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No number, just one fire emoji. ? just like that
This is totally normal behavior for cheaters and scum but not normal for most people! I’m a man and would absolutely consider this cheating and you need to get out and away from anyone that says this is normal because they are doing the same things and don’t want the guilt of admitting it. I bet if you told him you did this he would either freak out and be pissed or he would encourage an open relationship.
Welcome and good luck!
Hey. Never responded to this and just read it. Thank you for the logical, welp thought out reply here. I’m not doing anything to actively meet people. I don’t feel good enough about myself right now to do that. I know that’s not a great thing, but that’s how it is. I work from home and really don’t go anywhere during the week. I don’t have a social life because I lost most of my friends while sick. Not real friends, obviously. I also live! in a new area and don’t know anyone from where I’m at now. Except for my colleagues who do live! in the same area. However, again, I don’t really want to hang out with anyone because I’m uncomfortable with myself. I’ve also been very cautious since covid because I got it and almost died from it. I’m all vaxxed but still really overweight so am worried about bad disease again, but I am actively working to lose my excess weight. I’ve already lost 43lbs from my highest. Hopefully a bit more by now, too, even though I just went into a minor depression a few weeks ago and didn’t do great with taking care of that. But I’m back in action and hopefully didn’t do too much damage. Doesn’t seem I did. In fact, have made even more improvements in my life towards my goal.
Also, I don’t know how appropriate it is to hang out with coworkers. But, yeah, I do not do anything to meet new people. I’m planning to once I lose another large chunk of weight. Solely for my health regarding covid. So, we’ll see. I just feel incredibly behind, as is the story of my life…
Needs come before wants.
Your fiancée needs to sleep.
Your child wants to sleep.
You want to be in the bed with them.
You want to stay up late and game instead of popping a couple of melatonin and resetting your sleep schedule so you can spend more time as a family.
She has a solution which accommodates all the needs, and one of your two wants. You're trying to accommodate both of your wants at the expense of their needs. I don't know what effect you sleeping in the guest room will have on the relationship, but you being selfish enough and senseless enough to push your wants over their very obvious needs will result in you being a weekend parent and a child support check while she goes out and looks for a partner with a modicum of common sense when it comes to priorities. By all means show her who you are now before you get married, if this still doesn't make sense to you because after 140 other adults trying to hammer it in, and all the basic information you've had up until this point in your life about how humans need sleep, if you still are arguing in the comments you may just be beyond help.
What's the plan for the date? Will it be a hassle to carry them around? How is she getting home? Will the flowers be half dead by the time she gets home?
Being thoughtful is important when making romantic gestures. Don't give a gift that quickly becomes a burden.
It doesn’t matter if he pays for it. You don’t need to let anyone into your apartment. Call the police if someone comes to your door.
Are you able to pay for this apartment without your dads money?
Why would you want him back? He’s so toxic you need to stay away from him, get a therapist and work on you because you will continue to attract toxic AH like him otherwise. Why in the world would you pay him to sleep with him? That’s is some serious desperation
Ok
thank you for making me laugh. i might just screenshot this and send it to him
So guys like it when sex is painful and they hurt you?
Devil's advocate
If my partner did what your wife did in this situation, I'd thank her for both the sex and the BLT. You had every right to reject her, and she has every right to feel unwanted because of it. I can't believe that the comments are all borderline “wow she's been conditioned to offer sex because patriarchy” etc. Truth is she probably wanted some dick and feels let down because you didn't give her any – and that's fine. Rejection sucks.
I don't know if Troy even is aware of how it feels. I think he builds a wall like it's a show of strength to not even notice when men (friend or stranger) talks to me. And he knows I am strong and puts a lot of faith in my ability and loyalty. I would like for him to feel more comfortable even sharing how he really feels about it, now that I think into it.
As far as not believing that he would ditch the friend group: I know that we, especially Troy, enjoy certain perks from being in the group with regard to a seasonal hobby (sorry to be vague but idk who would read this). This could be an additional incentive to not rock the boat, that close to half our social gatherings for half the year is through this group. Plus, the overall culture of the group is very friendly. It is not uncommon for men and women alike to be close and physically touch/hug etc. at gatherings and we all have a blast. It's the secrecy and slyness of Greg's actions that show me it's not just compliments, but more of an invitation of sorts. And Troy was still being buddy-buddy with him at work after I told him about this (project is done so they're not together daily anymore).
I mentioned in another comment that Troy is much bigger than most in the group, especially Greg. He's like twice his size. Troy hasn't really had to stand up for himself bc his sheer size was enough. Could it be that literally he's been thinking since he's so much bigger it isn't a big deal? I'm 5'2, 125lbs, troy is 6'5 +/- 250lbs.
Sounds archaic and simple but it makes sense to me. Now idk how I would use this to help Troy understand what I'm communicating but maybe this helps you see the dynamic.
That's a good point. I guess my ass thinks that a separation will just inevitably lead to divorce because of the people I know that have separated none made it thru the process together.
Honestly I don't know what's stopping me… I have a good job, car and family to stay with for a while but part of me doesn't seem to want to believe that after this many years it's this broken if that makes sense. I know rationally this isn't healthy because we keep just putting ourselves thru it and no real ground seems to be being made in meaningful ways.
I see what you mean and I don't hate him and I don't want to hate him I just need help and a partner. He says he needs the same but we keep falling short
I’m religious but I don’t think atheists are mentally ill. Run.
Umm he has cousins, second cousins and friends that hang out all the time go to events together like bbq’s. So he invites friends but not his suppose girlfriend WHO LIVES 10 MINUTES AWAY. YIKES WOMAN WAKE-UP YOUR’RE THE SIDECHICK.
Please value yourself more because HE DOESN’T. The saddest part is you hang out 1x a week and maybe twice if you’re lucky ohhh wow okay.
Wowowow. Please never be a fucking detective or police officer because holy shit. This is how so many people develop to lack taking accountability for their actions, always shifting the blame from themselves because they regret the decisions they chose to do.
Does he support you in some shape or form given you live! together ? It’s hard to have two jobs, do school and still do housework. Do you need a second job ? If you are pushing 70hours a week for two jobs, and chores while he does his 40 hours at a job and nothing else, then that is tough and unequal.
Idk some people don’t realise the obvious until it’s pointed out.
well I wouldn't mind trying but I also don't want to lose a really great girl. I say not worth it. If by the grace of God she says that it's okay then maybe I'll try it but idk yet.
I mean she looks exactly like M3gan in addition to the sociopathy.
No.
Your friend is wrong.
You were walking around campus with someone who at that point in time, was someone who could have become a friend.
Definitely not cheating.
Now had you said yes to dinner, even if you still thought it was as friends, that might have been cheating.
Never take her to eat at a mall food court.
It sounds bad because it is bad. She is being violent, you asked her to stop, she refuses and blames you for your feelings instead. That means we’re out of Let’s Have a Serious Conversation Land and we’re now well into GTFO Territory.
You need to leave and you need to let any mutual connections know why. Her victim complex makes her untrustworthy in the wake of a breakup and I wouldn’t be surprised if she projected her own failings onto you and accused you of DV (a common tactic among abusers). You don’t have to use the language of domestic abuse victimization to avoid this. You can simply tell people “we split because she was hitting me and wouldn’t stop when I asked.” It’s very likely that you won’t get a chance to tell your story if she accuses you first, so I recommend advocating for yourself early on and in no uncertain terms.
Move out. I wish I had been able to move out when my oldest was still a baby.
F no. He shouldn’t even be friends with her, it’s disrespectful to any and all partners. Dump him, let him be with his match.
He is WAY too enmeshed in his exes life and needs to cut her off. He clearly has a very hot time saying no and is very empathetic, but he needs to nip this shit in the bud. You need to be very specific in that this has to stop, and I would not rent the apartment to her. She's a woman in her 30's with family and friends of her own. If she has neither, that is another red flag to further drive the point.
I don’t think you have too much to worry about. Your boyfriend did not ask you to cancel. When you asked him the loaded question about being with her if you weren’t around, his first answer was to ask why wouldn’t you be around. It sounds like he really wants you in his life. Let that help assuage your insecurity.
You aren clearly the priority. But it is clear that the friend doesn’t have any regard for you and wants to get you away from him.
I say tell him the truth. Admit that it was wrong to see what it was about, but it was concerning. But let him know that you how much appreciate that he didn’t cancel on you. Really let him know that. Don’t make him feel like he did anything wrong. Act confident even though you feel insecure. When you have to deal with her face to face, be nice, be gracious, but if she is ever disrespectful to you, handle it in a civil manner.
One of my husband’s former buddies told him to ditch me on my birthday because he was lonely. My husband (then boyfriend) declined. I thanked him for not ditching me and he said I shouldn’t have to thank him. (After a few years, the guy screwed over my husband on some work.) He made me the priority. I think your man made you his priority. And he sent a message to his friend, too. She learned that she is not the priority. To be fair, she asked him to be a “friend date,” so it’s good that she herself made the distinction.
Can people of different genders be platonic friends? Sure, sometimes. But sometimes not.
One last thought: I don’t know what you look like, obviously, so this advice may not apply at all. I found it helpful to better myself to build my confidence. Learn a new skill, or sharpen one you have. Diet and exercise if need be. For me, diet and exercise made me feel a lot more confident.
Didn't want to say that in my comments.
But that icy coldness and total lack of empathy paired with cruelty and stupidity would have been a dealbreaker for me.
Likely along with kicking his ass for outright dumb whataboutism and lack of brains.
Thank you for that bit of Snapchat education. I have Snapchat but am admittedly ignorant of all the functions and trends people do with it. This could very well be what the gf is doing. However, it seems be be upsetting her boyfriend a bit. He may want to decide if this one streak is important or if her boyfriends feelings trump the need to streak with an ex.
OP, why don't you delete this post and repost properly please