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Again with this? Started off you cancelled a date now 20 odd identical posts later she is your girlfriend.
Let me get this straight: She snooped on your phone (yes, you absolutely should be upset) and she is pissed about you “drunk messaging” a stranger on the Internet that led to absolutely nothing.
Dude, this message thing is not the issue. Also, wedding plans? You are referring to her as your gf, not fiancée and you don’t have a wedding date. Are you engaged? She couldn’t possibly be concerned about the true state of your relationship?
Nah, could not be that
I really can't get over that
That's one way to make money.
Except that the context would be important in determining how he should react now.
If he's continually been rejecting her then he needs to be an adult and communicate with his wife who feels unwanted and rejected and is probably afraid that their marriage is breaking down.
If this is a thing she regularly does but their sex life is otherwise healthy, then OP needs to sit her down and explain that her behavior is unacceptable and childish and that it's not okay for her to have a sobbing tantrum every time she doesn't get sex. But only once. If she continues behaving this way, then we will know, without a doubt, that it's intentional manipulation.
If this is the first time she's acted this way and their sex life is otherwise healthy, then he should give her space and ask her why she reacted so dramatically.
Because communication is important in a healthy relationship and there's none of that going on.
And because it's actually naked to tell what the whole situation is when we don't, you know, have the context to go by.
if the roles were reversed we would be calling him a pig.
Perhaps you would. Me? No, I'd still be asking the same questions of “how long has this happened” and “it's not fair to call them manipulative when we don't know the context” and telling them to communicate like adults.
she told me that relationships and sex are not meant to be restricted and that we should be free to explore it with others
She is correct.
So break up with her and let her be free while you find someone more aligned with your own views
It is unfair to you because you did everything right being upfront to prevent this from happening, still its better now than 5 years from now.
There’s absolutely nothing that can be done about this. If someone is so insecure they can’t get over knowing what an ex looks like after they went looking, that’s a them problem not a relationship problem. They have to figure out if they can move past this or not.
I can see why you'd lose some trust in her. She comes out as Bi after 10 years of being with you, and then starts talking about female coworker who's into her, and who she's into as well. It's very easy to take what she said as her testing the waters with you to see how you'd react to the idea of her “exploring” with that coworker. The fact is, the curiosity bug has bitten your wife. It's understandable to a degree, but when she said what she said, it introduced uncertainty about her loyalty going forward; uncertainty that wasn't there before. And frankly, what she said would put a dent in anyone's trust.
I think the next step is for the two of you to sit down and talk about what she gave voice to, without the liquor beforehand. Everyone's head needs to clear, and the discussion needs to be just as clear. Reassure her that her coming out as Bi doesn't change how you feel about her, but what she expressed that night about her female coworker has put some unpleasant questions in your mind about where her heart and mind are. Reiterate that cheating is cheating to you, it doesn't matter if she's with a man or woman. That the two of you have been in a monogamous marriage, and you have zero interest in three ways, a poly or open relationship, or anything that would involve either or you being intimate in any way with someone else. If she says she knows and again reassures you that she only wants you, then ask her why she felt the need to tell you that she's interested in that coworker. Why step in that direction by giving it voice? She had to know it would put doubts in your mind.
Now, once in a great while, a Bi person will act like being Bi gives them license to have a boyfriend and girlfriend. Or that it somehow gives them permission to “explore” outside of who they're with. But 90-plus percent of the time, someone who's Bi doesn't act like that at all and they're committed to whoever they chose to date/marry. Odds very much favor her staying with you and her staying faithful, so let that give you some comfort while you fight with those intrusive thoughts. But what she said hurt you a bit. It dented the solid relationship you've had with her. And I think she needs to know that so that she can be given a chance to help you feel completely safe in the relationship again.
Just a bit of advice for always. If you want something, want to know something, want to understand something. Never hint. People aren't mind readers and some hints aren't as obvious as you think they are. I'm a woman and slightly dense, so hinting had to be HUGE hint for me to get it. My guy is denser than me and hinting is a misfire every time. I would recommend not being too blunt ex: “hey do you like me or what?”. But a nice warm conversation talking about feelings is good. Also he may be a bit shy so if you're not, go first about your feelings so he can feel more relaxed talking about his.
Get a checkup. Low T or thyroid. Then see how u feel.
I’d say that if you considered her irresponsible before your break, her sleeping with 30+ people while on the break would confirm it.
You’re young. Find someone with a similar moral compass to yours and build a life with them.
Absolutely. You need some time to change your thought process. I know it's naked right now – even reading it gives me the feelings, so I know it's worse for you!! It took me a while, but at some point I just somehow didn't see unavailable men in that way at all. It's easy once that switch is flicked though, because now I can be interested and once I know they aren't available, my thoughts completely change into just being friends without problem.
Brilliant plan. Well done.
You’re young… move on lol. If you feel compelled to apologize, totally. It’s you’d for both. Good practice of kindness and accountability… but also, eh.
They both have the right to be friends and not tell you. But you also have the right not to be friends with them
So either accept it or let them go
If a SA survivor mentions that they may be seeing a pattern that they've noticed before, and that's hatred to you ?
Recalibrate.
I've endured racial and gangland attacks, that's hatred the same way table pepper is spicy compared to a Carolina reaper
Money freely given. Legally you owe her nothing. Morally it is up to your conscience.
Yeah, in the US men and women up to age 40-something can get it now.
Unless mom has something going on or she’s located outside of the US, I imagine it would be very easy for her to get full custody if she has evidence. Mom’s always get it easier from the courts.
I lost it at grubbing around ? you made my day!
This is not your fault. He is a predator, and I guarantee he has done this before. Break up, report him, and get into therapy. I'm so sorry this happened to you.
This is on you. You're living with someone who thinks “As a woman it is my job to smell good before getting into bed”.
There's only one way to fix someone like that, and that's to erase them from your life.
Travel locally with him in a car and with buddies to places requiring flight.
Then her input seems unnecessary
it was the same time frame btw. both when I was away