyone to be there Thursday, and (this is where my question above is important) depending on when she told you that she was not going to make Thursday, but traveling up Friday, the onus was actually on her to give you a time she would be finished her tasks and leaving.
And finally – that there was no clear plan for Friday evening, and that you’d probably be giving the newly engaged some space…. Ffs is she stupid? Yes you’d be giving them space unless they decided otherwise, so the chance of a romantic evening for the two of you was there. But as she isn’t going to get there until mid evening at the earliest, that’s gone now.
Tbh you probably should have told her not to bother coming.
Told her that the evening you were hoping for can’t happen now, and her presence is not required anymore.
Then you should drive home tomorrow, and when you get back seriously reconsider your relationship with her.
And if he magically only has care/empathy for her, what about this baby they’re going to have? Does OP really think he’s going to extend his magic to an extremely demanding and thankless newborn? Or irrational, very loud toddler?
Yep, John Wayne Gacy used to do similar, his “handcuff trick”. I'd be backing away from this dude at light speed.
You proceed by ending the relationship.
He is an asshole.
He’s insecure and that’s totally on him to cure. I (62F) was really jealous of my now ex. He never cheated on me and we were married for 23 years. Once we split I swore I would never bring that sort of negativity into a relationship again. You either trust someone or you don’t have a relationship with them whether it’s monogamous or not. A lot more than infidelity can go wrong in a partnership. You need to have mutual respect, friendship and each other’s backs.
Fun fact in California spouse who makes the most can be ordered to pay legal expenses of the lesser earning spouse. Find out if your state has the same option. Also, never share lawyers.
Good luck, brother.
Isn't she a bit old for highschool games?
She walks all over you, doesn't she?
My husband and I were in a similar situation.
We were friends for a year and after that year, he would leave for 6 months. We'd be flirting for a while, and a month before he would leave, he decided to ask me out. We had a wonderful date and we met up a lot after that.
We decided to do the long-term thing. It wasn't always easy, but we managed.
Now, 10 years later, we bought a house, we got married, we have a child and another one on the way.
But for us it was only for 6 months.
There was another moment where he had an opportunity to go abroad for a year or 2 (can't remember how long) though, which he wanted take. This time I told him that if he were to go, I would wish him the very best, but we were done. This time, he stayed.
I hope our story helps you in your decision making. Good luck ♡.
Words have meaning. Don't accuse the old man of something he did not do.
What he did was not correct, unethical but to call him a pedo? that's reaching.
It’s not shallow. His mouth could make you sick. Dental health is so important. You need to brush at least twice a day. If he has plaque he needs to go to the dentist and have it removed.
You have been friends for 15 years, but you have not sat down with him and received a clear answer as to what the issues are between your respective girlfriends? C'mon.
I'm not sure what's really going on here, but it's childish of you to not bring your partner to an event you're attending and then to remain in the dark about the reason why so you don't have to confront anyone. you don't need advice, you need a spine.
There is not doubt. Your marriage is your online, it’s about you. If your friend loves you as a friend she must be happy that you are committed to your relationship.
I already did. He makes blanket negative statements about “many ppl in that community” which implies the community as a whole possesses said trait.
Out of curiosity, because I had a similar thing happen that OP posted, did you delete all of the pictures of your ex? If so, did you volunteer to do that, or did your SO ask of you to do that?
We do. But why do you mention that?