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I think it's odd to ask if he can stay over unless you've met him. Can you ask her if the 2 of you can meet him for dinner or something?
That way you'll get a better read of the whole situation, in a way that might give you more peace of mind that a convo with your partner.
Her issues are not related to that unless something is wildly mis-wired that we haven't caught yet. She goes to regular and frequent appointments for updates and scans for her conditions, though.
This is a terrible idea. Stop trying to convince him or make it OK for him. He’s being controlling. Don’t accommodate abusive behavior.
And to this narrow minded ape brained shit, I say “k”.
Yeah, there's a saying that goes something along the lines of, you only truly know someone when you've traveled with them, done business with them, and lived with them. . .
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Hi, English is my second language, this is located in Canada.
For a bit of context : My dad (57M) has always had a penchant for younger girls. Only, it got gradually worse throughout the years. He was 22 when he started dating my mom (51F) then 16. They had me and my older brother (24M). When I was 9, my parents had a very ugly divorce, turns out, my dad had been cheating on my mom with my then 20 year old babysitter, Mary. My parents met Mary because she was my cousin’s best friend. My dad hired her at his company and as our babysitter and she had worked for the family for 5-6 years by the time my mom caught my dad with Mary.
Throughout the years my dad would gradually stop hiding his «taste ». I would go to eat with him and he would look over my shoulder at girls who were clearly very young. He would never even look at me when I was talking to him. I also handled the family photo albums, and I found so many pictures that he secretly took of girls my age while at the beach. He always like my other cousin’s (24F) friends who were all trained dancers too much and also took random secret pictures of them.
He also installed a bunch of cameras inside the house, which had audio and would spy on me a lot. Cameras under the tv, in the bookcase, in the light fixtures.
He was always talked about his sex life, his penis size, women’s bodies, etc very openly, even at diner.
He married Mary after a few years when Mary was about 25, but by then the comments about Mary being too old started. He would often take me to dîner just so he could complain about her looking older, developing, and he would often say that he was overdue to « trade in and get a new model ».
Mary left my dad about 3 years ago. The divorce is still ongoing. During this time my brother would often have parties at the family lake front cottage and my dad would single out the girls and make special dinners for them, try to pick them up over his shoulder, get them to drink. But the whole time, he kept the wedding pictures of him and Mary up and would brag about how much of a stud he was to get someone that much younger than him.
I don’t talk to my dad anymore. He’s sexist and treated me badly. Imagine a Cinderella type situation. I have been vvl contact with him for 3 years. I occasionally have to see him at family obligations, but I’m not terrified of him anymore. My brother still talks to him, but he was always treated very well and is very non-confrontational.
My dad recently started seeing Prada (22F). She is a very skinny, tall, strawberry blonde, blue eyed girl. She was a waitress in a pub where he went and was not looking for anything serious. His loved her into his condo, bought her gifts. And now, they are apparently officially together. My dad is trying to introduce her to the family. I am disgusted by this whole thing. She is younger than me!!! He calls my brother to tell him all about sleeping with Prada which is nasty. My brother still lives with my mom and my dad tried to bring Prada over to introduce her to my brother. He’s also been trying to trick me into meeting her. He’s been texting me that he has stuff to give me and that I can pick it up at his place, but I know he’ll ambush me with Prada. That’s his whole goal. Everytime he asks, I just text back no.
My bike is still at my dad’s lakefront property. He texted him before I knew of Prada that I’d like to come by and take my bike. He said he’d be able to take it out once the snow melted. But now I know that he’s been bringing Prada to the cottage and I know he’ll arrange for her to be there in the weekend I go up. And knowing my dad, he’ll say something like « I’ll take your bike out after dinner » to try to force me to spend time with her.
He recently changed his profile picture to a mirror selfie of both of them and changed his status from married to it’s complicated. Now everyone we know knows.
I want to express to my dad how disgusting and inappropriate he’s been. To be frank I just want to yell at him that he’s a pedo. I know I won’t change him but I want to mark him. If he doesn’t stop with the young girls, we will never fix our relationship, I refuse to be around that and I refuse to have any future kids of mine be around that. How can I put into words how nasty this is knowing I’ll have to see them both in a few weeks to pick up my bike?
TLDR; my dad had a preference for young girls and now has a gf younger than me. How do I address that with him?
Edit: I mixed up Prada’s name and fixed it
Her parents suck too, to approve of a 30yo man to date their teenager, let alone get engaged! Wtaf?
OP,
When he introduced you to his children was the day that you entered into their life. By being with him and the children with out his Ex around makes you a sudo-family. So why not be invited to other events with their mother? If you end up marring this person, what might the kids think that you were excluded from events prior.
I have a feeling the ex is telling him to not invite you, and he is doing so to keep the peace, but in return his is alienating you which your coming to despise him. So he cannot have it both ways.
You need to talk to him and let him know what's up, or just walk away and let it go.
Oof ew.. no seriously my parents and i have a 20year age gap.. i could never date someone that's 49.
They probably went to school with my dad. Thats just gross.
I’m so sorry that was his response. He doesn’t have to understand fully to know his actions impacted you. I would no longer feel safe engaging in any sexual activity. He now can only talk about past times that get more and more distant. Someone who doesn’t care about my feelings will not be privy to any kind of intimacy in the relationship.
A bit of communication? Do you really think that she hasn’t tried being like “please help raise your children?”
Maybe you are coming across to codependent with him. He wants you to be more emotionally independent and not rely on him for your self worth and entertainment. He wants to experience your authentic self not girlfriend mode all the time. Maybe you are too catering and pleasing towards him and it comes off as needy and clingy. Childhood trauma creates attachment injuries and the surface in romantic relationships.
Can people stop with the marriage vows crap.op doesn't need to be reminded of that.
he’s irrational and please make him feel it, dont let go of this issue because he will say it, he’s trying to gaslight you that he wasnt event serious and that you’re taking it too hard/too sensitive