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Completely agree.
And the thing with addiction is that you often don't know what you are doing is wrong because it controls you. For example, I was your boyfriend once in this story. And I didn't really see how my actions were impacting my girlfriend because to me this was normal. I grew up as a teen playing games all day when I was not doing important things. And from my perspective there was nothing wrong with spending my free time on what I wanted to.
But what I did not realize is having no free time didn't allow my girlfriend to be with me without being scheduled around video games. And this made every interaction feel rushed when I was done with her I would go back to the games. And I will chat you the funny way this story ended.
Then count yourself lucky. She let it slip and you know who she is now. Run.
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Don't waste your time explaining why it's so hurtful. He knows it hurts. He does it because it hurts.
Yes, drop her. She's shown you who she is and how she will act in a relationship. She's shown you that she won't respect your feelings or boundaries. If I'm not mistaken, the previous post included that she cheated with her ex before. You don't deserve that, and you shouldn't be in a relationship with her.
I understand it's hard to leave a relationship where you really like/love someone, but if they're consistently disregarding your boundaries and feelings, they're neglecting you, and this won't change. It'll only make you feel worse.
You can find better, trust me. She's not worth it.
and lest you forget, you are tied to this man for 18 years and one month regardless of your relationship status.
what in the “stay together for the kids” trad bs is this
Nah this Sub just calls out bullshit
are you even in a relationship
She already hasn't behaved herself. She threw a tantrum over food that she didn't buy and scared the kids. That's not something you “let go”.
He calls your too sensitive yet he's the one who can't control himself, go figure.
No, this behaviour is not normal.
He wanted to manipulate your feelings. He wanted a sense of control over you.
Did you ever respond to those texts?
He wanted to manipulate your feelings. He wanted a sense of control over you.
Did you ever respond to those texts?
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Is this your longest relationship? How does it feel doing other intimate things like holding hands, undressing each other, making each other smile?
She could be not smart at understanding time dilation being explained through a bad movie, but you could also be bad at explaining things to her since you've strangely chosen the worst example for your story. Every can cook but not everyone can be a chef and that's something that has to be said for yourself.
28 now and YUP.
When he comes crawling back this time, you don't respond. He's openly cheating on you and making half assed justifications for it
He is discussing marriage for the same reason he's bringing up your abortion: it's a way to emotionally manipulate you. He's not actually that sensitive about your abortion, he just knows you are sensitive about it and he's using it against you. This guy is such bad news.
a wedding gift
I photographed the hole in the door and sent it to my mom and then deleted it from my phone so that he wouldn’t know.
Your husband is being a child.
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It is absolutely not reasonable. Leave this asshole.
because he’s using you. You keep letting him walk all over you by putting up with this multiple times, he isn’t going to change when you’re giving him exactly what he wants
Thank you! Still trying to get my shit together, haha. In exception to my 21st b-day. “You have time,” so they say. Fortunately and unfortunately, this will not be my first time. I have socially drank since high school and legally drank (18+) across the pond. Purchased my first legal drink, Guinness, in the Dublin International Airport! How about that? I had my first black out moment over there, too. Fortunately and unfortunately x2, I have a painfully high tolerance. I have to drink hard liquor excessively and quickly to get drunk. And, like you, I don’t like to be that drunk but, actually, drunk period. For me, it’s the loss of control. I’m a control freak. The only reason I allowed myself to be that reckless was bc I was surrounded by family. Any other environment, I wouldn’t let myself get drunk. So, don’t intend to get black out drunk stateside, but a bubbly buzz wouldn’t be bad! P.S. I just texted my cousin. Will give you an update when she responds.
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Darvo….Deny, attack, reverse victim and offender. It's a manipulation tactic.
She told you she doesn't want to talk to you and you need to respect that. Don't call or text her, leave her alone.
You made a dumb joke not realizing that she was so upset and then you genuinely apologized. That is all you can do. If she still refuses to forgive you and doesn't want to speak to you, that is her decision, and you need to leave her be.
Me too! I have many cats and I’ve given them cheese popcorn to see if they’d like it. They wouldn’t even play with it. They looked at me like they wanted to attack. Sorry I can’t buy Temptations every single day you cretins!
Do not stay friends with someone who insults and uses harmful slurs against someone important to you.
He should be panicking and thinking there’s a chance he’ll lose his kid, that’s a risk men take when they have a baby outside of wedlock.
Sto lying, this just isn't true. Fathers have rights, whether or not they are married.
your friends are being misogynists and idiots, this is not a “females being females” thing. your ex has serious problems with possessiveness and self centered, and this isnt something you can fix for her nor deserve to put up with
The way you describe the situation doesn't put your best foot forward. You hardly say anything about your husband other that you are done with him, cheated on him, and then left him. The way you said that he wanted to work on the marriage and you didn't. Also you are all over the place in your story. It's obvious you did a bad thing, you know you did a bad thing, and you are trying to build a story around what you did. You cheated on your husband and, as you put it, abandoned your family. It sounds pretty bad.
You did what was best for you and there is no point in holding onto feelings of guilt about what happened. Why make a decision for yourself only to hate yourself for that decision? In the future if you want people to be more sympathetic you could try leading your story with what your husband did to wrong you. That wouldn't necessarily absolve you of having an affair, but it might help people understand why you did what you did.
We have a long engagement. We don’t plan on marriage until 3+ years. I am focused on stopping my overthinking because my mother, my sister, and even my grandmother have all said I’m running myself to the ground -and him- by my overthinking. But I’m not quite sure how to stop it or how to help my bf out with my anxiety too
Desperate for what? He said you would move to a bigger place when your family expanded. You don’t believe him? You think you deserve this particular home? This was their home long before he met you. You have no place trying to remove her from her home even if you don’t like the circumstances. You overstepped massively and put her in an awkward position.
The fuck? She’s absolutely entitled to discuss the assets he CURRENTLY has, as it’s still legally his house and car. Unless he transferred it to her, yes, as the new wife it’s 100% her place to understand what is going on and if he’s unwilling to be open, that’s hardly a marriage I’d want to be a part of. Starting off with secrets and ultimatums is a fucking horrendous omen to how this marriage will play out.
Crabs and buckets and all that jazz.
I’m going to ask you the question I ask myself this kind of situation:
What do you want to have come out of this in the end?
Followed by: What outcome is actually likely to happen?
If all you want is the catharsis of telling him off and want to make him feel bad… then telling him how much he hurt you is going to accomplish that. But if you do it then you need to block him immediately after because nothing but more pain and frustration will follow that.
If you want to feel better – this isn’t going to do that for you. You’d probably be better off blocking him without responding and leaning into the joy of your current partner and upcoming wedding.
If you want him to know that his reach out was triggering and hurtful then the best response would be to calmly address just that: “While I can appreciate that reaching out to apologize probably had good intentions, I just want you to know that finding you in my in box after a decade was actually incredibly triggering. I also find it creepy that you are telling me you know where I on-line. I appreciate the apology but I’m not in a place to accept it and would just like to keep moving in with my life, please don’t contact me again.” And then block him. The value of this is potential catharsis without creating more drama or regret for you.
Basically, you need to know what you want, do what will best get you that result and then block him because there’s no scenario where not blocking him makes sense or offers value to you.
I feel like he doesn't deserve to know how badly he's hurt me. I want to be a stronger person.
I don't plan on moving out. We have 5 other roommates and I'm close friends with 2 of them, I'd hate to move it. Also I can't really break the lease. I have 5 months left
I wouldn't recommend it. Chances are the wife won't believe you. Secondly this guy might react and who knows what he'll do.
Just vibe with her bro. Just enjoy it while it lasts
if that is what they wanted then they weren't clear. never did they discuss that the husband and I wouldn't engage with each other. I guess they just thought we wouldn't. or they thought it wouldn't bother them. or that it wouldn't go the way it went. the husband is great in bed and he made it his mission to make me feel comfortable and enjoy myself. I think he did too or at least I hope
There is no time limit. Call her now.
But appreciate that would likely end your friendship with your roommate. And make the remainder of your lease awful.
What you're describing is a pattern of control and abuse that is extremely common with older men dating younger and less experienced women. He likes being able to yell at you, insult you, “correct” you, and he picked you as a partner because he found that he can treat you like this and you would react by trying harder to please him, instead of by telling him to fuck off. (Would it surprise you to know that other women, women with more confidence and self esteem, would tell him to fuck off if he got angry about them chopping onions the wrong way?)
You are not going to convince him to treat you better because that's not the relationship he's interested in. He doesn't want to date someone he treats with respect, as an equal. He doesn't want to be sensitive to his partner's feelings. The parts of this relationship that make you feel hurt and sad are the parts he wants.
Please stop wasting your time wishing he would change. Please stop dating someone who constantly tells you that he does not like you and you aren't good enough. Look for a relationship with someone who thinks you're awesome and is happy and excited to be with you. Please.
You're not getting back together. You think it's funny to make her scared and shit on her for feeling that way. It's done dude, move on.
Wow it’s so funny to knowingly and repeatedly terrify and traumatize someone /s
You have been a monster by doing this so often. You KNOW she doesn’t like it yet you continue to do it because you find it funny.
She deserves so much better than you.
There are shorter cruises aswell, I’m just saying generally it could be an option IF he really wanted to go with his boyfriend, but he’s also capable of going with a friend/family member/whatever if his boyfriend can’t overcome his anxiety/take meds to help during the flight. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a deal breaker
I don't think sending nudes or calling someone daddy is “romantic” I would say that's in the realm of sexual. but you not liking that means you should be upfront and honest and if it makes you feel dirty then that may be a separate issue. being closer to God or faith doesn't mean you cannot enjoy or love sex, they aren't the same. you can be very faithful to God and still get freaky in the sheets with the person you love.
you may be uncomfortable with sexually explicit things, and that's okay, but find out what you do like and find out what you are comfortable with and talk to your boyfriend.
remember godliness isnt any more or less if you do more than missionary position. it's about how you feel to God, two separate things entirely.
NOPE, he's a creep. Screenshot all his texts. Write down all the times he's touched you or commented on your body, with as close an approximation to the date and time as possible. Then BRING IT ALL TO HR. Meanwhile, text him this: “NAME, I find the way you treat me inappropriate and unprofessional. Please stop talking about my body, and please stop touching me.” Screenshot his response.
Eh sounds like you've made up your mind, so just be prepared for an ensuing break-up.
OP “getting dumped over it” isn’t a concern, assuming she’s doing the rational thing and dumping his ass. The only risk is that the “roommate” will shoot the messenger and blame OP, but she can just block her. There’s no real risk for OP here unless she wants to hold onto this garbage boyfriend for some unfathomable reason.