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Why would someone put their careers on jeopardy for a relationship in the beginning?
I'm sorry this happened to you. I'm proud of you for getting out of there, for going to the hospital, for taking the steps needed to protect yourself. You've made a lot of good decisions during a hot time. If you are able to please also start going to therapy. Even if you think you're fine, you've been through a lot.
BuT iT wAs cOMpleTeLy oUt Of cHarActEr!
I think a discussion is definitely in the right step. But make sure it's in person where you can gauge his facial reactions, and tones much better. Then based on his answers you can take it from there. If it's some sincerely platonic friend that he freakishly forgot to mention, I see no reason why you would not be allowed to meet her so I would definitely be requesting that too.
This would also be an excellent time to discuss some relationship rules. For instance, my partner and I have a mutual agreement that we do not hang out with exes or friends that anything sexual or close to sexual has happened in the past. We also do not hide our opposite sex friends from each other or sneak off with them. We also do not ignore each other in order to text these friends. This works out very well for us.
Does she work? Are you responsible for paying for everything? Does your relationship consist of her sitting on her ass and telling you what to do to keep her happy?
We don't really know that though. What is written in this post here seems too vague to me. But I wouldn't think there wasn't much conversation between the two, even before the date, especially if she has OP's email.
He is either going to start assaulting you, or leave you for another 18yo sex toy. Either way you are going to be hurt. This is not normal.
Buy a big strap-on and say, “you're first.”
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Same thing I thought to start. ????
It'll take time to recover, years maybe. For introverts, recovery period ends up being much longer. Best advice i can give is get yourself into the open for other types of tasks to overwrite the memories with your ex, and potentially meet people.
Although i'd also advise mentally prepping yourself to live out the remainder of your life single, as it'll help you focus on getting yourself into a self-sustaining position, and thus when you do meet someone, you don't have to rely on their presence to function
You're not helping him; you're just feeding into his not moving on.
Her cheating doesn't make a difference
Ah, self-contradiction at its finest.
Because she likes to go for a swim without clothes in the company of her friends? Yes that is perfectly reasonable. /s
After talking to him one more time, and if it doesn’t work, I’d go sleep in another room or make him.
Yikes. The immaturity here is astounding. There is nothing wrong with wanting what you want. There is something VERY wrong with bullying someone because he cannot be what you want him to be. You are not compatible with this man, and you are not grown up enough to be thinking of marriage. You should learn to be financially and emotionally independent yourself. If I had any doubt about your childishness, it was removed by watching you call people “weirdos” like a kindergartner on the playground.
dear god you again
I never mentioned marriage
That is why I would very much like for my boyfriend and I to move out away from our mommies and daddies but we cannot if we keep working 30k jobs
I can go up the ladder he can’t
Yeah when I've mentioned it to her she just says she doesn't know why they would say that and they're just friends. It's not that the coworkers think they're messing around, I think it's more that they said they would be good together.
It literally says in my post that I do not have any family or friends or savings?? Yeah real helpful advice there. “You should just have more money” lmfao gtfo
What you’ve typed is alarming in a few areas. Talk to a counselor bc it’s very serious what you are concerned about. Like Redditors can’t work this out. If you are scared he will get in trouble and you don’t want him to get in trouble, talk things over while a mutual person is there.
I totally agree with you. My bf and I don’t even say “your family, my family”, it’s our family. After 5 years that should be the feeling, I would think?
Even if she did move in with her sister, OP has to go straight home after work and her and her gf can’t spend time together/have sleepovers and such? (And while not at all common, I’ve actually known two different people in long term relationships (5+) who lived separately. I’m not saying it’s for everybody of course – myself included – but it’s not totally in the realm of impossibility.)
It sounds like either nothing else was discussed by OP or gf shot every other solution down, so it boiled down to this. Either way, it sounds like the relationship won’t last for much longer.
Interesting stuff, and yeah I catch your drift.. not scared tho, I can protect myself (and her if needed). And yeah theres a possibility I get played later on, I'm fully aware of that, but still willing to risk the bisket, from what I know she's just a really sweet person
OP didn't ask the question, they were playing a game where a card is randomly chosen and you have to answer.
No offense, but have you ever stopped and listened to him?
It seems like you are using the 2.5 months as a reason for him to asking for divorce and then he sprung his dissatisfaction onto you. Have you ever stopped and actually communicated with each other? Have you ever got help for your mental health?
He wants a divorce maybe because he is tired of repeating himself. He is tired of putting in all the effort.
Someone jumping onto divorce (with the exception of betrayal) overnight. It seems like maybe due to mental health issues you weren’t listening to him.
She says we can change her meds but she isn’t willing to talk any further than that. She gets really upset and cries and then her mood is ruined for the rest of the day.
Be for fucking real. You are not this dumb and insecure, right? Jfc the poor kid.
It was to give us time to think and work on our own issues by ourselves
It all depends on how long you two have been dating and your expectations around budget and money. Do you live together?
Dating less than 1 year? Tell him to shove it! Dating a few years and building a future together? Then yes, you did something hugely disrespectful. No one in a serious relationship should make huge purchases without consulting with the other. If you two were trying to save for a house or other big ticket purchase, then you blowing the savings money on a dirt bike for yourself was irresponsible.
You are not compatible. You may love her, but that may not be enough. Once your residency is done, your hours may reduce slightly, but you’re still going to be working an insane amount of hours and you will still be on call.
The other issue is the stress that is associated with any job in the medical profession. It takes a physical and emotional toll on a person. There will be times when you may have plans, but you have to cancel because one of your patients needs you. You’re going to miss things because you have to work. You’re not going to want to fill up all of your down time with activities.
If she doesn’t understand now, she’s not going to just miraculously change because you’re engaged or married. Right now, it’s just you and her. What happens if you have a baby? She will eventually start to resent you and feel alone.
Some people can’t handle being alone and don’t have the ability to empathize with others. It sounds like she probably falls into those categories. Unfortunately, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to understand that doctors have long hours and can’t just take a day off or work the standard 8 hour day. Right now, school is in session so she’s working. If you think she’s not being understanding now, just wait until school lets out for the summer and she has nothing to do during the day.
OP doesn‘t live in the US. In other countries, scholarships work differently and working part time or even full time without a degree would never pay for university.
She replied that all white people have racist tendencies, and that I should take the back seat since I was white.
What frustrates me more is seeing her be prejudice towards brown/south Asian people (ex: someone with brown skin will cut her off driving and she’ll say “stupid brown drivers” or something along those lines) without facing any consequences.
Your girlfriend is RACIST.
Don't date racists.
I don’t see any lashing out in the ex’s message. It seems more like an “All’s forgiven & I wish you the best.” No animosity there.
Yeah, you need to make him your ex-boyfriend and move on. He doesn’t get to decide what you do with your body. You already have tattoos and you’re probably gonna want more. I started with one, I now have eight and I plan on getting more. You’re young enough that you’ll find your person eventually
If he wants a date or sleep with an 18-year-old, then he's creepy. Yuck
Honestly if you feel compelled to address it at all, don't focus on you not being in the bridal party. Focus on how she told you. Cause that was needlessly, carelessly cruel and she could have done it so much gentler.
Then again if I had a close friend say that to me I'd definitely put distance between us.