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Milana and Batman, 21 y.o.
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Am I really the only one that thinks the girlfriend had an over reaction of the century?
She's young and hurt but she's shaming you for having sexual urges. When I was younger I got upset with my boyfriend (ex) when I found porn on his phone, but now my current boyfriend finds porn on my phone and we watch porn together.
Sure it may not have been wise on OPs part to like these images but the GF is going to be miserable if she thinks sexual desire or fantasy us unnatural and gross
get more therapy, seriously.
One question: do you like sex?
Bc there are other subs to waste everyone’s time in. Most people here actually want to help others’ interpersonal relationships.
Imo trolls are just as bad as people who actually feel and think like OP. OP is just spending their energy on fanfic of their own life.
We both had bad relationships in the past, and I know her ex cheated on her a few times. She never properly healed from it and since the beginning of our relationship, she has been kinda afraid of happening again even though I always made sure she knew that I would never do such a thing.
It’s because he knows how men can be and he probably feels better knowing she would stay away from them. Also he may have a fear of her getting pregnant. But he shouldn’t be saying it seriously or often, that’s weird.
I guess because I wanted him to show he really cared. I know it doesn’t matter, but it still doesn’t diminish the hurt. I’m still stuck in a lease with this guy for 6 more months.
There’s a couple of issues. She doesn’t understand you.
You then didn’t react well.
There’s a disconnect here.
Will take some work for this relationship to be successful long term, on both your parts.
It can work out, if one of you moves to be with the other. I suspect he’ll tolerate a long distance relationship if he knows from the beginning that it’s temporary, and that you are taking active steps to move to where he is (or he’s doing the same to move to where you are, depending on what you and him mutually decide).
Clearly you want to be with him, and he wants to be with you. Now it’s time to adult here, and figure out with him how you’re going to make it work.
Been there, btw. I ended up emigrating to the US on a fiancee visa. We’re still together, 20 years later 🙂
I think he does, but I've asked him several times and he insists he doesn't. like i've been straightup with him about my concerns and he insists that he's not gay or trans.
You gave her what she wanted so she quit with the equity. You should snoop, spy and search for the reason and/or answer. Don’t say I Do under any circumstances. Don’t give her free access to your finances. Don’t co-sign or give her credit cards. SHUT HER OFF. Grey rock until you get answers. And don’t get manipulated or gaslit. Your asking and post are signs there is trouble in paradise. Even hire a PI. Good luck
If I was you I would be petty about this whole situation. Post her photo in cheater groups. Warn other men about her crazy.
You are aware they have many pages devoted to posting women who are either absolutely nuts, cheaters the list goes on.
We are in regular contact but not exclusive. She messaged me last night but I haven’t replied yet. Thanks for your advice!
And you allow his nasty mouth to go down on you? Gurl….
Hey- there is nothing good that will ever develop from this relationship. It’s already shitty and all the baggage and toxicity and resentment will only make it worse over time. Don’t involve a small child in this shit show- 3 is such a vulnerable age. Like effing run. Run far away. Being alone is better that wrapping yourself up in this disaster. Get out while you can, before she gets pregnant with your kid and you’re stuck with all of this. There’s a woman out there that will think you are perfect for her, that will think your genitals are a great size, that will enjoy intimacy with you. But also will care about you and build a happy family with you. That can be in your future if you walk away from this situation now.
Lol what a loser. What you do is divorce this apparently dickless man. Find someone who appreciates you for who you are, for your skills, for what you do for your family. Your life partner should be proud of you, not call you a lesbian because he's insecure due to his own incompetence and laziness.
If you don’t talk much, how do you know you like him? Like do you have similar interests or is it just physical attraction? Sometimes when you’re young it’s nude to know if you’re actually interested in someone. But he could also just be nervous and need some time. Try just talking to him about your day without asking him to talk. Or just sit in silence and wait for him to say something. Play a board game or do an activity that requires discussion.
Thank you for your reply – I appreciate it!
Your boyfriend is crazy jealous. Are you sure that you want to continue this relationship? I suspect it will get worse the longer it goes on.
Sounds like she’s jealous of you. Maybe bored.. Maybe feeling less than because she’s older with less going on. I don’t know but I do know people project – and she’s coming at you all kinds of ways about GOOD things . She can’t be supportive that’s a HER issue. Not yours.
Not yours to fix either ! she’s old enough to recognize if there’s a problem it’s her responsibility to take care of herself (therapy, exercise etc)
I'm relaxed lol. You're the one freaking out and making weird accusations because you don't like my advice.
OP is hurt. All I'm suggesting is that she express that in a calm and direct manner. That's how you build an authentic relationship. I'm sorry that you can't conceive of why someone would feel a way that you personally wouldn't. I explained to you why this has nothing to do with jealousy. Yes, there are situations where it's possible that you can't compromise, but that's why you communicate that. OP opening up the discussion gives him the opportunity to do that. Any 37-year-old who can't handle their partner expressing their feelings is too immature to be in a relationship. But there's no indication that he wouldn't be receptive to this.
it is obvious to anyone who isn’t jealous of their bf’s sister that it is a last minute situation that could not be compromised on
Oh? You know him? You have literally no idea what the situation is, you're assuming because it suits your narrative. He did not explain or express any reason he couldn't compromise, so this is pure speculation on your part.
I think your advice is bad as well, so I guess we're even. Have a nice night.
I understand what you mean. I dug my own grave and now I have to lay in it. While trying to use a less bias perspective it really looks like I hoping for some BS magic solution but obviously I made some big mistakes.
Anyway, we don’t fuck, we don’t cuddle, she sleeps in my bed cause she trusts me. She used to always sleep nude now she doesn’t take too much of her clothes off. The last time we had sex she still wasn’t dating him, they hung out alone once and she said she could see it developing further, then one more time we had sex and we knew that was pushing it and not great. I would be disgusted with myself if I cheated in relationships with my friends, even if I do like the girl. I was in a relationship where cheating happened once at it was awful and I do not like ambiguity. I have insane OCD and ambiguity will drive me nuts an unanswered question always has to be answered.
Sorry I said court what would you prefer I say? I put quotations around court for a reason. I don’t know what happened but he did attempt to please her to get what he wanted. Knowing him I doubt he “shot his shot,” he definitely just slowly got her to agree and I’m gonna stick with courting for that. I do agree it’s a dumb word to use but I don’t see another descriptor.
I appreciate you responding honestly. It’s tough I’m sick right now so it really feels like people are abandoning me I guess. I surround myself with people a lot of the time and I hate to be alone. Now the only person willing to hang out while I’m sick, the girl, is devoting time to my friend to date him when saw a potential thing between us. You’re right about everything you said but the girl said things that I guess made me feel like I had more time than I actually did. You’re probably right that if I want to do the right thing I should cut ties entirely but this is my best friend and I have abandonment issues. If you haven’t figured it out I actually have zero integrity and suck so yeah, I deserve the grave I dug just gonna let this anxiety run its course through my severe OCD.
Do not allow this friendship with her to continue. He rationally knows that if he continues to be friends with her, his feelings will continue to develop. He is in a fog right now because he has a crush. I think you two need to talk with a therapist. He needs to go no contact with her. At this point, it should be her or your marriage. He needs understand how serious this is.
I just wanted to add one more thing for you to consider. Your children will also be growing up in this culture that your fiancé is perpetuating. Do you want your future daughters to be dealing with the same restrictions and frustrations that you are? They will look to you as a role model and they will accept the standards you set for yourself. Not to mention the long-term impacts that even a passively misogynistic father can have on a daughter.
Keep that in mind when choosing your husband and the father of your children.
Yes it does feel like just grinding through life. I feel a lot of guilt because I know he loves me deeply and would be depressed and probably go back to drinking if I left him, but I feel like he needs to find his own way at this point. I've tried directing him into goals and interests but he isn't interested in any of it. I need to focus on my own growth and let him find his own way. But I don't even know where to start, and once again, I feel guilty giving up.
And yes it feels exactly like he's “trying to get me off his back” with his responses. It's like we're roommates now, or just Best friends, but no longer lovers. Is it unfair of me to give up on him when he says he's trying to improve on our relationship?
Paragraph after paragraph of trying to justify cheating. My eyes glazed over from the bullshit of it all. Take some responsibility for your own actions, you’re not the victim of outside circumstances this was your choice. Save some of your dignity and at least admit it to her.