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It's one thing for someone to hook up, but that she actually sees an 18 year old male as a compatible partner suggests a serious problem with her mentality and maturity.
Possibly bc I am trying to understand and accept but struggle to do so bc of my own outlook/feelings on the situation.
Our sec life had been great as of late (hasn’t always been the case, maybe 1-3 time A month which is a lot less than I’d like) – recently we’ve started doing a few new things and frequency has gone way up (3+ times a week) – so to me it felt like progress; to then find sexual content made me feel like all the things we had been doing together mean nothing.
In the past when I’ve offered to try new things, try watching together, asking him if he’d like me to dress up / bring toys etc he looks at me like i have 2 heads – says he doesn’t want to see ME like that bc he loves me?
I don’t underhand the distinction between sex & love – I only went to have sex with him bc I love him (granted I’ve never had a one night stand, and have been super selective with who have slept with)
I have DD boobs, big butt (which is what he likes), athletic – maybe a bit shorter then he’d like (he is 6’2, I am 5’4 – back when we were just friends he said his ideal height for a woman is 5’7 – but it’s never really been a big issue)
I never felt insecure before – but this has made me insecure and he says that’s on me …
It’s all very frustrating BC I feel like I’m trying and he acts like dirty talk, or talking about introducing new things into OUR sex life is “taboo” – jokingly says things like “ oo im to innocent for that” but then I find pink hair pigtail posts saved, of leather & mild bondage etc – all things I’d be in to but somehow in the relationship it’s “too sexual” I don’t get it
You’ve never been busy texting and when asked who your texting replied with “a friend” or “my cousin?” You always give the name and relationship details?
Most people don’t always give those details. “A friend” is a valid answer.
Like if I’m asked what I’m making for dinner and I say I’m making chicken and then being called a liar because I didn’t specify BBQ chicken.
OP chose not to ask the obvious follow up question. She never brought it back up.
Maybe he should always give a complete answer, but she chose ignorance because it would be prying and then decided to pry and snoop and find nothing inappropriate.
If she really wanted to know what was going on she’s have asked.
can't friends receive emotional attention?
Not necessarily. Me and my youngest sister are also (south) asian, but where I have long and thick body hair like my dad and elder sister, her hair is very sparse and light like my mothers. I'd say it really depends on genetics
Stranger things have happened. I'd more question their relationship over how fast they moved in together. Also how long they're waiting to get married. If they're engaged but waiting years that's cool, they're just expressing themselves. If they're trying to get married day she's probably just trying to stay with him legally which isn't invalid either. Remember the movie lol “marry me so I can date you”
Yes of course his girlfriend is crazy and jealous, it's not like he's having an emotional affair with you… Be for real, you think he has feelings for you and still think his girlfriend is jealous?
Please break up with Bob, he deserves better.
That takes about 7 years. Plus you can just steam clean a mattress so ?.
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I’m confused why genetic testing hasn’t come up in OP’s mind yet.
You don’t leave your child with a parent who leaves him behind for HOURS while she gets it on with random dudes. You need a lawyer and a come to Jesus meeting with your cheating wife asap. You don’t try to stay with a cheater who isn’t sorry, isn’t remorseful, doesn’t give a crap what her own child is doing for HOURS stranded because she’s too busy getting her not so private parts tickled by any Tom dock or Harry. You get some backbone and you lay down the boundaries.
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No. I didn’t say that. Jesus Christ.
To protect the baby he should isolate. In this set of circumstances, they have the means to pay for him to be elsewhere while being isolated with his own bathroom. I’m not sure if OP mentioned bathrooms, but if this man has an option to stay in a loft with one bedroom without a door and around 3 adults and a newborn or go to a hotel/airBnB then the reasonable and logical choice is to go elsewhere. If they had a larger living space with doors, his own bathroom, etc this would be totally different. But in THIS set of circumstances, the logical choice is to isolate at a separate location.
More than 16,100 are dead because of covid. Stop lying
I mean that's the whole fun of playing team sports as an adult tho – have you ever played hockey before? There are no “men's and womens” change rooms, there are just team rooms.
Playing organized sports as an adult is to socialize with your friends.
What does that have to do with anything? Don't pick up people in locker rooms! Concentrate on your own things and on the game, like one should?
Yeah, it sounds like he wants their entire apartment/house to be his “man cave”.
Frankly, when you live! together with somebody you should want them to be happy with their personal tastes as well. It would be important if OP was just dealing with a room-mate, but her having an issue with her boyfriend about this is even worse. It makes me wonder if he's selfish in other aspects of the relationship.
There’s your problem. You’re doing stuff you’re “confident you’ll get away with”. Relationships aren’t, or should I say shouldn’t, be about what you can do that’s outside of your SO’s boundaries until you’re caught. Have more respect for your SO. Have more respect for yourself!
Decor is at the bottom of the list on things hard to compromise for 2 people living together. At least OP sees what a selfish ass he would be to live! with it.
Wtf if I had a sister that behaved like that, she'd be toast, sister/best friends of any worth don't pull the sort of shit she did
This entire conversation was stupid, because she could have just as easily asked you to stay with her for a while. It's not like you have to sell your whole fucking house for that to happen. It's nice to see that you guys are thinking about the future, but things like… yoga should not even be a priority.
Don't do it. If they bring up open relationships chances are they already have someone in mind.
Just break up then.
When you start to get into this territory:
I just think idk if I want to do anything nice for him I don't see a return in it.
That is an unhealthy position for a reletionship. Its making yourselves enemies rather than partners.
If you communicate to him: This is my expectation for my reletionship, I will not settle for less.
And he fails on the delivery, then you have your answer.
But don't make yourselves enemies. That is never a healthy route to go down.
If you want to tune things, tell him that the gifts he got you didn't feel personalized, you appreciate the effort but you expect something more personal to you. Heck, suggestions go a long way.
If you start this tit-for-tat bs, you two will develop a toxic reletionship.
Talk to a lawyer. It may be illegal for you to put her stuff out like that if her name is on the lease. You've tipped her off as to your intent. Time to start protecting yourself. Remove half of the funds from any joint accounts now before she takes it all.
Woman here. Sometimes if we say no, we get murdered.
You've been with her 3 months. And from your post it seems like she's into you not him. Bro you seem kinda… like she's with you but you went through her phone with no suspicions or anything
I asked him today after debating on when to ask him. He said the reason he doesn't want to, is because most small level CTFs have really silly problem statements and aren't worth thinking about. So I told him it's not the CTFs that matter, I want to spend time understanding what you do, with you. So he said I'd rather spend quality time with you, instead of working on a CTF with you. I dont know what to think of it.
Not really, because my anxiety level would be too high that people in other rooms could hear us. I wouldn't be able to enjoy it personally. I do have social anxiety in public places.
One thing that may help you with that is putting on some music a bit louder than you normally would. Or if you're not into music during sex you could try bringing a white noise machine.
Odds are unless you're either staying at a terrible hotel or are INCREDIBLY loud during sex no one can hear you, but I get that social anxiety doesn't care if it's a rational worry or not.
Out of your 5k a month, put most of it into a separate account for yourself!! Prepare for your life.
Hire a maid to come in once a week for deep cleaning!
I don’t think this has anything to do with your attachment styles.
This is happening cause you both got divorced and immediately started new relationships together.
He does not know how to be a good partner because his whole experience has been in a marriage where it was probably pretty toxic towards the end.
You basically inherited everything his ex-wife didn’t like about him. He needs to grow up.
He said he wants to stop he just has urges, but that besides the point. I am debating on breaking it off but if there is a slight possibility I can help in anyway shape or form I will, but if he is not willing to take my help I will be leaving. You can take a horse to water but can’t force it to drink.
Just like every man who hits a woman and blames it on the victim winding him up, right? Grow up.
Gaslighters be gaslighting..lol
I am sincerely glad that that approach works for you and I can read the care in your words so no snark from me. But I'd be very cautious when saying that. Fighting while being assaulted can get you killed. And most people do not respond to rape by fighting. Many freeze or fawn because it's so incomprehensible that it is happening to them by someone they love. If you choose to fight based on the information available to you in that moment, and it works, that's good. But if you feel that fighting will anger or excite the rapist, then you should make the right decision for you. Most of all, we should never tell a rape victim after it happened that they should have done something different. The best way to handle rape is to survive.
you're going to catch a supension from reddit
I mean it is more so than any of yours combined.
Does it really matter who is right? Regardless of right and wrong, someone needs to take care of it. Honestly, my answer is that the right decision is whatever seems fair in your relationship. However, in a practical sense, I’m curious if your bf has ever actually done his own laundry. Did he always remember to remove things from his pockets when he did? I feel like his method is just asking to forget and leave things to get soaked.
Do not flush condoms down the toilet that is terrible advice.
I feel so bad for you and can’t see any way your wedding isn’t going to cause hurt feelings for you. You didn’t say how your family has dealt with this issue. Sounds like they are caught in the middle so you don’t have much understanding or support there.
It would be wise to have a small wedding or City Hall marraige because this has overshadowed your big day. Your sister is beyond selfish and deserves the partner she betrayed you with.
Focus on good friends and your fiancé’s family. It would be a constant thorn in your side to relate to a family that is normal using this horror. Have another wedding down the toad when the cheater dévastâtes your sister and your family is free of him.
Please take care of yourself. My sense is that this dynamic points to an underlying issue with your family that’s not easily resolved.
That doesn’t mean anything about not being a good fit. It’s just poor communication on his part.
That doesn’t mean that it’s too much drama or not a great fit for friendships.